23 y/o female's problems with relationships
August 9, 2010 1:37 AM Subscribe
is there something wrong with me? never had a real relationship, drinking to socialize, infatuations with people on the internet...
posted by achtland to human relations (12 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
i'm almost 24-years-old and have never had a genuinely close intimate relationship with a man (never been asked to be their gf either). any relationships i've had seem to just be about sex. this is my fault, too, as i think i use sex as a barrier so they can't really get to know me - and i know guys like sex, so if i act like a sexual freak then they'll fall in love with me or something and i'll have some semblance of control over the situation. the "relationship" inevitably fizzles out.
i'm also really shy in a lot of situations & probably have relied on the internet too much for social contact since i was a teenager. i finally transferred to a university last year, lived in the dorms, where it seems i've made no lasting relationships. i made no friends, met no romantic interests. mostly, i avoided my roommate and floormates and went on the computer a lot. i'd dread coming back to my room and having to converse with my roommate.
i'm lonely and currently infatuated with a guy i've never met before, in another country. our convos mostly consist of sexual talk, innuendo and humor - many times i feel kind of frustrated after these convos because they are so sex focused. i have been on actual dates, but i almost always drink to calm my nerves beforehand. i have one very close friend. our main activity this summer has been going out to drink (and sometimes other drugs) at bars and meet people. i haven't met anyone i've clicked with at all in person for nearly 2 yrs, and continue with my obsession of some fantasy guy on the internet.
i feel like i've come out of my shell a lot the past couple years (from being a complete shut-in as a teen), but i still am not comfortable with myself. i can't ever truly be myself with people, other than very close family members. i'll overanalyze what i want to say, stumble over my words and clam up. i'm not sure what to do or if i'm blowing my situation out of proportion. i might be developing some addiction problems. i've thrown up and gotten blackout drunk on numerous occasions. i don't want to be like this. i want to be confident, healthy. i want to experience real intimacy and love.
writing this out makes me feel like i have an even bigger problem than i'd like to admit to anyone, even myself. i've been to cognitive-behavioral therapy for 6 weeks or so last year, and it did help. i'm not sad all the time - i do experience joy in life. but i feel like i'm missing out on a lot. am i just overthinking my problems? or do i have genuine reason to be concerned? please advise and sorry for the length.