How to deal with other people's kids
October 11, 2010 9:58 AM Subscribe
How do I politely handle other people's kids when I don't really care for kids?
Very single, 30-year old, professional (upper management) female here. I've never been a fan of children, and although I'd love to have a family of my own in some capacity some day, if I never have a child, I am perfectly fine with that. "Family" for me is defined by pets, plants, friends and maybe even a mythical husband, someday. I don't need kids to have a family. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that I'm practically on the childfree bandwagon. I do enjoy older kids but really do not like small children - they drive me crazy.
How do I politely handle it when my coworkers bring their kids into work? For example, right now one of them has her three year-old daughter here on lunch break as her husband stopped by to have lunch with her - that's nice. Her daughter is not being disruptive and I really don't care that there's a kid in the office right now, but all of my other co-workers are all googly-eyed and watching the kid doing OMG TEH CUTEST THING EVARRR! How do I politely handle it when I really do not think this child is cute and really don't care to partake, but don't want to be rude? I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office. It's now been about 40 minutes and they're all still over there. I just don't get it.
While I'm at it, any advice on how to handle other people's children in general, given my aforementioned beliefs/feelings about kids? Several of my friends have children and most of their kids are quite well-behaved and will be well-formed adults someday...so I'm not talking about brats, here, just other people's kids. I don't want to be rude, but I just don't like kids, I don't like watching kids and I don't enjoy being entertained by kids.
Very single, 30-year old, professional (upper management) female here. I've never been a fan of children, and although I'd love to have a family of my own in some capacity some day, if I never have a child, I am perfectly fine with that. "Family" for me is defined by pets, plants, friends and maybe even a mythical husband, someday. I don't need kids to have a family. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that I'm practically on the childfree bandwagon. I do enjoy older kids but really do not like small children - they drive me crazy.
How do I politely handle it when my coworkers bring their kids into work? For example, right now one of them has her three year-old daughter here on lunch break as her husband stopped by to have lunch with her - that's nice. Her daughter is not being disruptive and I really don't care that there's a kid in the office right now, but all of my other co-workers are all googly-eyed and watching the kid doing OMG TEH CUTEST THING EVARRR! How do I politely handle it when I really do not think this child is cute and really don't care to partake, but don't want to be rude? I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office. It's now been about 40 minutes and they're all still over there. I just don't get it.
While I'm at it, any advice on how to handle other people's children in general, given my aforementioned beliefs/feelings about kids? Several of my friends have children and most of their kids are quite well-behaved and will be well-formed adults someday...so I'm not talking about brats, here, just other people's kids. I don't want to be rude, but I just don't like kids, I don't like watching kids and I don't enjoy being entertained by kids.
Do you like sports? No? Then do you feel compelled to tell people that you don't like sports every time sports are discussed? No? Do the same with kids. Just be polite and go about your day. Who cares if other people think the kid is cute, how does that affect you?
I don't like dogs, so I don't play with them. I don't spend my time telling dog owners their dogs aren't cute.
posted by seventyfour at 10:03 AM on October 11, 2010 [22 favorites]
I don't like dogs, so I don't play with them. I don't spend my time telling dog owners their dogs aren't cute.
posted by seventyfour at 10:03 AM on October 11, 2010 [22 favorites]
Children are people. You have to be able to handle yourself around all of the kinds of people. Just because you don't want to have any, that doesn't make them aliens and it doesn't mean they'll go away or that you get some kind of exemption. You don't have to ooh and ahh and you don't have to understand other people's oohing and ahhing. We all do basic things to be polite even when we're around people that aren't our cup of tea. Make the typical token niceties and be on your way. Talk to the adults. If it's a goo-goo fest, steer clear.
posted by Askr at 10:05 AM on October 11, 2010 [17 favorites]
posted by Askr at 10:05 AM on October 11, 2010 [17 favorites]
I feel the same way, but I don't get upset when people bring kids or babies into the office and everyone coos. I mean, why are you getting upset? If you have to show a modicum of interest, say "cute kid" and go do work or something.
Most of my friends don't have kids and my close friends who did reproduce don't live in the same city as I do, so I have almost zero interaction with kids and can't really help you there. Surely you don't have to babysit if you don't want to. Can't you gracefully get out of child-focused social engagements?
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:05 AM on October 11, 2010
Most of my friends don't have kids and my close friends who did reproduce don't live in the same city as I do, so I have almost zero interaction with kids and can't really help you there. Surely you don't have to babysit if you don't want to. Can't you gracefully get out of child-focused social engagements?
