How do I deal with my depression?
October 24, 2010 8:55 AM Subscribe
I'm feeling pretty terrible and I'm genuinely unsure what to do about it.
[mods, feel free to cut this down if I've rambled, I'm not really fit to judge my own writing at this particular moment. also: I'm not feeling suicidal at the moment, so please don't worry about that. i'm just asking because I have done quite a few times recently and am genuinely at a loss as far as handling it is concerned.]
I'm saying this here not because I'm looking for pity or validation, but because I genuinely need some guidance — and if you have any to offer I really would appreciate reading it. (also: I don't go into specific detail, but this may be triggering for some)
I have been seriously depressed for some time (for the past four years actively, and possibly before that but I don't remember). A lot of it has to do with academic pressures, but I'm almost certain that those simply add to it rather than cause it. I had a very bad breakup with my first long-term girlfriend, who I dated for approximately a year, about three or four years ago. Though that time is firmly in the past, at the time we were extremely insular and essentially hiding from our mutual responsibilities and issues (she was also very severely depressed at the time). While I was dating her, and for around a year or so after we broke up, I became extremely impulsive under certain circumstances. I began habitually shoplifting, ran up £800 of credit card debt in a week and for a period of time had a short but intense romantic relationship with two very close friends over a short period of time. None of this caused any problems in the long term; I was never caught shoplifting and eventually stopped by myself, paid off the credit card debt by working over the summer, and somehow avoided any serious fallout from the romantic side (I remain extremely close friends with both girls). During my relationship with my girlfriend we both began self harming for a period of time (at this point we were both 18), something which stopped during our relationship and did not recur soon after it.
I am now 21, and am having severe problems at university academically as a result of these issues. While I have in the past been able to keep a lid on my problems, I've been finding it very difficult to do so recently. I got extremely drunk (to the point of blacking out) a month ago and woke up the next day to find I had self harmed my arms quite seriously. One of my housemates helped me to my room and spoke to me at the time (though I don't remember what was said) and though we haven't discussed the incident at all since it happened, my male housemate confided in me while intoxicated that that housemate had told him that she was very worried about me. I have also been taking recreational drugs regularly over the past few months when going out to clubs and the like with friends, as these are the only things that, clichéd as it sounds, 'make me feel good' in a genuine sense.
Apologies for all the background detail, I don't really know how much of this is relevant. My question is this: I really don't know how to ask for help, or even what form help would entail (I'm in the UK). I am extremely anxious that if I go to a medical professional and describe my situation and suicidal feelings in full that I will be sectioned or something similar—— or perhaps more worryingly that my parents will be notified in any way. I'm not estranged from them at all, but they are already occupied by several other pretty major issues at the moment and I don't want to burden them with my personal problems. I really don't know who to turn to with this -- can a GP diagnose specific kinds of depression? Are they likely to do anything as drastic as section me? I did speak to a GP a year or two ago during a pretty bleak period and I was simply asked whether I had the means and/or a suicide plan (I lied and said no), and had a brief conversation after which I was given a prescription for prozac (which I never took). I don't want a GP to go to the opposite extreme and make this anyone's problem but my own.
[mods, feel free to cut this down if I've rambled, I'm not really fit to judge my own writing at this particular moment. also: I'm not feeling suicidal at the moment, so please don't worry about that. i'm just asking because I have done quite a few times recently and am genuinely at a loss as far as handling it is concerned.]
I'm saying this here not because I'm looking for pity or validation, but because I genuinely need some guidance — and if you have any to offer I really would appreciate reading it. (also: I don't go into specific detail, but this may be triggering for some)
I have been seriously depressed for some time (for the past four years actively, and possibly before that but I don't remember). A lot of it has to do with academic pressures, but I'm almost certain that those simply add to it rather than cause it. I had a very bad breakup with my first long-term girlfriend, who I dated for approximately a year, about three or four years ago. Though that time is firmly in the past, at the time we were extremely insular and essentially hiding from our mutual responsibilities and issues (she was also very severely depressed at the time). While I was dating her, and for around a year or so after we broke up, I became extremely impulsive under certain circumstances. I began habitually shoplifting, ran up £800 of credit card debt in a week and for a period of time had a short but intense romantic relationship with two very close friends over a short period of time. None of this caused any problems in the long term; I was never caught shoplifting and eventually stopped by myself, paid off the credit card debt by working over the summer, and somehow avoided any serious fallout from the romantic side (I remain extremely close friends with both girls). During my relationship with my girlfriend we both began self harming for a period of time (at this point we were both 18), something which stopped during our relationship and did not recur soon after it.
