Casper the unfriendly ghost cat
June 6, 2010 10:13 AM Subscribe
CatFilter, hope me. I wanted a cat and wound up with a poltergeist.
There are several cat taming threads on AskMe, but my cat is a very, very special snowflake (solid white, over eighteen inches long and probably 20 lbs.). Unlike the other threads he isn't feral, and has always been an indoor cat in fact (came with pre-mangled front feet). I got him off craigslist over a week ago, and was warned that he was very shy, but so far the only time I see him is when he is sliding under the bed or stealthing to the food bowl. He isn't aggressive or even fearful (he just hides - slowly - doesn't panic or run.)
The other threads all advise patience, and I know that, but for how long? I've also offered him cat nip and treats left on his pathways (not interested). He has no obvious scars or injuries, but may be sick in other ways, and I'll get him to the vet soon, but think that will wipe out much of the being patient I've done so far.
I have a good friend who is a crazy-cat-lady (meant kindly) with vast experience, but she is mainly interested in kittens and doesn't mind if the occasional mom she gets stuck with is unsocialized as long as she doesn't hiss at her. (She rescues very feral, very young country kittens and finds them homes after calming them down.) So here goals aren't the same as mine. She suggest, basically, giving him deep body massages which works for her babies, but I'm not sure he's ready for that yet. She also suggest getting a second cat (something I was planning to do eventually, and he did have other cats around at his old home.), but I can see that really backfiring.
So my questions are: Should I be more assertive about touching him? Is another cat a horrible idea (at least he'd get some exercise and play, maybe)? If I keep ignoring him, how long before he will stay in the room with me?
(He doesn't need to become cuddly for me to be happy with him, just stay in the room, and he badly needs to be brushed already.)
There are several cat taming threads on AskMe, but my cat is a very, very special snowflake (solid white, over eighteen inches long and probably 20 lbs.). Unlike the other threads he isn't feral, and has always been an indoor cat in fact (came with pre-mangled front feet). I got him off craigslist over a week ago, and was warned that he was very shy, but so far the only time I see him is when he is sliding under the bed or stealthing to the food bowl. He isn't aggressive or even fearful (he just hides - slowly - doesn't panic or run.)
The other threads all advise patience, and I know that, but for how long? I've also offered him cat nip and treats left on his pathways (not interested). He has no obvious scars or injuries, but may be sick in other ways, and I'll get him to the vet soon, but think that will wipe out much of the being patient I've done so far.
I have a good friend who is a crazy-cat-lady (meant kindly) with vast experience, but she is mainly interested in kittens and doesn't mind if the occasional mom she gets stuck with is unsocialized as long as she doesn't hiss at her. (She rescues very feral, very young country kittens and finds them homes after calming them down.) So here goals aren't the same as mine. She suggest, basically, giving him deep body massages which works for her babies, but I'm not sure he's ready for that yet. She also suggest getting a second cat (something I was planning to do eventually, and he did have other cats around at his old home.), but I can see that really backfiring.
So my questions are: Should I be more assertive about touching him? Is another cat a horrible idea (at least he'd get some exercise and play, maybe)? If I keep ignoring him, how long before he will stay in the room with me?
(He doesn't need to become cuddly for me to be happy with him, just stay in the room, and he badly needs to be brushed already.)
Best answer: I got him off craigslist over a week ago
Not enough time. I know you want to cuddle and pet a purring cat that rubs against you and chases after feathers and yarn but, really, it takes time for a cat to trust you.
One way to move things along is to, as much as possible, have a routine, including some quiet time where you sit in a specific chair or on the sofa, so that the cat doesn't feel that he will be ambushed. Also, have a cat tree or shelf or some area put aside specifically for he cat.
Offering food and treats is a lovely gesture, and cats do respond to food, but as natural predators they are themselves very wary of becoming prey, and until this cat feels completely sure his environment is safe, he will do his best to avoid you.