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:05 AM on October 11, 2010
You don't have to "handle" kids in your life any more than you have to "handle" football/politics/any other subject that doesn't interest you.
Are you worried the kids won't like you? (They don't notice.) Or the parent's won't like you? (They don't mind, they meet plenty of people who aren't interested.) Or are you worried people will judge you as a woman? (depends on the culture in which you live, but frankly, who needs those people?) If the kids aren't being disruptive I really don't see the problem.
Or are you perhaps looking to make a point?
posted by caek at 10:06 AM on October 11, 2010
Are you worried the kids won't like you? (They don't notice.) Or the parent's won't like you? (They don't mind, they meet plenty of people who aren't interested.) Or are you worried people will judge you as a woman? (depends on the culture in which you live, but frankly, who needs those people?) If the kids aren't being disruptive I really don't see the problem.
Or are you perhaps looking to make a point?
posted by caek at 10:06 AM on October 11, 2010
What exactly do you have to "handle" here? I'm not sure I get your question.
If the child has been in the office too long or is disrupting work, then handle it like any other kind of management/work problem.
If you just don't want to hang out and talk about how cute the kid is, then don't. Smile, wave politely, and be on your merry way.
None of us with children are interested in forcing them to interact with someone who doesn't like them.
posted by pantarei70 at 10:07 AM on October 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
If the child has been in the office too long or is disrupting work, then handle it like any other kind of management/work problem.
If you just don't want to hang out and talk about how cute the kid is, then don't. Smile, wave politely, and be on your merry way.
None of us with children are interested in forcing them to interact with someone who doesn't like them.
posted by pantarei70 at 10:07 AM on October 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office.
This is totally fine. I can't think of many situations in life where I've been forced to interact with children, even when they've been present. It's okay to observe other people enjoying children without acting like you are enjoying them or that you need to participate.
It's now been about 40 minutes and they're all still over there. I just don't get it.
Not to be overly psychoanalytical, but is it possible that this is about something else? You spend a bit of time explaining why you don't want to have children, and that's totally a-okay. But it seems to bother you that other people do enjoy children. Are you feeling social pressure or a perceived judgment on you that you are projecting onto other people and their children?
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:10 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is totally fine. I can't think of many situations in life where I've been forced to interact with children, even when they've been present. It's okay to observe other people enjoying children without acting like you are enjoying them or that you need to participate.
It's now been about 40 minutes and they're all still over there. I just don't get it.
Not to be overly psychoanalytical, but is it possible that this is about something else? You spend a bit of time explaining why you don't want to have children, and that's totally a-okay. But it seems to bother you that other people do enjoy children. Are you feeling social pressure or a perceived judgment on you that you are projecting onto other people and their children?
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:10 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's not rude to avoid hanging out with your coworker's kids at the office. It's not rude to suggest kid free activities to your friends who have kids. It's not rude not to have kids. It's not rude not to like kids.
Your tone reads really angry, even though you insist that the kids are "not being disruptive" and "quite well-behaved". What are you so angry about? I feel like there's some part of this story missing.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2010
Your tone reads really angry, even though you insist that the kids are "not being disruptive" and "quite well-behaved". What are you so angry about? I feel like there's some part of this story missing.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2010
Best answer: What do you think you need to *do* exactly? You don't need to do anything. Your behavior in your office workplace is totally fine. I have a really hard time doing the googly-eyed thing with kids... so I don't. Why fake an emotion? Honestly, I bet some of these parents get annoyed at the fawning. What if coworker just wanted to have a lunch with her husband and kid without all the attention?
I think women sometimes become some sort of other, lesser person when pregnancy and babies are in the picture. Like, right now while I'm pregnant for some people it's like there is no "me" anymore. It's all about how I'm feeling being pregnant, what is the baby doing, what will I think when the baby gets here, etc. I get a bit bored with that. A little interest is nice but I do like to talk about my life and other fun things I'm doing.
(Sidebar: To my mother-in-law, I am now just a vessel of her grandbaby. She asked me after I took a trip to visit my post-surgery mother and my post-terrible ATV accident brother, "How did the baby like the flight?" Um. The fetus registered no opinion and continues to gestate but since you didn't ask: my mother is doing well and my brother will survive his injuries, thanks!)
