Is my therapist nuts?
June 20, 2010 7:19 PM   Subscribe

Is my therapist nuts or am I over reacting? Her recent book recommendation, "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian Weiss

I've really liked this therapist I've been seeing for a year now. She has been helping me through some difficult times. I've been talking a lot about buddhism and spirituality as a result of a 12 step program. (I'm an atheist/non-theist) I really enjoyed Mark Esptein's "Thought's without a thinker." She responded with a recommendation, "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian Weiss.

A.) Does this mean my therapist is nuts or is this book more benign than I think it is from reading the review? I realize I'm making a serious judgement here without having read the book but someone who believes in past lives isn't someone I want to trust as my advisor in some major life decisions.

I have many religious family members and friends whom I respect. I don't think I'm having a knee jerk reaction to "faith." This is just not sitting well with me.

B.) How do I address this with my therapist? We don't do the talking about her beliefs or life thing at all. Do I just ask her, "Why did you recommend this book? Do you think I have past lives that are going to make me believe in some great infinite power?" To date the only unprofessional behavior has been some dismay she expressed when I told her I was an atheist. She insisted I must be an agnostic (a response I'm used to and didn't think much of at the time.)

I like her and would be disappointed to move on but I feel a bit of a breach of trust or something here.
posted by meta x zen to Religion & Philosophy (25 answers total)
 
Short answer: yes. If she tries to rope you into past-life regression therapy run far, far away.
posted by signalnine at 7:24 PM on June 20, 2010


>> dismay she expressed when I told her I was an atheist

Depending on what you want out of your therapist, that earlier incident should have been a warning sign; it suggests a lack of flexibility, which is not all that suggestive of professional skill.

As for the book?

Well, it depends on your triggers... and whether these emotional triggers are ones you wish to keep.
posted by darth_tedious at 7:26 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would call and ask why she recommended this book. Unless she has a very good reason (I can't think of one, but maybe she mixed it up with some other book?), I wouldn't even return for another session,but would break up with her on the phone. Why pay for your therapist to spread craziness?
posted by mmf at 7:30 PM on June 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: I don't want to sound paranoid... she hasn't offered past life regression therapy... but wouldn't a smart, creepy person do something like give you a book and let you ask for it instead of suggest it?
posted by meta x zen at 7:33 PM on June 20, 2010


Man, it sure sounds like you're overreacting. I mean, without any contextual information, I have to assume that a professional therapist would know better than to argue with her patient--especially about religion!
posted by mpls2 at 7:35 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's fully appropriate to ask WHY she recommended the book, and she should explain why. I don't know if she's nuts, because I think beliefs are beliefs, but her job as a therapist is to use responsible judgment in your treatment, as well as in making recommendations to you. Just ask her next time you see her, and let her know that you looked into the book a little bit and are confused about its applicability/relevance for you (or whatever you'd like to say about it), so you'd like to hear more about why she thought it would be appropriate.

Also, I'd have hit the roof if a therapist had told me "no you must be agnostic" when I expressed my own thoughts. A therapist should NEVER EVER EVER say something that negates a client's self-identification in a major area of his/her life unless it's for some kind of diagnostic or therapeutic purpose (like to challenge a maladaptive belief, to identify a serious dysfunction in an important area of one's life)... certainly not to say "I don't like your choice of terminology about your spirituality". I see this as a major red flag about this person's competency in this profession. The role of a therapist is certainly not to be judgmental.
posted by so_gracefully at 7:35 PM on June 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


Don't second guess what you say to your therapist. Most of the time therapy is about getting a neutral informed observer to advise you.

The way she corrected your claim of atheism to agnosticism is a big red flag. If I had had that sequence while in therapy, I'd have asked "is it not okay if I am an atheist?" and gotten that out in the open. It sounds like you are being gently steered into an agenda. That don't fly. The reasons I have engaged in therapy have been at times when I've felt lost or confused, and when therapists have made suggestions I'm uncomfortable with (EMDR was one) I went with it cautiously, but speaking about my skepticism right up front. A good therapist can navigate that conflict. It turned out not to be as odd as I had read about online, and worked out to my benefit, but it never got weird I think partly because I expressed myself about it.

If it were me, I'd say something like, "whoa! i read about this book you recommended, and past lies are an extraordinary claim for me, is there something beyond past lives that will be useful to me given what you know about me?" ... and see where it goes from there. If your therapist has an agenda that is at odds with your beliefs, and is interfering with where you feel you are trying to go, then your therapist is not serving you well.

Also, therapists who really want you to check out a book lend you a copy on the spot from a library they have right there. At least that's been my experience.

