I drink too much, and I also drink once a week. Help?
September 18, 2010 9:23 AM Subscribe
Does the fact that I'm asking you all if I drink too much mean I for sure drink too much? or, Can you be an alcoholic if you only drink once a week?
Here's the thing: I drink once a week, and that's it. Like clockwork, usually -- most weeks I won't even have a beer or drink during the week (some weeknights I'll have one or two beers, but that's rare indeed), and then on either Friday or Saturday, I'll drink.
But once I start drinking, I cannot stop. It sucks. I always get drunker than I'd planned on, and I always act kinda dumb (not really dumb).
I also never black out.
Is this the kind of thing you go to rehab for? I'd sure hate to be the guy who sits in an AA meeting while people are recounting god knows how terrible alcohol-induced deeds, and I'm like "well, last weekend I got drunk again." Because that's really all that's happening -- I just get really drunk on the weekend. I wish I didn't though, at least sometimes. I wish I could have three or four drinks and get kinda drunk, and go home. Instead I hover somewhere around the 8-10 range, without fail.
Is there a way to cut back without quitting altogether?
Here's the thing: I drink once a week, and that's it. Like clockwork, usually -- most weeks I won't even have a beer or drink during the week (some weeknights I'll have one or two beers, but that's rare indeed), and then on either Friday or Saturday, I'll drink.
But once I start drinking, I cannot stop. It sucks. I always get drunker than I'd planned on, and I always act kinda dumb (not really dumb).
I also never black out.
Is this the kind of thing you go to rehab for? I'd sure hate to be the guy who sits in an AA meeting while people are recounting god knows how terrible alcohol-induced deeds, and I'm like "well, last weekend I got drunk again." Because that's really all that's happening -- I just get really drunk on the weekend. I wish I didn't though, at least sometimes. I wish I could have three or four drinks and get kinda drunk, and go home. Instead I hover somewhere around the 8-10 range, without fail.
Is there a way to cut back without quitting altogether?
Is there a way to cut back without quitting altogether?
Well... you tell us. Can you skip a weekend? Drink every other weekend? Have you tried?
posted by hermitosis at 9:29 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Well... you tell us. Can you skip a weekend? Drink every other weekend? Have you tried?
posted by hermitosis at 9:29 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yes, you can be an alcoholic and/or have a problem with alcohol even if you only do it once a week.
If you can't cut back on your own, that is not a good sign. It's not about 'I never black out', once you start blacking out you'll be all 'I never cross some other line' and so on.
I don't know how specifically to advise you, but I encourage you to address the problem now before it's too late. Why don't you go to your family doctor and tell them what you've told us? They will be able to point you to local resources.
posted by tel3path at 9:30 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you can't cut back on your own, that is not a good sign. It's not about 'I never black out', once you start blacking out you'll be all 'I never cross some other line' and so on.
I don't know how specifically to advise you, but I encourage you to address the problem now before it's too late. Why don't you go to your family doctor and tell them what you've told us? They will be able to point you to local resources.
posted by tel3path at 9:30 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
But once I start drinking, I cannot stop. It sucks. I always get drunker than I'd planned on, and I always act kinda dumb (not really dumb).
This means you have a problem. Talking to your doctor sounds like a good idea.
posted by grouse at 9:32 AM on September 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
This means you have a problem. Talking to your doctor sounds like a good idea.
posted by grouse at 9:32 AM on September 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
I don't know if you drink too much, if you're addicted, or if you have a problem. I would ask first if this is interfering with your life and second, are you putting yourself in a situation where you're at risk of ending up in a drinking pattern that interferes with your life (i.e. if you're not an alcoholic now, are you creating a situation that increases the probability that you will be eventually?).
Anyway, the more important thing I wanted to add is that not all alcoholics drink every day and it's not uncommon for some alcoholics to go long spells without drinking (and without actually being an anything like "Recovery".). My grandfather would go two or three months without drinking and then get to do nothing but drinking for a few weeks. During those few weeks you would absolutely have recognized him as an alcoholic -- constantly drunk, hiding bottles and drinking on the sly. The whole bit. And then a few months dry. The consequences for his family were the same as those experienced by the families of more consistent alcoholics.