Now, taking him to the vet will be tough. So what I would do is have a cat carrier set out for several days before you take him to the vet. Let him go over and smell it and get used to it when you aren't around. He may even end up sitting in it on occasion. That will make it less traumatic when you take him to the vet in the carrier.
posted by misha at 10:27 AM on June 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
Not enough time. I know you want to cuddle and pet a purring cat that rubs against you and chases after feathers and yarn but, really, it takes time for a cat to trust you.
One way to move things along is to, as much as possible, have a routine, including some quiet time where you sit in a specific chair or on the sofa, so that the cat doesn't feel that he will be ambushed. Also, have a cat tree or shelf or some area put aside specifically for he cat.
Offering food and treats is a lovely gesture, and cats do respond to food, but as natural predators they are themselves very wary of becoming prey, and until this cat feels completely sure his environment is safe, he will do his best to avoid you.
Now, taking him to the vet will be tough. So what I would do is have a cat carrier set out for several days before you take him to the vet. Let him go over and smell it and get used to it when you aren't around. He may even end up sitting in it on occasion. That will make it less traumatic when you take him to the vet in the carrier.
posted by misha at 10:27 AM on June 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
Best answer: A week isn't long enough for him to adjust. Yes, be more patient. Let him come to you, and be very affectionate/give him treats whenever he does. Minimize loud noises (TV, etc).
posted by desjardins at 10:28 AM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 10:28 AM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
Best answer: My friend got a cat from an old man who died (I mean, she got the cat from a charity who rehouse cats), and it took almost two months for the cat to take to her. She's very affectionate and clingy now, but it took a LONG time.
posted by ClarissaWAM at 10:31 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by ClarissaWAM at 10:31 AM on June 6, 2010
Best answer: Feliway! It worked wonders for us in a similar situation. We bought two diffusers, put them each in a strategic spot in our home, and used them both for about three months. (So yeah, unfortunately this costs a little bit of money. I think that entire process ended up costing around $100.) We went from having an adult cat full of rage, hissing, etc. to having a cat who loves us and who we love back.
To be fair, some people say that Feliway didn't work for them. But i'm a true believer. The key: using it for a good long while.
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2010
To be fair, some people say that Feliway didn't work for them. But i'm a true believer. The key: using it for a good long while.
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2010
Just over a week is not very long. I had a cat that took over a month. What worked with her in the end was when i stopped trying to get close and just concentrated on spending a lot of time just sitting still in the same room (reading books, watching a bit of TV). She came up to me in the end. Now, 10 years on, she's annoyingly over-affectionate. Cats eh?
posted by handee at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by handee at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2010
So my questions are: Should I be more assertive about touching him? Is another cat a horrible idea (at least he'd get some exercise and play, maybe)? If I keep ignoring him, how long before he will stay in the room with me?
When we moved to our new house, our skittish 3 year-old cat hid for an entire week before coming out to see us - and he already knew me and my boyfriend. Cats dislike change, especially a change of location, and (to a lesser extent) a change in guardianship. Your cat is adjusting to a tumultuous few days and probably doesn't want a well-intentioned person to forcibly pet him while he figures out the lay of the land. If he's like 90% of the rest of his specifies, he'd vastly prefer to initiate contact with you on his own terms. Just go about your daily routine, keep feeding him, respond gently and casually if he starts creeping out from under the bed, but don't feel offended if he scampers away. He needs to know you're nice and probably a little hands-off right now. It could take another week or two before he's comfortable coming up to you.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:33 AM on June 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
When we moved to our new house, our skittish 3 year-old cat hid for an entire week before coming out to see us - and he already knew me and my boyfriend. Cats dislike change, especially a change of location, and (to a lesser extent) a change in guardianship. Your cat is adjusting to a tumultuous few days and probably doesn't want a well-intentioned person to forcibly pet him while he figures out the lay of the land. If he's like 90% of the rest of his specifies, he'd vastly prefer to initiate contact with you on his own terms. Just go about your daily routine, keep feeding him, respond gently and casually if he starts creeping out from under the bed, but don't feel offended if he scampers away. He needs to know you're nice and probably a little hands-off right now. It could take another week or two before he's comfortable coming up to you.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:33 AM on June 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Yes, dittoing the above comments that he needs even more time. A friend of mine adopted a very nervous cat and it wasn't until she went away on holidays and left the cat with housesitters that the cat warmed to her (said cat was overjoyed to see her when she got back!)
