Why can't I be like the other kids?
July 17, 2010 3:48 PM Subscribe
What can I do to get over my weirdness with having other people in my house?
As a child, I was rarely allowed to have friends over - my mother would say we'd cause a mess. So I grew up not knowing what it's like to have other kids around (besides my little brother) playing with my toys. I think this has transferred into my adulthood...
Now that I have my own place, I have a hard time asking more than 1-2 friends over. I enjoy their company, don't get me wrong, but I panic a little inside when people come over and start going through my things. My internal thought process is "I don't come to your house and start pulling your books out of the bookshelf! Why are doing that here? Why did you go find my computer and start using it?". And it's always as if we're sitting in the living room and then someone wanders to the kitchen and starts opening all the cabinets and pulling things out, in search of god knows what...
It's not really a problem with sharing or something, I'm comfortable with lending things to other people. And it's certainly not a cleanliness issue; I'm not a neat freak, I'd describe my home as organized chaos. I just feel every time I have a few friends over something ends up broken or stained and I feel stressed by having to deal with fixing or replacing the damaged item. I feel terrible even confessing this anonymously, to say nothing of how I'd feel if my friends ever found out I think this way. What can I do to help this? I want to host more get-togethers but I can't get over my uncomfortableness with having people who are just going to paw through my possessions. Am I being way too crazy here?
As a child, I was rarely allowed to have friends over - my mother would say we'd cause a mess. So I grew up not knowing what it's like to have other kids around (besides my little brother) playing with my toys. I think this has transferred into my adulthood...
Now that I have my own place, I have a hard time asking more than 1-2 friends over. I enjoy their company, don't get me wrong, but I panic a little inside when people come over and start going through my things. My internal thought process is "I don't come to your house and start pulling your books out of the bookshelf! Why are doing that here? Why did you go find my computer and start using it?". And it's always as if we're sitting in the living room and then someone wanders to the kitchen and starts opening all the cabinets and pulling things out, in search of god knows what...
It's not really a problem with sharing or something, I'm comfortable with lending things to other people. And it's certainly not a cleanliness issue; I'm not a neat freak, I'd describe my home as organized chaos. I just feel every time I have a few friends over something ends up broken or stained and I feel stressed by having to deal with fixing or replacing the damaged item. I feel terrible even confessing this anonymously, to say nothing of how I'd feel if my friends ever found out I think this way. What can I do to help this? I want to host more get-togethers but I can't get over my uncomfortableness with having people who are just going to paw through my possessions. Am I being way too crazy here?
I am not sure what to say, but your friends should not be breaking things or making a mess. I do find that odd. If this is their behavior, you are not being crazy. Are your friends very young? I mean if you have a bunch of 10-year olds over it would make sense, but adults should not act this way. As I said, I am not sure what to tell you except that you are not crazy for being upset.
Perhaps when your friends do come over you could nicely ask them to not rummage through your cupboards or mess with your stuff? Maybe you could put stuff out you don't mind them playing with to distract them?
posted by fifilaru at 4:01 PM on July 17, 2010
Perhaps when your friends do come over you could nicely ask them to not rummage through your cupboards or mess with your stuff? Maybe you could put stuff out you don't mind them playing with to distract them?
posted by fifilaru at 4:01 PM on July 17, 2010
That is weird behavior on your friends' part. They seem to have odd boundaries.
posted by thatone at 4:04 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by thatone at 4:04 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think your friends are rude and incredibly insensitive.
If I were you, I wouldn't have them over either, at least not in whatever numbers makes them feel they can ransack your home.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 4:10 PM on July 17, 2010
If I were you, I wouldn't have them over either, at least not in whatever numbers makes them feel they can ransack your home.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 4:10 PM on July 17, 2010
I don't like having people in MY space; very very few people are ever invited over, because my home is my sanctum and people are things that happen Outside.
That said, your friends are jerks, frankly, and have lost the privilege of home visits. Jumping on your computer? breaking things? Nope, they aren't allowed in the house anymore. Meet them chez eux or in public locales.
Your home is YOUR home. YOU set your comfort zone. It is perfectly acceptable for your comfort zone to mean no guests.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]
That said, your friends are jerks, frankly, and have lost the privilege of home visits. Jumping on your computer? breaking things? Nope, they aren't allowed in the house anymore. Meet them chez eux or in public locales.
