Unwanted Attention From An Unwell Friend
September 16, 2010 8:30 PM Subscribe
Snowflake Filter: How to deal with unwanted attention from an unwell friend?
posted by gumtree to Human Relations (20 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm a straight female college student. I've known "Jason" for three years, but had never really spent any time with him until last year when we had several classes together. This year we don't have any classes together, and despite living in the same apartment building, we hardly see each other. A series of events these past couple of weeks have left me feeling a little weirded out and uneasy for his health.
Our relationship last year was pretty academic—we were lab partners and we usually saw each other a couple of times a day. He always struck me as kind of lonely, and I felt sort of bad for him. I later learned via his housemates that he had a tendency to drink a lot, often by himself and/or on week days. Towards the end of the semester he began to show up to class and lab drunk or high. I would get annoyed, but I never felt that it was my place pry into his life and figure out why or force him to stop.
Fast forward to this year. Jason now lives alone in a apartment in my small building after his housemates kicked him out for his smoking, drinking, and not paying for anything. Since we no longer have class together I never saw much of him—which was okay with me. I was curious to know how he was doing and would occasionally bump into him on campus, but we never spent anything more than five minutes talking. Then one day I find a plastic bottle full of wild flowers outside my door with a “From Jason” note. I was sort of shocked and embarrassed, but I wrote him a polite thank you that I slipped under his door.
A few days later he chases me down on campus between classes to declare, “Gumtree, you look gorgeous!” Again, I was kind flattered but mostly embarrassed to be receiving that kind of attention from him.
Tonight Jason texted me, “Hey beautiful.” I quickly learned that he was drunk, and passed out while drinking alone in his apartment. This is all before dinner time on a Thursday night. When I asked him what’s up he replied, “I just wanted to remind you that I exist, I guess.” The texting ended with a “Goodnight beautiful.”
I’m really uncomfortable with the creepy flirtations, but I also feel horrible simply ignoring him. To my knowledge his former housemates were his only friends. Something clearly must be going on if he is drinking to excess like this, but I’m not sure what I should do in this situation. Help, Hivemind!