It does sort of feel awkward being a woman and not following the script but just tell yourself that it doesn't matter. Because it really doesn't. I like some kids some of the time. But sometimes they are little snots. You don't need to pretend you find them especially endearing just because you are a lady.
posted by amanda at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2010 [9 favorites]
I think women sometimes become some sort of other, lesser person when pregnancy and babies are in the picture. Like, right now while I'm pregnant for some people it's like there is no "me" anymore. It's all about how I'm feeling being pregnant, what is the baby doing, what will I think when the baby gets here, etc. I get a bit bored with that. A little interest is nice but I do like to talk about my life and other fun things I'm doing.
(Sidebar: To my mother-in-law, I am now just a vessel of her grandbaby. She asked me after I took a trip to visit my post-surgery mother and my post-terrible ATV accident brother, "How did the baby like the flight?" Um. The fetus registered no opinion and continues to gestate but since you didn't ask: my mother is doing well and my brother will survive his injuries, thanks!)
It does sort of feel awkward being a woman and not following the script but just tell yourself that it doesn't matter. Because it really doesn't. I like some kids some of the time. But sometimes they are little snots. You don't need to pretend you find them especially endearing just because you are a lady.
posted by amanda at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2010 [9 favorites]
You know what's funny? I have three kids (and obviously I LOVE them) but I feel the same way when people bring in their kids to work (and I work at a middle school, too).
I mean, I do the saying hello to them and making a comment admiring their cuteness (or whatever), but I don't want to hold the baby or play with the toddler.
So it's not a feeling specific to those who don't have their own kids, trust me.
posted by dzaz at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I mean, I do the saying hello to them and making a comment admiring their cuteness (or whatever), but I don't want to hold the baby or play with the toddler.
So it's not a feeling specific to those who don't have their own kids, trust me.
posted by dzaz at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I have a kid. I love kids. I get all spazzy and like to play with kids and all that -- in my personal life.
At work, I focus on work. If a kid is there, I wave. I may even hand them a non-choke-y toy off my toy shelf. But I hate the cooing and gathering and fussing over kids in the office. So I introduce myself (even if they're two, "nice to meet you") if they're in my path. Otherwise, I go to my desk, have meetings and do work. If the cooing bugs me, I headphone it or close my door.
So, you may feel like everyone else's "oh look a human puppy" noises may be a judgment on you or some rudeness, but if you're not rude, remember, no one cares how you're reacting. They're focused on the kid. (And if the parent is trying to elicit a "ooooh" from everyone and seriously takes offense that you're not dropping everything, they would have found something else to get annoyed by. Don't take it too seriously.)
posted by Gucky at 10:19 AM on October 11, 2010
At work, I focus on work. If a kid is there, I wave. I may even hand them a non-choke-y toy off my toy shelf. But I hate the cooing and gathering and fussing over kids in the office. So I introduce myself (even if they're two, "nice to meet you") if they're in my path. Otherwise, I go to my desk, have meetings and do work. If the cooing bugs me, I headphone it or close my door.
So, you may feel like everyone else's "oh look a human puppy" noises may be a judgment on you or some rudeness, but if you're not rude, remember, no one cares how you're reacting. They're focused on the kid. (And if the parent is trying to elicit a "ooooh" from everyone and seriously takes offense that you're not dropping everything, they would have found something else to get annoyed by. Don't take it too seriously.)
posted by Gucky at 10:19 AM on October 11, 2010
This does not sound like an actual problem, it sounds like you wanting to complain about your coworkers. Do your work, ignore the kids. Same as you would if it was everyone oohing and aahing over someone's new car, or engagement ring, or pictures from their vacation. You can make a polite show of acknowledgment (which you've already got covered), then go about your business. Some people will take any excuse to goof off in the workplace.
I actually love kids (though I don't have any of my own or any plans to acquire any) but if someone brings their kids into the workplace I won't usually interact with them much; it feels weird to me - like, I wouldn't automatically hang out with a coworker's sister or husband if they happened to come into the office, either (unless they were really cool!). So, just do what you're comfortable with, and no one will notice or care. And relax about what other people are doing unless it's impacting your work.
posted by mskyle at 10:21 AM on October 11, 2010
I actually love kids (though I don't have any of my own or any plans to acquire any) but if someone brings their kids into the workplace I won't usually interact with them much; it feels weird to me - like, I wouldn't automatically hang out with a coworker's sister or husband if they happened to come into the office, either (unless they were really cool!). So, just do what you're comfortable with, and no one will notice or care. And relax about what other people are doing unless it's impacting your work.
