Forgive someone who stole from you?
August 19, 2010 2:10 PM Subscribe
Is it possible to forgive and go on loving someone who stole from you? (Long-winded story inside)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (40 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I are mid-30's and in a long-distance relationship. We've been together 1 1/2 years and have loved each other immensely the entire time. We've always had a great time together.
When we met, he was consulting. Then his contracts dried up and he was looking for work. I went to visit him and lent him my bank card and gave him the passcode to get a haircut. (I know I know!) About $4000 in the account. I forgot about it and left it with him, remembering later and even said, "if you're ever in a bind and need some cash..."
Two months later, I got a statement and saw that the account had been completely drained - we both knew this is not what I meant. Days of me crying and him apologizing ensue. I decide to go and see him, he finally gets a job, albeit a crappy one, and is paying me back $200 a paycheck. He has no excuse, just that it was stupid and he was desperate and needed to pay taxes and was otherwise out of money. He wanted to tell me about it but was too embarrassed to do it over the phone and wanted to do it face to face. He didn't want to lose me. He wants to spend his life with me (as do I - in a world where this never happened), is still interviewing for a better job, and we are blissfully happy when we're together except when I think about this one thing he did, I get upset and we both cry. I truly believe this is something he wouldn't do again, but it is definitely something that I would have never done in the first place.
Now I'm back at my highly stressful, but lucrative job and I'm having a harder time dealing with his situation, even though it's improving. I want him to be a source of pride to me, instead I'm embarrassed by him and his crappy job, barely talk about him and feel like I'm acting on the phone with him. When we first got together I saw him as stable, but now I realize he didn't have his shit together at all. To his credit, he's trying insanely hard and working more overtime than I thought existed in a week in order to make it right. He tells me that being with me is his goal. He wants to create a stable environment for me so that I can come live with him.
I know I'm supposed to dump him, like yesterday. I just would like to ask the hive if it's at all possible to get past something like this with time, patience or something resembling divine intervention. I know people do all kinds of horrible things to each other in relationships, only to kiss and make up. Am I kidding myself by staying or should I muster all the patience I can and give the guy a chance?