When (and how) do I tell new romantic partners about my erectile dysfunction? How would you react to a guy telling you this?
I've had erectile dysfunction and am on antidepressants that delay orgasm. This does not lead to pretty results when dealing with women who use my physical response to judge their own sexual attractiveness. After reading this thread
, I'm convinced that the "open, direct" approach will work best. The "how" as explained there is pretty good. I'm more concerned with the when.
I'm sure there are lots of women who would love to date me (even with the ED), but I'm worried that I will mess things up by bringing this up at the wrong time or otherwise disrupting the timing of things. After the first makeout session sounds like a good idea. But should it be right after or sometime during the next date? Or during?
If we are kissing and I feel like the girl wants to go further (to second base or third base), I find it hard to resist that. One reason is because I really like sex, but mostly that I am terrified that if I don't push things further, she will feel that I am not interested in her sexually, or she will just find everything a bit less exciting and lose interest. I also sometimes feel like I should go for it right now because otherwise I may never get another chance to see this person naked. I have enough notches in my bedpost that I really shouldn't care about this anymore, but I have trouble ignoring this unhelpful urge.
It seems like my options are to bring it up 1. before making out, seem presumptuous and also identify a big problem before someone has the investment in me to see past that, 2. in the middle of making out, which sounds like a total mood-killer and might seem weird too, 3. right after making out, which means that she may have already been disappointed and lost interest from the lack of action if she wanted some, and it's also an awkward way to end an evening, 4. the next date after making out, which might be too late if she's already lost interest, or 5. right before sex, which I think will go more badly than any other choice.
Which is better? Other options I have missed? Specific things I should say? This might seem simple but it is really stressful for me and hard to think about, so thanks for helping me through this.