Is he my boyfriend or a creepy sex addict?
July 19, 2010 8:09 PM Subscribe
Should I trust him? Can people really change?
posted by osloheart to Human Relations (71 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. He is a loving, sweet, happy person, and we seem to be a perfect fit for each other. We have a lot of fun. I have fallen in love with him. Our relationship has moved quickly, and we are now living together and talking a lot about the future. He says I am the one, the girl he has been looking for his whole life, and he wants us to have a family and be together forever. He said he doesnt want to be with anyone else for the rest of his life, that he has "sewed his wild oats" and is ready to settle down.
Problem is, I dont know if I fully believe him. And it is my own fault.
About two months ago, I noticed that he was either telling white lies, or stretching the truth, about relatively minor things. He seemed secretive at times. And I just got that "feeling." I tried to fight it, but one day it got the best of me and I looked in his email. Yup.
I found out he had at least tried (he says nothing ever came from his attempts) to cheat on his last girlfriend of 3 years; he had, just before meeting me, been involved with at least 3 different girls, one of whom was an underage virgin, a fact he happily bragged to his friends about. He was all the fuck over craigslist and dating sites looking for girls. He was having a weird email thing with a russian girl, where he told her to come here and they would be together (he claims he was just playing along with a scam, but i think a part of him was hoping she was real, due to the long emails he sent, including his address and phone number. One of the messages said "thank you for the phone call yesterday...") what the fuck. He also sent facebook messages to all kinds of girls, saying "youre pretty" or "you are so beautiful" etc etc... This one hurts, because that is partly how he picked me up. He has about a thousand facebook friends and at the time I looked at his email, he was still requesting friendship with random girls, 4 months into our relationship. He has no excuse for it. It has since stopped.
He claims to be a Buddhist, has been for six years. He doesnt drink or kill flies, but he sure as hell DOES engage in sexual misconduct and telling lies. Again, what the fuck.
Anyway, he has a sordid past. He says that he has changed. He promises me that he will never hurt me. He tells me he loves me every day and so far has been a great boyfriend. But I just cant seem to trust him deep down. He is a lifeguard, and I cant stop picturing in my mind the photos he emailed to friends of girls at the beach, every time he leaves for work.
I am to the point where I have become a miserable, jealous bitch. I feel almost bipolar because the littlest thing will trigger my memory and I will feel hurt and let down and get sad.
I was alone for a long time before him. I thought I had found the one. Now I am not so sure. I am trying to forget it and give him a chance, but I am afraid of investing my time and love into a guy that doesnt deserve it.
Can people really change?
Should I take a leap of faith here?
Or should I get the fuck outta here?
Or am I being a complete psycho?
Sorry if my writing is confusing, but you should be inside my brain right now. I would really appreciate some advice. Thank you.