No, I really do just want to be friends.
September 18, 2010 9:55 AM Subscribe
How can I best deal with the unwanted romantic advances of someone I will be seeing on a regular basis? Special snowflake details inside.
posted by anonymous to human relations (26 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I am: 1) young (20) 2) female 3) kind of socially clueless.
My college program puts me in a small, close-knit group where everyone knows each other for the next two years. At the beginning of classes this year I met a guy in the program with whom I got along great. He's an awesome guy and I enjoy talking to him and really, genuinely, want to be his friend. I'm not interested in any more though, I am simply not romantically or sexually interested in him. I have a terrible habit of blithely assuming that all men just want to be friends with me, so I assumed our intentions were the same.
This week he asked me if I wanted to go get coffee after class sometime, and I thought he meant it platonically so I agreed. (I guess that makes me sound clueless, straight female classmates invite me for coffee all the time, so I guess I thought it was no different...OK, fine, I'm clueless.) Obviously he didn't, though...we haven't got around to coffee yet but today he was flirting with me like crazy, leaning over me all class (despite me trying to move my chair away), held the door open for me. Also he told me I smelled good when I am pretty sure I smelled like Aquanet and stale cigarette smoke today.
I feel really guilty for having led him on wrongly, but I'm really uncomfortable with this flirty behavior right now and I need a way to clarify my intentions before things escalate. But since he hasn't outright said what his intentions, and since I will be seeing him frequently in the next two school years and we'll have the same circle of acquaintances...this is a really awkward situation and I'm not sure what to do. I am single and not seeing anyone too so I can't use that as an excuse.
This may seem like an easy situation but I am very shy and socially awkward so I have no idea how to proceed! What's the best way for me to clarify my intentions and discourage him before things get worse?