I would suggest talking to him in a soft voice whenever you're nearby. I don't suggest that you be assertive about touching him, at all - let him come to you when he's eventually ready.
It could easily take weeks, or longer, for him to adjust (or it could be just another week or so). The reward comes when you finally win his trust. I have a cat I adopted from a shelter who took a long time to warm up to me completely, but now he follows me around the house, sits next to me and purrs, all the cute kitty stuff. It's all the sweeter because he doesn't love anybody else the way he loves me.
posted by ask me please at 10:34 AM on June 6, 2010
I would suggest talking to him in a soft voice whenever you're nearby. I don't suggest that you be assertive about touching him, at all - let him come to you when he's eventually ready.
It could easily take weeks, or longer, for him to adjust (or it could be just another week or so). The reward comes when you finally win his trust. I have a cat I adopted from a shelter who took a long time to warm up to me completely, but now he follows me around the house, sits next to me and purrs, all the cute kitty stuff. It's all the sweeter because he doesn't love anybody else the way he loves me.
posted by ask me please at 10:34 AM on June 6, 2010
I think it took about a week and a half, two weeks for my cat to come out from under the bed other than midnight. Do you have any toys for your cat? I played with her a bit with one of those stick-with-tassle toys, and managed to get her interested enough in the toy that she came out from under the bed, and played a bit before going "Oh hey, I'm in the open and nothing terrible's happened. Maybe this is ok." And after that she got braver.
Right now just let him relax at his own pace. That's more important than the cuddling or grooming.
posted by Caravantea at 10:36 AM on June 6, 2010
Right now just let him relax at his own pace. That's more important than the cuddling or grooming.
posted by Caravantea at 10:36 AM on June 6, 2010
It can take a while. When I brought a friend's cat to my parent's house, she hid behind a desk, and wouldn't come out unless I was in the room ( not even to use the litter box), for the two weeks she was there. Cats are cautious creatures.
I completely agree with misha and desjardins. Try to minimize loud noises, and leave a fresh bowl of food periodically for the cat. Even if he won't come out of hiding, he'll associate you with the food, and that will go a long way towards building trust.
I've also heard that if a cat is in hiding, it's often best to pretend that you can't see it at all, rather than to try to actively lure it out. The reasoning I heard is that cats need to feel safe in their hiding places, and it's stressful if they know they can be seen in their secret lair. They might also decide to find a more secluded hiding spot, one far more difficult for a mere human to find.
posted by ladypants at 10:47 AM on June 6, 2010
I completely agree with misha and desjardins. Try to minimize loud noises, and leave a fresh bowl of food periodically for the cat. Even if he won't come out of hiding, he'll associate you with the food, and that will go a long way towards building trust.
I've also heard that if a cat is in hiding, it's often best to pretend that you can't see it at all, rather than to try to actively lure it out. The reasoning I heard is that cats need to feel safe in their hiding places, and it's stressful if they know they can be seen in their secret lair. They might also decide to find a more secluded hiding spot, one far more difficult for a mere human to find.
posted by ladypants at 10:47 AM on June 6, 2010
Repeating what others have said but you've got to be super-patient with cats. Ramping up to more assertively touching or grabbing him will only make matters worse (as will deep-body massages or getting a second cat). How long? It depends. Somewhat over a week isn't enough. It may take a few more weeks, it may take a few months. Let him explore and figure out what his new living situation is all about. Also, it sounds like you are understandably anxious about his reticence, but the calmer you are about him and letting him settle in to his surroundings, the calmer he will become.
posted by blucevalo at 10:50 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by blucevalo at 10:50 AM on June 6, 2010
As Caravantea suggested, you could try the old stick and tassel toy. Those are pretty universally loved by cats. You could also try calling the person from Craigslist, and asking if they have any of the cat's toys you could come get. A familiar toy might make the new home less scary. Even if they don't have toys, they might suggest toys, foods or treats that the cat would respond well to.
