Found undies that aren't mine. Now what?
August 30, 2010 9:08 AM Subscribe
Found underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. Now what?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (49 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My husband and I have had a lot of problems since the birth of our child. He insisted on marriage therapy since I wanted a divorce. Things are in a tolerable lull and he's trying harder than I am. We are seeing a marrige therapist in 2 weeks (divorce/post divorce is her subspecialty).
I was doing laundry yesterday and I found a pair of panties that weren't mine. I thought and thought about it to 100% make sure they were no way mine and seeing that I don't cut the tags off of mine and they just weren't mine, the doubt on that end has stopped.
But now what? I don't know how to approach it. I work a full time job at a office. He works but makes his own hours and is all over the place on the road w/ clients (local). Otherwise he stays home to work to watch our son 2 day a week.
I'm trying to think of the timing with the laundry to see if we had his friend house/dog sit and maybe his "girlfriend" lost them. But I did a full basket of laundry meaning that isn't possible.
My husband used to go to the gym a lot but hasn't in a long time so that's out too. He does go out occassionally at night without me but is home by say midnight.
I know there is a lot of doubt but accusing someone of cheating is harsh. But on the flip side, where did these come from? I don't know how to approach it. Should I wait until the 13th with the therapist and ask him in front of her? Should I do it sooner? He will obviously deny it and that's just it. If he did, he did and it's just one more reason to push for a divorce. I just don't want to be played a fool. But if it is some weird incident where somehow it's his friend's girlfriend (although again, when would this have happened) and his friend, then you get into that whole "I can't believe you accused me".
I was accused of cheating many moons ago. I never, ever did. Someone lied, he believed them, and it was 3 days of him throwing a fit/giving hell. I don't operate that way. I'm just sad, tired, emotionally spent because of this relationship as it is. I would love for it to get fixed and turned around but at the same time, if it's not meant to be, we need to separate because I'm not getting any younger.
We have a nanny come on 2 days but she hasn't been around in 2 weeks and I know I did laundry then where the timing doesn't match.
So how do I approach this one?