What's the difference between depressed and dissatisfied?

August 4, 2010 11:32 PM

What's the difference between depressed and dissatisfied?

There are a lot of AskMe's about depression, and I've read many of them. I think that this issue has come up obliquely in many of these threads, but I'd like to ask it straight up, uncluttered by the details of my personal story.

Are there any general strategies to figure out which of the following situations you're dealing with?

1) "I don't like what I'm doing or the way my life is, and it's making me sad."

2) "There's something going on in my brain that's making me sad, and as a result I don't seem to like what I'm doing or the way my life is."

It seems to me like the solutions to these problems must be very different. For situation 1, no amount of exercise or healthy eating is going to change the fact that you're on the wrong track. For situation 2, abandoning your current path would be a mistake because the only thing wrong with it is what's going on inside your head. Am I thinking about this the right way?

For what it's worth, I asked my therapist and she murmured something like "Oh, that is a complicated question, isn't it."

posted by ootandaboot to health & fitness (25 answers total)

You have less to no control over depression.
posted by fshgrl at 11:36 PM on August 4, 2010 [1 favorite]

Depression can be triggered (at least for me) by being generally dissatisfied by how things are going, but depression makes it much much much harder for me to give a shit enough to change it. For me, it's never not liking what I'm doing so much as being pretty emotionless about everything.
posted by wayland at 11:49 PM on August 4, 2010 [2 favorites]

IANA therapist; the following is based on my experience, observations, and reading on the subject: There's a fundamental difference between sad and depressed. Sadness is a mood that has a cause. Depression goes beyond mood to affect health, energy levels, appetite, mental acuity, and a host of other things, differing in type and severity from person to person. Though depression may evolve from grief, it doesn't really have an external cause that can be pinpointed. Indeed the lack of a specific cause can feed into the spiral: "Why am I so depressed? I don't have that much to complain about. Things could be a lot worse. God, what a whiny asshole I am."

That's my subjective but not entirely uninformed answer. My shorter (overly simple but not entirely inaccurate) answer is: if you have a reason, you're sad. If you don't, you're depressed.
posted by elizard at 11:51 PM on August 4, 2010 [2 favorites]

Depression is when you get emotionally despondent from something you're dissatisfied with instead of being able to do something about it.

Dissatisfied is just being displeased. There are obvious solutions that are near immediately available.

Also, you can be dissatisfied AND depressed. They do not need to be mutually exclusive.
posted by zephyr_words at 11:52 PM on August 4, 2010

Also, what wayland said.
posted by elizard at 11:54 PM on August 4, 2010

The difference is, as I've come across it:

Dissatisfied= let's go do something! Let's go kayaking, hiking, camping, play pool, write something, go back to work, play at Open Mic night, get a new job, etc etc. And then you are, maybe not fine, but feeling better and have achieved something at the same time.

Depression =



Which one do you feel like?

situation 1: no, it's not always about healthy exercise and eating, although that does help. You can eat legumes and do crunches all day long, but if you have a priority that's not being prioritized, or if you have a skill that's not being utilized, well, then, you know what to do.

Situation 2: maybe. I don't know. I would suggest ruling out #1 completely before you decide that it's #2. I'll memail you.
posted by deep thought sunstar at 11:56 PM on August 4, 2010 [4 favorites]

Depression is debilitating.
posted by fire&wings at 12:16 AM on August 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Personally, I know I'm depressed when I've changed the things I'm dissatisfied about and it hasn't helped much.
posted by smirkette at 12:19 AM on August 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Recognizing that you're dissatisfied gives the energy to address what's dissatisfying you.

Recognizing that you're depressed gives you shame that you're depressed. You feel like there's something broken with you that can't be fixed.
posted by fatbird at 12:32 AM on August 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

Ultimately, I think high functioning (or early) depression can be indistinguishable from dissatisfaction. So I don't think a clear-cut answer to your question exists. There's a spectrum, yaknow?

Dissatisfaction/light depression is like: you're driving along, and you realize you took the wrong turn, and now you're lost, and you realize you're going to miss your appointment, and you realize that's going to fuck up your whole week's schedule, and you think you didn't even want to go to that appointment anyway and so you're not sure what to do next and you just want to stay still and hold your face in your hands a bit.

Serious depression is more like: you're driving along, and something about the way that building looked back there makes you think about unhappy things, and you drive until you run out of gas, and you just sit there on the side of the road staring at the horn icon on the middle of the steering wheel like you're noticing the shape of stuff for the first time, and you wish time would stop and you could escape the next moment, and you don't care about the stupid appointment, it feels kind of good to miss it in fact, and you don't want to do anything next at all, but you know you have to.

