Well, how did I get here? Dad needs support!
August 2, 2010 12:53 AM Subscribe
Once I was a guy with a few good friends. Now I'm a husband and a dad in a relatively new place with no friends. I need support but have very little no time or energy to make it happen. What can I do?
posted by rouftop to Human Relations (20 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
My wife and I came to Seattle right after getting married three years ago because we both liked the city and we knew some people, but those people didn't pan out as the social springboard we had hoped.
I'm a telecommuter so there's no meeting people on the job. And I'm loath to give that up as I doubt I'd make as much money elsewhere.
Four years ago my wife and I could both say we were Jewish, but no longer. Now I'm an atheist and my wife is exploring Pagan groups, Buddhism... who knows what's next. Anyway, I don't have a network in that regard.
I'm getting my master's degree at night time, where I've met a few people. But again these are busy people. The ones that are also dads are exceptionally busy so it's hard to "break in," and the ones that are not are a little harder to relate to.
We're 2000 miles away from the nearest family. This has been exceptionally hard on my wife, who has discovered belatedly how much she misses them. In fact, she has a very difficult time trusting hired babysitters (she's getting a little better at this, thank FSM). She's a stay-at-home mom and strives to be a good "attachment parent" for better or worse.
I should be getting my degree in December. Then child #2 arrives in January. I'm dreading both of these events as I fear they will further isolate me. Certainly I'll need to be even more involved with parenting than I already am.
My wife is now making waves about maybe moving to Boston to be closer to her mother. It's an expensive proposition and probably a bad idea given that she finds her father completely toxic. Additionally it would nullify any of my own professional network gains out here. (Plus I HATE the weather.)
Internally I'm a mess. I'm naturally a pretty patient guy but now I have a short fuse. My situation is not sustainable. I need support: a safe place away from my family where I can at a minimum vent about things so they stop gnawing at my insides.
Maybe I need to find a dad's group (where?) or start one (how?), preferably with some kind of a facilitator (?). What else could I do?