I am now 21, and am having severe problems at university academically as a result of these issues. While I have in the past been able to keep a lid on my problems, I've been finding it very difficult to do so recently. I got extremely drunk (to the point of blacking out) a month ago and woke up the next day to find I had self harmed my arms quite seriously. One of my housemates helped me to my room and spoke to me at the time (though I don't remember what was said) and though we haven't discussed the incident at all since it happened, my male housemate confided in me while intoxicated that that housemate had told him that she was very worried about me. I have also been taking recreational drugs regularly over the past few months when going out to clubs and the like with friends, as these are the only things that, clichéd as it sounds, 'make me feel good' in a genuine sense.
Apologies for all the background detail, I don't really know how much of this is relevant. My question is this: I really don't know how to ask for help, or even what form help would entail (I'm in the UK). I am extremely anxious that if I go to a medical professional and describe my situation and suicidal feelings in full that I will be sectioned or something similar—— or perhaps more worryingly that my parents will be notified in any way. I'm not estranged from them at all, but they are already occupied by several other pretty major issues at the moment and I don't want to burden them with my personal problems. I really don't know who to turn to with this -- can a GP diagnose specific kinds of depression? Are they likely to do anything as drastic as section me? I did speak to a GP a year or two ago during a pretty bleak period and I was simply asked whether I had the means and/or a suicide plan (I lied and said no), and had a brief conversation after which I was given a prescription for prozac (which I never took). I don't want a GP to go to the opposite extreme and make this anyone's problem but my own.
Some of this sounds a lot like my ADHD symptoms, which were masked as/by depression and severe PTSD for quite some time. (impulsive spending, problems with a relationship, anxiety, fear of letting anyone know how hard a time I was having coping with these feelings, unable to make a plan and stick to it.)
So you have access to psychological/psychiatric services to check this out? I will let you know that most places (not sure where you are) have laws to protect the privacy of patient information.
If you can get help at school, I would suggest starting with your anxiety and your trouble focusing on your schoolwork, and branch out from there as you feel safe and supported in that new environment of help. Because, trust me, I understand how hard it can be to trust health care providers at times. But you deserve to be supported and cared for.
Finally, a big hug to you for reaching out to us for suggestions. That is a big brave step, and I promise you, things will improve. Maybe not immediately, and maybe not quickly, but they will get better.
posted by bilabial at 9:11 AM on October 24, 2010
So you have access to psychological/psychiatric services to check this out? I will let you know that most places (not sure where you are) have laws to protect the privacy of patient information.
If you can get help at school, I would suggest starting with your anxiety and your trouble focusing on your schoolwork, and branch out from there as you feel safe and supported in that new environment of help. Because, trust me, I understand how hard it can be to trust health care providers at times. But you deserve to be supported and cared for.
Finally, a big hug to you for reaching out to us for suggestions. That is a big brave step, and I promise you, things will improve. Maybe not immediately, and maybe not quickly, but they will get better.
posted by bilabial at 9:11 AM on October 24, 2010
Obviously, we can't know what your diagnosis is because we're not your doctor, but anecdotally speaking this all sounds like the experience of a close family member who behaved very similarly for a period of two years before being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. They finally have a medication regimen which is working remarkably well. It was, however, a long road to here, filled with this sort of cycling between mania (overspending, intense sexual affairs, a lot of risk taking, extreme highs) and depression (heavy drinking, suicidal thoughts, complete spiritual inertia.) It also took a psychotic break and in-patient hospitalization before they could put a name to their illness. But we can't know for sure what's happening to you right now because only a medical professional can make that diagnosis and recommend a course of treatment.
