Ok, bye then?
June 9, 2010 1:23 PM Subscribe
I just got cut off on all social networks by an old friend who'd become mean and judgemental. I grew to dislike the person lately, so why am I still sad about the break? Do I bother saying anything?
posted by kpht to Human Relations (29 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
This person and I had been friends for about eight years, from my very late teens until now, she's a few years older than me.
I had a very small circle of friends, her included, until I turned 21 and then met a lot of people who went out in Boston (and online). This person never really expanded their circle of friends and never left their suburb besides moving a few towns away. She works and lives within 15 minutes of where they grew up. Needless to say this was a difference in our lives, but she had originally been sweet and nice, so we remained friends.
Within the past few years, I noticed this person getting far more judgmental of others, bashing their own friends in filtered LJ entries those friends couldn't read, ridiculous things like that. She made fun of her friend's choices in their weddings. She spent a lot of time still involved in wedding communities a year after her own wedding, mostly attacking random people she didn't agree with. It was awful to read. Every few weeks she would tell someone off, and have one less friend for awhile, before apologizing and the friend would just totally accept that. I hid her from my social media and only read on my own terms because I was finding that I'd get anxiety just seeing that she'd posted, knowing most of it was drama she inserted herself into.
She never, ever took it well when anyone criticized her, even when she openly asked other people's opinions. Last night she posted a diatribe against her younger sister's graduation from culinary school. openly mocking her career choice and calling it "cooking class". That was sort of it for me. I told her that it wasn't really nice to make fun of anyone's career choice, and that I knew plenty of great, smart people who graduated from culinary school. I woke up this morning, and she'd un-friended me on every social media we had in common.
I know that this is actually a good thing. Rationally, I know she was a really mean, bitter person and I'm better off without having to deal with her - I have so many wonderful friends, I don't need baggage like her. But emotionally, I'm sort of sad about it, and at times pretty angry. We had been friends for eight years, and we do have some friends in common I don't see often but I still consider dear. I knew this day would come, but honestly I was hoping that I could keep her at arm's length and that maybe she'd change back into a more caring, nicer person.
I know that I'll be the better person if I say nothing and continue on, but I want to tell her how I feel. Even if it's just "yeah, that was a TOTALLY SANE REACTION" or "Yeah, you're mean and bitter, work on that". I shouldn't... should I? How do I get over this? I'd rather be the mature one, here.