And there's lots of stuff in between. It's like asking when do you go from drinking a lot to being an alcoholic? It's not so useful to see it in terms of the nature of the thing that proves it for everyone; see it in terms of its effect on you. Maybe your therapist answered your question in a vague non-committal way because she suspects you're trying to avoid talking about real stuff?
posted by fleacircus at 12:33 AM on August 5, 2010 [14 favorites]

Had both, and from experience I would say:

Dissatisfied: external causes, strong chance that it's within your locus of control to change the cause, even if that is difficult. Not necessarily the case that you have to work on 'yourself' to get over it. Case study: hated my job. Saved up, upskilled, went freelance. Much happier.

Depressed: internal causes, weak chance that you can change the causes by changing the situation. More likely that you have to work on 'yourself' so that you look at external stuff, and yourself, in a more helpful way. Case study: stared at my feet for six weeks with occasional bouts of running up the street trying to pull my hair out. Intensive CBT to change how I think about myself + in the long term, exercise + dietary changes + constant commitment to be less self-critical = much happier and no staring at feet for weeks on end.

I'm not going to offer you advice on how to spot the difference, because I'm not a pro, I don't know your history and so anything I say would be extremely unreliable. And I don't want to encourage self-diagnosis. Smirkette sort of has it in a sentence, though.
posted by dowcrag at 12:40 AM on August 5, 2010

From observation: if you are
- always tired, even when there's no obvious reason to be tired
- sleeping in unnaturally long
- failing to keep up with personal hygiene routines
- emotionally unusually "flat"
- easily irritated by all kinds of things that you wouldn't previously have found irritating
- you aren't eating as much as usual

then those are flags that depression may be involved.

Anyway, exercise and healthy eating are pretty much always a good idea. They are recommended to people with depression just as much as people who are miserable and people who are neither of those things.
posted by emilyw at 1:35 AM on August 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Depression tends to include physical symptoms as well including fatigue, sleep changes, appetite changes, pain for no reason, etc.
posted by Jacqueline at 1:48 AM on August 5, 2010

For me, the thing that made depression a monster to beat was the way it sucked my willpower to do anything about it. I knew for a fact that there were things I could do to help myself, but for years I suffered rather than do them. I had no willpower. Everything felt as though it took effort, and major life changes were beyond my reach.

So if I wasn't sure I was depressed or dissatisfied, my first question to myself would be: Assuming I knew for a fact that my job was making me unhappy, would I go out and try to find a new one? Is my attitude towards the prospect of a potentially long and difficult job search "it'll be tough but I'll slog through" or is it "I can't fucking deal with this right now"? And if it's the latter, why can't I deal with it? Is it external forces, or is it internal?

There is also the question of depth and breadth of feeling.

I'm dissatisfied with my job right now. I'm not doing anything about it because there are consequences to quitting (no guarantee of finding a new job) and benefits to staying (perfect hours and decent pay). I look forward to each shift with a mild dread. But this doesn't contaminate all aspects of my life. Although there is a big spot of unpleasantness, I'm still experiencing the same pleasures as I did before I took this job. It's true that an especially bad shift can affect my mood for the rest of the day, but I can reasonably expect that it will pass, and that I'll continue to take the same pleasure in my everyday activities as before.

I agree with the previous comment about it being a spectrum, rather than something that's clearly divided, but I do think that these are important distinctions for many sufferers. Also: health and energy make coping with a shitty job easier regardless of whether you have depression or not.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:10 AM on August 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I am not an expert in depression but I have researched emotions in general for a long time so I might have some insight here. I don't think the previous answers have grasped the heart of the question. Obviously clinical depression is way more intense than dissatisfaction, with all the physical symptoms, one's whole perception of the world distorted and so on. I think the OP has in mind cases where there is less of an obvious introspective difference, so we are really comparing mild depression with a very general disatisfaction.

Both affective states display total generality, and moreover are probably self-sustaining patterns or habits of thought- so there's no reason that intense dissatisfaction couldn't make you see the world as wrong in the ways that depression can, or lead to a general lack of motivation. The main difference, as the OP states, is that dissatisfaction is supposedly traceable to an appraisal that things are generally not worthwhile while depression (in its modern clinical sense) is fundamentally biological at root. Being able to tell the difference would have major implications for how you deal with it (i.e. do I try to adjust my attitudes and expectations, or take a pill). But you can't tell which is which because appraisal causes bodily processes and bodily processes cause appraisal- if indeed the two aren't already the same thing.