When I was your age, I was incredibly fearful about many things that were ultimately no big deal, and reckless and cavalier about many things that really mattered in the long run. You're afraid someone is going to find out about your behavior and punish you for it, you're afraid you're going to be a burden, you're afraid you're going to be branded as crazy and sectioned. You're probably afraid of being judged for the things you've done when you've been out of control. Please let me be the first of many, many older know-it-alls to tell you that none of those things matter when all is said and done. What really, really matters is that you get to live a life free of pain, anguish, and self-harm. What really matters is that you don't harm yourself so severely in one of your blackouts that you die. What really matters is that you don't harm someone else or put anyone else in harm's way. What really matters is that you get to live the sort of life you want to live; not the sort of life dictated to you by a physiological malfunction of your brain that is totally and completely not your fault. The ignorant judgments that people make about you don't matter; missing out on the possibility of your own happiness and fulfillment because you were afraid of something that is totally treatable and manageable over a life time really, really does.
You need to go see a doctor for a full physical and a complete psych work-up. I'm in the states so I don't know how it works in Britain, but I did read that sectioning involves a 28 day period of commitment where a full psych evaluation is performed. I don't know if you'll have to go through that, but neither do you at this point. You won't know what your diagnosis is if you won't seek help. Now, I know that you don't want your housemates to find you in a similar state again. I know you don't want to harm yourself anymore. I know you want to get better and stop living in fear. Call someone you trust right now and tell them what you've told us here. (You're an adult so you don't have to call your parents.) Have the person you trust come and be with you. Tell them you are afraid and you want help. You're not being overly dramatic. This is a serious situation you're suffering through. You're trying to take responsibility for yourself. That's brave. Good luck and know that you have cheerleaders on the internet waiting to hear how things work out.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 9:47 AM on October 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
When I was your age, I was incredibly fearful about many things that were ultimately no big deal, and reckless and cavalier about many things that really mattered in the long run. You're afraid someone is going to find out about your behavior and punish you for it, you're afraid you're going to be a burden, you're afraid you're going to be branded as crazy and sectioned. You're probably afraid of being judged for the things you've done when you've been out of control. Please let me be the first of many, many older know-it-alls to tell you that none of those things matter when all is said and done. What really, really matters is that you get to live a life free of pain, anguish, and self-harm. What really matters is that you don't harm yourself so severely in one of your blackouts that you die. What really matters is that you don't harm someone else or put anyone else in harm's way. What really matters is that you get to live the sort of life you want to live; not the sort of life dictated to you by a physiological malfunction of your brain that is totally and completely not your fault. The ignorant judgments that people make about you don't matter; missing out on the possibility of your own happiness and fulfillment because you were afraid of something that is totally treatable and manageable over a life time really, really does.
You need to go see a doctor for a full physical and a complete psych work-up. I'm in the states so I don't know how it works in Britain, but I did read that sectioning involves a 28 day period of commitment where a full psych evaluation is performed. I don't know if you'll have to go through that, but neither do you at this point. You won't know what your diagnosis is if you won't seek help. Now, I know that you don't want your housemates to find you in a similar state again. I know you don't want to harm yourself anymore. I know you want to get better and stop living in fear. Call someone you trust right now and tell them what you've told us here. (You're an adult so you don't have to call your parents.) Have the person you trust come and be with you. Tell them you are afraid and you want help. You're not being overly dramatic. This is a serious situation you're suffering through. You're trying to take responsibility for yourself. That's brave. Good luck and know that you have cheerleaders on the internet waiting to hear how things work out.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 9:47 AM on October 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
Please follow griphus' advice. You don't have to be good at asking for help. You don't have to know how. Just do what he says and trust the professionals that are there to help you. Don't worry what other people will think or who will be disappointed or what the costs will be for now. It will be fine. This trumps all of that. Good luck and peace be with you. Now go!
posted by iamkimiam at 9:51 AM on October 24, 2010
posted by iamkimiam at 9:51 AM on October 24, 2010
I am not a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, or a counselor, or a mental health specialist of any kind. I am a person who has suffered from depression to one extent or another for her entire life. And speaking from my experience, these sentiments:
I don't want a GP to go to the opposite extreme and make this anyone's problem but my own.
