How can I help revive my partner's sexual appetite?
June 14, 2010 12:37 PM Subscribe
My partner has recently gone through a painful divorce and totally lost his libido. How can I help revive his sexual appetite?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My partner's divorce is about to complete after nearly a year of painful negotiations over money and demands from a rather unreasonable ex-wife. He had been legally separated for a year and a bit (no kids) when we met.
Back then, he was adventurous and sexually active. Around that same time, he had decided to just ignore his divorce, let his ex continue to live in their (massive) house and moved into a much smaller place.
As our relationship became serious and he wanted to cut all the legal ties with his ex, he started divorce proceedings. That's great and I am relieved that this is almost over, but the problem is that, due to immense stress and worries over how much money she wanted from him (money he did not have) coupled with work-related pressure, his sexual drive totally disappeared.
Meanwhile, I am feeling neglected as a woman and - although I do not ever say this to him - sometimes secretly think it is unfair that given I stood by him during all this time, we can only make love once a month. And when we do have any, it is obvious that he is doing it just to 'relieve himself'. No more hot sex, oral, nothing. He just lays there and waits for me to 'do the job'.
I am becoming ashamed of my body and even though I considered quite sexy just a year ago, now I am starting to feel unattractive. Even if I wanted to have a lover, I wouldn't be able to.
Every time I bring up the issue, the shuts down and if I continue, he gets really, really upset.
I do love him very much, we have a lot of things in common and are planning to stay together for a long time to come. I want this relationship to work, but how can I help him go back to what he used to be?
I feel angry at myself for feeling like this (I never been married before, so I only have an approximate idea of how a divorce must feel) and it may well be that things will go back to normal, but all I know is that I feel a bit crap at the moment. Sometimes I fear this is irreversible. Again, I have no previous experience of situations like this and any associated ups and downs in libido.
How can I help him, help myself and improve our relationship now that we are both free to build our lives together? Opinions from divorcees particularly appreciated. Thanks!