Seems like I've plateaued or something.
July 29, 2010 1:07 PM Subscribe
I've been depressed as long as I can remember. How do I know if I'm better? Am I being unrealistic about what "better" is?
I finished cognitive behavioral therapy about six months ago. I'm finally on a good combination of antidepressants. I don't cry at the drop of a hat. I can leave my house and have fun with my friends. I'm making new friends too! I can't think of a time where I've felt more stable than I do right now. I've been feeling this well for about a year now.
I figured getting better would be.. well, better than this feels.
I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't depressed (I'm in my mid twenties). Do I have unrealistic expectations? I thought that once I stopped being depressed I would find motivation and stop hating myself so much, but I'm just not there yet. Am I being impatient or missing something? Should I accept that I'm never going to function like a "normal" person? Or is this what normal actually is?
I don't have thyroid problems, but if there are any other physical conditions I should look into, please let me know.
I finished cognitive behavioral therapy about six months ago. I'm finally on a good combination of antidepressants. I don't cry at the drop of a hat. I can leave my house and have fun with my friends. I'm making new friends too! I can't think of a time where I've felt more stable than I do right now. I've been feeling this well for about a year now.
I figured getting better would be.. well, better than this feels.
I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't depressed (I'm in my mid twenties). Do I have unrealistic expectations? I thought that once I stopped being depressed I would find motivation and stop hating myself so much, but I'm just not there yet. Am I being impatient or missing something? Should I accept that I'm never going to function like a "normal" person? Or is this what normal actually is?
I don't have thyroid problems, but if there are any other physical conditions I should look into, please let me know.
Motivation is a continuum, not a clear boundary. Obviously you have some more motivation than you did before because you are going out, you are meeting people and making friends. Some people are highly motivated and others are just not. The fact that you want to be motivated is a good sign, though.
The self-hate is still something to work on, though. Just because you feel better than you did, doesn't mean that you're as better than you can be. There's always room for improvement. You can do it.
posted by inturnaround at 1:15 PM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
The self-hate is still something to work on, though. Just because you feel better than you did, doesn't mean that you're as better than you can be. There's always room for improvement. You can do it.
posted by inturnaround at 1:15 PM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
From my experience, "better" doesn't feel "good" or "happy" so much as "stable." Depression for me was like constantly sinking into darkness. The meds felt like my foot felt the bottom of the pool, like I knew just how far it would be possible to sink. Returning to the light came with life changes (moving to a different town, changing jobs, stuff like that). I don't know if I could have turned it around without the meds, but happiness came from the decisions I made after the meds started working.
posted by pickypicky at 1:21 PM on July 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by pickypicky at 1:21 PM on July 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
When you're very depressed, the goal of mental healthcare is to help you to recover from the illness of major depression.
Now that you're out of crisis mode, your goal might be to work towards becoming happier. That probably won't look anything like what you did to recover from a depressive episode, and might not even involve the same type of therapy. Plenty of people who have never even been depressed find that being happy doesn't just happen - it takes hard work.
There's a lot of new science about happiness, and a lot of fantastic questions and answers on the topic here in AskMe.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 1:53 PM on July 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Now that you're out of crisis mode, your goal might be to work towards becoming happier. That probably won't look anything like what you did to recover from a depressive episode, and might not even involve the same type of therapy. Plenty of people who have never even been depressed find that being happy doesn't just happen - it takes hard work.
There's a lot of new science about happiness, and a lot of fantastic questions and answers on the topic here in AskMe.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 1:53 PM on July 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
If you think "Fuck this shit" and act accordingly, you're better. This'll probably get deleted as facetious, which I assure you it is not, but Courage Wolf! has much to offer.
posted by Biru at 2:24 PM on July 29, 2010
posted by Biru at 2:24 PM on July 29, 2010
I began recognizing I was better when my base attitude changed from one of pessimism to a positive, optimistic outlook. I also came to learn that my desires didn't necessarily arrive on my schedule. Instead, I try to affirm. What I desire is on its way. It will arrive in due time. Everything I'm experiencing while I wait is disguised as a problem, but I can turn it around and make it a challenge instead. It takes gratitude.