I'm not estranged from them at all, but they are already occupied by several other pretty major issues at the moment and I don't want to burden them with my personal problems.
are symptoms of your disease.. I've spoken before about how depression lies, and one of the lies it tells is that your problems need to stay your own, that it would be a selfish act to let anyone else know about your difficulties because then they would be obligated to help and that's an unkind thing to do.
It's not true. I can't make it any more plain than that; it's just not true. I concealed my depression from my parents, and when they found out, they were devastated; not because I'd lied, not because I'd failed out of school, but because one of the two people they loved most in the world had been hurting and they had been unable to help because they didn't know. Imagine how you'd feel if one of your friends had a broken leg and hid it from you because they didn't want you to worry? It's the same. It really is.
I am not 100% certain of the laws in the UK, but I feel fairly confident in stating that if you're 21, your health issues do not need to be anyone's concern but your own. Please, please, PLEASE go see someone; I hate to be cliche, but print this out and hand it to them if you feel you might minimize. It can get better, it really really really can, but it probably won't without treatment.
posted by KathrynT at 9:58 AM on October 24, 2010 [9 favorites]
I don't want a GP to go to the opposite extreme and make this anyone's problem but my own.
I'm not estranged from them at all, but they are already occupied by several other pretty major issues at the moment and I don't want to burden them with my personal problems.
are symptoms of your disease.. I've spoken before about how depression lies, and one of the lies it tells is that your problems need to stay your own, that it would be a selfish act to let anyone else know about your difficulties because then they would be obligated to help and that's an unkind thing to do.
It's not true. I can't make it any more plain than that; it's just not true. I concealed my depression from my parents, and when they found out, they were devastated; not because I'd lied, not because I'd failed out of school, but because one of the two people they loved most in the world had been hurting and they had been unable to help because they didn't know. Imagine how you'd feel if one of your friends had a broken leg and hid it from you because they didn't want you to worry? It's the same. It really is.
I am not 100% certain of the laws in the UK, but I feel fairly confident in stating that if you're 21, your health issues do not need to be anyone's concern but your own. Please, please, PLEASE go see someone; I hate to be cliche, but print this out and hand it to them if you feel you might minimize. It can get better, it really really really can, but it probably won't without treatment.
posted by KathrynT at 9:58 AM on October 24, 2010 [9 favorites]
If I am reading your post right, you can also contact your local queer youth organisation, depending on where you are you may have access to a lot of resources including counselling. Ftr, youth counts as up to 25 years of age. Here for example is a resource if you are in the north-west. If you want to message me or a mod where you are at we can see if there's more specific stuff available. What you've described isn't hugely unusual, but it also isn't a very healthy or sustainable way to get by, and there's lots of help available.
If I haven't read correctly between the lines, or even if I have, the first step is as simple as saying to your GP "I would like to speak to somone about depression and alcohol abuse". The details can come later. Well done on you for wanting to feel better.
posted by Iteki at 10:02 AM on October 24, 2010
If I haven't read correctly between the lines, or even if I have, the first step is as simple as saying to your GP "I would like to speak to somone about depression and alcohol abuse". The details can come later. Well done on you for wanting to feel better.
posted by Iteki at 10:02 AM on October 24, 2010
I really don't know how to ask for help, or even what form help would entail (I'm in the UK).
Your university will have facilities set up to help you. They'll have a student support service, usually with an integrated counselling centre, staffed with professionals who are used to hearing from students dealing with a tough time and won't be shocked by anything you tell them. They'll also be able to give you great advice on where to go next. If that seems too intimidating right now, or if you can't get an appointment to see them for a few days, there'll probably be some form of student-run Nightline service where you can call up and talk to someone about how you're feeling.