You might want to have a look at some articles on episodic alcoholism or dipsomia.
But yea, 8-10 drinks sounds like a lot and if you wish you weren't doing it and you're doing it anyway, I would think that's a problem. I think even wanting to get drunk (even with 3-4 drinks) is a little problematic.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:34 AM on September 18, 2010
Anyway, the more important thing I wanted to add is that not all alcoholics drink every day and it's not uncommon for some alcoholics to go long spells without drinking (and without actually being an anything like "Recovery".). My grandfather would go two or three months without drinking and then get to do nothing but drinking for a few weeks. During those few weeks you would absolutely have recognized him as an alcoholic -- constantly drunk, hiding bottles and drinking on the sly. The whole bit. And then a few months dry. The consequences for his family were the same as those experienced by the families of more consistent alcoholics.
You might want to have a look at some articles on episodic alcoholism or dipsomia.
But yea, 8-10 drinks sounds like a lot and if you wish you weren't doing it and you're doing it anyway, I would think that's a problem. I think even wanting to get drunk (even with 3-4 drinks) is a little problematic.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:34 AM on September 18, 2010
Is there a way to cut back without quitting altogether?
I don't know. But that is what a friend of mine who did what you do - she couldn't stop once she'd started - ended up doing. She couldn't have one beer, or two beers, and then stop. So she stopped drinking entirely.
No one here can say if you have a problem or not. If you feel like it's a problem for you, then it is. If you feel like you need some support to change your behavior, then that would be worth seeking out (though I don't think AA is the place you'd find it, if your goal is to figure out how to have two beers rather than 10).
Are you disciplined enough to have a large glass of water (or something else non-alcoholic) between drinks? One beer, then a big glass of water; next beer, another glass of water; shot of tequila, another glass of water. Etc. Keeps you hydrated, makes you pee a lot, and you're still drinking something, which might satisfy the part of your brain that goes "Drink something!" But being drunk does tend to interfere with one's judgment, and this may not work for you.
Good luck.
posted by rtha at 9:34 AM on September 18, 2010
I don't know. But that is what a friend of mine who did what you do - she couldn't stop once she'd started - ended up doing. She couldn't have one beer, or two beers, and then stop. So she stopped drinking entirely.
No one here can say if you have a problem or not. If you feel like it's a problem for you, then it is. If you feel like you need some support to change your behavior, then that would be worth seeking out (though I don't think AA is the place you'd find it, if your goal is to figure out how to have two beers rather than 10).
Are you disciplined enough to have a large glass of water (or something else non-alcoholic) between drinks? One beer, then a big glass of water; next beer, another glass of water; shot of tequila, another glass of water. Etc. Keeps you hydrated, makes you pee a lot, and you're still drinking something, which might satisfy the part of your brain that goes "Drink something!" But being drunk does tend to interfere with one's judgment, and this may not work for you.
Good luck.
posted by rtha at 9:34 AM on September 18, 2010
you're a binge drinker. I tend to be a bit compulsive myself when I drink so I definitely understand your concern.
like hermitosis says, can you skip a weekend? also, does your weekend drinking have negative consequences or potentials in your life? ie, are you likely to make bad/dangerous decisions around driving? do you pass out in alleys? is your work life impacted? your health?
if any of these are concerns you may want to seek counseling re compulsive behaviors and see if you cannot learn to drink more moderately when you do.
posted by supermedusa at 9:35 AM on September 18, 2010
like hermitosis says, can you skip a weekend? also, does your weekend drinking have negative consequences or potentials in your life? ie, are you likely to make bad/dangerous decisions around driving? do you pass out in alleys? is your work life impacted? your health?
if any of these are concerns you may want to seek counseling re compulsive behaviors and see if you cannot learn to drink more moderately when you do.
posted by supermedusa at 9:35 AM on September 18, 2010
But once I start drinking, I cannot stop.