Being impatient and demanding will rarely produce positive outcomes. Here are a few simple techniques that worked for me:
Make a commitment to be free of the pressures from other people who try to dictate the course of your life.
Take small steps to experience what you like. For example, if you want to eventually live in the mountains and work in an outfitters shop, take weekend trips there to get a feel for what you can expect.
Watch out for setting your goals too big. Instead make a commitment to live joyfully in the moment. It's so much easier to realize things really are okay right now, than to ponder the burden of everything that has to fall in place to achieve your major goals.
Recognize when you have small moments of passion or enthusiasm or inspiration. Celebrate those moments as ones in which you are, in fact, getting better. Revel in the belief that you will have more of these moments.
When you wake up each morning and put your feet on the floor, you have an opportunity at that very moment to make your day a positive one. The attitude is entirely in your hands. Tell yourself, "You know what? It is a little better today. Yay me!"
posted by netbros at 2:25 PM on July 29, 2010 [10 favorites]
Being impatient and demanding will rarely produce positive outcomes. Here are a few simple techniques that worked for me:
Make a commitment to be free of the pressures from other people who try to dictate the course of your life.
Take small steps to experience what you like. For example, if you want to eventually live in the mountains and work in an outfitters shop, take weekend trips there to get a feel for what you can expect.
Watch out for setting your goals too big. Instead make a commitment to live joyfully in the moment. It's so much easier to realize things really are okay right now, than to ponder the burden of everything that has to fall in place to achieve your major goals.
Recognize when you have small moments of passion or enthusiasm or inspiration. Celebrate those moments as ones in which you are, in fact, getting better. Revel in the belief that you will have more of these moments.
When you wake up each morning and put your feet on the floor, you have an opportunity at that very moment to make your day a positive one. The attitude is entirely in your hands. Tell yourself, "You know what? It is a little better today. Yay me!"
posted by netbros at 2:25 PM on July 29, 2010 [10 favorites]
What netbros said. Also, when you've suffered from depression for that long I think you tend to have a warped idea of what normal is. You almost expect normal life to be the opposite of your life when you were depressed. Normal life should be all butterflies and daisies, right? Wrong. Everybody has bad days and just plain meh days - depressed or not. You sound like you're doing fine. And changing you're whole way of seeing and experiencing the world is going to take a little time. So just try to enjoy you're life as best you can without getting bogged down in you're expectations. Life is what happens to you while you're obsessing over what life should really be like...
posted by smokingmonkey at 3:30 PM on July 29, 2010
posted by smokingmonkey at 3:30 PM on July 29, 2010
There are some great online tools to help you track this-- and no, you shouldn't just "accept" still feeling quite lousy as "as good as it gets" until you have really tried multiple options. See here (Sorry could only find cache file).
When you track your symptoms on either of the tools there, you will be able to determine if you are actually getting better-- and if you aren't, to seek additional help.
posted by Maias at 3:51 PM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
When you track your symptoms on either of the tools there, you will be able to determine if you are actually getting better-- and if you aren't, to seek additional help.
posted by Maias at 3:51 PM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
You might find that once you've been "OK" for a good amount of time, with no relapses, you will relax into your mundane stability and it will become a little more exciting and amazing. That's what happened to me anyway. I had severe depression for 7 years and I remember thinking, "If I could just be OK, that would make me really happy."
And it didn't happen that way at first. First I had to trust that I really was okay, and experience myself being okay for a couple of years in a row. Once you have more trust that you're not just going to slip back into a depression, I think you'll start seeing a little more sparkle added to your life.
posted by KLF at 4:08 PM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
And it didn't happen that way at first. First I had to trust that I really was okay, and experience myself being okay for a couple of years in a row. Once you have more trust that you're not just going to slip back into a depression, I think you'll start seeing a little more sparkle added to your life.
posted by KLF at 4:08 PM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
When I got out of lifelong depression, the thing I noticed most clearly about the improvement was that I no longer *understood* how I could have felt the really bleak emotions. I knew that I had felt them, I knew objectively what they had been. But I didn't slip back into that feeling of bleakness, nor did I really understand it anymore. How could I have felt the ways that I felt at the very worst? I don't know.