posted by mskyle at 10:21 AM on October 11, 2010
Keep in mind that for some of your coworkers, the real motivation may be to goof off and the kid's an excuse. Occasionally, we have former coworkers who are new parents who are basically stopping in to show off the new kid and that's OK (although I myself don't feel the need to hang around ad infinitum), but that doesn't really seem to be the case here.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:24 AM on October 11, 2010
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:24 AM on October 11, 2010
I think I get where you are coming from. There IS a difference between sports talk, and other subject talks in the office, and when someone brings their kid(s) in. A lot of parents think their child is their life, and get offended when someone doesn't share this great part of their life. Maybe a lot of people here are more sane, and more accepting of different people, but yes, I have met with some not so nice attitudes when not cooing over someone's kid. And it does seem silly. I mean, I am not going to bring in my dog, or get upset if no one wants to see photos of my cat. But some parents will be upset if you aren't interested in their kid.
posted by kellyblah at 10:24 AM on October 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by kellyblah at 10:24 AM on October 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
How do I politely handle it when I really do not think this child is cute and really don't care to partake, but don't want to be rude?
There are lots of things in life we all do that aren't high on our list. Saying hello and acknowledging the kid is basic social interaction. No one said you have to watch the kid or hang out it all day, but spending 5 minutes caring about other people and their lives won't kill you. If anything, it'll strengthen bonds between you and others.
I say this as all as someone who generally agrees with your outlook and find kids generally EH, but that doesn't mean I get to act like an ass or rude about it.
Say hi, inquire about the kid, listen for five minutes and then say you have to get back to work.
posted by nomadicink at 10:25 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
There are lots of things in life we all do that aren't high on our list. Saying hello and acknowledging the kid is basic social interaction. No one said you have to watch the kid or hang out it all day, but spending 5 minutes caring about other people and their lives won't kill you. If anything, it'll strengthen bonds between you and others.
I say this as all as someone who generally agrees with your outlook and find kids generally EH, but that doesn't mean I get to act like an ass or rude about it.
Say hi, inquire about the kid, listen for five minutes and then say you have to get back to work.
posted by nomadicink at 10:25 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I didn't read this question as angry, nor as upset that the kid was in the office. I read it as someone who's generally on top of things feeling very perplexed about what she's supposed to be doing, in a situation where she doesn't have much experience.
For example, everybody else is still over there playing with the kid...what's she supposed to be doing? Is what she did polite? Was there something else she ought to have done? And then further, what IS she supposed to do when hanging out with friends who have kids?
(I don't have any answers, just a lot of sympathy for where she's coming from.)
posted by galadriel at 10:25 AM on October 11, 2010 [13 favorites]
For example, everybody else is still over there playing with the kid...what's she supposed to be doing? Is what she did polite? Was there something else she ought to have done? And then further, what IS she supposed to do when hanging out with friends who have kids?
(I don't have any answers, just a lot of sympathy for where she's coming from.)
posted by galadriel at 10:25 AM on October 11, 2010 [13 favorites]
I have a young baby and would not be in the least bit offended if you said "Hi" and maybe smiled and barely slowed your step on your way to do whatever you were busy doing. After all, you're at work, you've probably got stuff to do.
I don't really get it either, to be honest - I love my kid and think he's adorable, but I don't expect other people to want to gaze at him for even a few minutes on end, and I don't really get a kick out of watching others' kids for more than a few minutes. And certainly not at work.
If your co-workers don't report to you, though, I'd just leave them to it. A lot of people like things I'm not really into. *shrug*. Maybe they're just enjoying the excuse to take a break from work?
Your behaviour was perfectly appropriate and not at all rude in my opinion.
posted by rubbish bin night at 10:27 AM on October 11, 2010
I don't really get it either, to be honest - I love my kid and think he's adorable, but I don't expect other people to want to gaze at him for even a few minutes on end, and I don't really get a kick out of watching others' kids for more than a few minutes. And certainly not at work.
If your co-workers don't report to you, though, I'd just leave them to it. A lot of people like things I'm not really into. *shrug*. Maybe they're just enjoying the excuse to take a break from work?
