Baby Showers for n00bs
July 9, 2010 2:53 PM   Subscribe

Help me throw a baby shower for my best friend - I have no idea what I'm doing!

I have friends with kids, but most of them had kids after I met them. This is the first time someone close to me is in the midst of a pregnancy. I'd like to throw her a baby shower.

It's her (and her husband's) first child so we don't have much experience, as a trio, planning baby showers. What do I (they/we) need to do?

Note: she's due Aug. 31 but thinks she's going to have the child sooner than that, so we are a bit tight on time.
posted by rikhei to Human Relations (17 answers total)
 
There was an AskMe about baby shower games. You might find something useful there.
posted by wryly at 3:02 PM on July 9, 2010


Find out what she wants in a baby shower: traditional with games and just the girls, no games (some people hate baby shower games - like me!), or maybe a co-ed shower. There are no rules really so long as the mommy to be is happy and baby loot is proffered...
posted by cecic at 3:14 PM on July 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: You need to figure out how many people to invite (varies greatly but 12-20 is pretty average), find a venue, gathering up contact info, invite guests, and receive RSVPs. Do you want there to be a theme? Some people organize showers on themes such as books, where everyone is asked to bring a book for the new baby.

Is it co-ed or women only? Night time? Day time? Whatever you want is fine.

Is your friend registering for baby gifts? If so you should get her started on that ASAP so that when asked, you can provide the info on where she's registered to guests. It's considered somewhat tacky to include the info on the invitation, however.

Do you want to coordinate a group gift? Quite often guests contribute to one larger gift in lieu of individual gifts. This could be something like a stroller or a car seat. You'd need to collect money for that and then shop for the item.

Do you want food? I think luncheon-style baby showers are fun. Light salads, tea sandwiches and that sort of thing (plus sweets, of course). SO decide on that and either begin menu planning or talk to a caterer or maybe the venue you choose, if not at someone's home, has ideas for where to get food.

You need to decide if there's going to be any activity - games and such. I hate the games but do find a little bit of structure at baby showers other than just hang out and chat is nice. Often I've attended showers where the guests provide some written or spoken blessing or anecdote/advice about parenting to the parents-to-be.

Maybe you'll want a guestbook to commemorate the event. Lots of showers I go to seem to incorporate some type of scrapbooking thing, which personally I despise but it's popular.

Will you open gifts at the shower or will she/they open them later? If she opens them at the party, you might help by writing down everything as it's opened to keep track of who gave what so that thank-you cards can be more easily sent.

It's really just a party but given your time frame I'd get on it soon. Invite for a party in mid-August should be out next week.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:15 PM on July 9, 2010


I do not have a baby. None of my close friends has a baby. But loooots of people I used to know have babies now, and through the magic of facebook, I've been able to see photos of their baby showers. They all look like awful, stuffy things. The girl, plus a thousand other girls, plus the moms, grandmoms, aunts, and what seems like every female within a 50 mile radius, changing diapers on dolls, measuring bellies with toilet paper, etc. No one really looked like they were having fun, just going through the motions. But maybe they're bad pictures. Maybe they were having the times of their lives, and you just have to be gestatin' a fetus to really be a part of the action. I don't know.

But! I was at a really popular Chinese restaurant here in Chicago a couple years ago while a really awesome-looking couple was having their baby shower. They were all on the second "party room" floor of the place, but we sat up there, too, due to overflow downstairs. There were chicks and dudes, with their kids all running amok, eating delicious food, and having what seemed to be an awesome time. Everyone signed their names on the mom's belly. It didn't look like a baby shower at all (they did the tummy signing at the end), to the extent that my friends and I had to ask what they were celebrating. (Then they gave us some of those noisemaker whistles with the curly things that pop out.)

So, bottom line is do whatever you think your friend would like. It doesn't have to scream baby shower for it to be an awesome baby-celebrating party.
posted by phunniemee at 3:25 PM on July 9, 2010


Decide gender, if this is her only shower (lots have fam and friends apart) and her registry info.
posted by k8t at 3:51 PM on July 9, 2010


Anecdata point, if it helps you: the co-ed showers I've been to have a DRASTICALLY reduced incidence of horrifying birth stories. Why the ladies feel that they must share the most gruesome and terrifying details of their children's births with the mom-to-be I do not understand, but they seem to tone it down when the gents are around. YMMV.
posted by corey flood at 4:01 PM on July 9, 2010


Whatever else you do or do not do, you will be amazed at the number of glitches your guests will overlook if you have enough great deserts.
posted by imjustsaying at 4:30 PM on July 9, 2010


Ok, a friend did this at my baby shower and it was hilarious and awesome, so do it:

When she's opening her gifts, write down her comments about them. They'll mostly be stuff like "Oh it's so cuuuute" but hopefully she'll say other things as well. At the end, tell her that you were secretly recording what she said and that these statements represent what she said the night her baby was conceived.

