Is it rude not to say,

March 8, 2005 10:19 AM

Is it rude not to say, "Thank you" when someone says, "Bless you" after you sneeze?

I sneeze. at work. a lot. I get very very tired of everyone saying, "Bless you" after I sneeze, because then I feel socially obligated to say, "Thank you" when I don't even understand why we still have the "Bless you" phenomenon when it doesn't mean anything in this modern world. Can I just stop saying "Thank you" or will people be honestly offended?

posted by agregoli to human relations (83 comments total)

I think common courtesy dictates a "thank you." Sorry.

Alternately, you could have yourself tested for mild allergies and/or invest in a humidifier at your cube.
posted by sachinag at 10:23 AM on March 8, 2005

Just asked myself this yesterday!
Love to hear the answers...
posted by lorbus at 10:24 AM on March 8, 2005

I do have allergies. Can't have a humidifier here.

Also, I guess I should add, Why? Why is it common courtesy to say thank you? Why say bless you in the first place? I understand why it was done traditionally, but why say it now?
posted by agregoli at 10:26 AM on March 8, 2005

I've never heard anyone say "thank you". Is this an American thing?
posted by dydecker at 10:27 AM on March 8, 2005

I've heard it said that saying "thank you" after "bless you" can cause either a) the death of a fairy or b) the devil to crawl up your nose.
posted by devon at 10:30 AM on March 8, 2005

I'll say thanks once, but if I keep sneezing and the person keeps blessing me, I stop and hope that they do too. It's just silly.
posted by orange swan at 10:34 AM on March 8, 2005

Yes, but do people actually believe this nowadays? For the people who say, "Bless you," why do you say it?
posted by agregoli at 10:35 AM on March 8, 2005

I often reply "Oh, I am blessed, I know." Because the fairy/devil bs is so ridiculous, it needs a ridiculous answer.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:35 AM on March 8, 2005

My husband has allergies, and got really tired of making people he worked with bless him, so he finally told his coworkers that they could just say it once and that would cover him for the season. Seemed to work.

I think you probably have to say thank you, though, once it's said, fairy fatalities not withstanding. Agregoli, I think it just falls under thanking people when they say nice things to you, or at least acknowledging that they did. What else are you going to say?
posted by LittleMissCranky at 10:36 AM on March 8, 2005

I'm with Orange Swan on this.

Food for thought: no one says anything when you cough, so why should they say anything when you sneeze? It's the only bodily emission that apparently deserves public comment.
posted by breath at 10:38 AM on March 8, 2005

Coincidental that you should ask -- I was getting ready to post the following query:

I sneeze a lot. Doesn't bother me, and I always feel much better afterwards -- problem is, those people from certain ethnic and cultural backgrounds who have this reflex to 'bless' me, which has this little element of their somehow doing me a favor, which I find annoying, as I'm then compelled to acknowledge their blessing. I'd much prefer that my inadvertant little explosions went unremarked, just as when I cough, belch or fart. So, the question -- is there a non-insulting way to get people to mind their own business when I sneeze, to knock it off with this mini-Pope pretension? And where does it come from, anyway? (A Catholic thing, perhaps?) Are the mini-Popes really so arrogant as to believe that they've somehow intervened, and I should be grateful? Some of them act like it's really important, their bestowing of this blessing. FYI, my ethnic is WASP; and I wasn't trained to do this at home (although I
occasionally emit the Gesundheit variant when I'm feeling especially Teutonic). More: in this column, Slate advise columnist Prudie discusses the superstition. (scroll down)

Also, what's up with people who sound like they're trying to
suppress their sneeze? It sounds painful, and unnatural.
I picture abusive parents punishing them for sneezing loudly.
posted by Rash at 10:38 AM on March 8, 2005

I often head for the path of least resistance, i.e., these are people I have to work with and be around every day, and, while I have no interest in having their god(s) prevent me from dying of bubonic plague, I say, "Thank you," to keep the peace. Just not very loudly.

It clearly means something to them.

Although I sometimes get exasperated with the whole charade and the chronology becomes

1) Me: SNEEZE
2) Co-worker: "Bless you"
3) Me (still reeling cartoonishly from sneeze): "Holy shit!"

That seems to suffice, and I don't sacrifice atheistic integrity in so doing.
posted by gramschmidt at 10:43 AM on March 8, 2005

LittleMissCranky - I don't see it as a nice thing, really. What is the person saying the Bless you thinking? Do people actually bless the person in their head, for real? Or is it an automatic thing now? I'm honestly curious.