Your previous GP doesn't seem to have been much help. That doesn't mean no GPs will be any help (sometimes, GPs are just bad at stuff). Try calling your GP's surgery for an appointment, with a different GP. That doesn't have to be instead of talking to the student support services - in fact, it'd be a very good idea, if you feel able, to do both. You need support here, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for it.
It's perfectly understandable to worry about what's going to happen when you speak to someone. But sectioning someone is a big, drastic step, and not one that happens to most people dealing with depression. They've dealt with depression - they've helped people through it - they know it can be done, for most people, without sectioning you, and that's very, very unlikely to ever be their first resort in any situation like this. Don't worry about that. Also, don't worry about your parents being informed against your wishes - you're an adult, they won't be told without your permission.
can a GP diagnose specific kinds of depression?
They can either diagnose you or refer you to someone who can. GPs in the UK deal with depression a lot (you might have got the impression by reading previous depression-related threads on AskMe that this isn't the case, but bear in mind that the American healthcare system works very differently to ours).
And finally, remember that depression lies. It lies like crazy, to ensure its own survival. Your depression does not want you to get better - that's why it's putting all those 'oh but but but what if they can't help me/tell my family/make things worse?' ideas in your head. Don't listen to it. Go get the help you need and deserve.
posted by Catseye at 10:09 AM on October 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
Your university will have facilities set up to help you. They'll have a student support service, usually with an integrated counselling centre, staffed with professionals who are used to hearing from students dealing with a tough time and won't be shocked by anything you tell them. They'll also be able to give you great advice on where to go next. If that seems too intimidating right now, or if you can't get an appointment to see them for a few days, there'll probably be some form of student-run Nightline service where you can call up and talk to someone about how you're feeling.
Your previous GP doesn't seem to have been much help. That doesn't mean no GPs will be any help (sometimes, GPs are just bad at stuff). Try calling your GP's surgery for an appointment, with a different GP. That doesn't have to be instead of talking to the student support services - in fact, it'd be a very good idea, if you feel able, to do both. You need support here, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for it.
It's perfectly understandable to worry about what's going to happen when you speak to someone. But sectioning someone is a big, drastic step, and not one that happens to most people dealing with depression. They've dealt with depression - they've helped people through it - they know it can be done, for most people, without sectioning you, and that's very, very unlikely to ever be their first resort in any situation like this. Don't worry about that. Also, don't worry about your parents being informed against your wishes - you're an adult, they won't be told without your permission.
can a GP diagnose specific kinds of depression?
They can either diagnose you or refer you to someone who can. GPs in the UK deal with depression a lot (you might have got the impression by reading previous depression-related threads on AskMe that this isn't the case, but bear in mind that the American healthcare system works very differently to ours).
And finally, remember that depression lies. It lies like crazy, to ensure its own survival. Your depression does not want you to get better - that's why it's putting all those 'oh but but but what if they can't help me/tell my family/make things worse?' ideas in your head. Don't listen to it. Go get the help you need and deserve.
posted by Catseye at 10:09 AM on October 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
To answer your questions based on my own, UK experiences:
You go to your GP. You tell them honestly that you do have thoughts of suicide. Contrary to what you fear, this is actually the correct answer; it is the golden ticket that will get you an urgent referral to the Community Mental Health Team, which sees patients on a triage basis. A competent psychiatrist will get you sorted out with appointments and drugs and see and monitor and stabilise you over X weeks or months, before referring you out to other less intensive services for maintenance.
It is, by the way, completely natural to be concerned with involuntary commitment as a possible outcome when you are hanging on by a thread there. I was familiar with the process and facilities in the US but not in the UK and so I was totally upfront about my fear and concern with my NHS-appointed shrink in our very first appointment. He was frank about what the facility would be, what the process was, and what the legal boundaries were. I was equally frank about the fact I was fine with relatively posh private hospital insurance covered in-patient treatment facilities in NYC and way less fine with my local public mental health hospital in Essex and that it was a priority to me to stay out of there. We created a plan that basically made me highly motivated not to attempt to kill myself so that would not happen and worked from there. This strategy was very successful.
