I'm British, male, in my late twenties, straight, and it's years since I last slept with a woman. Years. I'm going to be in Las Vegas in a few weeks and I'm wondering about resurrecting my lost sexuality there. Please help me think this through.
posted by anonymous to human relations (26 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Somehow after my last relationship ended I've never been with anyone else. Over the years since then I've changed a lot, partly through growing older and partly through addressing some underlying problems with low self-esteem, depression, and social isolation. I'm in a good place now, fairly happy, more confident than I used to be, with some friends, and in many ways I've come back to life. I'm a decent person, more or less, and other people seem to like me well enough. I'm confident in my work and I have reasonably good social skills - I like people and they seem to like me back. I've even dipped my toes into online dating a little bit. My main problem now is that I'm very anxious about sex. I know that sooner or later I'll meet someone nice and that nature will take its course, but my abject terror at the thought of it is holding me back. I'm scared partly because I didn't used to be very good at it anyway, and I don't want to be humiliated, and partly because it's been so long since I last made myself so vulnerable with anyone. I think of it as a kind of second-virginity, something made shameful by my advancing age. It's really about time I dealt with this now.
Anyway, for completely unrelated reasons, I'm going to be in Las Vegas for one week quite soon. I'm thinking this could be a golden opportunity to slay my personal demon, and I could use your advice. I'll be staying at the MGM Grand right on the Strip, I'll have my own hotel room, and this seems like it could be the perfect time to finally, at long last, do this thing. Any comments, suggestions, or insights you could give would really help me a lot.
I suppose my first question is: Do you think this is workable? I'm average looking with a number of physical flaws (shaven head, overweight, seriously bodily hairy, I have funny-looking teeth, and I'm uncircumcised - whether that counts as a flaw or not in the USA, I don't know). On the upside, I'm tall, sort of funny, and, so I'm told, 'lovely'. My worry is that rather than being (as I initially assumed) surrounded by available women looking for a good time, some of whom might find me acceptably attractive, I'm actually going to be surrounded by more attractive, more confident, better looking men who so comprehensively out-compete me as to make my plan ridiculous. Assuming that's not the case, how would you approach this if you were in my position? I'm more of bar person than a club person, and I don't want to do anything that I can't reconcile morally (like trying to pick up someone who's had too much to drink, or hiring a sex worker). I need real, practical advice. Also - I realise that in writing this I may seem to be treating women as essentially homogenous, sex-dispensing automatons. This doesn't really reflect my feelings so much as my difficulty in writing this down and thinking it through, if that makes sense. Which I don't think it does. Please, please give me the benefit of the doubt here.
Anyway, I've written far too much and I'm not wholly sure I've said what I meant to say anyway. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
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