Lastly, feel free to MeMail me.
posted by artlung at 7:39 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


This book is mad. The difference between religious people and “Many Lives, Many Masters” people is that religion, even if you don’t buy the God stuff, can be a shorthand for hundreds of years of tradition and philosophy. This stuff, on the other hand, is just hokey.
posted by thelastenglishmajor at 7:39 PM on June 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


Being told you were agnostic when you expressed your atheism was a sign to gtfo. How can you trust someone to help you sort yourself out when they deny your beliefs?
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 7:43 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Hi this is gnutron's wife. I am a therapist and here's my two cents.

She doesn't sound nuts but maybe a little new agey woo woo. Some people get their spiritual needs met by subscribing to those kind of beliefs and, hey, if it's right for them then so be it...Back to you, just because she may believe a few far out beliefs doesn't negate from her skill as a psychotherapist, though, and this may be good fodder for therapy somehow. A good time for you to directly confront her about what this means to you. Perhaps you feel that she crossed a line with this book and is not accepting your atheism....(and therefore not accepting you). Perhaps you're concerned that she is taking your interest in Buddhist philosophy the wrong way, thinking that the spiritual floodgates are now open and she's free to introduce you to others stuff...in any case it seems that she has crossed some lines with you leaving you feeling uncomfortable and unsure of her. I think rather than to dump her over this issue, you should be direct with her and see where it leads. Who knows, you may even learn something new about yourself in doing so. The therapy relationship is unique but is like all relationships in that you're dealing with individuals and issues are bound to come up...and hopefully those are the issues that we can learn and grow from.

With all that said and done, if you feel that she is truly not understanding your point of view and trying to rope you into something you don't want to be a part of, then of course you should move on.
posted by gnutron at 7:45 PM on June 20, 2010 [5 favorites]


Nthing that you should ask her point-blank why she recommended this book for you. Maybe she's merely screamingly naive (patient likes to read books about unusual therapy perspectives) rather than outright disingenuous.
posted by desuetude at 7:46 PM on June 20, 2010


She may not have read it herself, but instead have had one or more clients who found it helpful. I had a therapist once who was like that, and after a couple of books on talking to my parents beyond the grave, I just said that bibliotherapy wasn't an approach that would work with me. (I left her practice fairly soon after that, but for reasons largely unrelated to her passing along John Edwards-type of stuff without knowing anything about what she was recommending.)

Redefining your beliefs to make herself more comfortable is pretty much the textbook "what not to do" in meeting one's client where the client is, not where the therapist wants him/her to be.
posted by catlet at 7:54 PM on June 20, 2010


Could it simply be related to your talking about Buddhism? I know next to nothing about buddhism, but if they believe in reincarnation, then maybe this is the connection? Simply ask and tell her you found the book selection bazarre.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:59 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


If you're interested in spirituality, it's an interesting read, if only to understand one more perspective. Actually, the thing that is most striking about it for me is that I am not interested in spirituality and it's stuck with me through the 15 years since I read it.

I would not assume that because your therapist is suggesting this book to you, she is endorsing reincarnation. A lot of the "lessons" in the book are fairly generic, non-denominational spiritual reasonings. I found some valuable concepts in the book at the time, but a belief in reincarnation isn't one of them, nor is an interest in past life regression.

Reading it isn't going to, like, abduct you into some cult. It's a book. It's thin. It has some interesting ideas, which you are then free to reject completely. More importantly, I don't think it indicates an agenda on the part of your therapist, though you should ask her why this particular book if its an issue for you.

Actually, I spend a lot of time on Ask urging people to ask for what they want so they can get their needs met; now that I think about it,my dedication to that strategy very likely came out of Many Lives, Many Masters, tangentially related to it's concept of the universe producing everything in abundance. I'd never made the connection before.

My husband is going to divorce me when he reads this.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:07 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah, she may think that your interest in buddhism = an interest in reincarnation (and therefore past-life regression), without understanding that not all buddhists subscribe to a literal idea of reincarnation.

I would bring it up and see what she says; it might be time to move on to find another therapist, but since you've done good work with her otherwise I think it would be worth it to at least have a conversation. That she dismissed your atheism by insisting that you're "actually" an agnostic is kind of alarming, though.
posted by scody at 8:10 PM on June 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


How big of a deal was the "agnosticism" comment at the time? How good is your relationship otherwise? If it's a good relationship and the agnosticism moment passed quickly, I'd say this is no big deal. You said, "I read an interesting book that combined spirituality with psychiatry." She said, "oh, you might also like this other book that combines spirituality with psychiatry and has common themes X and Y." Without evidence to justify the assumption that she's trying to push that belief system on you, I'd just let it go.

someone who believes in past lives isn't someone I want to trust as my advisor in some major life decisions

I'm agnostic on reincarnation, but I do know some extremely wise people who happen to believe in it. So I wouldn't let that one belief color my entire perception of someone's judgment. The Dalai Lama believes in past lives, and I'd take his advice. Do you have to agree with her on everything?

