dancing etiquette question

March 4, 2005 8:39 PM

What is the etiquette with respect to dancing at say, a rave party?

I found myself on the dance floor with this girl I didn't know very well, and it seems to me that there is no attempt at conversation or anything. Is it the form to writhe more or less separately or is there some other form of communication to indicate that we're not strangers dancing alone together? I should add that this was at Sydney, and that I'm more at home with salsa type dancing.

posted by dhruva to Society & Culture (10 answers total)

From my experiences in in West Coast and Midwest US, in addition to a little fun in Germany, I would say the international etiquette is that you can dance on the floor for as long as you want with a girl at a reasonable distance, but don't follow her around. On the other hand, if you've both been on the floor for a bit and she's giving you the 'come hither', its fair game to get close, and do more. You're also allowed to lean in and ask her if she wants to get a drink somewhere a little quieter than the dance floor.

These are of course loosely defined and often broken in any number of ways. This is why women bring friends with them to dance parties :-)

Good luck busting the moves on future parties!
posted by onalark at 8:47 PM on March 4, 2005

In the rave scene of Wisconsin, in the 90's, one simply did what felt right. Not even gender mattered, only empathy. Reach for her hand. If she takes yours, cool. It takes both sides of your brain, you're making art.
posted by Goofyy at 8:49 PM on March 4, 2005

Right, forgot to add that I was stating basic generic "you're at a dance club" rules. People at these things tend to be slightly rolling or drunk, but for the most part you're following the regular social basics.

OTOH, if you're at an underground rave where everybody around you is tweaking and there are people undressing on the speakers, the gloves are off.

I'll summarize with: it's a social awareness thing, look at how the people around you are acting, don't be the most extreme (unless you want to be the alpha) and don't be a wallflower.
posted by onalark at 8:52 PM on March 4, 2005

From my experience - be yourself. If you start dancing in a weird or crazy manner, it's assumed you're on drugs. Chat to everyone you want to, they're either on ecstasy or will assume that you are.

I also find a general `don't hit on people' thing - appreciate others for the way they look but don't try and pick up on the dance floor. You're there for the music and the group feeling.

Don't be aggressive, ever.

The greatest thing about the rave scene is the general acceptance of anything. I have been to raves wearing a hawaiian shirt and jeans, t-shirt and track pants, or crazy furry boots, bizarre top and bright orange hair. It's all good.
posted by tomble at 10:23 PM on March 4, 2005

If you do not physically harm anyone, then anything goes.
posted by Kilovolt at 10:37 PM on March 4, 2005

I can vouch for the "anything goes" people, having been a "rave dj" for almost a decade now.

One thing that most of my female friends note is that they enjoy the welcoming aspect of such events because they aren't being "hit on" the same way as in the normal club meatmarkets.

Another great thing is that you can dance like a goofball with no inherent "skills" and nobody cares. In fact, you might find that people come up to you and compliment you for it.

But no, it's not really conversational. There are other cues for that sort of thing, however.
posted by First Post at 1:33 AM on March 5, 2005

Its also worth noting that the dancing that goes on at most parties and clubs is usually of a much more of a communal and social nature than salsa dancing. People are mostly there to have fun, not seduce one another. Rather than having a single partner for one or more songs, you'll find yourself dancing with several people, or a group of people, and people will come in and out as time goes on. It's a much more fluid and open atmosphere. Your 'partner' can include the 10 or so people around you, the DJ, the lights, whatever drugs your on, and a myriad of other things.

The best general advice when entering a dance or club scene that's new to you is hang back for a few minutes and see what everyone else is doing. Then get on the floor and just copy them. In no time at all you should be able to pick up the rules and start improvising.

As to some sort of communication to let her know that you are no longer strangers dancing in the vicinity of one another, oh I don't know, what about the form of communication known as dancing? Make eye contact, smile, try mirroring her movements, try to get her to mirror or complement yours. If you're a half way decent dancer, you can get much more intimate with a person on the dance floor in two minutes than you can in a half an hour of "So... come here often?"
posted by ChasFile at 3:30 AM on March 5, 2005

me = raver

Dancefloor etiquette?

It's pretty simple. You're there to dance. Do so. Make eye contact, sure.. but bear in mind that she's there to dance too. The time to flirt is off the dancefloor... generally.

This is a very difficult thing to explain. It's one of those things where if you have to ask, you shouldn't bother asking, if that makes any sense?

The point of a rave is for a bunch of people to come together and dance to some amazing music and have a good time. and do a bunch of drugs. So go, dance, have fun. If there seems to be a connection, whether drug-fuelled or no, then (as chasfile suggested above) start mirroring some of her dance moves.. but not in a creepy "Look, I'm dancing exactly the same as you!" kind of way. Pick out something she does repeatedly (I know I have some moves that I do over and over, for example), take it, and then break out into something different with it.

Rave dancing is not seduction dancing; it's creating a transitory piece of mobile art. Have fun. The moment when you stop thinking about what that girl thinks of you, how you look to other people, what you're going to do next... that's the point everyone is looking for. That one sublime moment (which you can hopefully sustain) where your body simply moves without any conscious thought.

So yes... indicate to her that you see her dancing, but don't do so in an obtrusive manner. She's following her bliss; you should follow yours.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:29 AM on March 5, 2005

Dancefloor is for dancing and fun. Massaging, touching, doing light shows for each other, making out, is for everywhere else. It really is about fun and art - she'll be attracted by you being into the dancing, into the music, and by seeing you have fun and being one with your environment. That, and if you offer a back rub or lightshow, assuming she's rolling or really into the scene.

Dirtynumbangelboy's got it spot on.

I'll agree anything goes at a rave, but in my experience (DC, NYC) anything besides dancing is best left off the dance floor and in a corner... or on the speakers.

More on point: writhing seperately, very little communication is the norm. That said, there is "fighting" where two people dance together or in sequence, trying to one-up. I've seen a variation of this where people dance "together" by synchronizing moves, sometimes can get very close, but still not sexual. Sound like break dancing? There's a huge influence, and that may be another reason why the dancing is seperate and nonsexual.

Off point: I always liked the flaggers... took up a butload of room but sooo pretttty.
posted by lorrer at 1:10 PM on March 5, 2005

me = geriatric raver who thinks there's been some great advice above, but I disagree slightly that "very little communication is the norm" when dancing separately. I've seen plenty of times on the dancefloor when the communication between non-partnered dancers was flowing like water; the acceptance and creativity are amazing, without the "fighting" vibe that makes breakdancing so one-note dull so much of the time.

As to some sort of communication to let her know that you are no longer strangers dancing in the vicinity of one another, oh I don't know, what about the form of communication known as dancing?

Amen. There's plenty of fun conversation to be had while dancing silently with a stranger; it's a great way to see someone being her/himself, *and* flirt a little without being a meatmarket jerk. Then, if you've decided the person you're dancing with is someone you'd like to get to know better, try "Would you like to get some water?" as a way to get things rolling.
posted by mediareport at 5:13 PM on March 5, 2005