What if she won't ever do what I need to do?
October 3, 2010 1:54 PM Subscribe
My fiance has basically told me, that she will NEVER/practically never be willing to do my personal fetishes with me..... I don't know what to do about that.
posted by anonymous to human relations (89 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
My fiance has basically told me, that she will NEVER/practically never be willing to do my personal fetishes with me..... I don't know what to do about that. She is 30, and I am 28. I have gotten to do my personal things FOUR TIMES in my whole life (once in high school and three times in college) and never with her.
Number 1, Have you ever had a personal kink and tried to stick it out with a person who would not do it with you, so you never got to do it?
Number 2, Have you ever tried to push/help someone through a strong refusal for your own selfish but honestly deserved needs? That can't work/really be healthy for everyone, right?
Number 3, Have you ever made the executive decision to just lie to a person you love and cheat/sort of cheat on them for their own good and/or so the relationship could last? She would be hurt if she ever knew and I would hate that but I would hate the others too.
I can imagine all of three these paths.... they all sound horrible and cruel. So from your personal experience what parts of the paths am I not expecting? Do they get easier or harder as you go?
I can NOT imagine calling this wedding off, NOT an option. We are both very in love, and have been together almost our entire twenties, and are both very dedicated. I mean we both have moved across the country to be together at three different points in life. But I don't know what path to choose to cope, and I am running out of patience.
And I am almost sure she would consider going to a sex worker to be cheating and so that would not be any better to her than path number 3.
Number 4, Have you ever been on the other side of these paths (or paths very much like them) and had these paths done to you? What am I not thinking of from that perspective?
In the mean time I am feeling more and more cheated and frustrated and resentful. This is NOT an interest that is just going to go away even if I think she hopes it will. It doesn't completely matter but in case you want to know this not something that would be personally unpleasant or creepy for her except for her mental opposition. A lot of perfectly straight/normal people do this in their sex lives. The reason she doesn't want to do it is for psychological reasons, and not something like past trauma, I think just mental embarrassment/thoughts that "it's gross", really.
I know the best answer is, you needed to sort this out a long time ago, but that doesn't help now.....
Yes, I know sex matters in a romance, no cliches please.
T.L.D.R, have you ever been in a relationship where one person's personal fetish was completely incompatible and are you glad about how you/the other person dealt with that?