If all of this is just crystallizing a vague sense that your relationship isn't working, by all means, find someone new. But without more to go on, I don't think I'd react this strongly to a woo-woo book recommendation about a belief system I didn't share.
posted by salvia at 8:32 PM on June 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


gnutron's wife has it exactly right. Hear her out, then trust your feelings about her explanation, but do give her a chance to explain.
posted by Lylo at 9:05 PM on June 20, 2010


The book is about a clinical psychiatrist with the standard scientific rational worldview (presumably the same as yours) who comes to see the wisdom and validity of new age metaphysics (i.e. hers). That's probably what's she's after rather than trying to get you to investigate your past lives. The reason for that is that New Age transpersonal therapy doesn't work unless you believe in it, which makes it more like a religion than a real therapeutic modality -- not that they would necessarily admit that. Since you aren't looking for conversion, you should move on.
posted by AlsoMike at 9:13 PM on June 20, 2010


Giving this book which is nothing but superstition and an attack on the rational mindset to an atheist looking for therapy is a huge red flag. Unfortunately, there's this brand of therapy which is little more than "give them religion, they'll relax once they accept some feel good superstition" which is acceptable nowadays because it no longer pushes Christianity, but instead this muddy sort of New Age 'California Buddhism.' Which is somehow still politically correct. This is a pretty transparent attack on your atheism and skepticism.

Regressive hypnosis has been debunked and is not a credible therapy. This book's entire premise is 'Under hypnosis paranormal things came to light.' The suggestibility of a hypnotised person is huge and we don't consider hypnosis a legitimate method to recall normal memories (would not stand up in court) let alone unproven paranormal memories.

Skeptical takes on past life regression here worth reading. I'm not sure what you should do, but if it was me I would simply end our relationship and look for new therapists and ask them if they were "atheist friendly" before meeting them.

Lastly, if you're interested in Buddhism, get yourself a non-new age book, something a bit more dry and scholarly. What the Buddha Taught focuses on Therevada and was written by a scholarly monk. There's nothing cool or rockstar about this book. Its just about Buddhism.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:08 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would ask her directly why she suggested the book for you. What is important about it to her? Go ahead and tell her that it seems strange to you and that you are not comfortable with it. See where the conversation goes. She may have some valuable insights that she is hoping the book will open up for you.

I had a therapist once recommend a book that she candidly said was "a little 'out there.'" But there was language in it that she wanted me to see, strengths that she wanted me to recognize. So it was worth it and good to talk about. And she wasn't trying to change me over into a new age philosopher.

Good luck.
posted by SLC Mom at 11:02 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I was newly agnostic at the time my therapist (who knew I loved to read anything I could get my hands on) suggested The 4 Agreements. I still haven't read it but hope to someday. I think you can get things from a book without necessarily having to subscribe to the belief system therein.
posted by IndigoRain at 11:42 PM on June 20, 2010


Assuming your therapist is competent, here's what you need to do: Tell her everything you posted here. Include your thoughts about going elsewhere, how you felt when she questioned your atheism, how you feel telling her what you posted. She, being competent, will be able to process all this with you without defending herself (though she may apologize) and you can (both) use your (and her) reactions as material to understand yourselves.

If for any reason that isn't possible, then you should be with someone else.
posted by Obscure Reference at 5:39 AM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Thanks everyone - this was very helpful. I'm going to talk about it with her and see how it goes. Much appreciated! (Internet win)
posted by meta x zen at 7:08 AM on June 21, 2010


It’s the stuff of “Crossing Over With John Edwards,” peddled to lighten people’s wallets. Buddhism is a fascinating world of ideas, but when you’re talking about “omg this Columbia graduate talked to ghosts, is it possible these people are here to lead us?” it’s something else completely.
posted by thelastenglishmajor at 10:59 AM on June 21, 2010


I know this question is resolved, but I've just come across this thread, and I'm bursting to comment:
Your therapist might very well be my mom. She's a therapist who has recommended that exact book. She does it very innocently, as if for the good of the patient, but in fact, she's in a cult, and her eventual goal IS to convert you to her religion. It's a sad truth that therapists are people too, and share all the same weaknesses. Do please be careful!
posted by sunnichka at 9:55 PM on June 26, 2010


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