posted by ladypants at 10:51 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by ladypants at 10:51 AM on June 6, 2010
My mom adopted a feral kitten, and I didn't see anything but the end of her tail disappearing under the couch for months. After my mom died and I had both of her cats, nervous cat wouldn't let me touch her unless I lay very still on the floor and let her sniff my fingertips. This went on for weeks. So, yes, patience, and your cat will probably always be shy.
posted by rtha at 10:52 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by rtha at 10:52 AM on June 6, 2010
I remember six months after adopting my cat feeling this shift in our relationship - it was growing closer. its the same dynamic with pets as it is with human relationships, time builds trust and brings you closer together. give the kitty lots of time. just like several posters before me, after five years my cat is sometimes annoyingly over-affectionate....and it took time for that to happen.
posted by dmbfan93 at 10:53 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by dmbfan93 at 10:53 AM on June 6, 2010
Nthing the more time bit. My friend and I rescue cats, and while some jump into the family as if they've always been there, some have not -- one even hid INSIDE A WALL in the basement for a month and only came out to eat & use the litter box when she was sleeping.
On the upside, I've noticed that the 'hiders' tend to be one person cats when they come out, and they tend to be VERY dedicated to their owners. Especially male cats. So if you can give this prince 4-6 weeks to settle in, my suspicion is that you will have the friend of a lifetime.
posted by MeiraV at 10:54 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
On the upside, I've noticed that the 'hiders' tend to be one person cats when they come out, and they tend to be VERY dedicated to their owners. Especially male cats. So if you can give this prince 4-6 weeks to settle in, my suspicion is that you will have the friend of a lifetime.
posted by MeiraV at 10:54 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
At least a few months. Sit in the room where it is hiding and read a book for an hour or so a day, without trying to touch them. You can put some treats nearby, but not too close to you.
Expect to do this for a few weeks.
My cats took a long time to tame but it paid off in spades as they now trust me absolutely and are incredibly affectionate.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 10:59 AM on June 6, 2010
Expect to do this for a few weeks.
My cats took a long time to tame but it paid off in spades as they now trust me absolutely and are incredibly affectionate.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 10:59 AM on June 6, 2010
I am working on a shy rescue right now. Although it is a dog, and so a bit different. I am finding that allowing him to make the trust decisions seems to be best. I often ignore him and can see that he feels safer. Although I want to go up to him constantly and give him love, he reacts to that energy and focus on him by backing away.
Also agree that it is longer with cats. A week is not nearly enough.
I think if you get a tassel type of cat toy just lightly play with it in his line of vision, but don't try to play it with him just yet, so he can get intrigued, but without pressure.
posted by Vaike at 11:01 AM on June 6, 2010
Also agree that it is longer with cats. A week is not nearly enough.
I think if you get a tassel type of cat toy just lightly play with it in his line of vision, but don't try to play it with him just yet, so he can get intrigued, but without pressure.
posted by Vaike at 11:01 AM on June 6, 2010
You may want to pick up this book. It does a good job of explaining what a cat's needs are, and it also gives a lot of great advice about dealing with a skittish, new kitty. One thing I really didn't get before reading this book was how much cats rely on certain aspects of their environment to feel comfortable and happy. It definitely sounds like you could use the same sort of information.
Please don't get dismayed at the people giving you warnings that it may take months. Some of the sweetest kitties in the world are ones that took a long time to get comfortable. Just because your new cat is skittish now certainly doesn't mean he's going to be unloving forever. It is, however, pretty important that you treat the cat correctly now, to avoid hurting your relationship with him before it's even really begun.
posted by meese at 11:05 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Please don't get dismayed at the people giving you warnings that it may take months. Some of the sweetest kitties in the world are ones that took a long time to get comfortable. Just because your new cat is skittish now certainly doesn't mean he's going to be unloving forever. It is, however, pretty important that you treat the cat correctly now, to avoid hurting your relationship with him before it's even really begun.
posted by meese at 11:05 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Nth'ing Feliway. Try to get it online, I've seen pet stores mark it up to double the price you can find it on say, amazon.
posted by Syllables at 11:07 AM on June 6, 2010
posted by Syllables at 11:07 AM on June 6, 2010
I had a particularly shy cat who took literally a year to warm up to us. It was two solid months before he stopped hiding 24/7 and only eating when nobody was near the food; it was close to a year before he wanted us to pet him. He turned out to be my most affectionate cat. Even my boldest cat took more than a week to settle down. My most skittish cat (who isn't shy, just nervous) has been with us 18 months and still runs away when we commit the terrible sin of STANDING UP.