Who cares what this is called? If you can't stop, you shouldn't start, any more than you should start a car with no brakes and put it into drive. It doesn't sound like you need to go to rehab, but it does sound like you need to stop drinking.
posted by jon1270 at 9:35 AM on September 18, 2010 [7 favorites]
Who cares what this is called? If you can't stop, you shouldn't start, any more than you should start a car with no brakes and put it into drive. It doesn't sound like you need to go to rehab, but it does sound like you need to stop drinking.
posted by jon1270 at 9:35 AM on September 18, 2010 [7 favorites]
You might also consider your individual reaction to the type of alcohol you're drinking. Is the inability to refrain once you've had a few universal -- whether you are drinking wine, beer, or liquor? I think the quality of the alcohol matters as well -- if you have a couple high-quality ales versus a six pack of shitty American beer, you might feel more satiated. If you can avoid setting up strict rules for yourself on what you are and are not allowed to do, I think it is better. So consider your reactions to various kinds of alcohol, and in different kinds of environments as well, and see if you can find a way to be moderate.
If you drink at all, there are always going to be teetotalers that say you have a "problem." Do you care what they think? You've got to figure out what you think, taking into account how your behavior affects both you and the people you care about.
posted by letahl at 9:42 AM on September 18, 2010
If you drink at all, there are always going to be teetotalers that say you have a "problem." Do you care what they think? You've got to figure out what you think, taking into account how your behavior affects both you and the people you care about.
posted by letahl at 9:42 AM on September 18, 2010
It depends. I bet its unlikely that you have a physical addiction to alcohol. Fwiw this is common behaviour where I live. But, if it's not making you happy...
I think there's more information needed. Are you in a group where everyone else drinks as much on weekends? If so can they handle it any better?
posted by plonkee at 9:43 AM on September 18, 2010
I think there's more information needed. Are you in a group where everyone else drinks as much on weekends? If so can they handle it any better?
posted by plonkee at 9:43 AM on September 18, 2010
John is right--Alcoholism is usually defined based on the ability of a person to function effectively in various roles (student/employee/friend/partner/driver/etc) or by clear cut physical symptoms related to alcohol use (liver inflammation/nutritional deficits/etc). Your behavior one night of the week certainly suggests an increased probability of alcohol intolerance but in the absence of other problems it probably does not constitute alcoholism. However, it is a drinking problem by your own definition and by most clinical standards. I do not know the answer to your question about limiting the drinking. A classic test for problem drinkers is to ask the person to have two drinks every day--absolutely no more or no less--no storing up for the next day or abstaining because of excess. The inability to faithfully execute this test usually suggests that the alcohol is controlling the person not the person controlling the alcohol. I am glad you see a potential problem. BTW, studies on the success of "controlled/moderate" drinking have been equivocal but here are programs the teach moderate drinking.
posted by rmhsinc at 9:43 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by rmhsinc at 9:43 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for your input, all. In answer to a general demand for more specifics: I am a graduate student, and a pretty successful one. At no time has my drinking ever affected my career. I've never been hungover on any days except weekend days that are set aside for intensely antisocial marathon reading sessions. I have, however, spent more money on booze than I would have liked, though I'm not in any debt. And yes, I am locked into a small group if colleagues who do this every week. I'm in a new city for my phd program, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that for the year I've been here, I have been too busy teaching and writing to meet anyone other than the few people enjoy hanging out with in my program. Which in itself is an ask mefi for another day.
posted by earlofrochester at 9:54 AM on September 18, 2010
posted by earlofrochester at 9:54 AM on September 18, 2010
Maybe figure out what it's doing for you and sub in something else? Example: I used to have one drink every day after work. I'd crave it until I had it. I had the same question you had. But I realized that it was my clear signal "self, you're done working for the day!" Now I go running after work. So you binge once a week. Maybe you need total abandon? Maybe you could go out dancing? Or play some sort of super-intense sport once a week?
posted by salvia at 10:42 AM on September 18, 2010
posted by salvia at 10:42 AM on September 18, 2010
But if you feel like checking out an AA meeting, I'm sure you'd be welcome and would probably get something out of it.
posted by salvia at 10:43 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by salvia at 10:43 AM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
would probably get something out of it.