Your home is YOUR home. YOU set your comfort zone. It is perfectly acceptable for your comfort zone to mean no guests.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]
It's not your weirdness, by the way; it's theirs.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2010
posted by fivesavagepalms at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2010
It seems likely that you may be exaggerating the extent to which your stuff gets damaged. But even if that isn't the case, think about what you stand to gain in the grand scheme of things. From time to time stuff gets messed up, but you get to create and grow relationships with those you care about. It's just stuff at the end of the day. Relax and go with it.
posted by platosadvocate at 4:15 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by platosadvocate at 4:15 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yeah, another vote for "your friends have boundary issues." When I have people over, they ask me if they want to use the computer, and they generally just point to things on my bookshelves when they see something interesting.
Are ALL your friends like this? I'd think about just inviting over the people who don't put their hands on everything, and the others I'd just meet for drinks or lunch somewhere other than my house.
posted by chrominance at 4:15 PM on July 17, 2010
Are ALL your friends like this? I'd think about just inviting over the people who don't put their hands on everything, and the others I'd just meet for drinks or lunch somewhere other than my house.
posted by chrominance at 4:15 PM on July 17, 2010
Also, I feel like the worst thing that would happen if you told all your friends to stop touching your stuff would be that you gain a reputation for being uptight about stuff in your house. I doubt you'd actually lose any friends over that sort of thing, unless they're really crappy friends to start with.
posted by chrominance at 4:17 PM on July 17, 2010
posted by chrominance at 4:17 PM on July 17, 2010
I agree with rubbish bin a bit. You either have very good or very assertive friends; or you are over stating a bit because it bothers you so much and that is what it seems like to you. And if it is the latter that is OK; it can feel like that even when people or admiring a knicknack, discussing a book, or want a glass.
I think you need to take a two pronged approach here. First, it is OK, and even gracious to draw some lines you do not wish guest to cross. Don't feel bad about doing that. I'm no where near a great cook, but I like to pretend. In setting up my house I spent more time organizing my kitchen than all the rest of the house. I have no problem telling someone I will get them a glass and hand them the ice bucket. They may not check out my spice rack or knives, no way! No one has ever griped about that limit, I think you would find it the same.
I'm much less concerned about my books or the things on my mantel, et c., but I think it would be fair and reasonable to ask a visitor to handle only one at a time, and to let you put it back in place each time. Maybe, some would be come uncomfortable enough to handle fewer, but I don't think they would think you totally out of line.
Then the second prong. Perhaps you do need to lighten up just a bit. Set the limits, but don't panic if someone makes a single mistake. Remind yourself that the contact they are making with those things is showing an appreciation for your taste, and they show an interest in you by showing an interest in what you collect.
It is because they are admiring your things that they will understand your concern. As the finger each item, smile, then take it carefully and put it back where it belongs.
posted by Some1 at 4:19 PM on July 17, 2010
I think you need to take a two pronged approach here. First, it is OK, and even gracious to draw some lines you do not wish guest to cross. Don't feel bad about doing that. I'm no where near a great cook, but I like to pretend. In setting up my house I spent more time organizing my kitchen than all the rest of the house. I have no problem telling someone I will get them a glass and hand them the ice bucket. They may not check out my spice rack or knives, no way! No one has ever griped about that limit, I think you would find it the same.
I'm much less concerned about my books or the things on my mantel, et c., but I think it would be fair and reasonable to ask a visitor to handle only one at a time, and to let you put it back in place each time. Maybe, some would be come uncomfortable enough to handle fewer, but I don't think they would think you totally out of line.
Then the second prong. Perhaps you do need to lighten up just a bit. Set the limits, but don't panic if someone makes a single mistake. Remind yourself that the contact they are making with those things is showing an appreciation for your taste, and they show an interest in you by showing an interest in what you collect.
It is because they are admiring your things that they will understand your concern. As the finger each item, smile, then take it carefully and put it back where it belongs.
posted by Some1 at 4:19 PM on July 17, 2010
Is it possible you're inflating the frequency of these rude behaviors because of the outcome you've grown to fear/expect?
