How can I get my cat to like my mom?
July 21, 2010 8:42 PM   Subscribe

How can I get my cat to like my mom?

My cat Amelie HATES my mother. Hates. We have no idea why. My mother is basically my family's answer to St. Francis of Assisi, up to and including a deer who likes to hang out around her back fence -- animals love her. My mom has never done anything to hurt or scare the cat. The only thing we can possibly think of is that my mom smells like one of her cats, with whom Amelie does not get along. (They lived in the same house for a year but now have been separated for almost four years.)

It's getting worse. The other day my mom stopped by and Amelie growled at her and menaced her, trying to back my mom into a corner. This is new behavior and I don't know what precipitated it. Amelie does not act this way with strangers, though -- I hired a woman to clean my house and Amelie fell in love with her. Amelie only acts this way around my mom and when she goes to the vet. She is a dilute calico, if that makes a difference.

The problem is that I'm going on vacation in a few weeks and my mom is going to feed my cats, as long as I can ensure that she will leave the house unharmed. Any suggestions?

Picture of the knucklehead in question. Okay, a less fierce one.
posted by sugarfish to Pets & Animals (16 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Response by poster: Thanks for the suggestion Bwithh. Amelie is quite the nip addict, but unfortunately it makes her bitey.
posted by sugarfish at 9:03 PM on July 21, 2010


Try this.

When your cat growls or whatever, both you and your mother overeact as if you are terrified. Screetch, high pitched as possible and act really afraid. Especially you. Cat may feel sorry for you and change her ways. I know it sounds silly, but so are cats. Similar things have worked for me in the past.
posted by charlesminus at 9:14 PM on July 21, 2010


It seems likely that your mom smells like and/or reminds Amelie of BAD STUFF - her smell is still associated with the cat she didn't like. What if your mom tried spraying herself with Feliway to break the bad association?
posted by amethysts at 9:31 PM on July 21, 2010 [2 favorites]


What? No. I growl back, complete with flopping onto the floor and scrambling after them on my hands and knees. YMMV.
posted by rhizome at 9:42 PM on July 21, 2010


Well, you could try having your Mom stay over for a few days, bringing clean clothes and showering as soon as she arrives. If you can present your Mom without other-cat-smell that might at least tell you something, and potentially get your cat to meet her as an individual.

I'd start looking for a cat sitter, though. It sounds stressful and dangerous for both of them, and I'm not sure you're going to find a way to solve this in time.
posted by amtho at 9:56 PM on July 21, 2010


Have your mom approach her slowly and feed her some tuna.
posted by whiskeyspider at 10:14 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


My pointless waste of space of a cat* is an aggressive little monster to my friends - when I am around. When I go overseas and my friends come by to feed her, suddenly she's all snuggles and purrs.

Cupboard love is a powerful, if transient, thing.

* I love my dumb bitey cat.
posted by rdc at 10:15 PM on July 21, 2010


Bwithh, catnip is not like Xanax for cats. It's a stimulant.

Feliway is probably the right choice here. You can experiment with the spray bottles -- the trick is to spray just a teensy spurt without hitting the cat in the face, but as close to the cat's nose as possible and right when the cat is anxious about mom. But I suspect it's really going to take a Feliway diffuser to get the whole house smelling like valerian root (which is what the stuff is) and getting the cat to feel relaxed wherever and whenever. If the house is Feliwayed thoroughly the cat is probably going to be as copacetic as you can get her by the time mom comes over.

But you'll have to experiment before you leave, and there's always a chance it won't work or needs more time.
posted by dhartung at 10:21 PM on July 21, 2010 [2 favorites]


Spritz her with tuna juice.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:34 PM on July 21, 2010


At best you'll get the cat to be resentfully tolerant, although as rdc points out "Cupboard love is a powerful, if transient, thing."

Your mom could take the more aggressive tack and defend herself against the cat. The cat will learn not to mess with your mom, but there won't be any love there. Or your mom could attempt to woo the cat with treats and toys, which will result in sullen stares. A mix of both might be needed, since cats are capricious creatures.

The cat lady in me would suggest sitting in a quiet space with the cat and a box of treats. When ever the cat approaches with neutral or positive behavior, reward the cat. If the cat approaches with aggressive behavior, defend and dominate but do not punish. Watch two cats wrestling to get an idea of how to do this. Here's how cats do it (ignore the music).
posted by fiercekitten at 11:01 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Valerian treated like catnip can be helpful. Cats dig valerian.

But I think I'm with amtho on this...there's no way to know if your cat can handle having your mom as a caretaker in time.
posted by batmonkey at 11:23 PM on July 21, 2010


I like the theory that you mom smells like cat your cat Amelie doesn't like. Can your mom bring over and leave some clothing that has that cat's smell on it so your cat can get use to it and see there's no threat now. Maybe you could spray the clothing with Feliway or sprinkle it with Valerian (I learned something new) and see if it helps.
I like fiercekitten's idea of sitting with treats and reward neutral or positive behavior. Arby's roast beef tempts all our cats, no matter what their mood.
posted by stray thoughts at 7:05 AM on July 22, 2010


My friend, neighbor & mefite catlet is often a guest in my home. She has her own kitties and it used to be when she visited, PointyCat would try to menace her in a way similar to your description. I could never figure out if it was Smell of Other Kitties or whether he was just being possessive (My mama! My chair!) She started using a small squirt bottle of water or a can of air to either lightly mist him or hiss near him (careful not to squirt him with the canned air) and eventually taught him that she was not to be menaced. He eventually left her alone and now often crawls in her lap when she is over. :)
posted by pointystick at 7:37 AM on July 22, 2010


Similar thing happened to me: my sister's Siamese hated me. I've always liked cats, had cats, gotten along with cats.

Two theories were suggested – one, that he could smell my cat on me, and hated that; the other, that because of the close relationship, I smelled a bit like my sister, but wasn't her and the cat got confused and angry because of this. I'm thinking something like the latter could apply to you and your mother.

The Siamese never came to like me, so I have no suggestions.
posted by zadcat at 9:45 AM on July 22, 2010


In my experience, cats that don't like people will continue to dislike them until the cat, using their particular kitty logic, decide that the person is now ok.

Bribery with things like food and such might help, as could long term exposure, but your best bet here in the short term might be to opt for just keeping them separate.

This doesn't mean that your mom can't cat-sit however. I had to go out of town a while back and my wife's mom watched our four cats, one of which absolutely hates everyone that isn't me. Whenever my mother-in-law came over the cat would hide. But that wasn't a problem; we closed off any rooms the cat could conceivably get stuck in, and she'd just put out food and water and change the litter box. She said that over the course of the week, all she ever saw of my cat was a beige streak moving away from her as she opened the door.

The cat is smart enough to feed itself, so it all worked out.
posted by quin at 12:36 PM on July 22, 2010


What you want is some counterconditioning and desensitization.
Link 1. (PDF).
Link 2.
Link 3.

Basically, teach your cat that when your Mom is around, magical goodies rain from the sky. Or similar.
posted by medusa at 12:38 PM on July 22, 2010


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