Your behaviour was perfectly appropriate and not at all rude in my opinion.
posted by rubbish bin night at 10:27 AM on October 11, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks everyone - I just wanted to mention that I didn't mean to sound angry - because I'm not at all. I am quite confused as to what to do, that's all, mostly because I really don't want to fake enthusiasm for something that I don't enjoy at all. I don't want to be rude or anti-social or anything like that, but I just don't want to be around the kid/kids. I feel like this differs from someone showing me their photos of a vacation or sports talk or something like that for whatever reason. I don't know if this helps clarify at all.
posted by floweredfish at 10:36 AM on October 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by floweredfish at 10:36 AM on October 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
As for hanging out with friends and their kid(s), here's what I'd want you to do if you were with me and mine: greet us both. Smile at the kid. Because it's polite to acknowledge everyone present, and because if you're friendly, my kid is less likely to be wary of you and thus more likely to chill out and let us do our adult thing. When I hang with an adult who doesn't smile and act friendly towards him, my kid feels the tension and wants us to leave asap.
The other concession that helps things go well is if you remain just a bit aware of what the tyke is up to and adjust the conversation rhythms accordingly. What I mean is, if you notice he fell down and is starting to wail, please pause whatever you were saying so that I can attend to him and then turn back to the conversation. I find that when I only half attend to my kid, he'll whine and tug and generally make a pest of himself till we leave. But if I can occasionally give him my full attention for a minute or two, he'll amuse himself and I can focus better on the conversation.
posted by xo at 10:49 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
The other concession that helps things go well is if you remain just a bit aware of what the tyke is up to and adjust the conversation rhythms accordingly. What I mean is, if you notice he fell down and is starting to wail, please pause whatever you were saying so that I can attend to him and then turn back to the conversation. I find that when I only half attend to my kid, he'll whine and tug and generally make a pest of himself till we leave. But if I can occasionally give him my full attention for a minute or two, he'll amuse himself and I can focus better on the conversation.
posted by xo at 10:49 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I say this as a parent in San Francisco, a city which is said to have more dogs than kids within its limits: if you were to find and replace "kid" with "dog" in your question, the question would read exactly the same.
Yes, it's ok for your family (for some personally defined value of family) to visit you at work. No, it's not ok for them to hang around forever or to bother other people. Your question is fundamentally about whether or not you have a right to be bothered in the situation you described. I say no, as it's lunchtime.
People do all sorts of annoying stuff during lunch hour. I don't want to hear about the latest goings on in people's life with their pets or what's going on in reality TV, but it happens.
Ambivalence or being too cool for school in the face of someone's obvious enthusiasm for their recent vacation/sports results/pets/kids/tv watching etc. is just a dick move. Be polite, don't be a jerk about it or feign false enthusiasm, and move on with your life.
posted by NoRelationToLea at 10:53 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yes, it's ok for your family (for some personally defined value of family) to visit you at work. No, it's not ok for them to hang around forever or to bother other people. Your question is fundamentally about whether or not you have a right to be bothered in the situation you described. I say no, as it's lunchtime.
People do all sorts of annoying stuff during lunch hour. I don't want to hear about the latest goings on in people's life with their pets or what's going on in reality TV, but it happens.
Ambivalence or being too cool for school in the face of someone's obvious enthusiasm for their recent vacation/sports results/pets/kids/tv watching etc. is just a dick move. Be polite, don't be a jerk about it or feign false enthusiasm, and move on with your life.
posted by NoRelationToLea at 10:53 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I have a kid and still felt/feel this way. It's an odd little bit of perceived social pressure because you feel like everybody else feels something you don't, and you're an outlier, but it's really okay.
How do I politely handle it when I really do not think this child is cute and really don't care to partake, but don't want to be rude? I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office.
You did it right. That's all you have to do.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 11:08 AM on October 11, 2010
How do I politely handle it when I really do not think this child is cute and really don't care to partake, but don't want to be rude? I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office.
You did it right. That's all you have to do.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 11:08 AM on October 11, 2010
Best answer: There are people in one of the offices I work in that have a gush fest at least once a day. A gush fest is when one shows something to the others and everyone makes loud ooohs and aaaahs for twenty minutes. Its annoying, its disruptive and its usually right outside my work space.
You know what I do? Put on my headphones and keep working. I'm not being paid to be a social butterfly, I'm being paid to fix broken computers. I don't mind a little socialization but I've got way too much to do to get involved.
