Can I get off the rollercoaster and take the monorail?
June 28, 2010 1:42 PM Subscribe
How did your everyday life change when you became a Buddhist? I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have moved from a Western religious tradition to Buddhist practice. I'm also most drawn to Tibetan Buddhism, but would be glad to hear from practitioners in any Buddhist tradition.
I've always been a fairly intense and emotional person, tending to feel the highs and lows of everyday living strongly. But at this very transitional point in my love life/career/home life/family dynamic, the rollercoaster of hope and fear is exhausting me. I'm gradually discovering that Buddhist teachings and practice are helping me deal better with the uncertainties and changes of life. While I know that each must find his or her own path, a glimpse of what life could be like farther down this road might be very helpful to me.
How has Buddhist practice changed the way you meet misfortunes like being fired, being dumped, being ill, being broke? (Or even the corresponding joys, e.g., finding love or having a successful and fulfilling career--which are also changes.) Do you experience a greater equanimity than before?
Just for the sake of reference, the teachings I'm most familiar with at this point are those of the Dalai Lama and Pema Chödrön. I was raised Catholic but became an Episcopalian a few years ago.
Thanks!
I've always been a fairly intense and emotional person, tending to feel the highs and lows of everyday living strongly. But at this very transitional point in my love life/career/home life/family dynamic, the rollercoaster of hope and fear is exhausting me. I'm gradually discovering that Buddhist teachings and practice are helping me deal better with the uncertainties and changes of life. While I know that each must find his or her own path, a glimpse of what life could be like farther down this road might be very helpful to me.
How has Buddhist practice changed the way you meet misfortunes like being fired, being dumped, being ill, being broke? (Or even the corresponding joys, e.g., finding love or having a successful and fulfilling career--which are also changes.) Do you experience a greater equanimity than before?
Just for the sake of reference, the teachings I'm most familiar with at this point are those of the Dalai Lama and Pema Chödrön. I was raised Catholic but became an Episcopalian a few years ago.
Thanks!
My dad became a Buddhist a few years ago after some longtime flirting with existentialism. And I have met various leaders of various American Buddhist movements over the years. I would say, from a witness standpoint, I have viewed a great end to my dad's stoic views and a refreshing taking up of understanding that personal change is possible through self-action.
However, I disagree personally with what I view as the self-involvement and material nature of American Buddhism (there are differences in modern traditions). I think most important to that disagreement is the unshakling of the Vow of Poverty by Suzuki and its replacement with a Vow of Charity, which I think actually diverges from the Buddhist message of self-improvement and moves it more into line to not step on mainline Christian (especially) toes.
There seem to be poverty movements in the USA and Canada but so far I haven't seen Buddhists - and by that I mean Whites and Blacks who have embraced Buddhism - treat it as a faith. It so much more about what I term followship and its associated veneration than about worthwhile social and personal improvement. I worry that as Buddhism "improves" in America it will become less a faith and more of a materialist philosophical offering.
posted by parmanparman at 1:53 PM on June 28, 2010 [4 favorites]
However, I disagree personally with what I view as the self-involvement and material nature of American Buddhism (there are differences in modern traditions). I think most important to that disagreement is the unshakling of the Vow of Poverty by Suzuki and its replacement with a Vow of Charity, which I think actually diverges from the Buddhist message of self-improvement and moves it more into line to not step on mainline Christian (especially) toes.
There seem to be poverty movements in the USA and Canada but so far I haven't seen Buddhists - and by that I mean Whites and Blacks who have embraced Buddhism - treat it as a faith. It so much more about what I term followship and its associated veneration than about worthwhile social and personal improvement. I worry that as Buddhism "improves" in America it will become less a faith and more of a materialist philosophical offering.
posted by parmanparman at 1:53 PM on June 28, 2010 [4 favorites]
For me, the answer is somewhat different than what you might want to hear. Before I started studying Buddhism I was under the impression that all religion was something like brainwashing or delusion. I first picked up Huston Smith's book on the topic around 2002. At that point I realized there was such a thing as spiritual practice to improve your life, without forcing yourself to pretend to believe in something you know is wrong. This could have been the point where I stopped and gave myself time to breathe, but I'm such a restless bookworm that I kept on reading.
