How do I recover from depression while in college?

May 31, 2010 6:45 PM

This summer, I am making significant steps toward recovering from depression. How do I maintain these lifestyle changes once I return to college?

I am a rising (female) sophomore at a private liberal arts college in the US. I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and various eating disorders nearly all my life, but I only began seeing a therapist this past January. I am not on medication -- since I don't have access to therapy over the summer, my counselor and I decided I ought to take these four months to make productive changes in my lifestyle to see if they are sufficient for recovery, or if I should begin medication come September. I am attempting to approach this scientifically, by making the necessary changes and tracking my moods.

However, I am worried that some changes -- such as going to bed and getting up early, abstaining from caffeine/alcohol/cigarettes, and finding time for regular exercise -- will be very difficult to maintain once I return to living in a college dorm. (I can't see myself going to a party, not drinking, and leaving by 10.) This strikes me as a very selfish concern, but I can't help but worry about either relapsing entirely or becoming a social pariah (though I recognize these are extremes). How do I find a balance between my mental health and college living, especially while staying on top of work/classes/extracurriculars?

Personal stories and general advice are welcome. If necessary, there's a throwaway email at [e-mail]. Thanks so much for all your help.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (13 answers total)

For the regular exercise part could you sign up for a gym class? Then you wouldn't really have a choice about doing it.

I didn't drink when I was in college. It would take a while for people to get used to this idea but generally I'd say "No thanks" and someone would chime in, "Oh Sciencegeek doesn't drink" and I'd say, "More for you" and they'd let it drop. You can also invent a reason: medical, religious, a family member/friend with an alcohol problem, or just personal preference. Or you can be honest about it; people are better at understanding things like this than you'd think.

The sleep schedule is going to be the hardest part. Colleges just don't work well with going to bed at 11pm. You could request to be placed in a quiet dorm if that exists.

I'm working on my problems with depression and anger right now and I'm trying out medication, adding exercise to my routine and making some other changes to my life. It isn't easy, but I feel like I'm doing something good. It sounds like you're going about this well - good luck, I hope you find a way toward recovery.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:26 PM on May 31, 2010

This is do-able if it is important to you. It is certainly possible to get through college with a minimum of caffeine, alcohol and cigarettes (especially if you can manage your time so you don't have to stay up late doing assignments). It is also very possbile to exercise regularly (and probably make you more efficient when you do sit down to study). This may be easier if you find friends that support a healthy life style - either for religious or health or recovery reasons.

Leaving at 10 (or maybe later on the weekend) will not make you a social pariah if you have good quality friends but you will miss out on things that you will hear about the next day. Your friends (I hope) will find with it - the hard part will be adjusting your own feelings so you can accept that as a fair price for being healthy.

Yes, it can be done but it may be changing your idea of what it means to be a college student.
posted by metahawk at 7:33 PM on May 31, 2010

Congratulations on your progress! And kudos for thinking about re-entry issues now. Three things come to mind: a) Refine a schedule now that includes time for exercise that mimics what your college days will be like and creates useful habits... so much the better if you know when your classes will meet next semester; b) stay in touch with your friends and future roommate(s) over the summer so they have hints about the lifestyle you plan to lead (e.g., "I'm really enjoying running every morning and plan to be up to x distance when we return to XU.") with whatever detail about why you feel comfortable sharing, keeping in mind that you don't want people to think of you as fragile. Perhaps you can find exercise partners, identify friends who don't drink, etc., over the summer. Plus that will give you a reputation to uphold, e.g., as a caffeine free fitness buff or whatever, and c) try to schedule a phone conference or two over the summer with your counselor so you can get some feedback on your strategies to deal with college life before you return to campus. Good luck!
posted by carmicha at 7:37 PM on May 31, 2010

Hopefully you have friends there and dormmates who are supportive -- simply TELL them you're making certain lifestyle choices for the sake of your mental health and I bet they will get on board and not just support but actively help you!

(As for the non-drinking: EVERYBODY loves a designated driver in college!)

Someone on metafilter linked to the "No-S" diet a while ago (no sugar, no seconds, no snacks, except on days beginning with S -- Saturday, Sunday, Special days). You could probably think of a similar system for your reforms -- early to bed every night but Friday OR Saturday, when you can stay up late at a party (but not drink, and you'll still probably wake up at your regular time). Always exercising, but on your S days you can get a pass ... and so forth. Missing ONE day of exercise or getting up early won't do in your resolve, and you'll likely feel better if you know you can stay out late now and then.