Being polite like you are is about as far you can be expected to go, you're not required to gush over a child or new gadget or purty new shoes. Follow your heart, be polite but do what feels right and don't worry so much about the others (unless they report to do and are not getting their work done because they are spending so much time cooing).
posted by fenriq at 11:10 AM on October 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
You know what I do? Put on my headphones and keep working. I'm not being paid to be a social butterfly, I'm being paid to fix broken computers. I don't mind a little socialization but I've got way too much to do to get involved.
Being polite like you are is about as far you can be expected to go, you're not required to gush over a child or new gadget or purty new shoes. Follow your heart, be polite but do what feels right and don't worry so much about the others (unless they report to do and are not getting their work done because they are spending so much time cooing).
posted by fenriq at 11:10 AM on October 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
The child is a person, and a person that is important to a coworker that you need to maintain a relationship with. If your coworker is rude enough to not introduce you to this person they've brought into the office, you should go over and introduce yourself to this little person. Shake hands, exchange names, smile, nice to meet you, goodbye.
posted by bfranklin at 11:57 AM on October 11, 2010
posted by bfranklin at 11:57 AM on October 11, 2010
It's totally okay to ignore kid-related things happening in the background. You're working in an office, not celebrating a child's birthday party. Obviously, if they bring their kids over to be introduced to you, you behave as you would with a human being of any age - you smile and say hello. And you don't really need to engage any further than that if you don't want to.
I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office.
Nothing about your described behaviour strikes me as rude or inappropriate in any way.
I have a couple of coworkers with tiny kids, and there is one woman who seriously loses her fucking mind every time they're brought into the office. She squeals at them so loudly and so shrilly and with such ecstatic delight that 2 of them have actually burst into loud, traumatized tears. So I totally know where you are coming from here. To me, the kids aren't the problem; sure, sometimes they're fussy and crying, but that's what kids DO when they can't quite communicate their needs verbally yet, no big deal. It's the adult squealers that drive me apeshit.
posted by elizardbits at 12:17 PM on October 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office.
Nothing about your described behaviour strikes me as rude or inappropriate in any way.
I have a couple of coworkers with tiny kids, and there is one woman who seriously loses her fucking mind every time they're brought into the office. She squeals at them so loudly and so shrilly and with such ecstatic delight that 2 of them have actually burst into loud, traumatized tears. So I totally know where you are coming from here. To me, the kids aren't the problem; sure, sometimes they're fussy and crying, but that's what kids DO when they can't quite communicate their needs verbally yet, no big deal. It's the adult squealers that drive me apeshit.
posted by elizardbits at 12:17 PM on October 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
I walked past the sideshow on my way back from the restroom and waved, smiled and said hello, but then went back to my office.
I love kids. I have kids. I have never been the type to ogle and such. I smile and wave, and if it's an acquaintance, I say congrats or they're growing so much or how cute (depending on the age of the kid and whether I've seen 'em before) but that's all, because I'm at work. There's nothing whatsoever about your behavior that is in any way inappropriate. Don't sweat it.
posted by davejay at 2:34 PM on October 11, 2010
I love kids. I have kids. I have never been the type to ogle and such. I smile and wave, and if it's an acquaintance, I say congrats or they're growing so much or how cute (depending on the age of the kid and whether I've seen 'em before) but that's all, because I'm at work. There's nothing whatsoever about your behavior that is in any way inappropriate. Don't sweat it.
posted by davejay at 2:34 PM on October 11, 2010
She squeals at them so loudly and so shrilly and with such ecstatic delight that 2 of them have actually burst into loud, traumatized tears. So I totally know where you are coming from here.
Also, note that what elizardbits is describing above is hated hated hated by parents, because nobody wants the loud obnoxious person to make their kid cry, no matter how much them smile through it. I'd personally rather you said "hiya" and kept on going than have you make my kid cry with the same behavior that has made other kids cry in the past.
posted by davejay at 2:35 PM on October 11, 2010
Also, note that what elizardbits is describing above is hated hated hated by parents, because nobody wants the loud obnoxious person to make their kid cry, no matter how much them smile through it. I'd personally rather you said "hiya" and kept on going than have you make my kid cry with the same behavior that has made other kids cry in the past.
posted by davejay at 2:35 PM on October 11, 2010
Just ignore the child. Everyone else is so wrapped up in gushing that they won't even notice you're ignoring them. It's actually kind of crazy, in my experience you can be blatantly rude with the ignoring and yet people afterwards will still turn to you and say 'oh wasn't he so cute?' then continue to gush as you roll your eyes and get back to work. It's like a weird child vortex that sucks everyone's brains.
