Why so much anxiety about dream job abroad?

August 7, 2010 9:07 PM

Dream job abroad- should be an easy decision; why is it inducing such anxiety?

I've lived in China for several years, becoming fascinated with Mandarin and developing decent language skills. I was home last year (large US city where my whole family lives). I liked being home and close to family, but the job situation was dismal, and when I got a summer job in China using Chinese and making a decent salary, I jumped at that chance. Now, I have been offered a year-long job doing basically the same thing, in the same place. It had been news I had been waiting for- I had even been considering staying and doing freelance stuff if I didn't get this job.

Except that now, I feel anxious. I feel homesick. I miss my city and family. However, I have student loans to repay, and would have only about $3,000 upon returning. Not to mention, no job. (admittedly I haven't been looking for a job in the States since being here- I had sort of decided early on I wanted to stay on, and I didn't look in the States, beyond a few cursory perusals- I never seem to find much I am interested in/qualified for in my hometown, and I am not really interested in moving to another US city at this time.)

It seems clear I should take the job here. I just don't know why I am feeling such anxiety. I do enjoy living here, despite the homesickness sometimes. Financially and professionally, it makes much more sense. And I was sure it was what I wanted.

I still do, partly, but I am also having doubts and anxiety...and I have to make this decision soon- next few days.

Any advice/insight/personal anecdotes would be very very much appreciated.

posted by bearette to Work & Money (10 answers total)

Advice:

A year's not long. Go with your heart, go with the nagging one that feels right-er than the other.

Insight:

Your post suggests that the loan has your decision constrained a bit. The repayment issue is important, but for the purposes of this decision may not be significant at all. If you stay at home with your family, you could presumably enlist their aid in helping you 1) find a job, even if it's a chain of temp jobs, and 2) cope with any financial emergencies that arise.

I have no idea if that's true. It just felt insight-y. ;-)

Personal Anecdote:

I once left a job I loved to take a job that was better in terms of pay and better in terms of C.V.-worthy experience.

To this day I regret that. But I made up for it.

Two years after that decision, I quit a job that was paying very well and moved two states away with my wife, without any job at all, to live in my in-laws' house while the owners were traveling for several years.

That was awesome. And smart. Enough friends and family were around that my wife made one phone call and had a job, and I was able to get a business of my own off the ground.

I think you should go with your heart.

Homesickness can be just a fear, an anxiety, but if this feels deeper than that, go with what you're feeling.

Good luck!
posted by circular at 10:10 PM on August 7, 2010

I've been in the same situation as you, and met dozens of other people over the years in this situation as well. Maybe it's the fear that the longer you stay over in China working that kind of job, the harder it will be to come back to the US and find decent work. Are you going to be getting marketable and transferable job skills at this China job? If your work mostly involves being a foreign face who speaks passable Mandarin, you may find yourself increasingly stuck in China, and in a year or three when you want to move back to the States, you'll be in exactly the same situation as you are now, career-wise. And while speaking Mandarin is a decent skill, unless you want to be a professional translator, it's not going to get you a job on its own.
posted by banishedimmortal at 10:17 PM on August 7, 2010

Response by poster: Thanks for the input!

Some points:

It's not a "foreign face" job; I've had enough of those and wouldn't consider that a "dream job"

-I DO think the job skills are transferrable; the job is with an American organization in a field I am interested in.

-I am actually interested in professional translation! But the job is more than that- it's related to study abroad, so could potentially lead to things in the United States, in the future, I feel.

I guess my main doubts are not with the job itself, but actually missing living in the States. Not sure why these doubts are springing up at the VERY last minute though!

thanks for the input, very useful!
posted by bearette at 10:26 PM on August 7, 2010

You can take the job, and if it doesn't work out, head home.
You can't head home, and if it doesn't work out, take the job.

You're anxious because it's a big, life-changing decision, but I'm not sure that it really is. You'd be committing to a job and a country, yes, but you can still back out of it later down the track if you decide it's not worth it.

I've done this - moved country for a career. You get to a point after a few years when you are without a home - you haven't been in the new place long enough to be firmly established, but you've been gone from the old place long enough that it is no-longer home. That period can be unsettling and rough, but you do get through it. The thing about homes is that given some time and stability, we can eventually make one wherever we are.

I'm sure many people have anecdotes about those that follow their gut ending up better off than those that follow their head, but my anecdotal experience has been that those that follow their gut screw up their opportunities, and those that deliberate and do what makes sense, do much better.
posted by -harlequin- at 10:38 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

sounds like your homesickness is being spurred on by the fact that you have to make a decision to stay another year - there is a difference between thinking "maybe I could stay, maybe I'll head home" and "I'm here for another year" making a commitment is hard, don't beat yourself up if it's making you anxious. Accept that it's a stressful thing that you are doing, but let your head decide what course of action is best for you in the long run. I bet that once you make the decision, you'll feel better.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:00 PM on August 7, 2010

Personal experience, but a year really isn't that long in the larger scheme of things. I did Peace Corps and had a huge amount of questioning/homesickness off and on. However the two years are a pretty short period of time in the larger scheme in my life experience. Other anecdote, shortly after I came back to the States, a friend of a friend of my mother's offered me an EFL job in Dubai. I ended up turning it down because of concerns about culture shock, being homesick, gone from my friends/family after just coming back etc. That would've been for four months and I still have regrets about it.
posted by gov_moonbeam at 11:31 PM on August 7, 2010

When in doubt choose the more unusual path.
posted by mono blanco at 2:53 AM on August 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

When in doubt check in with your values. Is being close to family number one or two on your list?
posted by gillianr at 10:41 AM on August 8, 2010

It makes sense to take the job in China. That is also what you had planned on doing. Only if your emotions usually lead you right (i.e. you have good intuition) or you have additional information now that would lead to a different rational decision (e.g. you just can't be away from your family--in a practical sense, not in a "I don't know what's going to happen and uncertainty scares me" sense), then there may be reason to listen to them. Have your priorities changed? Do you have new information about what you want to do and what is possible? If you picture yourself in a year having made one or the other decision, what do you see?

Anecdotes: I have made both kinds of decisions re: having adventures abroad. In one case, I followed what I knew was right even though it made me miserable and I had to renege on a commitment. It was the best decision I ever made. In the next case, I set a plan, followed it, and had a feeling of hesitation at the end. In that case, it would have been better to reevaluate, let go of the old plan, and start something new. I learned that every decision is different, and that "choose the more unusual path" only has value if everything else is equal -- yes, you should seize the day, but only if you can seize it well and fully.
posted by ramenopres at 7:00 PM on August 8, 2010

Response by poster: Thanks to all of you! I have opted to take the job. I think my anxiety was mainly about having to make such a big decision and realizing that I will be missing home. I still think it's worth it, and am happy with my decision.
posted by bearette at 7:21 AM on August 9, 2010