Should I expect to be a priority after this long?
August 1, 2010 8:26 PM Subscribe
What to do when you're more commited than you're partner?
posted by Atlantic to human relations (22 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
So about five months ago I asked a question about my current girlfriend. In short it was basically about me telling her I loved her and her not being at the same point.
Fast forward to now. She has still yet to drop the "L bomb" but I feel as though we have definitely progressed as a couple. We have just recently gone on a trip to New York together. Also my family invited me to go with them to Florida for the holidays. They also asked me to ask her. I did with hesitation because we have only dated a year and I was not sure where her head was at in terms of "longer term" dating.
All in all she brought it up a couple days after and said she would love to go was genuinely excited. (She could have just as easily said it was too expensive being that we are both students). So I know she isn't coming out of obligation.
This is where I become majorly conflicted...
I still feel like we are nowhere near the same point in terms of commitment. We see each other enough, but I don't always feel like a priority.
For example, I just went away for the weekend for work, and got back tonight (Sunday). I was really hoping she would like to see me. However, she’s out with her friends. I have nothing against this, as I have my own friends too, but I feel like sometimes she puts more effort into making solid plans with them. She works 12 hour shifts at a hospital and normally she’s exhausted when comes home, which is understandable. And when she comes over after work, she'll usually just end up falling asleep after a few hours and saying how tired she is. However, she worked a 12 today and two others this weekend and apparently has enough energy to go out on the town with her friends.
I could not imagine this happening with me. Sometimes I feel just like a home comfort to her. Like somewhere were she can just come to crash and cuddle. I like that but I want to do more things together and maybe have her want to see me right away when I get home from a trip. Am I being unreasonable for being upset? I'm making her a large part of my life. I just want to know at what point I'm giving maybe two much and not getting enough in return or how long one should wait for another to get to the same level of commitment.
Should I expect to be a proirity after a year of dating, with a confirmed 5 months ahead?