Breakups: How to deal?
June 29, 2010 8:20 PM Subscribe
I just ended a 2+ year relationship. I don't know how to bounce back. (anonymous because he lurks)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
We started dating in high school, went to the same college, made the same friends, applied to the same study abroad program. (No judgment, please.)
Early in our relationship, he developed a friendship with a girl that I have history with. She is one of those people that just make you crazy, we have always competed with each other and I have always come up short. I told him that his friendship with her, while entirely his choice, made me uncomfortable because she has been willfully malicious to me on multiple occasions.
He agreed, and basically told me that if it made me more comfortable, he would stop talking to her. This was over a year and a half ago, and since we have gone to college and the issue really didn't come up.
Recently, our relationship had begun to fall flat, which I tried to remedy-- being spontaneously romantic, trying to initiate intimacy, etc-- but he didn't respond.
He got a new phone yesterday, today I asked him if I could see it. He said no. Deleted messages. Handed it to me.
(I was NOT trying to snoop-- I was interested in the equipment, not anything else).
Then he lied to me-- told me he was planning a surprise and didn't want me to see.
I knew something was wrong, and asked him to be honest with me.
He told me that he had been having conversations with this girl. Every night.
For me, it isn't so much that he was talking to her-- more that he knew that this one thing would hurt me more than any other, and he did it anyway. And lied. Basically our relationship was shaky, and he cut and ran.
SO-- 1. Am I overreacting?
2. What concrete steps can I take to get rid of the aching feeling in my stomach?
3. How do I handle the fact that all my friends at home, at school, and in my study abroad program are his friends, too?