If there's a large party, sure someone might drop a glass or knock something over, thats understandable and an accident. It's part of the risk of having a party, and something to adjust to with time and exposure.
There is a difference between an accident, and people being disrespectful of your things. If someone decides they don't need to pick up something they dropped, or help you clean up a spill, etc, thats just rude and not normal.
I wonder if you are assuming an accident is something else, because you expect people to be rude or make a mess.
Also, if your friends are going to be looking to entertain themselves, maybe having something like coffee table books, snacks, or small puzzles, will keep the ADD inclined off your computer and out of your cabinets.
posted by fontophilic at 4:31 PM on July 17, 2010
If there's a large party, sure someone might drop a glass or knock something over, thats understandable and an accident. It's part of the risk of having a party, and something to adjust to with time and exposure.
There is a difference between an accident, and people being disrespectful of your things. If someone decides they don't need to pick up something they dropped, or help you clean up a spill, etc, thats just rude and not normal.
I wonder if you are assuming an accident is something else, because you expect people to be rude or make a mess.
Also, if your friends are going to be looking to entertain themselves, maybe having something like coffee table books, snacks, or small puzzles, will keep the ADD inclined off your computer and out of your cabinets.
posted by fontophilic at 4:31 PM on July 17, 2010
For me (and my mom and her mom and!) this was fundamentally an issue of control and anxiety. Sometimes people, especially young people, will break a glass or stain the carpet, especially when drinking. So my friends tend to use plastic cups when serving alcohol at parties. Not a big deal.
Most folks assume that your bookshelves are an interesting place to find new books, learn more about you, and that they're On limits. Not a big deal. Computers are a little weird - you could turn it off or otherwise indicate it's off limits. While some folks are right above that your friends need to be a little more respectful, the fundamental issue here for you may be about your own sense of control and boundaries (which it sounds you may've picked up from your mom).
Some questions to think about:
What's it like when you hang out at your most fun friends' houses? How could you make having hangouts at your house be like that? If you've removed the precious breakables from common areas, what is it that you're really afraid of when people come over? What do you think they're going to find out about you? If you accept that you'll probably have to clean a little after a get-together, what are they really "messing up"?
Good luck - I've only recently been able to host my first two parties, and they were a Lot of fun once I stopped stressing!
posted by ldthomps at 4:43 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Most folks assume that your bookshelves are an interesting place to find new books, learn more about you, and that they're On limits. Not a big deal. Computers are a little weird - you could turn it off or otherwise indicate it's off limits. While some folks are right above that your friends need to be a little more respectful, the fundamental issue here for you may be about your own sense of control and boundaries (which it sounds you may've picked up from your mom).
Some questions to think about:
What's it like when you hang out at your most fun friends' houses? How could you make having hangouts at your house be like that? If you've removed the precious breakables from common areas, what is it that you're really afraid of when people come over? What do you think they're going to find out about you? If you accept that you'll probably have to clean a little after a get-together, what are they really "messing up"?
Good luck - I've only recently been able to host my first two parties, and they were a Lot of fun once I stopped stressing!
posted by ldthomps at 4:43 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm not a neat freak, I'd describe my home as organized chaos.
This sort of leapt out at me. My home is the same way, and for some people it seems to make them think that they can feel free to make a mess (leaving napkins or food wrappers sitting on the couch instead of putting them in the garbage, etc.) when they wouldn't ever do it in their own home. Their attitude seems to be "your house appears to be a mess, so why should I bother" because they don't see the "organized" in the "chaos."
That said, I don't like folks in my home either, so I mostly just don't invite anyone over. Like L'Estrange Fruit said above, my home is my sanctuary and people belong outside of it, thank you very much!) I think this contributes to the anxiety too -- because no one is usually here, I don't worry about which books are on the bookshelf or where I set my tax return because who's going to see it? And then when someone's coming over, I suddenly have to panic about EVERYTHING THAT'S PRIVATE!!! all at once.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 5:05 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]
This sort of leapt out at me. My home is the same way, and for some people it seems to make them think that they can feel free to make a mess (leaving napkins or food wrappers sitting on the couch instead of putting them in the garbage, etc.) when they wouldn't ever do it in their own home. Their attitude seems to be "your house appears to be a mess, so why should I bother" because they don't see the "organized" in the "chaos."