The coughing thing! Exactly.
posted by agregoli at 10:44 AM on March 8, 2005

Also, what's up with people who sound like they're trying to suppress their sneeze? It sounds painful, and unnatural. I picture abusive parents punishing them for sneezing loudly.


Coincidentally, everyone, NEVER supress your sneezes. My dad worked with a guy who always did that and once he did it one time too many and blew out all of his sinuses, which resulted in the bloodest nosebleed my dad ever saw and sinus surgery for the guy (very painful).
posted by agregoli at 10:46 AM on March 8, 2005

no.
posted by andrew cooke at 10:47 AM on March 8, 2005

For the people who say, "Bless you," why do you say it?

Habit. For me it's pure habit. I grew up in a house where you were expected to say "bless you" to anyone who sneezed. If I forgot I usually got a stern look and reminder to watch my manners. So now it's as ingrained as saying "you're welcome" when someone else gives me thanks. It almost happens without thinking. I hear a sneeze I say "bless you". Pavlov's dog, I am.

Are the mini-Popes really so arrogant as to believe that they've somehow intervened, and I should be grateful?

Maybe they just grew up with a different set of beliefs and think they're doing something nice for you?
posted by LeeJay at 10:48 AM on March 8, 2005

"Bless you" was just part of the standard manners I was taught. Just like "Please" and "Thank you". It never had any real religious connotation, and I think that going there is overthinking the issue. (Or what LeeJay said)

And the other side of the manners is that "Thank you" is the proper and only appropriate response to someone saying "Bless you". A snarky quip about blessing is not appreciated.
posted by smackfu at 10:51 AM on March 8, 2005

Coincidentally, everyone, NEVER suppress your sneezes. My dad worked with a guy who always did that and once he did it one time too many and blew out all of his sinuses, which resulted in the bloodest nosebleed my dad ever saw and sinus surgery for the guy (very painful).

Holy shit!! Is this true? I always suppress my sneezes as it seems more polite than spraying saliva everywhere, in don't carry and hanky and don't want to get it all over my hands.

Please tell me that this is a wind up!
posted by dmt at 10:56 AM on March 8, 2005

As to the original question, why not just let the coworkers know that they don't have to say bless you? I'm willing to bet that the majority of them are like me, saying it out of habit and not wanting you to think they're impolite jerks. The next time one of them blesses you thank them and then let them know that due to allergies you're going to be sneezing a lot and they really shouldn't feel like they have to say bless you every time. Say it with a smile and good humor and I don't see why it wouldn't work.
posted by LeeJay at 10:57 AM on March 8, 2005

I don't know how common it is, but yes, my dad was there in front of the guy when it happened, and knew him personally so he heard about the medical explanation and the surgery afterwards.
posted by agregoli at 10:57 AM on March 8, 2005

I don't see it as a nice thing, really. What is the person saying the Bless you thinking? Do people actually bless the person in their head, for real? Or is it an automatic thing now?

It's an automatic thing now, just like holding the door open for somebody who's two steps behind you is automatic. I just notice other people and feel honorbound to acknowledge them and their apparent (sneezing) or incipient (door closing in their face) discomfort.

I'm not worried about your soul flying out, or the devil flying in, it's just a way to say "I noticed you're there, and perhaps not feeling well; I hope you feel better soon." When someone coughts, I just say "Are you all right?" The sentiment exists regardless of the discomfort; it just happens that sneezing has a traditional response and coughing doesn't.

I'd feel as though someone were a jerk if they didn't say thank you after a door holding or a bless you... but then again, after two or three sneezes in a row, I'd also have the sense to say, "Bless you for the rest of the day; I've got some Sudafed if you want one."
posted by headspace at 10:58 AM on March 8, 2005

Leejay, that's probably practical for work, but it still bugs me in the larger problem of the world - I wish we could stop this pointless custom.
posted by agregoli at 11:01 AM on March 8, 2005

Good manners and all, but if anyone is going to be offended for not getting a "Thank you" then they have more problems than you can reasonably be expected to help.

Better to remember to sneeze into the bend of your arm.
posted by grateful at 11:01 AM on March 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

When someone coughts, I just say "Are you all right?"

That's nice of you, but hardly anyone I know ever says anything when someone coughs, yet they still say, "Bless you" to a sneeze. I can't compare saying bless you to holding the door open for someone - one is pointless, the other is actually doing something for another. Checking to see if someone is ok is wonderful, but that's not what bless you is, as I see it.
posted by agregoli at 11:02 AM on March 8, 2005

Like smackfu and LeeJay, it's a habit for me too. It's just something you say. And there are a lot of people that get all offended if you don't acknowledge their sneeze. Me? I prefer that people not notice or call attention to any of my bodily functions. I hate having to thank someone for no reason.