I say that only because it seems like the whole twelve-step framework does have a lot of good things to offer anyone, not as commentary on you.
posted by salvia at 10:45 AM on September 18, 2010
I say that only because it seems like the whole twelve-step framework does have a lot of good things to offer anyone, not as commentary on you.
posted by salvia at 10:45 AM on September 18, 2010
But once I start drinking, I cannot stop. It sucks. I always get drunker than I'd planned on, and I always act kinda dumb (not really dumb).
This means you have a problem. grouse
I feel compelled to clarify. Having been through Al-anon (as the child of alcholics), I have to say... you only have a drinking problem if you decide you have a drinking problem. Once you decide you have a problem, you can work toward solving the problem. When you say "it sucks" I extropolate that you consider this a problem, or are beginning to think of this as a problem.
If you can't decide for sure that you have a problem, an important thing to consider is, do the people around you suffer as a result of your drinking? (Are you embarrassing people with terrible comments? Are you driving drunk? Are you missing dates, appointments or deadlines? Are other people uncomfortable being around you when you've been drinking?)
If the answer to any of those is yes, are you comfortable with those results?
If you aren't, you are probably on the verge of deciding you have a problem.
Attending a meeting or two might be helpful to sort out how you feel and what you want to do. You certainly don't have to speak at meetings, and anonymity is expected.
You can also attend Al-anon meetings for some perspective on what alcohol abuse does to loved ones. The feelings of fear, shame, etc that come from having a binge drinker in ones life are....intense. Sometimes there is a contingent that wants to engage in "my drunk is worse than your drunk," but for the most part, we're all there because this is hard and we need support to cope. Some people at/in AA might consider your problems "less than" but expressing that opinion is frowned upon.
posted by bilabial at 10:52 AM on September 18, 2010
This means you have a problem. grouse
I feel compelled to clarify. Having been through Al-anon (as the child of alcholics), I have to say... you only have a drinking problem if you decide you have a drinking problem. Once you decide you have a problem, you can work toward solving the problem. When you say "it sucks" I extropolate that you consider this a problem, or are beginning to think of this as a problem.
If you can't decide for sure that you have a problem, an important thing to consider is, do the people around you suffer as a result of your drinking? (Are you embarrassing people with terrible comments? Are you driving drunk? Are you missing dates, appointments or deadlines? Are other people uncomfortable being around you when you've been drinking?)
If the answer to any of those is yes, are you comfortable with those results?
If you aren't, you are probably on the verge of deciding you have a problem.
Attending a meeting or two might be helpful to sort out how you feel and what you want to do. You certainly don't have to speak at meetings, and anonymity is expected.
You can also attend Al-anon meetings for some perspective on what alcohol abuse does to loved ones. The feelings of fear, shame, etc that come from having a binge drinker in ones life are....intense. Sometimes there is a contingent that wants to engage in "my drunk is worse than your drunk," but for the most part, we're all there because this is hard and we need support to cope. Some people at/in AA might consider your problems "less than" but expressing that opinion is frowned upon.
posted by bilabial at 10:52 AM on September 18, 2010
You're a binge drinker. It's probably a good idea to cut out alcohol altogether, because it's not something that you seem to enjoy ultimately (it seemed good at the time, but...)
posted by KokuRyu at 11:04 AM on September 18, 2010
posted by KokuRyu at 11:04 AM on September 18, 2010
Hold on, the answer here is clearly maybe. Pretty much everyone who drinks usually drinks a little more than they intended to. That's what the whole "lowering of inhibitions" thing is all about, right? It entirely depends on how much "drunker than I planned" really is.
If it's "I wake up the next day with a headache and regret drinking that 4th glass of wine at that dinner party" then maybe it's not a problem.
If it's "I don't know why I had 4 bloody marys and then moved onto scotch during brunch with my grandmother and someone had to come pick us up front the restaurant because I couldn't drive" then maybe it is a problem. A good barometer is how it's affecting people around you. Silly comments while drunk at a party are one thing. People having to take care of you or make excuses for you is another.