That said, I don't like folks in my home either, so I mostly just don't invite anyone over. Like L'Estrange Fruit said above, my home is my sanctuary and people belong outside of it, thank you very much!) I think this contributes to the anxiety too -- because no one is usually here, I don't worry about which books are on the bookshelf or where I set my tax return because who's going to see it? And then when someone's coming over, I suddenly have to panic about EVERYTHING THAT'S PRIVATE!!! all at once.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 5:05 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]
You're allowed to talk to your friends while they're prying.
Kitchen: "Is there something you're looking for? Here, let me get that for you. I organize things my own way and I'm a little quirky about people going through my cabinets." And steer them back toward the couch.
Bookshelf: "What caught your eye? Yeah, I like XYZ a lot, have you read her latest? I don't loan my books out, I'm afraid, but how cool that we have similar tastes. What have you been reading?" And gently remove your property from their hands.
Computer: "Can't wait to harvest your Farmville crops, huh?" kiddingly. Or "What's up, are you checking work/school email? I like hanging out with you, but if you've got something pressing on your mind that you need to check in on, let's get together again another time." And walk them to the door. (Then lock your screen the next time your friends are over.)
This may or may not be your style. My point is, your friends won't know you don't like what they're doing if you don't speak up, one way or another.
posted by dywypi at 5:12 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
Kitchen: "Is there something you're looking for? Here, let me get that for you. I organize things my own way and I'm a little quirky about people going through my cabinets." And steer them back toward the couch.
Bookshelf: "What caught your eye? Yeah, I like XYZ a lot, have you read her latest? I don't loan my books out, I'm afraid, but how cool that we have similar tastes. What have you been reading?" And gently remove your property from their hands.
Computer: "Can't wait to harvest your Farmville crops, huh?" kiddingly. Or "What's up, are you checking work/school email? I like hanging out with you, but if you've got something pressing on your mind that you need to check in on, let's get together again another time." And walk them to the door. (Then lock your screen the next time your friends are over.)
This may or may not be your style. My point is, your friends won't know you don't like what they're doing if you don't speak up, one way or another.
posted by dywypi at 5:12 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
My friends go through my stuff too and it drives me crazy. I've always chalked it up to being an only child who clearly never learned to relax when others touched my things.
I don't know that I have great advice for you, I can only tell you that I take a deep breath and tell myself they are my friends and they are not going to judge me by what they find checking out my drawers, cabinets, and closets. I also find that if I ask them not to open something specific, they generally don't (for example, the closet that looks like a bomb went off in it or the room where I threw everything when I found out they were coming over, etc.).
This is also one of those anxiety situations that improves with repeated exposure. So keep inviting people in to your space. Soon their searches won't be quite as nerve-wracking.
posted by cecic at 5:13 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't know that I have great advice for you, I can only tell you that I take a deep breath and tell myself they are my friends and they are not going to judge me by what they find checking out my drawers, cabinets, and closets. I also find that if I ask them not to open something specific, they generally don't (for example, the closet that looks like a bomb went off in it or the room where I threw everything when I found out they were coming over, etc.).
This is also one of those anxiety situations that improves with repeated exposure. So keep inviting people in to your space. Soon their searches won't be quite as nerve-wracking.
posted by cecic at 5:13 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I can only tell you that I take a deep breath and tell myself they are my friends and they are not going to judge me by what they find checking out my drawers, cabinets, and closets. I also find that if I ask them not to open something specific, they generally don't (for example, the closet that looks like a bomb went off in it or the room where I threw everything when I found out they were coming over, etc.).