It's one of my litmus tests for "am I depressed?" If I can realistically envision feeling suicidal, then I am depressed again. I've fought with it over the years, sometimes backsliding; I can't physically tolerate antidepressant at any useful dose, so I was kinda swimming uphill. So it may be that you'll relapse for a while from time to time. If your treatment is more effective than mine, maybe you won't :)
It doesn't happen often anymore. I spent more than two decades being clinically depressed, and I know how hard it is to pull out when you can't really grasp the idea of you as a happy person. There's no experience to support the concept; there's no proof it can ever happen, there's nothing in your memories or mindset to suggest that you can be anything but depressed. Yet.
Yet!
It's a long haul, but it's worth it! Don't be discouraged yet. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress so far, right?
A lot of endocrine disorders have depression as a side effect, by the way. Thyroid isn't the only one, just one a lot of pshrinks know to test for. Depression can be an effect of a number of non-endocrine issues too--even something like restless leg syndrome (or other sleep disorders) can cause depression. You might want to find a helpful internist who's interested in a challenge and get a lot of referrals.
posted by galadriel at 8:26 PM on July 29, 2010
It's one of my litmus tests for "am I depressed?" If I can realistically envision feeling suicidal, then I am depressed again. I've fought with it over the years, sometimes backsliding; I can't physically tolerate antidepressant at any useful dose, so I was kinda swimming uphill. So it may be that you'll relapse for a while from time to time. If your treatment is more effective than mine, maybe you won't :)
It doesn't happen often anymore. I spent more than two decades being clinically depressed, and I know how hard it is to pull out when you can't really grasp the idea of you as a happy person. There's no experience to support the concept; there's no proof it can ever happen, there's nothing in your memories or mindset to suggest that you can be anything but depressed. Yet.
Yet!
It's a long haul, but it's worth it! Don't be discouraged yet. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress so far, right?
A lot of endocrine disorders have depression as a side effect, by the way. Thyroid isn't the only one, just one a lot of pshrinks know to test for. Depression can be an effect of a number of non-endocrine issues too--even something like restless leg syndrome (or other sleep disorders) can cause depression. You might want to find a helpful internist who's interested in a challenge and get a lot of referrals.
posted by galadriel at 8:26 PM on July 29, 2010
I want to chime in with some encouragement for you and congratulations on your progress so far. It's a long hard struggle and it sounds like you're starting to do better.
I consider myself pretty happy these days. Sure, there are still plenty of down times, but overall I feel good... I look forward to upcoming events rather than fearing or dreading them. I notice that gee, the sunshine sure feels good today. I want to make others happy as well. If you still have some down times please don't be discouraged... we all do. Stability is a big step towards feeling better.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:41 AM on July 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
I consider myself pretty happy these days. Sure, there are still plenty of down times, but overall I feel good... I look forward to upcoming events rather than fearing or dreading them. I notice that gee, the sunshine sure feels good today. I want to make others happy as well. If you still have some down times please don't be discouraged... we all do. Stability is a big step towards feeling better.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:41 AM on July 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
It doesn't seem like it would work, but I've found that The Burns Depression Checklist works really well to track my depressive symptoms. It's too late to know what you would have scored before, but you track your progress going forward.
It sounds like you've come a long way but perhaps still have a ways to go. Think of it as having something to look forward to. :-)
posted by callmejay at 8:19 AM on July 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
It sounds like you've come a long way but perhaps still have a ways to go. Think of it as having something to look forward to. :-)
posted by callmejay at 8:19 AM on July 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
The thing that made me realize I wasn't depressed any more was when I started liking my hair. At 27, for the first time in my life.
posted by bq at 11:21 AM on July 30, 2010
posted by bq at 11:21 AM on July 30, 2010
You might want to look at this question. Not quite the same as yours, but potentially helpful.
posted by kitcat at 11:29 AM on July 30, 2010
posted by kitcat at 11:29 AM on July 30, 2010
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posted by hermitosis at 1:13 PM on July 29, 2010