I lost my virginity and got herpes (maybe)
August 12, 2010 6:16 PM Subscribe
Yet another herpes post. There's been so many of these lately it's like an ominous sign. My boyfriend has genital herpes. I might have contracted it from him. I have already gone to a doctor and am awaiting test results. Help me/us prepare mentally and emotionally.
posted by anonymous to human relations (9 answers total)
My boyfriend of almost five months told me on our second date he has herpes. It must've been extremely difficult for him (he hasn't even told his family). This was before there was any hint of sexual activity. I think that spoke volumes about the kind of man he is and about his feelings/intentions towards me. I thought he was a great guy and was very attracted to him so I told him I wanted us to continue dating. I'm not sure if this simplified or complicated the situation but I was also then a virgin. I knew I wouldn't be ready for piv sex with him anytime soon and so I'd have more time to figure out if the risk of contracting herpes was worth it. In turn, he knew there would be no pressure from me to have sex.
We talk about sex and herpes every now and then. After four months, my affection for him had really grown and I had received the same affection from him. At that point, I was more comfortable with the risk and felt ready to have sex with him. And here comes mistake #1. I never brought those thoughts up and we never discussed becoming sexually active. Before I could figure out when and how best to bring it up, we had spur of the moment sexy time turned into unplanned and unprotected sex. Aaaaand cue mistake #2. We should've had the talk about protection the next day. For some unfathomable reason, I don't know why we didn't even though it came out later in conversation that we both thought about it. Maybe we were busy and kept forgetting to bring it up. Maybe we didn't think we'd be very active at first and would have time to talk about it later. Mistake #2.5. We had unplanned and unprotected sex a couple of more times. MONUMENTAL STUPIDITY. We know. Now here comes the consequences.
I've done a lot of internets research since that second date and know contracting herpes isn't the end of the world. Previous AskMes been helpful in getting me prepared. Give me more! I had a scare after less than two months of dating. We had been messing around (fingering, oral sex etc). Doc said it looked like herpes but it was yeast infection. This time feels different and I might not be so lucky. I got tested the day before my boyfriend was leaving town for a few days and I let him know. Obviously there have been some missed crucial conversations. I don't want that to happen again. What kind of conversation should we be having when he returns? When I get my test results back? If I tested positive? I would greatly appreciate some encouragement over lectures. We're berating ourselves as it is over our irresponsibility. How do we stop? And how do I prevent myself from becoming angry and bitter in the future? I would very much like us to move forward in a positive manner.
Throwaway email firstname.lastname@example.org . Also any directions to counseling resources in Austin, TX would be helpful. I've only been able to find pregnancy and HIV counselors so far.