Is it really that common for people to go through their friends' drawers, cabinets and closets unless specifically asked not to?? I am surprised by how many people in this thread have friends who do this. I never do this to other people and I have never had anyone (aside from small children) attempt to do it in my house either. I don't think it's crazy not to want people to go through your drawers or use your computer without asking, but I will admit I look at books on other peoples' bookshelves and don't mind when they look through my bookshelves. I guess I look at it this way: bookshelves/stuff on shelves or coffee table in living room = open = not private; drawer/turned off computer/closet = closed = private.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:03 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Is it really that common for people to go through their friends' drawers, cabinets and closets unless specifically asked not to?? I am surprised by how many people in this thread have friends who do this. I never do this to other people and I have never had anyone (aside from small children) attempt to do it in my house either. I don't think it's crazy not to want people to go through your drawers or use your computer without asking, but I will admit I look at books on other peoples' bookshelves and don't mind when they look through my bookshelves. I guess I look at it this way: bookshelves/stuff on shelves or coffee table in living room = open = not private; drawer/turned off computer/closet = closed = private.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:03 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
When you invite someone into your home you are welcoming them and indicating a certain trust. This trust has "don't fuck with my stuff" implied. Unless of course you invited someone over to "check out my book collection" etc.
That being said, generally pulling a book off a shelf is no big deal. Accessing your PC without asking is.
Going through cupboards sounds like looking for drinking glasses, but the polite way is to say something along the line of "can I get something to drink, where's your glasses?"
Depending on your age there are a million ways to say "back off my shit" while still being polite.
"Do you need a hand?" works wonders.
Your house IS your sanctuary but, assuming you are not inviting crack heads over, the people you invite into it are people you want over. The benefit of the doubt is in order, no one wants to be the one who spilled a beer but sometimes shit happens.
No one SHOULD be the one who just hops on your pc either, or turns on the sound system and cranks out your ABBA favs without asking first. Unless you have been a total boob in their houses you have the right to draw boundaries.
I have to go, someone is fucking with my stuff.
posted by Max Power at 6:35 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
That being said, generally pulling a book off a shelf is no big deal. Accessing your PC without asking is.
Going through cupboards sounds like looking for drinking glasses, but the polite way is to say something along the line of "can I get something to drink, where's your glasses?"
Depending on your age there are a million ways to say "back off my shit" while still being polite.
"Do you need a hand?" works wonders.
Your house IS your sanctuary but, assuming you are not inviting crack heads over, the people you invite into it are people you want over. The benefit of the doubt is in order, no one wants to be the one who spilled a beer but sometimes shit happens.
No one SHOULD be the one who just hops on your pc either, or turns on the sound system and cranks out your ABBA favs without asking first. Unless you have been a total boob in their houses you have the right to draw boundaries.
I have to go, someone is fucking with my stuff.
posted by Max Power at 6:35 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I had one friend and several relatives who do this kind of thing every time they come over and it drives me fucking nuts. I'm generally pretty easygoing, but I don't enjoy having people rifle through my underwear drawers and private spaces the minute I turn my back on them, no matter what our relationship is -- that's just flat-out rude. After repeatedly (and unsuccessfully) asking these people to stay out of my things, I decided to not invite that particular friend over anymore and lock the doors to my bedroom and office when the relatives visit during the holidays.
Some people have no respect for boundaries. You should not feel guilty for insisting that people behave themselves in your home.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 7:22 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Some people have no respect for boundaries. You should not feel guilty for insisting that people behave themselves in your home.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 7:22 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't like people in my house. My relatives are very judge-y and boy, was it rubbed in on holidays where my mom would obsessively clean the house and scream at me all day. So to some degree I have that in my head even though my friends aren't so much with the neat freakiness either. Also, I don't keep the house "hostess ready" with a wide variety of drinks and food for more than one to offer at all times, I don't want people to take their shoes off (I have hippie friends and some insist on that) because I'm a crafter and god only knows what little sharp objects you're gonna step on around here in the carpet, and it's just rather stressful to have people going through the house complaining that the couch still smells like cat even though you destank it to the best of your ability and cats haven't lived in the house in 4 years. Man, who needs the judging?
It probably would relieve my anxiety if I did keep the house constantly spic and span and hostess ready at all times just in case, but am I going to do that realistically? No, I am not. So...eh, I just don't have people over much beyond 1-2 at a time, and hopefully they're slobs enough not to complain too much. I have one friend whose house is actually rather horrifying in a way (slobby men live there and throw their clothes all over the living room, plus multiple furballs live there), but she doesn't give a crap. In a way that's kind of nice that she isn't all stressed about it the way that I am.
