Revealing something likely uncomfortable-making to friends
September 16, 2010 12:49 PM Subscribe
I want to tell people about the fact that I've had two abortions, but feel kind of weird doing so long after the fact.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (19 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I've been pregnant, unwantedly, twice, and had two abortions, both within about a year and a half of each other (the second time I was on Nuvoring and using a condom!). The most recent was three years ago.
They were terribly difficult decisions, and I really struggled with the aftermath of them, the second one especially. I started seeing a therapist about six months (to deal with my feelings regarding my abortion, and other related issues, mostly my crippling sense of regret about every decision I've ever made).
Anyway, one of the things I came to realize in therapy is a lot of my sadness and regret stems from not being able to talk about it with my friends and family. I mean, it is a big part of my life experience, and informs a lot of the way I think, and some decisions I have made and so on. And, of course, it's colored my view of how I see abortion as a "political" issue. There have been a number of times recently where it would have made total sense to mention it as part of a larger point, but I stopped myself. It just seemed like such a big revelation.
In addition, I'm almost entirely confident some of my friends have figured out that I've had abortions (well, at least one abortion)--in fact, one recently gave me a really good "in" to mentioning it in conversation, and I kinda chickened out. I'm not afraid of their judgment, or getting lectured, but maybe just awkwardness, or pity. Plus, they were both so long ago, I feel weird bringing it up.
Plus, my husband (who has been the impregnator in both cases) and I want to have children, probably within the next two years or so, and I feel like this next pregnancy is going to be weird and hard, emotionally, and want my close friends to understand where I am coming from.
Should I even bother making these "confessions" to friends? And is there a best way to do it?