When to be gracious, when to react?
October 1, 2010 8:08 PM Subscribe
I thought we were friends, apparently I don't fit into his list of priorities though. How should I have responded?
posted by ergo to human relations (30 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
So we're work friends who became pretty good friends IRL (outside of the office). I joined the company last October, he was a transferee from another province (and much bigger office) a few months before that, and was sent to my home office under a "go work there or get laid off" situation. We were pretty good buddies (I thought), though in November he caught a cold and has been experiencing recurring dizziness and illness because it never really went away. So he was prone to cancel plans on occasion because he wasn't feeling well, but in general we still hung out every other weekend or so and had a good time. My friends became his friends. We bonded.
And then a year later he gets sent back to his home office because the projects have changed and his home office is demanding staff instead... and it ends up I get sent there too, temporarily, because he recommended me for the transfer to his bosses.
He moves back and decides to shack up in the basement suite of a friend's house while he looks to buy a condo. He goes to his nearby home city every weekend to give his friends their space. And though he's been talking up how we'll go do things in the big city, he keeps putting it off because he's still not feeling well, he's busy, he's not in town, it's too much of a hassle to get from downtown to his friend's place. I've just said, ok, i understand, i know you're not feeling well, we'll go eventually don't worry. We hung out once together, maybe twice for after-work drinks with the rest of the young work peeps, and that's been about it. He's been cancelling on me every week with "next week, we'll do something, I promise."
And he bought a place, the possession date was last week. His parents came up to help paint, and we were supposed to hang out this weekend, I'd see his new place and we were going to have dinner all together. And tonight he texts me saying "Oh, I'm sorry, I've been so busy shopping for furniture! I'd much rather we do something this week instead, is that ok?" I leave next weekend Saturday, permanently. I seriously doubt he'd keep his word this time after so many cancellations. I'm ticked off.
So I texted him "Really? You're going to cancel on me again?! I've been here 3 months and I'm leaving next weekend. You're probably just going to cancel again this week. Just forget it." But I was angry, and now I'm concerned that wasn't how I should have handled it. Was it ok to tell him I'm fed up with it, or should I have let things slide? What do the mefites think?