I had a couple of very good friends in college with what we might call "behavior restrictions" -- one came from a family of alcoholics and so did not drink; another had some health issues that put her under restrictions similar to yours. Neither was made a pariah and most people who knew about their issues were pretty generous about making them feel included and NOT hassling them.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:44 PM on May 31, 2010

If it's any reassurance, my experience at my liberal arts college is that people generally become less enamored of the college-party thing after freshman year. Especially if your school is small or in a small town, you start to realize that you've seen pretty much every kind of party there is and there are fewer new people to meet. YMMV, of course, but you might find that your friends are more willing to stay in and hang out or watch movies or whatever than you're expecting.

As for keeping up your good habits, keep in mind that your first priority is taking care of yourself and your mental health. I had a bad run for a while when I was putting school ahead of everything, beating myself up about not getting things done and getting overwhelmed and depressed about how poorly my life seemed to be going. I was getting so stressed that I wasn't taking care of myself. Funnily enough, no sleep during the week + sleeping all the time on weekends + stressing out 24/7 didn't lead to better grades. Putting my mental health ahead of everything didn't magically make my grades better, but I felt a million times more like myself, and that made it all easier to handle. It's easy, at college, to imitate how other people seem to live and put school, or partying, or whatever, ahead of taking care of yourself. It's OK to say no and be "lame" and do what you need to do for yourself.
posted by MadamM at 10:28 PM on May 31, 2010

Seconding MadamM. It's actually possible to be at a liberal arts college, AND make lots of cool friends who follow the same kind of routines as you're outlining for yourself. Find an exercise buddy (two friends of mine used to go to aerobics together 7 30 am. egad!).

And as the "Muslim girl who doesn't drink, smoke, OR party in the usual American sense of the word, I still managed to have a tremendous amount of fun. The kinds of people who can't support you in these routines are not the kind of people you want to hang out with. Other posters have also mentioned, and I agree, that you will probably be surprised at how cool most people are with your choices.
posted by bardophile at 11:39 PM on May 31, 2010

Eyebrows McGee makes a good point that you might find you can still drink/stay up late occasionally (saving it for 'special' occasions?) and not mess up your new schedule. However, if you find it's best for you to abstain totally, then that's not necessarily a problem either. I've had friends at university who don't drink, can't stay out late for whatever reason, or just don't like the whole partying thing, and I don't think anyone's ever hassled them about it. If people bother you about it, then they really aren't being very good friends. There are plenty of other ways to socialise and see friends without it having to become an all-night drinking fest.
Exercise-wise, I find having it be some sort of commitment really helps to make sure I actually do it - whether that's a regular class you attend, meeting with a friend to go swimming together, or some sort of club or society you could get involved with that meets at a set time. It definitely helps me for there to be someone expecting me to turn up, rather than relying just on my own willpower.
If you find yourself falling behind or struggling with classwork, do try to talk to you tutor or lecturer about it - they're generally very understanding and can help you get back on track with the work.
It sounds like you're making a lot of progress.
posted by pocketfluff at 3:57 AM on June 1, 2010

(As for the non-drinking: EVERYBODY loves a designated driver in college!)

Seriously. Just be your group's DD. (Or the alternative if you end up off campus of I can't drink because I have to drive myself home). I dislike drinking but I can drink, and this, religion, and health problems are the only two excuses for not drinking people really respect. Anything other excuse and people will hassle you until you end up drinking.

I have to regularly get up at 5 or 6 am and one thing I find useful is that I can adjust the time I wake up by two hours earlier a day. So if I usually go to sleep at say, 10pm, I can go to sleep at 2am on Friday, because then I can be back asleep by midnight on Saturday and 10pm on Sunday. This might be something worth trying.

As for regular exercise: walk to and from classes instead of taking the bus (more effective on some campuses then others) and then sign up for some fitness class before or after your classes (depending on personal preferences).
posted by An algorithmic dog at 5:52 AM on June 1, 2010

To clarify: many people will hassle you over not drinking because they think you are shy or nervous about drinking rather then because you have a legitimate reason not to. In their minds you just need encouragement to have fun. And if you give a vague answer about not liking to drink people will assume that you just haven't found out how fun it can be. This is especially true for freshmen/sophomores who maybe haven't been exposed to drinking that much. If you are not going to lie about why you don't drink you need to give a firm committed I don't drink the first time your asked. If you give some wishywashy answer people will assume that you just need encouragement. FWIW I don't know anyone who would not respect the truth if you told them.
posted by An algorithmic dog at 6:00 AM on June 1, 2010