If you talk to someone who has a problem and is in treatment, they'll convince you you have a problem even if you don't. If you talk to someone who has a problem and isn't in treatment, they'll convince you you don't have a problem even if you do. However, the vast majority of the public is in neither of these two camps, so I'd avoid advice from either side and just look to the people who know you.
It's really up to you.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 11:15 AM on September 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
If it's "I wake up the next day with a headache and regret drinking that 4th glass of wine at that dinner party" then maybe it's not a problem.
If it's "I don't know why I had 4 bloody marys and then moved onto scotch during brunch with my grandmother and someone had to come pick us up front the restaurant because I couldn't drive" then maybe it is a problem. A good barometer is how it's affecting people around you. Silly comments while drunk at a party are one thing. People having to take care of you or make excuses for you is another.
If you talk to someone who has a problem and is in treatment, they'll convince you you have a problem even if you don't. If you talk to someone who has a problem and isn't in treatment, they'll convince you you don't have a problem even if you do. However, the vast majority of the public is in neither of these two camps, so I'd avoid advice from either side and just look to the people who know you.
It's really up to you.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 11:15 AM on September 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm no teetotaler. I don't think that binge drinking on occasion means that there is a problem, or that drinking more than you meant to, or acting stupid once you're drunk means there's a problem, or that the OP is describing all-out alcoholism. But, to me, this:
posted by grouse at 11:23 AM on September 18, 2010
But once I start drinking, I cannot stop.Means that you are not in control of the situation, and this is a problem.
posted by grouse at 11:23 AM on September 18, 2010
Response by poster: Good points all. We're not talking drunk driving here, though I have, in the past year, come very close to getting in a fight, which is crazily unlike me and happened during one of these drunks. It luckily blew over though, and other than that one time, My day afters usually consist of "ugh, why did I say that." nothing offensive or relationship-damaging, just a barrage of annoying drunk comments. (I also have social anxiety disorder, for which Ive been treated in the past, so I'm a pro at magnifying meaningless events; catastrophizing, as we call it in the biz). I have yet to decide on a plan of attack, but if i do anything, I'll report back. This has been really helpful.
posted by earlofrochester at 11:38 AM on September 18, 2010
posted by earlofrochester at 11:38 AM on September 18, 2010
Do you have other things about yourself (besides whether or not you're an alcoholic) that you obsessively worry about, and constantly look for proof or external opinions to support? Has this concern replaced another that bothered you before? It sounds like that thought pattern could potentially be the "problem", rather than the drinking necessarily.
posted by unknowncommand at 12:05 PM on September 18, 2010
posted by unknowncommand at 12:05 PM on September 18, 2010
I'd say try and take a month off, and then when you do drink, alternate your alcoholic drinks with water.
I used to be able to drink like you, but then I didn't drink for a few months and my tolerance went down significantly. Now I feel a bit tipsy after one drink, and I usually don't make it to more than 6 (whereas before I could easily drink more than 10). I drink vodka sodas (a single shot in a pint glass of soda - so the drink is weaker) alternating with lots of ice water and I am able to maintain a better level of happy drunk but not wasted. I don't feel nearly as hungover the next day.
YMMV
The catastrophizing is another matter, just remember that everyone has said silly/stupid or embarrassing things when they're drunk. It's to be expected - try not to worry too much. Remember, if other people are drinking, then they probably don't even remember the little things that you are amplifying in your head.
posted by smartypantz at 12:13 PM on September 18, 2010
I used to be able to drink like you, but then I didn't drink for a few months and my tolerance went down significantly. Now I feel a bit tipsy after one drink, and I usually don't make it to more than 6 (whereas before I could easily drink more than 10). I drink vodka sodas (a single shot in a pint glass of soda - so the drink is weaker) alternating with lots of ice water and I am able to maintain a better level of happy drunk but not wasted. I don't feel nearly as hungover the next day.