You're not interested so don't *be* interested. Seriously, really, no one will notice. Plus, bonus, you get your work done while they're all distracted.
posted by shelleycat at 4:40 PM on October 11, 2010
You're not interested so don't *be* interested. Seriously, really, no one will notice. Plus, bonus, you get your work done while they're all distracted.
posted by shelleycat at 4:40 PM on October 11, 2010
Keep in mind that for some of your coworkers, the real motivation may be to goof off and the kid's an excuse.
Seconded.
I smile cheerfully at child and co-worker, wave, and get back to work. The parents are never offended and are often relieved that there is one fewer person poking their kid, and kids usually prefer a wave to a squeal anyway.
When I did make some time to play with my one co-worker's really awesome kid or hold another (close) co-worker's baby, I was subjected to a chorus of ZOMG I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED KIDS OH YOU'RE SO GOOD YOU SHOULD HAVE BABIES!!!!!!!!! from the gush-festers. There's no way to win.
posted by desuetude at 7:19 PM on October 11, 2010
Seconded.
I smile cheerfully at child and co-worker, wave, and get back to work. The parents are never offended and are often relieved that there is one fewer person poking their kid, and kids usually prefer a wave to a squeal anyway.
When I did make some time to play with my one co-worker's really awesome kid or hold another (close) co-worker's baby, I was subjected to a chorus of ZOMG I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED KIDS OH YOU'RE SO GOOD YOU SHOULD HAVE BABIES!!!!!!!!! from the gush-festers. There's no way to win.
posted by desuetude at 7:19 PM on October 11, 2010
Smile and move on. Making eye contact with the kid(s) as well as the parents when smiling is nice, because it registers that you think of the kids as people.
If I am in a situation where everyone is exclaiming over the cuteness of a baby or whatever and I feel socially obliged to say something, I usually go for something innocuous/funny like, "Wow, that is a very small human."
posted by lollusc at 7:22 PM on October 11, 2010
If I am in a situation where everyone is exclaiming over the cuteness of a baby or whatever and I feel socially obliged to say something, I usually go for something innocuous/funny like, "Wow, that is a very small human."
posted by lollusc at 7:22 PM on October 11, 2010
If actually forced to interact, the correct answer is, "What a cute/beautiful/charming/intelligent/well-behaved little boy/girl." And that's it. Otherwise just wave as you walk by.
The other correct answer is bubbles. If you know in advance you're going to be interacting with a child (like you've been invited to dinner at the house of someone with a 3-year-old), bring blowing bubbles.
I remember being four years old and having my parents tell me that "Ms. Smith" was going to be visiting my parents tonight and she wasn't used to children so I had to be extra well-behaved and not pester her. I completely understood even at that age that not every adult was crazy about kids and that I was not the center of the universe -- her comfort was much more important than mine, since she was a guest and much older, while I was just a kid. It's truly, honestly not a big deal. Parents understand; children understand. I am not scarred for life. I actually thought Ms. Smith was pretty damned cool. (Although, Ms. Smith did always bring us Baskin Robbins clown cones when she came to see my parents. This is a good idea.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:29 PM on October 11, 2010
The other correct answer is bubbles. If you know in advance you're going to be interacting with a child (like you've been invited to dinner at the house of someone with a 3-year-old), bring blowing bubbles.
I remember being four years old and having my parents tell me that "Ms. Smith" was going to be visiting my parents tonight and she wasn't used to children so I had to be extra well-behaved and not pester her. I completely understood even at that age that not every adult was crazy about kids and that I was not the center of the universe -- her comfort was much more important than mine, since she was a guest and much older, while I was just a kid. It's truly, honestly not a big deal. Parents understand; children understand. I am not scarred for life. I actually thought Ms. Smith was pretty damned cool. (Although, Ms. Smith did always bring us Baskin Robbins clown cones when she came to see my parents. This is a good idea.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:29 PM on October 11, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
But it sounds to me that you're bothered by other people hanging out with kiddo versus working on stuff. Unless they report to you, I'd MYOB.
IME, people with grown kids or that want kids are often delighted by a kid. I didn't get it either until now (I have a toddler) and I see a newborn and I just want to squish it and love it. It brings back very good memories for me.
posted by k8t at 10:03 AM on October 11, 2010 [1 favorite]