I meditated all four years at my college, but when I graduated I stopped immediately. I'm not cut out for meditation and I don't enjoy it. I studied all the Buddhist traditions and national histories, but didn't feel satisfied. When I went to study Buddhism in Japan, I actually became more interested in other religious practices, like chanting and sacred dance, which made me feel more fulfilled and at ease. I also started doing serious investigations of Japanese culture to understand what "religion" means to a country with no father-god and no weekly services. I now feel strongly driven to discover other people's philosophies of life; in fact, I've lost all interest in slowing down and appreciating where I am, and consider it something I can wait and do later in life.
Buddhism has led me on a rocky ride. I've accepted the philosophical tenets of impermanence, suffering, and conditional arising since I first heard them. I enjoy listening to Theravada philosophers who talk about becoming aware of your own life and your mind. But the perspective that gives me on the world is not a relaxed one. Having tasted the truth, I choose to engage myself.
posted by shii at 2:13 PM on June 28, 2010 [3 favorites]
I meditated all four years at my college, but when I graduated I stopped immediately. I'm not cut out for meditation and I don't enjoy it. I studied all the Buddhist traditions and national histories, but didn't feel satisfied. When I went to study Buddhism in Japan, I actually became more interested in other religious practices, like chanting and sacred dance, which made me feel more fulfilled and at ease. I also started doing serious investigations of Japanese culture to understand what "religion" means to a country with no father-god and no weekly services. I now feel strongly driven to discover other people's philosophies of life; in fact, I've lost all interest in slowing down and appreciating where I am, and consider it something I can wait and do later in life.
Buddhism has led me on a rocky ride. I've accepted the philosophical tenets of impermanence, suffering, and conditional arising since I first heard them. I enjoy listening to Theravada philosophers who talk about becoming aware of your own life and your mind. But the perspective that gives me on the world is not a relaxed one. Having tasted the truth, I choose to engage myself.
posted by shii at 2:13 PM on June 28, 2010 [3 favorites]
Best answer: (I'm an agnostic with Buddhist leanings but for various reasons I have a hard time calling myself a Buddhist. So that's my disclaimer.)
Studying Buddhism has absolutely brought greater equanimity into my life. In the most practical way, it's helped me enormously through the last several months of getting diagnosed with cancer (for the second time in my life) and starting treatment. When I experience anxiety or fear or pain (whether mental or physical), practicing mindfulness helps me to be present with it (i.e., to accept it as fact, rather than trying to run away from it) while also perceiving that it is transient (i.e., not getting caught up in the illusion that the pain is permanent). I keep this in mind as I find myself fretting about the next phases of treatment: it will happen, and it will pass, too.
At the same time, it's opened me to be grateful to so much in my life -- being able to walk my dogs on a sunny day, the kindness I have been shown by so many people, laughing at some off-the-cuff remark by my boyfriend, one of my nephews drawing me a picture -- without necessarily grasping for anything. There's always some little treasure every day. Each specific treasure may be transient, but the fact of the existence of treasures is not.
I don't mean to sound all "Pollyanna goes to work for Hallmark cards" about it, but honestly, it's kind of become that simple for me. Joy and suffering are always both present and fleeting. The details and struggles of my own personal narrative might be unique, but none of it makes me a special snowflake; it just makes me as human as everyone else.
I'm happy with that.
posted by scody at 2:17 PM on June 28, 2010 [12 favorites]
Studying Buddhism has absolutely brought greater equanimity into my life. In the most practical way, it's helped me enormously through the last several months of getting diagnosed with cancer (for the second time in my life) and starting treatment. When I experience anxiety or fear or pain (whether mental or physical), practicing mindfulness helps me to be present with it (i.e., to accept it as fact, rather than trying to run away from it) while also perceiving that it is transient (i.e., not getting caught up in the illusion that the pain is permanent). I keep this in mind as I find myself fretting about the next phases of treatment: it will happen, and it will pass, too.
At the same time, it's opened me to be grateful to so much in my life -- being able to walk my dogs on a sunny day, the kindness I have been shown by so many people, laughing at some off-the-cuff remark by my boyfriend, one of my nephews drawing me a picture -- without necessarily grasping for anything. There's always some little treasure every day. Each specific treasure may be transient, but the fact of the existence of treasures is not.
I don't mean to sound all "Pollyanna goes to work for Hallmark cards" about it, but honestly, it's kind of become that simple for me. Joy and suffering are always both present and fleeting. The details and struggles of my own personal narrative might be unique, but none of it makes me a special snowflake; it just makes me as human as everyone else.