Over the past few years, I've been trying to come up with something non-religious to replace "Bless you." Since I already have the automatic reaction of saying something, I figured I'd just change what I said. I tried the "Gesundheit" replacement, but it just felt all wrong (and I'm not German - who am I fooling?). I feel as though I must say something (re: people who get offended when not acknowledged) - does anyone have any better suggestions? Maybe something clever or silly?
posted by MsVader at 11:04 AM on March 8, 2005

I grew up in a household where people said "bless you" to sneezes and "koetz-koetz" to coughs. I've shaken myself of the "bless you" habit (always found it embarrassing to point out others' sneezes), but the "koetz-koetz" just sounds so sympathetic and kind... I miss it! I've only heard it once since growing up and moving out -- her family was Hungarian-derived too.
posted by xo at 11:05 AM on March 8, 2005

Checking to see if someone is ok is wonderful, but that's not what bless you is, as I see it.

You asked what we were thinking and for some folks who say "Bless you," that is a get-well statement. Just because you think it's pointless doesn't mean they didn't have good intentions. Road to hell, etc., etc., I don't think you actually care why we say it- you just think it's stupid and you want it to stop. Fortunately for you, you're in good company- Pliny was baffled by exactly the same thing in 77 AD:

Why is it that we salute a person when he sneezes, an observation which Tiberius Caesar, they say, the most unsociable of men, as we all know, used to exact, when riding in his chariot even? - Natural History
posted by headspace at 11:11 AM on March 8, 2005

It's an automatic thing now

Ditto. Two syllables, you can respond with a smile or nod, and "koetz-koetz" sounds cool. How do you pronounce it? Rhymes with...?
posted by NickDouglas at 11:13 AM on March 8, 2005

I don't think you actually care why we say it

I do care, or I wouldn't have asked. I'm trying to glean from this small sample how many people actually put thought behind it. So far, not many.
posted by agregoli at 11:16 AM on March 8, 2005

One woman I work with seems compelled to bless me every time I sneeze, which, as I have a number of mild allergies, is often. And if I sneeze a number of times in a row she keeps saying it and starts to bellow with laughter like it's a big joke. I get really irritated with her for making much of something I can't help (etiquette dictates that one is supposed to ignore bodily function noise from others) and for adding to the noise level in a densely populated office.
posted by orange swan at 11:26 AM on March 8, 2005

Ditto. Two syllables, you can respond with a smile or nod, and "koetz-koetz" sounds cool. How do you pronounce it? Rhymes with...?

If you're American, the vowel sound would be like the flat 'oo' of 'books' or 'tootsie'.
posted by xo at 11:33 AM on March 8, 2005

I'm trying to glean from this small sample how many people actually put thought behind it. So far, not many.

I think, even for us automatic blessers, there is some thought behind it. If I forget to say bless you, I really wonder if the person who sneezed now thinks I'm rude. And there are folks out there who think like that. For every one of you who thinks it's senseless to point out a sneeze there is someone else who expects a bless you.
posted by LeeJay at 11:35 AM on March 8, 2005

How 'bout taking some medicine so that your allegies DON'T affect you at work?

I can't believe you find it so irritating that someone should be polite that you want to know if you have to continue to say, "thank you." Certainly, as you described, it can get silly if you're a chronic sneezer, and there are plenty of good answers given here like, "You guys are good for the season," or whatnot, as long as you're polite, but frankly, it doesn't sound like you are.

Have you thought about the germaphobes who are annoyed that your germs are flying everywhere in the workplace? Try Allegra. I find that helps.
posted by bozichsl at 11:37 AM on March 8, 2005

I call bullshit on the exploding sinuses thing. Keeping your nose closed while sneezing could conceivably cause that, but suppressing a sneeze is just not expelling the air from your lungs as forcefully (or at all), I don't see how that could cause sinus problems. Was the mechanism by which this was supposed to happen explained?

(Incidentally, when my mother had an artificial eardrum placed (installed?), the doctor told her not to sneeze for 3 months because otherwise she'd risk tearing it.)


On the original topic: Yes, I'll say bless you when someone sneezes, as was mentioned earlier, it's like holding doors and saying thank you. I won't be offended if you don't say it when I sneeze though, nor will I be offended if you ask me to stop.
I wouldn't be terribly offended if you didn't say thank you, and probably get the hint after a while that you didn't appreciated being bless-you'd. Also, bless-youing is rate-limited, so I don't constantly bless-you the allergic or ill.

