The strong, silent type does not compute.
October 21, 2010 10:37 AM Subscribe
He asked for a break until we see eachother again in six weeks. That's coming up this weekend. Having a hard time getting perspective and feeling out how to approach the meeting.
posted by lizbunny to Human Relations (12 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Met a guy online, started dating him casually, then I was sent to another province for a temporary work assignment for about four months. Since we seemed to really click, we decided to give the LDR thing a try - seeing as it would only be temporary and I'd be able to visit on occasion.
Of course things were great at first, though we didn't communicate much other than cute texts and the odd phone call... I tried to get him to do online chat or email, or call more often but he wasn't biting. Apparently that's normal for him, he would rather do things in-person. He hasn't dated much and not in recent times, but he's been quite the attentive and charming fellow in-person, which gave me reassurance. So I just tried to have faith in him and not press the matter, keeping things from getting too serious until we're able to pursue things normally.
Sure enough, about six weeks ago and just after I'd visited him, he falls into a bit of a depression over several things and says he feels there should be something more between us by now, he feels like he hasn't opened up to me. He realized he hasn't been taking the relationship seriously at all and needs to think about things, that we both need to evaluate what we want out of this relationship. He wanted to take a break from things until we're back in the same city again and then we should work on developing our friendship. He was traveling for work and taking a month of holidays, we'd see eachother again late October.
I didn't take it too well at first. I'd been making the effort to communicate and he hadn't, but now this lack of communication was suddenly a problem. Working on the friendship was coming across as segueing into breaking up. But we had our first in-depth talk and both felt somewhat better, though it was only a step in the right direction. Neither of us want to hurt others or get hurt, if possible. We said we'd keep communication ties open. I emailed him a few days later saying I'd had some time to think, and I feel more comfortable with the fact he'd like to take things slow.
We've had less than a handful of short communications between then and now, but they seemed positive. Regardless I've distanced myself from him emotionally to start moving on, and am considering us all but broken up, though I am hopeful he actually wants to give things a proper try. We'll both be back in our hometown as of this upcoming weekend, and it's weighing heavily on my mind. I don't know how to approach this second try, without coming across as too distant or too desperate, though fortunately I think there's been enough time to decrease the odds of 'desperate'.
I'm wondering what it actually means to figure out what one wants in a relationship - I was hoping for a normal "eventually get closer until we want marriage, a house and kids together" kind of thing, the details are where I'm entirely flexible - how much more specific do people want to get? And most guys I've dated have been more open with me than this one, I don't really know how to address the stereotypical "men are from Mars" kind of guy where when there's a problem he doesn't want to talk, just wants his space.
Anyone else wanting to weigh in on this situation, please do. The full story is pretty long, and I'm growing weary of burdening my friends with this situation any further. Thanks in advance.