FWIW I have seen many shrinks in my life - fancy NYC shrinks, university shrinks, private hospital shrinks, shrinks I picked out of the phone book in utter desperation, shrinks who were great and shrinks who were shit - and my NHS-assigned community mental health team shrink was in the top three. He saved my life during an extremely volatile period and I will always be grateful.
By the way, if the GP suggests drugs while you are being referred, I would recommend taking them. I understand the reluctance to take drugs or to swallow a band aid. If however they are a band aid that will move you closer to an actual, well-established and statistically successful treatment programme, I recommend cooperatively taking them.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:23 AM on October 24, 2010 [6 favorites]
You go to your GP. You tell them honestly that you do have thoughts of suicide. Contrary to what you fear, this is actually the correct answer; it is the golden ticket that will get you an urgent referral to the Community Mental Health Team, which sees patients on a triage basis. A competent psychiatrist will get you sorted out with appointments and drugs and see and monitor and stabilise you over X weeks or months, before referring you out to other less intensive services for maintenance.
It is, by the way, completely natural to be concerned with involuntary commitment as a possible outcome when you are hanging on by a thread there. I was familiar with the process and facilities in the US but not in the UK and so I was totally upfront about my fear and concern with my NHS-appointed shrink in our very first appointment. He was frank about what the facility would be, what the process was, and what the legal boundaries were. I was equally frank about the fact I was fine with relatively posh private hospital insurance covered in-patient treatment facilities in NYC and way less fine with my local public mental health hospital in Essex and that it was a priority to me to stay out of there. We created a plan that basically made me highly motivated not to attempt to kill myself so that would not happen and worked from there. This strategy was very successful.
FWIW I have seen many shrinks in my life - fancy NYC shrinks, university shrinks, private hospital shrinks, shrinks I picked out of the phone book in utter desperation, shrinks who were great and shrinks who were shit - and my NHS-assigned community mental health team shrink was in the top three. He saved my life during an extremely volatile period and I will always be grateful.
By the way, if the GP suggests drugs while you are being referred, I would recommend taking them. I understand the reluctance to take drugs or to swallow a band aid. If however they are a band aid that will move you closer to an actual, well-established and statistically successful treatment programme, I recommend cooperatively taking them.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:23 AM on October 24, 2010 [6 favorites]
Hi, I can't say anything for the UK, but in the US, if you saw a psychologist in your state, s/he would never commit you without immediate worry about suicide (that is, not merely suicidal ideation, but a plan and an intention). Additionally, no one would call your parents - you are an adult visiting a mental health professional, and that's confidential.
I don't have familiarity with the UK system, but I genuinely can't imagine it functions otherwise - these guidelines insure that the mental health system actually functions and is a safe place for people in need.
Also, AS a mental health professional (training as a psychologist), I would urge you to share this with your parents, even if you worry about burdening them. They would want to know, and you should not deny yourself their support.
posted by namesarehard at 10:45 AM on October 24, 2010
I don't have familiarity with the UK system, but I genuinely can't imagine it functions otherwise - these guidelines insure that the mental health system actually functions and is a safe place for people in need.
Also, AS a mental health professional (training as a psychologist), I would urge you to share this with your parents, even if you worry about burdening them. They would want to know, and you should not deny yourself their support.
posted by namesarehard at 10:45 AM on October 24, 2010
You know what's going to be a burden to your parents? When you're dead from an OD or cutting in a blackout or explicit suicide. That's going to be rough for them.
The comment above, that depression lies, is so important.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUFFER ALONE. That is the evil angel sitting on your shoulder talking. You are a human being. You need other people. Other people need to be able to help you.