Breath: Food for thought: no one says anything when you cough, so why should they say anything when you sneeze? It's the only bodily emission that apparently deserves public comment.
Well, it's the only bodily emission that deserves polite public comment…
posted by fvw at 11:38 AM on March 8, 2005

How 'bout taking some medicine so that your allegies DON'T affect you at work?

Gee, hadn't thought of that, thanks. My medical problems are not your concern.

but frankly, it doesn't sound like you are.

Wow, why the anger?

Have you thought about the germaphobes who are annoyed that your germs are flying everywhere in the workplace? Try Allegra. I find that helps.
posted by bozichsl

I have tried Allegra. Again, my medical problems are not your concern. My germs aren't flying anywhere that anyone else's aren't.

Again, I question, why so rude when I am simply asking a question? AskMe is as useful as you make it.
posted by agregoli at 11:43 AM on March 8, 2005

For the people who say, "Bless you," why do you say it?

It's a social convention. Same no-good-reason that men generally don't wear cocktail dresses to weddings.

If you don't want to thank them for blessing you, you might just say "pardon me" or "excuse me" after your nose explodes. Should serve the same purpose. I'd continue to say thank you or whatever just because that's part of the convention, and workplaces aren't the best spots in the world to boldly strike out against harmless social conventions.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:44 AM on March 8, 2005

I call bullshit on the exploding sinuses thing. Keeping your nose closed while sneezing could conceivably cause that, but suppressing a sneeze is just not expelling the air from your lungs as forcefully (or at all), I don't see how that could cause sinus problems. Was the mechanism by which this was supposed to happen explained?


This is what happened, and what the guy's doctor told him, believe it or not. I'll ask my dad if he has any more info.
posted by agregoli at 11:44 AM on March 8, 2005

I second, third, or fourth the pavlovian manners. I'm incapable of not saying 'please', 'thank you', 'you're welcome', 'bless you', and probably others. Even in public, to complete strangers, I feel absolutely awful if I don't say 'bless you' in response to a fit of sneezing. I have no idea where this came from and I certainly wouldn't feel that you were rude to ignore me and my stupid manners. In fact, if you were to haul off and scream at me for foisting religion upon you via my blesses I'd be totally understanding (I'm as atheist as they come), which is why I try to use 'salut' and 'gesundheit' whenever I remember.

I do limit my pavlovian blessings to a single bless per burst of sneezing, and I always try to wait until you're done sneezing. It's almost as though my guilt builds while you sneeze, and in the end I have to whimper it out or feel the wrath of some unseen scolder of bad manners.

You have no idea how much time I spend feeling awful about either not blessing someone, or feeling guilty about invading their personal space after I've blessed them.
posted by togdon at 11:45 AM on March 8, 2005

If you can't say "thank you" after a sneeze, "thadk you" is acceptable.
posted by kindall at 11:47 AM on March 8, 2005

If you don't want to thank them for blessing you, you might just say "pardon me" or "excuse me" after your nose explodes.

That sounds like a pretty good solution, I'll consider trying that.
posted by agregoli at 11:47 AM on March 8, 2005

MsVader: I like to give a nice "guhzoontight" with all of the Germanness removed from it. That's what my mom always said and it seems to me to have a lighter feel to it than "bless you." If you don't make it sound German at all, I don't think anybody can accuse you of trying to be German.
I don't mind if my sneezes go unacknowledged, but I do feel inclined to thank someone who has acknowledged one. Even just a smile and head-nod normally seem to do the trick. They went out of their way to acknowledge you; you can do it back.
posted by PhatLobley at 11:54 AM on March 8, 2005

Ah, but I say "excuse me" as a habit after sneezing, which invariably results in someone saying "bless you" who was planning on ignoring me, which then results in the obligatory "thank you" from me to said other party.

While I do think a "thank you" is in order, I can see how this would get kind of silly after a while, especially for a chronic sneezer. I think the pre-emptive "you're good for the season" is a classy and appropriate move.

(Also, since there was a side question, "gesundheit" translates to "good health" which doesn't have the religious connotations of "bless you," so even that means that there's an appropriate non-religious response to a sneeze.)