In addition to the good suggestions above for handling specific situations, how about finding a support buddy who also needs to keep on purpose toward some goals? Maybe not even the same ones you are trying to keep, just ones that that are important to them that they also want support for. Check in with each other on a schedule and whenever you haven't heard from one another for some agreed-on amount of time - or whatever way works for both of you. Cheer one another on, brainstorm ways to stay on purpose in a situation you find challenging, help each other up after a slip, etc. You'd always have be at least one person you can count on to understand, listen, not judge, and cheer you on, whenever you need it.
posted by TruncatedTiller at 6:18 AM on June 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, and probably best to choose someone you with whom you can keep your support relationship your only relationship, just to keep your primary roles clear and uncomplicated.
posted by TruncatedTiller at 6:20 AM on June 1, 2010

Aside from exercise, sometimes taking fewer classes is a good way to manage stress and the fallout from that. When I was in school, for the first few years I took the full load of classes, had a job, and partied a lot - work hard, play hard! But it was pretty draining... I broke down with anxiety and depression, and mid-3rd year I took a year off. Going back I took just one less class each term, and found I was happier and less anxious because I had less work to get stressed over. There was time in my day to go to the gym, get homework done, or just have a little break in the day.

Also, making changes in your life is supposed to be most effectively implemented by making the changes one by one and developing them into a routine before moving onto another one. Start small - make an effort one week to go to bed early and wake up early too. If you slip up one day, don't punish yourself and ditch the effort, just keep on trying until it becomes habitual. And then try another small one, like substituting tea for coffee. Small successes add up. Don't think of your vices as entirely forbidden, but consider them a treat instead of a right - to be savored.
posted by lizbunny at 7:53 AM on June 1, 2010

Personal story:
I refused to acknowledge my own problems during my own private liberal arts undergrad time. I decided I couldn't possibly have mental health problems, that even though I loved and supported my friends who suffered from alot of the same things you state having, for some reason when it came to loving and supporting myself--- I just couldn't.
I had to have a sort of mental breakdown during Grad School to admit I might need counselling and medication.

So seriously, congratulations. It's a really hard but terrifically important step to acknowledge that there might be something wrong, and to go even further, to make changes in your life!!!
I think you should be really proud of yourself.

Actual Advice:
- sign up for a PE class, it really will force you to maintain some exercise.
And I found that when I was slipping and not doing the readings or the papers, and therefore couldn't bring myself to attend class, I could STILL go to Swimming.
There was no expectation or need to do anything but show up, plus being able to tell myself that I had at least made one of my classes was a toe-hold to pulling myself out of the funk.
- tell your friends, if these are people who care about you then telling them about some of your decisions to turn your life around and asking them for their support should be expected of a friend to do. You do NOT have to tell them about the depression or therapy or ED or anything if you don't want to, simply saying "Hey, I think that I'd be happier and healthier doing X,Y,Z... will you help me stay on track?" is enough.
- use the college walk-in center/student advising/therapy-whatever, if you're going to a private liberal arts place, odds are that they have something provided for their students' mental health needs. TAKE ADVANTAGE. It'll help you to have someone know your issues and root you on, in fact if they have advising *and* counselling, do both. Or find a professor you trust and use that mentor relationship. Either way, find someone who if things to devolve and you are struggling that you can go to, already comfortable in your relationship with them.
- organize your own weekend fun/activities, if you're afraid that you can't be social without drinking and smoking on a college campus then try to be proactive and come up with stuff that makes people come to you. Maybe they can BYOB if they want to, but at your BBQ-and-card-game-night drinks won't be provided. Movie nights, card/board games, road trip to neighboring town, family-style dinners, arts and crafts, etc etc. It may sound hokey to do these kinds of "family fun" activities BUT the best memories I have are of things like this where I got to talk and laugh with friends, instead of hold their hair back while they puked the last 4 beers they had.
Secondly, you can also use those time when everyone else goes to drink, to go exercise! I too had some eating/body image issues. I never wanted anyone to see me workout, so going to the gym on a Saturday night was great. It was empty, I had my pick of machines, and I felt accomplished in that I was achieving my exercise goals.
- FORGIVE YOURSELF, there will be failures.
I have no doubt that you can climb out of your problems, but you should go into this knowing there will be bad days. Everyone slips. And it's totally okay. It's normal; you aren't a bad person. Being unable to forgive ourselves keeps us from getting up again, and not trying is what allows us to fall further into depression. If you fuck up, it's okay to feel sad or be mad at yourself... for a short time. But then after a bit, let it go. Forgive yourself your human faults and go back to achieving your goals. :)

Good luck!
posted by elleyebeebeewhy at 6:49 PM on June 3, 2010 [1 favorite]