I'm happy with that.
posted by scody at 2:17 PM on June 28, 2010 [12 favorites]
Not much. If you "become" a Buddhist, it's probably because you've come to identify with it in some gradual way. Unless you're picking random rule-sets to live by, in which case, well, I can't imagine that mindset well enough to say.
I guess you become conscious of certain things more and more. Compassion is probably the main focus of that sort. Actually it can occasionally be excruciating, walking down the street and seeing how many people are living with fear in their eyes. In the same vein you'll understand better and better that the idea of "oneness" with the universe is not in any way abstract or hypothetical. The boundaries we think we perceive between ourselves and, say, dog shit are abstract and hypothetical. if that dog shit didn't exist, the universe would be a different kind of place, and what you think of as yourself would be altered. You are the dog shit.
No, the real fun starts when you've meditated in the mountains for forty years subsisting on nettles and you can cause spontaneous hallucinations for fun, turn your head into crystal and shoot lasers from your third eye and shit.
Dislaimer: I am not a Buddhist. I just know a good deal about the philosophy. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that anyone who referrs to themselves as Buddhist suffers from the exact same misapprehension of reality that any other religious adherent does.
posted by cmoj at 2:35 PM on June 28, 2010
I guess you become conscious of certain things more and more. Compassion is probably the main focus of that sort. Actually it can occasionally be excruciating, walking down the street and seeing how many people are living with fear in their eyes. In the same vein you'll understand better and better that the idea of "oneness" with the universe is not in any way abstract or hypothetical. The boundaries we think we perceive between ourselves and, say, dog shit are abstract and hypothetical. if that dog shit didn't exist, the universe would be a different kind of place, and what you think of as yourself would be altered. You are the dog shit.
No, the real fun starts when you've meditated in the mountains for forty years subsisting on nettles and you can cause spontaneous hallucinations for fun, turn your head into crystal and shoot lasers from your third eye and shit.
Dislaimer: I am not a Buddhist. I just know a good deal about the philosophy. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that anyone who referrs to themselves as Buddhist suffers from the exact same misapprehension of reality that any other religious adherent does.
posted by cmoj at 2:35 PM on June 28, 2010
Best answer: Before enlightenment, you chop wood. After enlightenment, you chop wood.
posted by spaltavian at 2:39 PM on June 28, 2010 [20 favorites]
posted by spaltavian at 2:39 PM on June 28, 2010 [20 favorites]
I have been practicing in Thich Nhat Hanh's tradition of Vietnamese zen buddhism for about 10 years; my early life was spent as a Catholic. I found Everyday Zen by Charlotte Joko Beck to be very helpful in applying mindfulness to both the dramas and the mundane stuff of everyday life. I went through it little by little during readings and discussions with my sangha; now it's a nice reference to come back to. Most of it has to do with letting go of the attachment to the idea that things "should be" a certain way. It's interesting that you ask about the happier changes --- I've found that it's more difficult to retain my perspective with those than it is with the unhappy changes.
As for the other part of your question, Thomas Merton and Thich Nhat Hanh were on the same path, and it's interesting to see how the contemplative life can reveal similarities between different faith traditions.
posted by headnsouth at 4:56 PM on June 28, 2010
As for the other part of your question, Thomas Merton and Thich Nhat Hanh were on the same path, and it's interesting to see how the contemplative life can reveal similarities between different faith traditions.
posted by headnsouth at 4:56 PM on June 28, 2010
I've found Peter Matthiessen's Nine Headed Dragon River to be interesting reading. Parts of it are a history of Buddhism in Japan, parts of it are journals related to Matthiessen's uptake and practice. A few chapters are from his (I believe) National Book Award winning Snow Leapord which describes a journey into Tibet or Nepal- can't remember which.
These books are more about the experience of learning zen by a notable American author. Excellent reading.
posted by everythings_interrelated at 6:46 PM on June 28, 2010
These books are more about the experience of learning zen by a notable American author. Excellent reading.
posted by everythings_interrelated at 6:46 PM on June 28, 2010
Best answer: How has Buddhist practice changed the way you meet misfortunes like being fired, being dumped, being ill, being broke? (Or even the corresponding joys, e.g., finding love or having a successful and fulfilling career--which are also changes.) Do you experience a greater equanimity than before?