And, remember, sneezes can be very damaging. Sammy Sosa was on the disabled list for a good part of last season with a sneeze-induced back injury. I, for one, have infrequent but violent sneezes that have shot my chair (and me) clear across my cubicle.
posted by sachinag at 11:58 AM on March 8, 2005

When someone offers you something something unsolicited, you have the right to refuse it. Next time you're offered a blessing, reply with "No, thank you." If they continue, they either didn't listen or can't help themselves, and can thus be safely ignored.
posted by pmbuko at 12:03 PM on March 8, 2005

You're so good looking.....
posted by horsemuth at 12:05 PM on March 8, 2005

I never say thank you but I always feel a bit weird when people say "Bless you" to me. It's not a concious decision not to, I don't recall "Thank you" being used so much in Canada.
posted by substrate at 12:16 PM on March 8, 2005

Growing up I was taught to say what I thought was "gob less-shoe." It was many years before I figured out what people were saying.

When others sneeze, I say "gesundheit," and no one looks at me funny even though I have no German background. I just think of it (and "bless you") as an outdated shorthand for "Are you sick? Feel better." (If someone yelled "ow!" wouldn't you ask, "are you ok?")

When I sneeze, I just say "excuse me," which most people interpret as "sorry for the interruption, no need to bless me." If they still bless me, well, I consider my obligation fulfilled.
posted by Sibrax at 12:18 PM on March 8, 2005

I have the same disruptive allergy and sneezing problem, and get equally tired of the blessings and such. "Excuse me" is the medium between thank you and nothing that I grew up with, and it fits. (Though I am always tempted to say "curse you!!" to the right people.)
posted by whatzit at 12:29 PM on March 8, 2005

Over the past few years, I've been trying to come up with something non-religious to replace "Bless you." …does anyone have any better suggestions?

Lately, I've been using the Russian response to sneezing, "???? ??????" (pronounced boods zdorov), which means "be healthy!"
posted by andrewraff at 12:33 PM on March 8, 2005

I always say 'excuse me' and usually tell people gesundheit when they sneeze.

I think gesund and BU mean about the same thing, except for possibly connoting one's philosophical background...something like: "Gee, I'm sorry you sneezed. I sure hope you're not getting sick."
posted by prettyboyfloyd at 12:44 PM on March 8, 2005

This may be slightly off topic, but does anyone besides me ever sneeze when they get sexually aroused? I sometimes do, and I think it's because of the book Where Did I Come From?, which my parents read to me when I was young to teach me about sex. In it, an orgasm is described as a very satisfying event, like a big sneeze.

So, maybe instead of "bless you" we could start saying "meet me in the back room in 10 minutes."
posted by Nice Donkey at 12:47 PM on March 8, 2005

I have tried Allegra. Again, my medical problems are not your concern. My germs aren't flying anywhere that anyone else's aren't.

Again, I question, why so rude when I am simply asking a question? AskMe is as useful as you make it.

It is laughable to me that you call me rude given the nature of this post and your response to me.

But alas, you are right regarding AskMe, and my point truly is, why not try some medicine that keeps you from sneezing? Though your medical problem may not be my concern, as you say, if you eliminate your sneezing, you eliminate the problem. If Allegra doesn't work for you, there are about a billion other products on the market that might.
posted by bozichsl at 12:51 PM on March 8, 2005

I sneeze a lot. Enough to kill a cruiseship full of fairys. While I have no problems with snarling at a bank teller who tells me to 'have a blessed day' after my transaction, I don't think someone saying 'bless you' after a sneeze is the same thing. But if you do, I suggest substituting an alternate, such as:
--You're soooo good looking!
--Good gravy!
--Damn! Snot much?
--What the fuck, dude?
All of the above sneeze-replys have served me well many times.

On the other hand, if you are the sneezer, and you've been blessed against your wishes, simply reply:
--Yeah, whatever.
--Didn't get any on ya, did I?
--Damn straight.
--Holy crap, I think my brain just exploded!
posted by spilon at 12:52 PM on March 8, 2005

Read your post again - you were EXTREMELY rude in your advice - which was not asked for. I'm not asking about medicine in this post.

What makes you think I haven't tried Allegra or many other products? It's none of your business what makes me sneeze. Regardless, I will still sneeze sometimes, as everyone does.
posted by agregoli at 12:53 PM on March 8, 2005

I'm another person taught to say "bless you" when I was growing up. I've made myself get out of the habit. Although it's well intentioned, it's a religious saying and I'd rather not participate. However, I do say "thanks" when I'm "blessed" but I think I'll start using "excuse me" and leave it at that.
posted by deborah at 12:56 PM on March 8, 2005

This sounds silly, sentimental and overthought, but i've taken the 'raised to say bless you', to 'consciously stopping', to 'consciously saying it again' route.

Here's what i figure (and i don't mean this religiously, at all)-- since we hear and speak enough curses at one another, we may as well embrace the few opportunities we have to bless each other.