I engaged in ignoring when they seemed tense so they'd feel more secure in their hiding spots, and often narrated what I was doing, like you do with a baby, when I was moving around ... get them used to my voice, make it easy to tell where I am, maybe they learn a few words like "kitchen" so it's less scary, I dunno. I also pick a couple spots where I sit still and calm for long periods -- reading, talking on the phone, sleeping in bed -- so they know when they can come check you out and you'll be still and non-scary.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:22 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I engaged in ignoring when they seemed tense so they'd feel more secure in their hiding spots, and often narrated what I was doing, like you do with a baby, when I was moving around ... get them used to my voice, make it easy to tell where I am, maybe they learn a few words like "kitchen" so it's less scary, I dunno. I also pick a couple spots where I sit still and calm for long periods -- reading, talking on the phone, sleeping in bed -- so they know when they can come check you out and you'll be still and non-scary.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:22 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
With my scaredy cat if he was hiding because of new circumstances it would work well to briefly approach him and pet him, lure him out a bit. That reminded him of how much he loved being petted. And got him out of his scared spell.
Just a counter datapoint.
posted by joost de vries at 11:25 AM on June 6, 2010
Just a counter datapoint.
posted by joost de vries at 11:25 AM on June 6, 2010
It's possible your cat might also be deaf - all-white cats have a genetic tendency to deafness. So if he's deaf (and your vet can check this out) it might also add to him being scared and hiding in a new environment.
As others have said, Feliway can also help him settle, too, the plug-in diffuser kind, not the spray, is best.
posted by essexjan at 11:26 AM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
As others have said, Feliway can also help him settle, too, the plug-in diffuser kind, not the spray, is best.
posted by essexjan at 11:26 AM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
I adopted a cat from a rescue organization about 10 years ago.
At first, he hid under the bed. I was worried he would starve, but the food bowl in the kitchen would need refilling every day, so it was clear that he was eating and exploring his new home at night while I was sleeping.
About three weeks later, I was awoken by my cat. He'd jumped up on the bed and was licking my arm. When I woke up, he jumped off the bed and hid again.
Over the next month, he gradually spent more and more time on the bed at night until one day I came home from work and he was sitting by the door, waiting for me.
He just needed time to figure out that I wasn't a threat, but a friend.
It sounds like your cat just needs some time to adjust.
If your cat needs to be brushed, you might want to invest in one of those corner-mounted brushes.
posted by burntflowers at 11:34 AM on June 6, 2010
At first, he hid under the bed. I was worried he would starve, but the food bowl in the kitchen would need refilling every day, so it was clear that he was eating and exploring his new home at night while I was sleeping.
About three weeks later, I was awoken by my cat. He'd jumped up on the bed and was licking my arm. When I woke up, he jumped off the bed and hid again.
Over the next month, he gradually spent more and more time on the bed at night until one day I came home from work and he was sitting by the door, waiting for me.
He just needed time to figure out that I wasn't a threat, but a friend.
It sounds like your cat just needs some time to adjust.
If your cat needs to be brushed, you might want to invest in one of those corner-mounted brushes.
posted by burntflowers at 11:34 AM on June 6, 2010
Best answer: I have read so many heart warming stories from owners of shy cats like this one!
Yes, be patient. Give him a month Or so without expectations. Make sure he eats and read to him out loud so he gets used to your voice and associates it with peaceful downtime. When you do, blink at him like cats do to smile and then go away again.
Assertiveness doesn't work for cats that way. Cats interpret it as aggression.
Let the cat know that it is accepted without reservation even if it stays hidden for the rest of its life, and it will repay you with trust a thousandfold.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:43 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yes, be patient. Give him a month Or so without expectations. Make sure he eats and read to him out loud so he gets used to your voice and associates it with peaceful downtime. When you do, blink at him like cats do to smile and then go away again.