Some things I unwittingly said during this game: "Waterproof--that'll come in handy!" (in reference to a crib mattress pad) and "I have a bigger version of this already" (in reference to a small stuffed bunny). Maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny and I highly recommend it!

Oh, and make sure you or someone else writes down what the gifts are and who gave them as she's opening them...makes her thank-you notes much easier later on.
posted by tetralix at 4:45 PM on July 9, 2010


Mine was just very low-key, a big party with my family and some close friends. I did not want games. No one mentioned the lack of games. Thank. God. We had good food and a cake with a rubber ducky on it. I felt weird opening up stuff in front of people, but it was a fun time.

If she isn't really into games, I'd say skip it. The thought of someone measuring my belly gives me the douche chills.

Oh, and for decoration, my mom bought clothesline and plastic clothespins with baby blue and pink on them, and a few packs of cute onesies, and hung the onesies up on the clothesline that was strung around the room. It was both cute and later useful - the clothesline's on my deck now.
posted by kpht at 4:45 PM on July 9, 2010


Best answer: Female-only baby showers are the norm where I am so that's most of what I've been to, but I've been to a few co-ed ones. I am NOT a fan of shower games unless they're pretty benign -- I was at someone else's shower when I was pregnant and they did "taste the baby food" and "figure out which candy bars we have melted to look like poop and put in diapers is which." Both the mother-to-be and I were having terrible nausea, and could not participate in either game, so I suggests AGAINST food games for that reason alone! (Also, IDing candy-bar-fake-poop is pretty much the grossest idea for a game I can imagine.) Pen-and-paper games tend to get the most participation, I've noted, if you must have games. Another game I really enjoyed was decorating onesies with (safe) fabric pens ... everyone had a lot of fun "coloring" something for the baby.

Food is usually light and luncheon-y -- quiches, deli trays, nice salads -- and most showers I go to have champagne and wine, though local customs vary and some mothers hate when everyone but them gets to drink. And some kind of cake (ideally not the type of decor that ends up on cakewrecks, though!).

It's pretty typical to have the mom-to-be open the gifts while everyone watches, which is sort-of awkward at an adult party. It's usually good to start it while people are eating desserts, and to try to make it possible for people to chat. If it's an EVERYONE STARE AT THE MOM-TO-BE thing people feel awkward and bored (including mom-to-be), but if people are able to chat about the presents and other things and sip their wine and eat their cake, it goes more smoothly. As the host, you should sit next to mom-to-be with a notepad and pen and carefully note each present and its giver, and make sure to rescue all cards (and gift cards!) from landing in with the trash. You'll also consolidate the gifts into a few of the larger gift bags at the end.

I really think the parties go best when they're, "Oh, we're having this nice luncheon/cocktail party with very nice people, and we happen to also be giving gifts to this woman who's having a baby! Eeeee! Babies!" instead of "Let us treat this grown woman like a six year old having a princess party who requires all attention on her the entire time."

You can choose a theme, or not. Book themes are popular. Diaper showers are popular. As for decor, you can go all out or just use the house as is as you would for a normal party. I've gotten e-mail invites and fancy printed invites and everything in between. If the parents have a registry (which is a good idea), be sure you know where it is so you can tell people if they ask.

The first time I threw a baby shower I had no idea what I was doing either, so I just did what I thought would be fun, which was a Fourth of July theme -- foreign parents living in the U.S. with a baby due on July 4! And I made it co-ed. We did a "guestbook" but we asked everyone to write their best baby advice, double points for it being unique to their native culture, since we had a lot of foreign guests. We had deli trays, beer, a cake, and lots of red-white-and-blue decor, and I made a CD of songs about Americans (Born in the USA, American Woman, etc.) for the party and then gave it to the mom after. It was fun and memorable, if not quite a standard baby shower!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:50 PM on July 9, 2010


Like everyone else has said, a lot of it depends on the personality of the mother-to-be. When one of my close friends was pregnant, we all got together, gave her some presents, ate some homemade chili and made tie-dyed onesies. Another friend had a very formal shower, with little tea cakes and mimosas. So just go with what your friend would like!
posted by kerning at 5:07 PM on July 9, 2010


I have thrown a few in my day.

1. Most women HATE the games. Don't do it to your friend and don't do it to her friends.

2. A brunch is always a good time for a baby shower and it is less expensive for the host. Bagels, cream cheese, there are some good fritatta or quiche recipes out there. Lots of fruit - no champagne as she can't drink but lots of juice and remember to make decaf for the mom to be. Then as imjustsaying mentioned, a crapload of desserts is always appreciated.