At the same time agregoli, i can dig that you might not want to participate in the bless/thanks back and forth at your office. I'd say make a lighthearted joke/deal with them, that your sneezes will surely be making a comeback and their blessings need not...
posted by verysleeping at 1:04 PM on March 8, 2005

Read your post again - you were EXTREMELY rude in your advice - which was not asked for. I'm not asking about medicine in this post.

What makes you think I haven't tried Allegra or many other products? It's none of your business what makes me sneeze. Regardless, I will still sneeze sometimes, as everyone does.

Look, I was trying to make nice, and that was my advice. Perhaps you should have added in your original post that you were not interested in medicinal remedies. Of course I don't now what you tried or didn't try.

I apologize for the brashness of my first post. My second post I tried to be helpful, and you still reacted angrily.

Perhaps you need to look at your attitude.
posted by bozichsl at 1:04 PM on March 8, 2005

Thanks for the apology, I'm glad you see how rude you were. AskMe is for answering the questions posed and medical advice never entered into it - I wasn't asking for a solution to the sneezing.

My attitude is that people should answer the damn questions instead of calling the poster rude - you basically told me I was rude to other co-workers for sneezing! If that's not ridiculous, I don't know what is.
posted by agregoli at 1:17 PM on March 8, 2005

I looked you up, and I see you're new, so I'll cut you a break.
posted by agregoli at 1:26 PM on March 8, 2005

Over the past few years, I've been trying to come up with something non-religious to replace "Bless you."

How about "Salud"? I think most people recognize it, it's non-religious, and it doesn't have the disadvantages of "gesundheit".

(The big disadvantage of "gesundheit" is that it always makes me think of that joke -- "What's the German word for a virgin?")
posted by agropyron at 1:29 PM on March 8, 2005

If that's not ridiculous, I don't know what is.

Someone who gets irritated at a polite gesture? I'm one of those people who say "bless you" as a courtesy and to think that there are people out there getting tired of common courtesy is incredibly unsettling. It's like getting yelled at for holding the door for a woman because "she can do it"; I know that, I'm just trying to be nice.

I didn't grow up with it; I'm not religious; I just do it because I like people and I like them to know that somebody notices their existance.

I looked you up, and I see you're new, so I'll cut you a break.

Your condescention is so helpful in AskMe, thanks.
posted by dflemingdotorg at 1:55 PM on March 8, 2005

My father always says "salud" (health) and I picked that up from him since it has no religious connotation.

I would think a polite nod or "excuse me" is enough acknowledgement of a "bless you" (nods especially if you are gearing up for another bout of sneezing anyway and haven't caught your breath).
posted by Melinika at 2:29 PM on March 8, 2005

I just do it because I like people and I like them to know that somebody notices their existance.

But that's my point -- I'd prefer that these inadvertant explosions of mine not be noticed (or rather, acknowledged). Especially in a religious manner which requires gratitude.

Have you thought about the germaphobes who are annoyed that your germs are flying everywhere in the workplace?

I sneeze a couple times a day, even when I'm not sick. So I don't believe a sneeze always implies the spreading of germs.
posted by Rash at 3:07 PM on March 8, 2005

It seems that those of you who dislike being told "bless you" are mostly unhappy about it having a religious connotation.

I don't understand this. Someone blessing you doesn't affect your own faith or lack thereof, and the gesture certainly isn't menacing, so where's the harm? Why go out of your way to insult them by saying something like (as someone I knew once...) "No thanks." in response?

If I visited a foreign village, and their religious practices involved giving me fruit, then I'd certainly be pleased and grateful of their fruit-giving, even if I don't return the favor or do the same thing in my own home.

Why the animosity?

On-topic: I say bless you not out of habit, and not because of religion, but because it's a short, socially-accepted way of notincing someone's unwell.
posted by odinsdream at 3:16 PM on March 8, 2005

Try: "Thank you, father."
posted by goethean at 3:16 PM on March 8, 2005

I think a sincere "whoa, dude! you okay?" is always good.

'cause I figure that if I'm sneezing, I should make it a helluva sneeze and really get some satisfaction out of it. Full of sound and fury and whiplash.

But always into my elbow, 'cause no one likes a nasal shower.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:20 PM on March 8, 2005

And btw, not all sneezes are "unwell."

I sneeze because I have a photosensitivity thing going on. The nerves for my nose run too close to the nerves for my eyeballs. Bright light causes crosstalk that causes me to sneeze. "Bless you" is galling, because it's not like the sneeze signifies anything worth concerning oneself about: I'm not spraying a shipload of flu germies, I'm not feeling ill, I'm not worried about my health. I'm just sneezing like I always do.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:23 PM on March 8, 2005

Someone blessing you doesn't affect your own faith or lack thereof, and the gesture certainly isn't menacing, so where's the harm?