Assertiveness doesn't work for cats that way. Cats interpret it as aggression.
Let the cat know that it is accepted without reservation even if it stays hidden for the rest of its life, and it will repay you with trust a thousandfold.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:43 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is normal for cats. Environmental changes really frighten them. You can get this kind of reaction for a good week or so just by rearranging furniture. That he's sneaking out for food is a good sign. He's gradually getting used to the new place. Eventually, he'll learn to trust it more and stop sneaking. Be patient.
Taking him to the vet: Putting an already terrified cat in a cat carrier is probably not a good idea. There's nothing in his behavior to suggest there's anything wrong with him. Wait till he's already comfortable with his new place and you, then you'll have someplace that feels secure in to bring him back to.
posted by nangar at 11:54 AM on June 6, 2010
Taking him to the vet: Putting an already terrified cat in a cat carrier is probably not a good idea. There's nothing in his behavior to suggest there's anything wrong with him. Wait till he's already comfortable with his new place and you, then you'll have someplace that feels secure in to bring him back to.
posted by nangar at 11:54 AM on June 6, 2010
Maybe try getting a laser pointer. My cats love chasing after that red dot. That may get your cat out from under the furniture.
posted by kellyblah at 12:12 PM on June 6, 2010
posted by kellyblah at 12:12 PM on June 6, 2010
It took my cat a month to decided if I was worthy to hang out with. She'd eat, drink, use the litterbox but wanted nothing to do with me. Like you, I was wondering what I was getting myself into but over time she's become a great pet.
She is still rather shy when there are other people around. I had a houseguest stay a week and she never saw my cat. Kitty would wait until we were out of the house or fast asleep to take care of business. This is great if the apartment maintenance people come in since I'm sure she'll be hiding under the bed until they're gone.
posted by birdherder at 12:16 PM on June 6, 2010
She is still rather shy when there are other people around. I had a houseguest stay a week and she never saw my cat. Kitty would wait until we were out of the house or fast asleep to take care of business. This is great if the apartment maintenance people come in since I'm sure she'll be hiding under the bed until they're gone.
posted by birdherder at 12:16 PM on June 6, 2010
Nthing all the other "formerly shy" kitty stories. My boy Curtis arrived in my life in an almost-feral state (my friends had to chase him down to get him in the car) as a very young kitten. He promptly hid under the bed and would not come out, except to eat and use the box, and wouldn't have anything to do with me, my BF or his cat for several days. Over the next few weeks and months, he bonded with me (I was home a lot of the time then), but was standoffish with anybody else. By the time he was an older cat, he was an affectionate bubba and would get into bed with me every night.
So please give him time and space to decide when he wants to be affectionate with you. Cats are very much like people that way.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 12:38 PM on June 6, 2010
So please give him time and space to decide when he wants to be affectionate with you. Cats are very much like people that way.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 12:38 PM on June 6, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks everyone. Tons of great answers. This question was a little wanting to find a short cut, but also wanting reassurance and to be told not to get into a rush things and screw it up. Feliway sounds like it might be the short cut, but hearing that it often takes a very long timeis good to hear.
I'll just be patient patiently some more.
Many thinks again. (I marked the earlier ones as best only because they were firsties, but I appreciated (and needed) all of your stories.)
posted by Some1 at 1:07 PM on June 6, 2010
I'll just be patient patiently some more.
Many thinks again. (I marked the earlier ones as best only because they were firsties, but I appreciated (and needed) all of your stories.)
posted by Some1 at 1:07 PM on June 6, 2010
Please just be patient. The idea of reading in the room where it's hiding is a great one. Also, definitely talk to the cat a lot when you come home and when in the same room. Don't force it to interact, but say hello, call its name, tell it how pretty it is and how much you like it in a soothing voice.