YMMV
The catastrophizing is another matter, just remember that everyone has said silly/stupid or embarrassing things when they're drunk. It's to be expected - try not to worry too much. Remember, if other people are drinking, then they probably don't even remember the little things that you are amplifying in your head.
posted by smartypantz at 12:13 PM on September 18, 2010
This may be the stupidest, most obvious piece of advice ever, but ... can you alternate alcohol and water/soda/something else? Sometimes I would find myself sipping compulsively because I had a drink in my hand and needed something to do with my hands ... and then I'd run out and my hands would be bored so I'd get another one ... you can literally halve your drinking by alternating water with your drink of choice, if the drinking itself is a sort of mindless, hand-to-mouth activity that leads you into the drunk-and-making-bad-decisions-about-continuing-to-drink place.
(And on preview, I see smartypantz also suggests alternating. I don't feel so silly now.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:50 PM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
(And on preview, I see smartypantz also suggests alternating. I don't feel so silly now.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:50 PM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'd sure hate to be the guy who sits in an AA meeting while people are recounting god knows how terrible alcohol-induced deeds, and I'm like "well, last weekend I got drunk again."
You don't need to be concerned about that. Your problem will not be belittled or trivialized (and as someone mentioned, you need not talk at all). You're actually quite likely to hear people talking about problems similar to your own.
posted by Wordwoman at 1:27 PM on September 18, 2010
You don't need to be concerned about that. Your problem will not be belittled or trivialized (and as someone mentioned, you need not talk at all). You're actually quite likely to hear people talking about problems similar to your own.
posted by Wordwoman at 1:27 PM on September 18, 2010
Alchoholism is a progressive desease. It only caught up with me in my 6th decade. And eventually once I started I could not stop until I passed out. I did not drink every day, never during the day but as I said, I eventually got to where I could not stop once I started and about 6 months before I stopped I began to have black outs every time I drank when I had rarely had them before.
AA has kept me sober and I guarantee you can go to meetings with any history - the only requirement is the desire to stop drinking - and people will not judge you. Some have horror stories, some just could not stop drinking.
posted by shaarog at 5:23 PM on September 18, 2010
AA has kept me sober and I guarantee you can go to meetings with any history - the only requirement is the desire to stop drinking - and people will not judge you. Some have horror stories, some just could not stop drinking.
posted by shaarog at 5:23 PM on September 18, 2010
The classic test is to stop for a while--say six months--and see how you react. Since you don't drink every day, you might be a binge drinker and this test doesn't work so well for binge drinkers who can stop for a good long while if they are motivated to do so but it never goes away and once they start back, it's the same old story.
On the other hand, if you're spending more money and time drinking than you'd like and you can't seem to stop drinking once you start and nothing much else is happening in your social life because this is what you do with your weekend and after a while you started thinking you might have a problem, you might have a problem.
AA is a good place to go to say, "I don't know if I have a drinking problem but I want to find out," and get some understanding of your situation. Plus, some of the people are quite bright, interesting and friendly.
Somebody said, "you don't sound that bad," and I agree, but that's not the point, is it? Who wants to keep going and get bad enough to really mess things up? "That bad" is a bridge too far for drinkers.
Nobody can really tell you that you are an alcoholic but you owe it to yourself and to the future you're investing in to discover this for yourself so you can avoid sabotaging yourself.
posted by Anitanola at 6:38 PM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, if you're spending more money and time drinking than you'd like and you can't seem to stop drinking once you start and nothing much else is happening in your social life because this is what you do with your weekend and after a while you started thinking you might have a problem, you might have a problem.
AA is a good place to go to say, "I don't know if I have a drinking problem but I want to find out," and get some understanding of your situation. Plus, some of the people are quite bright, interesting and friendly.
Somebody said, "you don't sound that bad," and I agree, but that's not the point, is it? Who wants to keep going and get bad enough to really mess things up? "That bad" is a bridge too far for drinkers.
Nobody can really tell you that you are an alcoholic but you owe it to yourself and to the future you're investing in to discover this for yourself so you can avoid sabotaging yourself.
posted by Anitanola at 6:38 PM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by John Cohen at 9:28 AM on September 18, 2010 [2 favorites]