queer quinceañera ideas
July 11, 2010 7:47 PM   Subscribe

queer/birthday party ideas related to a quinceañera.

my birthday (which happens to be my favorite number) and my 15 year coming out anniversary are happening on the same day. to celebrate i want to throw a party for my "queer quinceañera." problem is, i don't know what traditional games/foods might be for such an event - i did some online research and the frilly dresses scare me, though :) that's where you all hopefully come in. i welcome fun traditional and progressive games related to this, meal ideas, etc.

thanks!
posted by anya32 to Human Relations (11 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: Tradition states that you have a dance with your father, and then give a doll to a younger sibling or cousin. It symbolizes leaving your father's protection, and giving up childish things. Are you willing to treat this anniversary like such a significant transition from childhood to adulthood? Who would you dance with? What would you give away to a younger queer person?
posted by pickypicky at 7:58 PM on July 11, 2010


Awesome; I love this idea. I just attended a Quinceañera in Mexico. It was one of the most amazing celebrations I've ever seen. Don't think 'bridal shower'...think 'Six hour party-style performance'.

I don't know how common or traditional this is...but the girl who's 15th we were celebrating performed a series of 10 choreographed dances...all done to dramatically romantic and recognizeable movie themes. Her older brother planned everything. She danced along with her five best guy friends and two best girl friends. Each song was a meaningful part of an elaborate coming out narrative, with a presentation of shoes (given by one of the girl friends) and a tiara fastening (by the other girl friend). Some of the songs and dances were themed around the entering into this new world of womanhood, the loss of innocence, the challenges of choice and dating, and on. There are a lot of parallels here, and you could have a helluva lot of fun with it.

Prior to this performance, there was a roast-style speech given, then a song was played, whereby the woman took turns briefly dancing with every family member in attendance, alternating between father and mother sides, while all guests drank mezcal (which is essentially tequila, but much better).

Also, there is a cake ceremony, a receiving line tradition (for gifts and respects to family), some public opening of gifts (both embarrassing and charming), and LOTS of endless drinking and dancing.

Let me also say that everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, in the town contributes and participates. I was living in the house that this was happening in...every minute of the week before (and all through the nights) people were coming in with balloons, speakers, food, drink, flowers, canopy, decorations, spotlights...it's kind of a big deal. Enjoy the hell out of yours, and congratulations.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:10 PM on July 11, 2010


Traditionally, the quinceañera is presented with two gifts during the party: the first pair of high heels, and the last doll, to represent her passage into womanhood. You could receive instead whatever symbolizes your 15 years or your queerdom. I didn't have a quinceañera party, but if I had, I would have liked to get a pair of Doctor Martens instead.

The quinceañera also dances for her guests (two or three songs, plus the traditional waltz). For example, she might dance a 60's rock song or a cha-cha-cha. I've even have seen tango, ballet and hawaiian dances. She has a different outfit for each dance. You could have female attendants and dance whatever you like.

There are no games or traditional foods, at least where I live.

Quinceañera parties are always corny and over-the-top. That's part of the fun! Get a frilly dress and a ridiculous cake with stairs, too :)
posted by clearlydemon at 8:10 PM on July 11, 2010


Disclaimer: I'm a Gringa who has had a lot of friends do the Quinceanera thing, so my experience comes from being a guest and not as a member of the culture.

There are usually male and female attendants that do a very choreographed dance. I could really see this happening at your party.

Find some music that has meaning for you and work out a dance to go with it. Get a few friends and actually rehearse the dance. For the actual performance you should have your friends dress in matching clothes that somehow coordinate with what you're wearing even if it is just for the dance and not for the whole party. In fact, these dances seem like a really good excuse for costume changes and good excuses for buying multiple party dresses.

At the Quinceaneras that I've been to there is also the ceremonial changing of the shoes. The girl starts out in flats and then switches to heels as the representation of leaving childhood behind and becoming a woman. I don't know what the equivalent would be in your case, but it might be good to some how symbolize this at some point in the party.

The choreographed dance and the shoe changing are the only things that stand out in my mind as must-haves at a Quince, the rest of the time we just ate good food and danced.

Oh yeah, and the tiaras! Every Quince girl I've seen has had a tiara.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:16 PM on July 11, 2010


Oh yes, the cake. It was actually 3 cakes. One with 5 tiers, the other two with 3 each. The smaller cakes were paraded around...moved from location to location, to be showcased and (I think) to make everybody really nervous.

Also, I forgot, the guest of honor was introduced by a marching band, led by her older brother.

I say all this to give some perspective on what a ginormous, over the top production this is...in a small village town of 2000 people. Most houses there didn't even have plumbing or electricity...but the town lit up that night.

In other words, if you're going to do this, GO BIG.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:18 PM on July 11, 2010


Not to be super negative, but I would not throw yourself a quinceañera if you had to look up what that is or what sorts of traditions are associated with them.
posted by Sara C. at 8:21 PM on July 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Also not to be super negative, but as you're committed to progressive ideals, and you have to look up these traditions... why not just wait a year and do a sweet sixteen?
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 10:27 PM on July 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


it's very much like a wedding as far as scale and dress and such and very tied to dad cutting the reins and realizing you're a woman now and he hands the control of you to your date (hence the dad dance, the dance with your date/chaperon, and then the choreographed dance between the females and males in your court). the whole thing is sort of steeped in old patriarchal traditions of ownership. it also has a lot of religious (catholic) tie ins.

i'm sort of on the negative nelly boat of "maybe this isn't what you're really looking for", especially if you balk at the huge dress. i worked in a portrait studio for 10 years and i never once saw one celebrated without a wedding style dress (usually with pink, red, teal, purple, or lime accents) and an entire court of participants. they usually would by about $200-1000 worth of just pictures. the cake was also done in wedding style, but with the same color accents as the dress. she was usually given a rosary and a bible by her godparents, sometimes presented at the studio so they could be in the picture.

if you are going to go forward - think cotillion or debutante ball - also, a tiara with the number 15 on it.
posted by nadawi at 12:08 AM on July 12, 2010


to give you an idea of scale - mis quince magazine.
posted by nadawi at 12:13 AM on July 12, 2010


Response by poster: hi folks, i appreciate all of the suggestions. to the folks with the "negative" comments (your framining, not mine), i appreciate them. i actually relate more to a quinceaera than a sweet 16 in terms of family history and culture, and i appreciate your thoughts. i know a bit about the celebration, but was looking for some fun ideas that are less traditional for my celebration. i have no intention of mocking or even attempting to mirror any of the religious and spiritually significant parts of it. i'm more so using the pun and the truth that the last 15 years have been a real coming of age for me and growing into myself (more so than the first 15 years, for sure). i think i wrote my question sloppily last night before going to sleep and i apologize for that. i really appreciate the cake ideas, etc. and in terms of dresses, i haven't worn a dress in over 15 years because of my gender identity - which is why the dress is a no no for me - and seems a little too disrespectful because that would totally be mocking the process for me. which is also why i'm looking for some more creative/different ideas.

thanks for the links that folks shared, and all of your thoughts!
anya
posted by anya32 at 7:17 AM on July 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: and thank you, pickypick, i really like the idea of giving something to a younger queer person. i'm always looking to support and mentor folks who are young and queer, and i'm now thinking that perhaps a different way to use this teaching lesson is to ask folks at the party to either take a minute to share their coming out stories in writing or write messages for queer youth. there are some great organizations in my area that work with young queer and/or trans-identified people.
posted by anya32 at 8:19 AM on July 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


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