It'll come around. Don't bother with chemicals until you've given lots of patience a try.
posted by mediareport at 2:23 PM on June 6, 2010
It'll come around. Don't bother with chemicals until you've given lots of patience a try.
posted by mediareport at 2:23 PM on June 6, 2010
Oop, should have refreshed the page before answering. Sounds like you've got the right perspective, though. Good luck!
posted by mediareport at 2:25 PM on June 6, 2010
posted by mediareport at 2:25 PM on June 6, 2010
I'm with mediareport. Lots of soothing pretty kitty noises, but I wouldn't try to hard (or try at all at this stage) to play with the cat. It knows you're there. It suspects you are feeding it. It is settling into its new space and settling into a new owner. Sitting quietly and still in the same room will allow it to get used to your presence and company without be threatened by your approach. I'm concerned that if you try to approach it (meaning seek it out, make eye contact, solicit its attention and any other number of small things associated) to play with it, it will set off kitty ("oh crap, I am being hunted") alarms.
I like the idea of contacting ex-owner to see if kitty had a favorite toy or if it liked to play or has played with certain toys. Even seeing a toy that resembles something it used to play with might be reassuring. Leave it in the room and maybe, after some time, wiggle it a bit. Interact with the toy, not the cat.
Anyway, yeah, time is key.
My story: we got two kittens who were living in a backyard of a non-cat-owner who owned large barking dogs. My two were skittish but not abnormally so. The redhead, Udu, allowed touching, but the cutie little tuxedo girl, Bouka, ducked under our touch for nearly a year. Went out of her way to avoid our touch. We could only pet her when she was asleep/sleepy. She seemed surprised the first time she purred while we pet her. Still, when fully awake, no touchy. I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to love ferociously on her.
A year later, she is like she is today: Ready to be petted about half the time. Winding around the legs affectionately all the time.
And about 2 or 3 times nearly every morning, she will rub up against me and walk ahead of me a few steps, sit down, look back at me, and give me the sounds-like-no-other-meow request to pet her, which meow gets loudly insistent if I do not immediately bend over and rub her face, cheeks, chin, neck, etc. She'll take a few more steps and demand again. Then she'll get in that weird 2-martini mood: high-purr, stagger/rub around the legs, her eyes all love-drunk, yet still meowing if I dare stop petting her for more than two seconds...until she remembers she has far more important things to attend to or until I realize I am going to be late for work.
posted by Jezebella at 2:53 PM on June 6, 2010
I like the idea of contacting ex-owner to see if kitty had a favorite toy or if it liked to play or has played with certain toys. Even seeing a toy that resembles something it used to play with might be reassuring. Leave it in the room and maybe, after some time, wiggle it a bit. Interact with the toy, not the cat.
Anyway, yeah, time is key.
My story: we got two kittens who were living in a backyard of a non-cat-owner who owned large barking dogs. My two were skittish but not abnormally so. The redhead, Udu, allowed touching, but the cutie little tuxedo girl, Bouka, ducked under our touch for nearly a year. Went out of her way to avoid our touch. We could only pet her when she was asleep/sleepy. She seemed surprised the first time she purred while we pet her. Still, when fully awake, no touchy. I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to love ferociously on her.
A year later, she is like she is today: Ready to be petted about half the time. Winding around the legs affectionately all the time.
And about 2 or 3 times nearly every morning, she will rub up against me and walk ahead of me a few steps, sit down, look back at me, and give me the sounds-like-no-other-meow request to pet her, which meow gets loudly insistent if I do not immediately bend over and rub her face, cheeks, chin, neck, etc. She'll take a few more steps and demand again. Then she'll get in that weird 2-martini mood: high-purr, stagger/rub around the legs, her eyes all love-drunk, yet still meowing if I dare stop petting her for more than two seconds...until she remembers she has far more important things to attend to or until I realize I am going to be late for work.
posted by Jezebella at 2:53 PM on June 6, 2010
Just another "it takes time" story. When I adopted my cat, it took weeks before I could touch him. It was six months until I could pick him up -- and a full year before I could pick him up, hold him, and walk around, without getting a full-on panicked flee response. It just took patience, and a lot of being willing to wait him out, while he explored and gradually approached me. On the bright side, since he has all his claws and is happy to use them when panicked, the patient approach probably saved me a billion dollars in cat-scratch bandaids.