it all hurts more. which is the way it should be. The plus side is that i don't spend my whole life feeling shitty and wondering why i feel bad. I stop running from emotions and they pass through me far more quickly. A more than even exchange in my opinion.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:29 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
it all hurts more. which is the way it should be. The plus side is that i don't spend my whole life feeling shitty and wondering why i feel bad. I stop running from emotions and they pass through me far more quickly. A more than even exchange in my opinion.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:29 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the thoughtful (and occasionally pithy) responses so far. Please keep them coming. I'll keep checking here for a good while in case someone else wants to contribute belatedly. Thanks again!
posted by sister nunchaku of love and mercy at 8:20 AM on June 29, 2010
posted by sister nunchaku of love and mercy at 8:20 AM on June 29, 2010
Best answer: Pretty much what scody and Ironmouth said. I definitely experience a lot more equanimity and I'm better able to let things go more quickly. I'm also more mindful of my experiences and I don't dwell on my past or future as much. I remind myself to stay in the moment.
In a practical sense, I cut way down on my drinking, though part of that is a function of age. I realize that I cannot be mindful when I'm intoxicated. I'm not a vegetarian but I am more mindful when I eat meat. I don't kill spiders or mosquitos or anything else unless absolutely unavoidable (I ran over a raccoon last winter - horrifying). I try to keep my environment clean because for me, clutter is a distraction that inhibits mindfulness. My mantras are "don't fight" and "take refuge in the tangible." In other words, don't fight my emotions, give into them (stop running, as Ironmouth said). And don't get caught up in mental processes; go out and smell flowers, run barefoot through grass, etc.
The Three Pillars of Zen is an excellent book about "ordinary" people (both Japanese and Western) who experience enlightenment and its aftereffects on their lives. It was written in the 1960s but aside from a few anachronisms (no Internet!) is absolutely still relevant to my experience today.
posted by desjardins at 11:07 AM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
In a practical sense, I cut way down on my drinking, though part of that is a function of age. I realize that I cannot be mindful when I'm intoxicated. I'm not a vegetarian but I am more mindful when I eat meat. I don't kill spiders or mosquitos or anything else unless absolutely unavoidable (I ran over a raccoon last winter - horrifying). I try to keep my environment clean because for me, clutter is a distraction that inhibits mindfulness. My mantras are "don't fight" and "take refuge in the tangible." In other words, don't fight my emotions, give into them (stop running, as Ironmouth said). And don't get caught up in mental processes; go out and smell flowers, run barefoot through grass, etc.
The Three Pillars of Zen is an excellent book about "ordinary" people (both Japanese and Western) who experience enlightenment and its aftereffects on their lives. It was written in the 1960s but aside from a few anachronisms (no Internet!) is absolutely still relevant to my experience today.
posted by desjardins at 11:07 AM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I suppose I did "used to be" an adherent to Judeo-Christian beliefs, but I came to Buddhism as an adult based on the Buddhism I was raised with as a child. (Long story short: Dad's a born-again Christian from a Jewish family [is now a Jew for Jesus] - mom raised me as a Buddhist before she converted to Catholicism. [Religious conversion is a hobby in my family.]) So, I don't have any specific advice on that side of things.
I gradually adopted a Buddhist practice in adulthood after what one might call a rough turn of events. I lost my job, my husband, and my three closest friends within six months. It was awful. And somehow, kind of magically, at the end of that time, I found myself a pretty dedicated Buddhist. It wasn't anything that I read. It wasn't anything that anyone said to me. It was just a firm feeling deep inside myself that it was the path that I needed to be on.
It has helped me so much in the three years that have followed. Every single day. Remembering that we're all human and all on the same path helps me in everything from dealing with people who smell funny on public transportation to staying calm in tense family situations. I'm not trying to say that I'm especially compassionate - I have a long, long way to go - but that basic mindfulness of our collective human struggle has brought me an incredible sense of peace. (My own personal mantra is "Cultivate Peace" - which is especially useful as a nanny as "peace" is not usually part of my job environment.)
Buddhism has helped me not just face challenges, but experience greater joy. I am so grateful for being alive and being able to participate in the world - I experience moments each day of just pure bliss. Simple moments. Smelling fresh cut grass and being reminded of the vastness and beauty of nature. Hanging out with my work kids and really re-feeling my childhood. Snuggling my cat. Spending time with my partner. Listening to good music in my car. Little things. Being able to truly be in the moment means that those moments are so much more vivid.
With the hard things - Buddhism gives me the opportunity to just let myself feel. When I'm upset, I meditate on how it feels to be upset - to be hurt, to be angry. To just feel what I'm feeling rather than trying to avoid it or act on it. The feelings, somewhat surprisingly, dissipate much faster this way. If I just let myself feel angry rather than thinking what I'm going to do about being angry - the anger goes away on its own. I don't have to do anything. My anger is not good or bad, it's just part of being human. It's just another facet of the human experience.