Get some flowers for the tables and check out Amy Atlas' website for some decor ideas. You don't need to go all out as she does (she's a professional) but it may give you some lovely and simple decor ideas. Michael's will be a great help. Don't go overboard, just stick to something simple. I did "polka dots" for my sister's shower. The table runners, the flower vases and the ribbons I attached to the backs of chairs. Also, the cookies were polka dotted in royal icing and cupcakes with the nice big round sprinkles on them. It was simple but it pulled the whole afternoon together.

Time for opening gifts unless she specifically mentions she doesn't want to open gifts in front of others but this is a good time for desserts so that the other guests have something to do during all the ooohing and aaahing.

Feel free to mefi me if you have any questions.
posted by Sophie1 at 5:19 PM on July 9, 2010


The invitations should be going out right about now. Make sure to list where the pregnant woman is registered, otherwise you'll get a constant stream of phone calls.

Don't do games. Seriously, nobody likes the games. Every woman at the baby shower I hosted last month let me know that they were grateful that I didn't force them to play awkward games.

Hire someone to cater the shower. It'll take a lot of stress off of you, and it'll end up being cheaper than cooking/baking yourself. I had a local East Coast sandwich place cater the the shower I hosted, and everyone raved about it. It came out to about $12 a person plus the cost of cupcakes, drinks, and my own themed plates and napkins (although the place I rented for the occasion provided all silverware, glassware, and serveware – I wish I'd known that).
posted by halogen at 6:06 PM on July 9, 2010


At the my baby shower, my favorite game was trying not to say "baby". My best friend put two clothespins on everyone and each time someone said, "baby," the first person to notice could take one clothespin. (At the end, those with the most clothespins won.) Other baby shower games I can pretty much leave, but that was funny.
posted by Margalo Epps at 6:18 PM on July 9, 2010


Best answer: If you're at all crafty, you can have a "make your own onesie" shower. Buy a bunch of plain white onesies of different sizes. Buy some bigger ones in longsleeves for the winter months. Then buy a bunch of fabric paint and pre-cut some iron-on patches. People come up with hilarious onesie themes and the activity is good for both women and men.

Another theme is books - everyone can bring one or two books for the baby's library. It's always awesome to have a bunch of books handy - they reach that stage so quickly.

Or, books and music - folks could bring a favourite book or their favourite music for kids!

First things first:
- decide how many guests - friends and family or just one set for this shower (some people split friends and family showers)
- decide the location - someone's house is ideal, with a patio or lawn, and a few places for people to mingle. A restaurant is okay but it sometimes forces you to sit next to one or two people for the entire affair.
- if there is a gift theme, note it on the invitations
- some people don't want the registry info on the invitation -- but if you're sending the invitation it doesn't hurt to put the info on there
- send out invites right away
- determine food and drinks
- make sure to have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages that aren't screamingly high in sugar
- organize some decorations - even if you don't make a onesie party, you can hang some plain ones (or other clothes they already have) around with clothes pins
- maybe organize some music, or delegate another friend
- organize food - make sure it's not all high-carb food. For that time of year, a BBQ can be fun. Or brunch!

Lots of other things you can add in here too -- baby advice book, etc. But almost everyone hates the usual baby shower games. There's absolutely NO need to have them.

Have fun!
posted by barnone at 7:34 PM on July 9, 2010


Nthing the "no baby shower games." Most games are pretty weird/awkward/boring, and require you to buy "prizes" for the winners. For my shower (and a shower I organized for a friend), I bought several packs of Gerber onesies (in various sizes), and some fabric paint, stencils, and foam stamps from Michaels. Have shower guests decorate the onesies. It's way more fun than shower games, and the mom-to-be will end up with stuff that is actually useful! Our friends and family made so many awesome onesies for our baby. Even the not-so-artistic folks had a good time with the help of some stencils.

As far as food goes, keep it simple and not too smelly for the sake of the mom-to-be. Have sandwiches, or snacks, and get a cake. Make sure the parents-to-be give you a guest list, and make a registry, which you should include on the invitation (just a little note saying "Mom and dad are registered at X store"). Also, get thank you cards and a pad of paper. Your job is to write down each baby gift and who gave it, so the mom and dad can write thank you notes later. When my mom hosted my brother's baby shower, she gave each guest an envelope on which to write their name and address, which made sending thank you notes easier later on.
posted by lexicakes at 10:39 PM on July 10, 2010


I forgot to add, if your mom-to-be likes this sort of thing, it's nice to have a little guest book that folks can sign. Ask guests to give some advice. Everyone is going to give them parenting advice anyway, so might as well get it out of the way.
posted by lexicakes at 10:42 PM on July 10, 2010


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