I don't know how to break up.
August 26, 2010 9:17 AM Subscribe
There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but I can't handle any of them. Deep down I know I need to end my relationship, but I don't know how to do it.
posted by secretsquirrel to Human Relations (11 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years. When we first got together we were both kind of emotional messes, and were dealing with a lot of baggage. At the time, I had so many issues that I didn't see myself ever being okay enough to have a stable life and kids. Now I'm much healthier, because of the relationship in a lot of ways, and have decided that I DO want to have kids. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has said that he's not sure he wants kids, and doesn't know when he'll be able to say one way or the other. I'm in my mid-thirties, and biology being what it is, I feel like I need to make a decision now. I love him, but there are also other issues in the relationship that aren't deal breakers, but that if I had to do it over again, I might want someone with qualities he doesn't have. The problem is, I've tried to break up with him before, and have never been able to do it. There are circumstances coming up that I think might make it easier - he's starting a job where he'll be gone for days at a time, and then home when I'm gone, and I think that will make it easier for us to get used to time apart. The problem is that in the past whenever I felt that I wanted to end things, I remember all the things I love about him. The thing is that I think I would be doing myself a disservice by giving up the possibility of marriage and kids to stay with him. He may decide he wants that, but after five years, I don't know how much longer I can wait.
Is it realistic to put off a break up until I feel more ready? In the past I've always backed out when it came to the actually leaving part, and I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Are there things I can do to prepare myself to do it, and to remind myself why I feel I need to so that when the time comes I can do it? Has anyone else ever been in this situation?