I just want to make my own choices!
August 20, 2010 4:41 PM Subscribe
Atheist and (closet) atheist couple. Parents want a catholic wedding and lots more hassle from us.
posted by anonymous to human relations (44 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I got married about a year ago in a very simple ceremony in North America. My parents came over and that was it, pretty small but lovely.
I was raised crazy catholic (one of my sisters is a nun), and as some of you may have experienced, my religious freedom is completely annulled by my family's sense of (conditional)love, loyalty and affection.
I am, however, an atheist, and the only person who knows this is my husband, who, in turn, is one too (and my parents know it).
My parents are now organizing a catholic ceremony for us in their country, like a re-make of our wedding, and this is making me uncomfortable. At first, I thought I would experience it from a National Geographic point of view (like an anthropologist), but it’s really starting to feel like hypocrisy now. Moreover, I’m having a hard time asking my husband to go through with this, because he feels like he’s betraying his values (he’s an atheist with very strong antitheist sentiments, since his family was displaced in a religion related conflict - I am not antitheist at all, FWIW)
I feel very overwhelmed. My parent’s house is a matriarchy, and mom is a very, very domineering sort of person, who has bouts of violence and simply has to have things her way. I love her and I’m scared of her at the same time. She’s harassing me with details (favors, flowers, etc) I don’t care about, and besides the charade feeling, I am utterly stressed that now I have to go through a huge party (we are a very antisocial, thrifty couple), and even worse, spend a considerable amount of money that we would prefer to save; just to please her expectations (she wants us to pay for a photographer, tickets overseas, and some shopping). I feel like they are imposing on my husband, blackmailing me, and I feel emotionally and economically invaded.
What would be the grown-up thing to do? I love mom dearly, and I don’t want to hurt her, or my sisters and dad. But this is a lot of pain for something that will give us no pleasure. Should I talk to her and risk her anger? Shoud I talk to my dad first? We already paid for the plane tickets. Should I just suck it up?
Your opinions are welcome.