Why can't I win even if I win?
September 17, 2010 3:13 PM Subscribe
When you "win" an argument with your spouse, it's not really winning, or is it?
posted by abdulf to human relations (47 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Long story short:
My wife and I want to visit her family over Thanksgiving, but I don't want to pay a ridiculous airfare. While she will see them for the whole week, I'm only seeing them for 1 day (Thursday). It's a heck of a lot less expensive this way.
She hasn't said it, but the conversations suggest I'm putting money over family.
I have explained that we would bust our budget to do it any other way.
She's not happy, but she'll go along with it. She hasn't talked much about it since, I'm getting the silent treatment, and I'm wondering if I need to change my position while I still can (the ticket can be changed within 24hrs).
I have "won" but she makes me feel like she has lost. I think this really is a win-win. We're both there for Thanksgiving Dinner, which is a big deal for her family. I hate the guilt trip I'm getting from her because this decision is for both our sakes. We keep joint finances.
I'm abiding by a budget we both came up with and if we deviate from this budget, we may not reach goals we both want, like a home.
So, I have a short time now. I think I'm right, but I'm also feeling that I should do what she wants to make her happy. We're newly married so I'm not accustomed to her being upset about something I do.
Is this a big deal or not? I feel I can defend why I made the decision and I think it's a good compromise. Those with more experience in the marriage or long-term relationship arena - let me know what you think.