My ladyfriend's ex is inviting himself to her birthday visit, how do I untangle this soap opera?
Pursuant to a previous question of mine
, a new wrinkle has appeared.
Her ex and I have been friends forever and have been reconnecting very well the past 6mos or so. That's been fine. She moved to an opposite coast a couple of years ago, and Ex apparently is in sporadic touch with Her. (short version) She is visiting town this weekend for her birthday, and we made plans to spend time together, when all of a sudden Ex starts telling me that he's gonna fly up (from the other end of California) and stay at my place while she's here. I dragged on the idea, didn't really respond much, "oh yeah?" but he kept on with his plans.
She is telling me this is kind of weird and doesn't know why he's so anxious to be here. I think it's a bit presumptuous given they haven't seen each other in years and the facts of their history together (he left her for her best friend). I don't think he knows the history that Her and I have, but he may suspect, given his insistence on staying here. Every other time he's visited he has first offered to stay in a hotel and I've had to convince him to stay here.
I don't want to be accusatory against him and I'm trying to be as adult as I know how (which isn't much), but I think it would be best (and I'm pretty sure she does, too) if he didn't pick her birthday to show up out of the blue. I know birthdays can be a big renewal and all, but really. I just don't know how to approach it.
I've thought of asking if he really thinks it's a good idea, if it's something she
wants (rather than it only being something he wants). He has been awfully insistent about coming up and it's really just plain creepy. Plus, the triangle thing (me and her have chemistry, suffice it to say). I know there's a way to navigate this, but I just really didn't do very well in Psychology 1A and didn't even take Child Development.