How do I politely say "you aren't invited to my wedding" to (almost) all of our guests.
We're planning a wedding. Weddings are hard
, I know. Our theory going in was to have a destination wedding without the destination. We'd just invite our close, immediate family; our friends and just-outside relatives would just have to deal. The catch is that we weren't really going anywhere, just somewhere nearby where we could have the intimate setting we wanted.
I'm not having _any_ second thoughts about keeping it a small family affair. But recently both of us have been honored to stand up with our close friends in a handful of weddings. We love our friends and were elated that they asked us. So while I feel good about our wedding plans, I feel uncomfortable about not returning the honor (not to mention favors, dinner, and drinks) our friends gave to us. So what can I do?
I've had 3 ideas:
-- Send the friends a letter explaining our wishes and that we hope they understand. This amounts to a "you aren't invited" letter, which I can imagine might not be received well. Also, would I send a gift with such a letter? After all, as attendants to the bride and groom, we both received gifts as is customary.
-- Throw a party. This sounds like fun, and I'd love to throw a party for our friends, but I really don't want them to feel obligated to come. For me, party invitations are much more easily ignored than "engagement party" invitations, though I do not know if others share this opinion. I do not want our friends to worry about offending us (the way I am worrying about offending them) by not coming.
-- Thought 3 is that I am being egocentric, even narcissistic. I know many of my friends will be relieved not to have to come to yet another wedding, and besides, who says they would even come if invited?
So Metafilter: what can I do to avoid hurting the feelings of our friends when we don't invite them to our wedding?