October 7, 2010 3:19 PM Subscribe
A friend of mine kind of acts like an ass when eating out. Should I say something?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (38 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
A friend of mine is generally a nice guy--I swear he is! But if you only interacted with him in restaurants, you'd think he was a huge asshole. I don't eat out in restaurants with him often (maybe four or five times in the last year and a half), but the times I have, he's always really curt and snotty to the waitstaff, and then tips terribly. The rudeness is, I think, just part of a sort of general social anxiety; it's tough to explain, but he'll try to joke and it will come off as curt or inappropriate, or he'll try to be as casual as possible and it'll come off as standoffish or snobbish. This mostly happens in these sorts of this-person-is-being-paid-to-help-me kind of situations. He's otherwise really polite and nice to people, even those he barely knows.
The tipping, tho--there's no excuse. He will leave the change from a dollar on a $20 bill. Or sometimes nothing at all. I and our other friends have pointed this out to him and he'll play dumb (if called on it directly), or just ignore it (if I try to be more subtle about it), but it doesn't seem to change in behavior for the future.
And normally, this is the kind of thing I'd ignore, or just continue to cover for him. But here's the thing: I've read a lot of questions here on the green along the lines of, "I do online dating. I have nice chats with people, we meet in real life and I have a good time, and then I never hear back. WTF?" And there are a lot of responses that say, "Were you nice to the waiter? Did you tip? Those things are really important to me."
And, you got it--my friend could have written those quesions. He has a couple of profiles on dating sites, he goes out, and things generally fizzle out by the first or second date and he's all, "But I had such a good time!" I wonder if this behavior is coloring women's impressions of him. I know he does go to restaurants/bars on first and second dates.
So--do I say something to him about this habit? If I do, what's the best way to go about it?