Going down a level in looking at the phenomenon may help here. As I understand them, emotions are generally regulatory-perceptual systems, in which perceiving or thinking about something triggers associations with primitive scenarios for which biological and behavioural responses have evolved (fighting, fleeing etc. whether or not we actually act on these impulses). It is when these bodily responses aren't having their designed effect on regulating the perceptual/cognitive trigger that we get emotional disorders- so for example, crying isn't bringing help, resting isn't restoring energy. In depression my guess is that something has gone wrong with the bodily regulation system- it just isn't working the way it's supposed to, so it 'burns out' or 'gives up'. You stop even perceiving the regulatory trigger because it's cannot be acted upon. This could potentially explain the lack of motivation and a generally different perception of the world (objects just aren't calling out for a response in the normal way anymore- affecting the way you see them). Another way to get at a similar effect would be if your emotions are crying out for you to behave in some way, but you systematically inhibit this response (because it is socially unacceptable for instance).

So maybe a way to get at the difference between depression and dissatisfaction is to consider what is inhibiting the emotional regulation system. When you have an emotional drive- is there some 'external' factor stopping you from acting on it; your job, your partner, your sense of social ettiquette- resulting in a general sense that you are not free, or that the world is not open to your needs (dissatisfaction). Or is it do you lack the internal power to even sustain the motivation (depression)? Try thinking about something you would most like in all the world-what's stopping you from getting it-are you even able to consider it much?

Either way, it looks like small repeated successes in emotion-motivation-behaviour cycles could gradually readjust your system. And maybe drugs provide some of the juice that help to re-establish them (but I'm just speculating here).
posted by leibniz at 4:09 AM on August 5, 2010 [12 favorites]

Dissatisfied is finding a big sinkhole in your yard.
Depression is falling into the sinkhole and not seeing any possible way out.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:07 AM on August 5, 2010 [6 favorites]

I think that chronic dissatisfaction can be a more typically male symptom of mild depression. Men's depression is often missed because it is accompanied by emotions like hostility and agression, rather than the sadness that lay people think characterize depression. Dissatisfaction, directed to the outside world, can be a kind of mild hostility.
posted by yarly at 5:43 AM on August 5, 2010

Thorzdad said:

"Dissatisfied is finding a big sinkhole in your yard.
Depression is falling into the sinkhole and not seeing any possible way out."

I'd add this ... "and you don't even really care about getting out. It's not too bad in there and if you just close your eyes and sleep, it's fine."

My depression is addressed by meds for the most part but when I get hit by a big ass dose of apathy and when walking from one room to the other feels like I'm swimming through sludge, I know it's time to take a look at what's going on.
posted by Mysticalchick at 5:53 AM on August 5, 2010 [5 favorites]

Depression and dissatisfaction are often linked. When you're dissatisfied, though, there's usually a comparison going on - "I wish I could make thing X be as good as thing Y" - meaning that there is a thing Y you actually want. (even if that's "somebody else's job", "a wife like Michelle Obama" or other unreasonable/questionable things). And you can usually take pleasure in parts of your life that aren't messed up. ("Man, I have dug such a big hole with debt and a useless degree and unemployment and a crazy girlfriend, but my brother just threw me a birthday party and that was freaking fantastic!")
I realized I had issues with depression when I looked around and could logically name 10 things I wasn't dissatisfied with, that were in fact reasons life was pretty good, and take no pleasure in any of them.
posted by aimedwander at 6:07 AM on August 5, 2010

Everyone experiences dissatisfaction. I doubt that can be diagnosed and I'd be amazed if that was in the ICD 10.

'Depressed' does not always equal 'depression' given the abuse both terms have had over time.

Dissatisfaction - you have insight because otherwise you would not know how you could be satisfied, there is a goal which will relieve the dissatisfaction. You might get so dissatisfied you would complain, write a letter, call someone.
A friend saying "Get a grip, leave it, it doesn't matter" might be helpful.

Depression - that's clinical depression - You might have no idea it is there, that it has you in it's grip. Cues from others and the environment might - and only might - tell you something is wrong but maybe not.
A friend saying "Get a grip, leave it, it doesn't matter" would be one of the stupidest and hardest things you could hear.

Thorzad says "Depression is falling into the sinkhole and not seeing any possible way out." I would add "and maybe not even knowing you are in it."
posted by markx2 at 6:15 AM on August 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Since mood can change brain chemistry, and brain chemistry can change mood, I don't think there's a clear-cut answer and I think your therapist is quite right.

1) "I don't like what I'm doing or the way my life is, and it's making me sad."

2) "There's something going on in my brain that's making me sad, and as a result I don't seem to like what I'm doing or the way my life is."

You could dislike your life and that could send you into a spiral of depression. Or depression could make you dislike your life. Chemistry impacts mood, mood impacts chemistry. It isn't a clear-cut dividing line, and it isn't like, "Hey, if we fix my chemistry problem, I'll love my life again!" or "If I fix my life, I won't have a mood problem anymore, there's no chemistry going on here." One of the reasons depression is so tricky is that these are such complex and intertwined issues.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:28 AM on August 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's kind of the difference between a headache and a migraine. If I have a headache, I'm in some pain and can't concentrate properly, but I'm capable of drinking some water in case I'm dehydrated, or going outside for a walk in case the fresh air will help. If I have a migraine, I'm curled up in a ball with a blanket over my head, my mental processes all look like this, and even if getting something to drink or some fresh air would help, they're up there with 'take a quick jog over the Alps' in terms of feasibility.