I wanted to speak more about your fears of involuntary committal, but I just don't know enough about UK conditions to go there. Friends of mine have been committed in the US for short periods, and it was not a disaster, and I am actually glad each committal happened, though they were not all handled perfectly. (One was psychiatrically mentally ill. Two were suicidal due to romantic break-ups. One was suffering from a crazy mother. All came out healthier than they went in, and notably not dead.)
posted by endless_forms at 11:37 AM on October 24, 2010
The comment above, that depression lies, is so important.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUFFER ALONE. That is the evil angel sitting on your shoulder talking. You are a human being. You need other people. Other people need to be able to help you.
I wanted to speak more about your fears of involuntary committal, but I just don't know enough about UK conditions to go there. Friends of mine have been committed in the US for short periods, and it was not a disaster, and I am actually glad each committal happened, though they were not all handled perfectly. (One was psychiatrically mentally ill. Two were suicidal due to romantic break-ups. One was suffering from a crazy mother. All came out healthier than they went in, and notably not dead.)
posted by endless_forms at 11:37 AM on October 24, 2010
You won't get sectioned unless they believe you are in serious danger of harming yourself or others. A friend was recently, and all that happened is they were kept in a residential ward, looked after, fed, and spoken to by doctors. It's not as bad as you fear, and it's not as likely as you fear either.
Please speak to your GP. Do you have an equivalent of Nightline at your university? They might know of specific resources you can use. Be honest with your doctor and tell them everything you have said on this thread.
You probably already know that using drink and drugs because you are down is a bad idea. Can you be vigilant and try and avoid both when you feel really depressed? It will not help if you wind up with an alcohol or drug dependency and at the moment it is helping you avoid your feelings rather than addressing them.
posted by mippy at 11:49 AM on October 24, 2010
Please speak to your GP. Do you have an equivalent of Nightline at your university? They might know of specific resources you can use. Be honest with your doctor and tell them everything you have said on this thread.
You probably already know that using drink and drugs because you are down is a bad idea. Can you be vigilant and try and avoid both when you feel really depressed? It will not help if you wind up with an alcohol or drug dependency and at the moment it is helping you avoid your feelings rather than addressing them.
posted by mippy at 11:49 AM on October 24, 2010
Everyone has already given you the immediate good advice you need, but can I just say that, if it helps, please know that we are here for you? And that a lot of us have been there ourselves?
Many (though of course not all, and perhaps not a majority) people whose alcohol and drug use feel like a serious problem to them are people who are trying to self-medicate some pretty haywire brain chemicals. Similarly (though I know this will sound odd), the choices you made around spending/shoplifting/intimacy that are clearly giving you pain as you reflect upon them may also be a symptom of brain chemicals gone off the rails.
Please find help right away! You need to get yourself stabilized before you can start doing any psychological or emotional work to heal yourself and your relationships with others. Everyone in your life--including us--will be so glad you did.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:37 PM on October 24, 2010
Many (though of course not all, and perhaps not a majority) people whose alcohol and drug use feel like a serious problem to them are people who are trying to self-medicate some pretty haywire brain chemicals. Similarly (though I know this will sound odd), the choices you made around spending/shoplifting/intimacy that are clearly giving you pain as you reflect upon them may also be a symptom of brain chemicals gone off the rails.
Please find help right away! You need to get yourself stabilized before you can start doing any psychological or emotional work to heal yourself and your relationships with others. Everyone in your life--including us--will be so glad you did.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:37 PM on October 24, 2010
At the moment, it's Sunday evening in the UK. If you need to talk to someone now, consider calling the Samaritans. They're there 24/7 and everything you say to them is confidential. You don't have to give your name and they have no way of identifying you. They can't (and won't) tell you what to do, but they will listen to you without prejudice or judgement.
http://www.samaritans.org/
posted by 4eyes at 1:31 PM on October 24, 2010
http://www.samaritans.org/
posted by 4eyes at 1:31 PM on October 24, 2010
I'm going to contradict some of the advice above about seeing a GP and asking for anti-depressants. Go to a psychiatrist and tell them everything and see if they think you may have bipolar. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty familiar with bipolar and the shopping sprees/ affairs, followed by anxiety and substance abuse are common. Anti-depressants can make bipolar dramatically worse so you do NOT want to be prescribed them until you've been evaluated by a specialist. I know you're overwhelmed and this is tough but just be your own advocate for a little bit longer and make sure you get the right diagnosis and a doctor you're comfortable with before you start messing with medication.