The harm is in the assumption that being blessed by someone or something is universally good. To an atheist, it's just another reminder that a religious mindset is the norm (even more so because many people do it as a courtesy, without thinking about it being religious). I object to it in the same way that I object to "under God" being in the Pledge of allegiance and having "In God We Trust" printed on our money. Maybe it doesn't do any immediate, tangible harm, but it just creates an oppressive environment for anyone with an opposing viewpoint.

That being said, I don't take too much offence when other people say it to me, as I know they most likely haven't considered its implications.
posted by Nice Donkey at 3:42 PM on March 8, 2005

I would say it is rude to not excuse yourself (not from the room but after the sneeze) before anyone has a chance to say anything.
posted by Dick Paris at 3:51 PM on March 8, 2005

even more so because many people do it as a courtesy, without thinking about it being religious.

It's not necessarily religious. Along the lines of the word marriage, it's got both a religious and social context to it. Bless you, for an atheist such as myself, indicates that "I feel for you and, if you're ill, hope you get better soon". Unfortunately, that's a handful and creepy for a stranger to say, so I choose a more recognizable form. When you hear "bless you", do you not automatically think I'm concerned for you?

That's a long way from a religiously oppressive environment.
posted by dflemingdotorg at 4:37 PM on March 8, 2005

I got to the end of this thread, and it made me sneeze. 3 times. Is that psychosomatic, or what?
posted by dash_slot- at 5:42 PM on March 8, 2005

Wow, I would never have expected such animosity about sneezing. I say bless you because I was raised to (though I was not raised with any religion whatsoever, nor have I acquired any since). I feel a little weird if someone sneezes conspicuously and no one says it. I don't feel offended, but it feels tense for a moment for me, and in that moment I usually blurt out a quick "bless you".

Nice Donkey - I'm an atheist, and I don't feel that way about the issue at all. Fewer loaded terms would help this discussion. Also: the difference between "bless you" and "one nation under god" is that one of them is said exclusively by well-meaning people, regardless of how religious they are or how much it offends you, and the other a slogan of our supposedly secular Federal Government, which is supposed to represent everybody in the country, theist or atheist.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned that sneezing is kind of cute. People make such distinctive noises when they sneeze, no two people sneeze exactly alike. It becomes kind of endearing when you hear someone sneeze a lot (I mean, provided the sneezer isn't shedding virus all over the place every time). Am I alone in this?
posted by pikachulolita at 5:43 PM on March 8, 2005

Are the mini-Popes really so arrogant as to believe that they've somehow intervened, and I should be grateful?

Wow, might I suggest anger management courses?

Seriously people, I was raised in the south, and for 99 percent of the people who say it it's completely out of habit. It's considered polite. No one is think about the devil or any such thing.

If you don't want to say thank you, don't, but such vitriol from some of you says more about you than the person saying "bless you".

I had no idea so many people were looking for chances to be offended.
posted by justgary at 5:45 PM on March 8, 2005

I think the term "bless you" is necessarily religious, even if the person saying it is not. Is "bless you" not short for "God bless you"? Yes, it has become a convention, and as such lots of people, even the non-religious, (even me, at times), say it to avoid the awkward silence that ensues if we don't acknowledge a sneeze somehow. But it's also an insidious little bit of religion that creeps into our vernacular, which is disturbing to me, and which is why it would be nicer to substitute an acknowledgement with no religious connotation.
posted by Nice Donkey at 6:21 PM on March 8, 2005

Isn't it just semantics at that point, though? If not even the religious people who say it are thinking about casting the devil out of your body, hasn't it effectively lost its previous connotation?
posted by pikachulolita at 6:40 PM on March 8, 2005

But it's also an insidious little bit of religion that creeps into our vernacular, which is disturbing to me, and which is why it would be nicer to substitute an acknowledgement with no religious connotation.

Insidious by definition includes 'harm'. There is no harm to be found. As someone else said, if this habit came from another culture in another country, everyone would be preaching tolerance.
posted by justgary at 6:48 PM on March 8, 2005

As someone else said, if this habit came from another culture in another country, everyone would be preaching tolerance.

Apparently there's no tolerance to preach, since people are saying that they do not place a religious connotation on "Bless you" any more.

I am an atheist also, and these little religious phrases everywhere also bug me. I think it's even worse that people just take them for granted now. "Bless you" has always bothered me. Usually I don't say "Thank you" because I don't see the need. If people are saying "Bless you" out of habit, then the words are meaningless, and don't require a response.