But depression can start with just being dissatisfied; depression doesn't always follow the script of 'even though nothing in my life is objectively bad, my brain is making me see things as if they are,' and from my own experience, I'd really caution against defining it that way.

I don't have a history of depression, and my default state is pretty positive and happy. When my life exploded in a really painful way it hit me hard, but I'm fairly sure it would have hit anyone hard: in the space of two months, I dealt with a hugely horrific breakup, two separate and awful family crises, the loss of my house, the loss of my job, a flurry of hospital visits, tests and MRI scans, and the subsequent discovery on top of everything that some of my great friends weren't actually all that great when times got tough.

So yeah, I was miserable. I was hellishly miserable. But I wasn't about to start calling it depression, because depression's when your brain chemistry goes wrong, not when the world around you does. And I got more and more miserable, more and more hopeless, more and more convinced that the world just was this bad and my only choice was between staying miserable about it and accepting it for the bleak and awful thing it was. But that couldn't be depression, after all, because I had a reason for it. Must just be sadness. And what's wrong with me that I can't handle sadness when everyone else walks around in the world just fine... and so the cycle went on, and on, and on. Would exercise and healthy food have helped? Well, maybe - but it's a migraine, not a headache.

It took the realisation that I was close to suicidal to get me to go and see a doctor. And that worked, and things are approximately eight million times better these days. But it didn't need to get that bad, for me or for anybody else telling themselves that the sucking vortex in the middle of their life couldn't possibly be depression so long as something first happened to cause it.
posted by Catseye at 6:29 AM on August 5, 2010

I'm sorry, but the topic of depression on AskMe frustrates me to no end. Your question is totally valid on a purely intellectual level, but unfortunately it's like saying "I have a lump. I'm going to try to figure out with logic whether it's benign or malignant!"

One cannot diagnose oneself one way or the other-- you're too close to the subject, and you have zero training in the topic. Nobody on the internet can help you either, and while the information above may be very interesting, it just can't be a substitute for a proper diagnosis.

Your therapist might be helping you to be able to talk and sort out your life and feelings, but you need a proper psychiatrist and a full work-up and history to figure out where you stand on the depression spectrum, or if you fit on there at all. Your GP/PCP isn't qualified to do this, and if you walk in with a self-diagnosis and a request for a prescription, you'll probably get the pills but not a proper diagnosis. More harm than good? I've been a hospital outpatient for bipolar disorder for 14 years, and even still it's not really for me to say.

Keep your therapist if you like talking to her, but to you and to everyone else thinking they have depression, please do find a way to see a real doctor who specializes in mood disorders.
posted by mireille at 7:27 AM on August 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Try thinking about something you would most like in all the world-what's stopping you from getting it-are you even able to consider it much?

This is the difference in my mind. If I am dissatisfied with something, like my job or my living conditions or my choice of weekend activity, I think, "what would I like to do most in the world?" And then I try to do that, or something approaching that.

Depression is when I ask myself that question, and I can't think of an answer, at all.
posted by Fui Non Sum at 12:56 PM on August 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think your therapist gave you a reasonable answer. There's no reason these things should be easily separable and indeed there is some suggestion that depression may enhance rather than confuse some insights into your life - in other words you may be more realistic and therefore more dissatisfied with some aspect of your life because you are depressed.

I don't think there is a general purpose answer to this question. My own experience tells me that depression persists regardless of circumstances, while dissatisfaction is essentially tied to circumstances. Fix the depression (or at least manage/ameliorate it) and what you are essentially satisfied with will cease to be as problematical while what you are essentially dissatisfied with will not. Likewise, if you improve a circumstance you are not satisfied with but have not effectively treated depression you will remain unhappy even if you can objectively see that you've improved your position in life. I have personally observed both these effects in my own life.

If the root of your unhappiness is dissatisfaction treating the unhappiness is not going to obstruct dealing with the sources of unhappiness and some aspects of treatment (for me, the process of expressing and trying to clarify my thoughts and feelings that came through talking therapy and the diminishing of anxiety that came with a period of taking an SSRI) may well provide insights that help you identify and deal with those sources of dissatisfaction. Likewise, working on objectively identifying dissatisfying components of your life and improving them isn't going to prevent you from treating depression and may help clarify when your mind is working a certain way because something concrete is bothering you versus where things are bothering you because your mind is working in a certain way.

For the most part the best insights I got into these distinctions came from essentially experimental evidence: I tried different solutions and observed how I reacted to them.
posted by nanojath at 1:19 PM on August 5, 2010