Once you feel comfortable with that though? take the medication!
You don't have to tell your parents and there's NO reason to if you think it will add to your anxiety at the moment. Jump through whatever hoops you have to to see a psychiatrist (or at least a specialist of some sort), be open with them, get on medications and get stable and then you can think about telling the parents. Hopefully it'll only take a few months and it'll eb a lot easier at that point.
posted by fshgrl at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Once you feel comfortable with that though? take the medication!
You don't have to tell your parents and there's NO reason to if you think it will add to your anxiety at the moment. Jump through whatever hoops you have to to see a psychiatrist (or at least a specialist of some sort), be open with them, get on medications and get stable and then you can think about telling the parents. Hopefully it'll only take a few months and it'll eb a lot easier at that point.
posted by fshgrl at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
fshgrl: "Go to a psychiatrist and tell them everything and see if they think you may have bipolar."
The OP cannot just go to a psychiatrist in the UK. S/he needs to be referred to mental health services by her GP.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:49 PM on October 24, 2010
The OP cannot just go to a psychiatrist in the UK. S/he needs to be referred to mental health services by her GP.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:49 PM on October 24, 2010
Well then ask to be referred. The OP stated they've had episodes of risky and impulsive behavior that is out of character as well as periods of depression and anxiety/ lethargy. Hopefully the GP will hear that and refer them immediately to a qualified specialist but if they don't the OP should be quite firm about asking for that referral asap. I know it's hard to do that but they deserve/ need to be seen by a specialist.
posted by fshgrl at 5:15 PM on October 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by fshgrl at 5:15 PM on October 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
The advice above is stellar and I can't really add much to it, except:
My question is this: I really don't know how to ask for help.
You just have. Congratulations. This is not an easy question to ask, and you've asked it. Please give yourself some credit.
posted by blackcatcuriouser at 8:02 AM on October 25, 2010
My question is this: I really don't know how to ask for help.
You just have. Congratulations. This is not an easy question to ask, and you've asked it. Please give yourself some credit.
posted by blackcatcuriouser at 8:02 AM on October 25, 2010
I’m afraid that my above comment – that your death would be a real burden to your parents – may have come off too doomy.
I don’t believe you’re doomed. I believe you’re going to survive. I believe you’re going to find tools to help you attain a life that you can’t even imagine right now. And I believe that, in order to do that, you’re going to have to learn that you matter, that you fundamentally matter and have the right to exist and to get help.
I believe this because you have already asked for help, here, and so I know you have a basic understanding that help is something you need and something you deserve, even if you’re confused how to get it.
I just, please, please, don’t want you to think that getting the help you need harms people who love you. That’s just not true.
posted by endless_forms at 8:58 AM on October 25, 2010
I don’t believe you’re doomed. I believe you’re going to survive. I believe you’re going to find tools to help you attain a life that you can’t even imagine right now. And I believe that, in order to do that, you’re going to have to learn that you matter, that you fundamentally matter and have the right to exist and to get help.
I believe this because you have already asked for help, here, and so I know you have a basic understanding that help is something you need and something you deserve, even if you’re confused how to get it.
I just, please, please, don’t want you to think that getting the help you need harms people who love you. That’s just not true.
posted by endless_forms at 8:58 AM on October 25, 2010
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Forget about being a burden to your parents. Just, forget it. They are your parents, and unlike you, they are grown adults and they will deal with this. Their negative feelings shouldn't factor into you getting the help you need. Forget about their issues because your issues are more important right now and if they are decent folk at all, the fact that their son/daughter is this much danger will take top priority.
You deal with your depression by asking for help. Please ask for help. You will never be a burden to a doctor. Their vocation, their life's work is to help people in exactly the situation you are in.
posted by griphus at 9:05 AM on October 24, 2010 [11 favorites]