My family does not say "Bless you". My mother usually gives me a joking dramatic look, as if to say, "Wow, you're exploding!" My stepfather says, "My brains must be dusty!" after he sneezes. I never got in the habit of saying anything.

My advice is to say nothing at all, if you don't want to thank them. I never say anything, and no one has told me that I am rude. Not even my close friends, some of whom are religious, have said I was rude.
posted by veronitron at 7:18 PM on March 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

NEVER suppress your sneezes

But if you fart, sneeze and burp at the same time, you will die.
posted by mono blanco at 7:32 PM on March 8, 2005

1) To some (maybe even to most) it has lost its previous connotation, and it now means "I'm concerned about you, and I'd like to wish you good health. Plus, I want to avoid an awkward silence." But to a few it means "I'm concerned about you, and I'd like to help you by asking God to confer health upon you." Both are genuine wishes for my good health, but the second assumes I have a god belief. True, the first scenario is far more likely, but the possibility of the second still exists. Kind of like when I want to participate in the secular aspects of Christmas, and then somebody inevitably reminds me that "Jesus is the reason for the season."

2) The harm may seem slight, but I think it's still there. It's a constant reinforcement of the idea that atheists are such a small minority that they can be safely ignored. And if this habit came from another culture in another country, we would preach tolerance, because that culture would be in the minority, and would need the protection of social tolerance. As it is, those with a god belief are in the majority, and there is no real need to preach tolerance, as it is the "norm," so most people tolerate it already. If anything, we need to preach tolerance of atheists who don't say "thank you" to a "bless you."

On preview, also what veronitron said.
posted by Nice Donkey at 7:36 PM on March 8, 2005

As an agnostic, I've always kind of preferred "Gesundheit," which (as folks mentioned above) has generally been accepted as something non-German folks can still customarily say (I remember it being the default word in the children's television I watched back in the day... it was a while before I figured out it was German, and not a magic sneeze-word)

That said -- the folks who are really worried about this trace of religiosity -- it's a bit of a lost cause, isn't it? Do you avoid saying "good-bye" because its Christian origin as "God be with ye"? There are better fights to fight, I think -- and worse forms of evangelism (if this one even remotely counts).

As dflemingdotorg and others said, it's one of the few instances where people in daily life express care and concern for other people who aren't necessarily their intimates -- no matter how token this is (and how routine), isn't it sort of pleasant? I always get a lift when strangers on the subway say "Bless you" after I sneeze -- it's just a nice human connection.
posted by little_geekette at 8:15 PM on March 8, 2005

Good link, little_geekette. True, there are better fights to fight. And I don't personally get bothered if someone blesses my sneeze. It is a nice human connection. But I like to be aware of the ways in which religion has inserted itself into parts of my life.

And, as an added bonus to being aware: whenever a person answers my sneeze with an acknowledgement other than "bless you," I feel an even cooler human connection with that person, because I can guess that they've thought about the whole issue and made a conscious decision to use a non-religious term.
posted by Nice Donkey at 11:03 PM on March 8, 2005

Someone who gets irritated at a polite gesture?

I'd like you to experience it - I sneeze sometimes as much as 20 times an hour - that's a lot of bless yous. So you don't understand - that doesn't make my experience less valid.

Well, you ARE new, (that's a fact) so perhaps you didn't know how to answer the question. Next time I hope you won't start out by insulting someone and giving advice not asked for.
posted by agregoli at 7:19 AM on March 9, 2005

Animosity? Mild annoyance is more like it. I'm neither an atheist or a Christian; I simply find the saying presumptuous.

Along with my "excuse me" when I sneeze, I think I'll start saying "dusty brains, eh?". Thanks, veronitron!
posted by deborah at 5:49 PM on March 9, 2005

Do you avoid saying "good-bye" because its Christian origin as "God be with ye"?

Ouch.


An excellent point. The wording means nothing, the intent is everything, and until all of you people complaining about it can give a good reason why you're all suddenly capable of peering into everyone's intent, well, there really isn't much point in complaining, is there? Plenty of people here have advised that they personally don't put any religious pretext behind saying Bless You...but apparently we're being ignored.

God isn't the only one that can do blessing, as in asking for someone's blessing to, for instance, get married, etc.

As for comparing this to In God We Trust, that's just ridiculous. One is a government-sanctioned thing, the other is a cultural habit. There is a reason for the separation of church and state, but there is no such thing as the separation of church and citizens.
posted by odinsdream at 1:36 PM on March 11, 2005