People going through your stuff and breaking it, however, is a good reason NOT to want them to come over and go through/break your stuff. If people came over and did that at my house, I wouldn't want them to come over FOR GOOD REASON. Even if they aren't breaking your stuff, it feels pretty judge-y to have someone conspicuously pawing up your bookcases or rummaging through your desk. I don't really see that as a problem to "get over" so much as it is that your friends are being kinda rude to do that crap in the first place. Yeah, accidents happen, but if they always happen when people come over? Man, just host a get-together in a local park and use the picnic tables and keep your stuff out of it.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:50 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
It probably would relieve my anxiety if I did keep the house constantly spic and span and hostess ready at all times just in case, but am I going to do that realistically? No, I am not. So...eh, I just don't have people over much beyond 1-2 at a time, and hopefully they're slobs enough not to complain too much. I have one friend whose house is actually rather horrifying in a way (slobby men live there and throw their clothes all over the living room, plus multiple furballs live there), but she doesn't give a crap. In a way that's kind of nice that she isn't all stressed about it the way that I am.
People going through your stuff and breaking it, however, is a good reason NOT to want them to come over and go through/break your stuff. If people came over and did that at my house, I wouldn't want them to come over FOR GOOD REASON. Even if they aren't breaking your stuff, it feels pretty judge-y to have someone conspicuously pawing up your bookcases or rummaging through your desk. I don't really see that as a problem to "get over" so much as it is that your friends are being kinda rude to do that crap in the first place. Yeah, accidents happen, but if they always happen when people come over? Man, just host a get-together in a local park and use the picnic tables and keep your stuff out of it.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:50 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I wasn't allowed to have people over when I was a kid, so now that I'm an adult, I make a point of hosting group events at least once a month. Since I hate HATE it when people touch my stuff, I put my stuff in my bedroom and lock the door. Laptop, breakables - it all goes in my locked bedroom. And I now have the world's most boring medicine cabinet.
For me and most of the people I know, bookshelves are there to be seen. I have a friend who organizes his novels from most French to least, and he would be really sad if no one noticed.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:56 AM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
For me and most of the people I know, bookshelves are there to be seen. I have a friend who organizes his novels from most French to least, and he would be really sad if no one noticed.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:56 AM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
I assume that bookshelves are 'on-limits' in general for browsing; however, a couple of my friends have told me that they are not (they've said that they are arranged in a particular way that they don't want messed up) - and so now I know that they are off-limits. If your place is organised chaos then it would be easy to say something like "I know it looks messy, but I know where everything is so I'd appreciate if you didn't pick things out of the shelves without asking first".
Some of the other stuff sounds very much like overstepping boundaries to me, and may represent a deeper problem - but I agree with other people that bookshelves are sort of 'open to rifling' and if you don't want that to happen you're going to have to say something.
posted by Coobeastie at 3:24 AM on July 18, 2010
Some of the other stuff sounds very much like overstepping boundaries to me, and may represent a deeper problem - but I agree with other people that bookshelves are sort of 'open to rifling' and if you don't want that to happen you're going to have to say something.
posted by Coobeastie at 3:24 AM on July 18, 2010
If your friends are constantly breaking your shit and making a mess, then yeah, that sounds like it would get pretty annoying fast. The other things you mention, like looking for junk in your kitchen or reading your books seems like a silly thing to get worked up about. I would like to think that my friends and I are comfortable enough with one another that they don't feel like they are at the Queen's house when they come visit. If your house is messy, as you say, then I think people are going to assume you're a lot more comfortable with people being laid back and messy than perhaps they should be. Ultimately, if you don't want people fucking with your shit, then you should probably try and say so. Most people won't guess they are in wrong if you are quietly brooding to yourself.
Personally, I think this isn't something getting worked up about. I mean, does it really matter if someone is searching for cups or surfing on the Internet or leafing through your books? If I had friends who were mangling my books, I'd tell them. Because I hate mangled books. You can be assertive and not be rude.
posted by chunking express at 11:09 AM on July 19, 2010
Personally, I think this isn't something getting worked up about. I mean, does it really matter if someone is searching for cups or surfing on the Internet or leafing through your books? If I had friends who were mangling my books, I'd tell them. Because I hate mangled books. You can be assertive and not be rude.
posted by chunking express at 11:09 AM on July 19, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by rubbish bin night at 3:51 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]