And now, I have to deal with the facet of the human experience that is a preschooler who is having a rough afternoon and a toddler who wants my laptop. ;)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:25 AM on June 29, 2010 [5 favorites]
I gradually adopted a Buddhist practice in adulthood after what one might call a rough turn of events. I lost my job, my husband, and my three closest friends within six months. It was awful. And somehow, kind of magically, at the end of that time, I found myself a pretty dedicated Buddhist. It wasn't anything that I read. It wasn't anything that anyone said to me. It was just a firm feeling deep inside myself that it was the path that I needed to be on.
It has helped me so much in the three years that have followed. Every single day. Remembering that we're all human and all on the same path helps me in everything from dealing with people who smell funny on public transportation to staying calm in tense family situations. I'm not trying to say that I'm especially compassionate - I have a long, long way to go - but that basic mindfulness of our collective human struggle has brought me an incredible sense of peace. (My own personal mantra is "Cultivate Peace" - which is especially useful as a nanny as "peace" is not usually part of my job environment.)
Buddhism has helped me not just face challenges, but experience greater joy. I am so grateful for being alive and being able to participate in the world - I experience moments each day of just pure bliss. Simple moments. Smelling fresh cut grass and being reminded of the vastness and beauty of nature. Hanging out with my work kids and really re-feeling my childhood. Snuggling my cat. Spending time with my partner. Listening to good music in my car. Little things. Being able to truly be in the moment means that those moments are so much more vivid.
With the hard things - Buddhism gives me the opportunity to just let myself feel. When I'm upset, I meditate on how it feels to be upset - to be hurt, to be angry. To just feel what I'm feeling rather than trying to avoid it or act on it. The feelings, somewhat surprisingly, dissipate much faster this way. If I just let myself feel angry rather than thinking what I'm going to do about being angry - the anger goes away on its own. I don't have to do anything. My anger is not good or bad, it's just part of being human. It's just another facet of the human experience.
And now, I have to deal with the facet of the human experience that is a preschooler who is having a rough afternoon and a toddler who wants my laptop. ;)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:25 AM on June 29, 2010 [5 favorites]
IANAB
(I am not a buddhist), but anyway:
Equanimity has been a quality I've been nurturing for quite some time now.
I've been inspired by ">Anthony DeMello, initially much to my surprise, since he's a (buddhism-inpired) catholic priest and I'm a lifelong atheist. Well, it's just superficial labels anyway I guess :-)
Mindfullnesss works.
If it's buddhist, so be it.
I used to be caught up in my emotions and desires and find that after praticing mindfullness I tend to let them pass faster and not identify with my emotions as often.
Markedly less fear, too.
I work in a potentially high stress job where I am required to stay calm anyway (closed ward psychiatry), so this has been most helpful.
Happy search!
posted by Thug at 12:58 PM on June 29, 2010
(I am not a buddhist), but anyway:
Equanimity has been a quality I've been nurturing for quite some time now.
I've been inspired by ">Anthony DeMello, initially much to my surprise, since he's a (buddhism-inpired) catholic priest and I'm a lifelong atheist. Well, it's just superficial labels anyway I guess :-)
Mindfullnesss works.
If it's buddhist, so be it.
I used to be caught up in my emotions and desires and find that after praticing mindfullness I tend to let them pass faster and not identify with my emotions as often.
Markedly less fear, too.
I work in a potentially high stress job where I am required to stay calm anyway (closed ward psychiatry), so this has been most helpful.
Happy search!
posted by Thug at 12:58 PM on June 29, 2010
She isn't Tibetan (she follows a Korean Zen path) but Geri Larkin has written a number of books (the later are slightly more pop, but still good) that you might find interesting.
posted by bibliogrrl at 8:36 AM on June 30, 2010
posted by bibliogrrl at 8:36 AM on June 30, 2010
Response by poster: More excellent answers, thanks :) Still checking if anyone else would like to add anything!
posted by sister nunchaku of love and mercy at 7:45 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by sister nunchaku of love and mercy at 7:45 PM on June 30, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
Living Buddha, Living Christ.
It is written by one of the most important living Buddhist thinkers, and it does a great job of comparing and contrasting Western and Eastern religious thought.
posted by Flood at 1:46 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]