posted by sldownard at 4:31 PM on June 6, 2010
posted by sldownard at 4:31 PM on June 6, 2010
Don't bother with chemicals
Just FYI, Feliway is valerian root extract in a suspension of some kind. I would have been very skeptical if I had known this before I saw it work wonders for my aggressive cat, both pre- and post-neutering. For my money (and it does cost), it was essential to re-establishing an emotional situation where he and I could re-develop our relationship.
posted by dhartung at 10:46 PM on June 6, 2010
Just FYI, Feliway is valerian root extract in a suspension of some kind. I would have been very skeptical if I had known this before I saw it work wonders for my aggressive cat, both pre- and post-neutering. For my money (and it does cost), it was essential to re-establishing an emotional situation where he and I could re-develop our relationship.
posted by dhartung at 10:46 PM on June 6, 2010
He just needed time to figure out that I wasn't a threat, but a friend.
This. They are SOOOOOO dumb. Like, incredibly stupid. Their brains are the size of walnuts, and they aren't wrinkly enough either. I love my cat, and I assign all kinds of human thoughts and emotions to her too, but I know that she's not that smart. Your cat will figure out you're a friend - be hands off, and be very quiet around the house, and eventually, he'll come out.
posted by agregoli at 6:29 PM on June 8, 2010
This. They are SOOOOOO dumb. Like, incredibly stupid. Their brains are the size of walnuts, and they aren't wrinkly enough either. I love my cat, and I assign all kinds of human thoughts and emotions to her too, but I know that she's not that smart. Your cat will figure out you're a friend - be hands off, and be very quiet around the house, and eventually, he'll come out.
posted by agregoli at 6:29 PM on June 8, 2010
Response by poster: This might seem early for an update, but it's an AskMe miracle I think.
Sunday night, just a few hours after this post, the Ghost Cat sat in the entry hall, staring at me sitting in the living room, in plain sight and a mere twenty feet away. About every twenty or so minutes I did the blinking thing that Omnomnom suggested and he just kept staring. Monday morning he only peeked at me from behind the couch, but he stayed on the same floor with me while I ate breakfast, and that night move under the dinning room table to watch me (cutting the distance in half from the night before.)
Last night was the big event! When I was going to bed he stayed on the bed when I sat down and let me pet him (only twelve days after moving in). He even rolled over on his back. (He does this weird upside down swimming thing; I've been kneaded by cats before, but this is stranger.)
This morning he meowed at me (the first sound he's made), and ran half up the stairs. I followed and he was sitting on the bed waiting for me to came and pet him. Apparently that's the only place he can be touched for now, and things have to be on his own terms, but at least I know he isn't a phantom.
Some bean-platers will say this was coincidence, but I think it was all because of all of you, and maybe he knew I was talking about him Sunday afternoon and decided to get it together some. Thanks all
posted by Some1 at 9:32 AM on June 9, 2010 [6 favorites]
Sunday night, just a few hours after this post, the Ghost Cat sat in the entry hall, staring at me sitting in the living room, in plain sight and a mere twenty feet away. About every twenty or so minutes I did the blinking thing that Omnomnom suggested and he just kept staring. Monday morning he only peeked at me from behind the couch, but he stayed on the same floor with me while I ate breakfast, and that night move under the dinning room table to watch me (cutting the distance in half from the night before.)
Last night was the big event! When I was going to bed he stayed on the bed when I sat down and let me pet him (only twelve days after moving in). He even rolled over on his back. (He does this weird upside down swimming thing; I've been kneaded by cats before, but this is stranger.)
This morning he meowed at me (the first sound he's made), and ran half up the stairs. I followed and he was sitting on the bed waiting for me to came and pet him. Apparently that's the only place he can be touched for now, and things have to be on his own terms, but at least I know he isn't a phantom.
Some bean-platers will say this was coincidence, but I think it was all because of all of you, and maybe he knew I was talking about him Sunday afternoon and decided to get it together some. Thanks all
posted by Some1 at 9:32 AM on June 9, 2010 [6 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by kellyblah at 10:20 AM on June 6, 2010