How to cope with my mom's death?
May 26, 2010 5:52 PM Subscribe
My mother, a long term alcohol/prescription drug abuser, died last week. She was in her 50s. I'm a wreck and need help coping.
posted by anonymous to human relations (13 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My uncle (her brother) found her when she had been without oxygen for almost an hour. She had drank so much she stopped breathing. The hospital managed to keep her alive for a few hours for family to say goodbye. We took care of her last arrangements after finding her will, and had a memorial service.
I feel a sickening sense of relief. She was an incredibly manipulative person, and very mentally and verbally abusive. She was exhausting to have a relationship with. She had spiraled out of control over the last few years, and our family knew it was a matter of time before something terrible happened. She died while we were fighting, which we did frequently. I know (due to counseling) I had to set boundaries to protect my own mental health, but I feel like a horrible daughter for not always having been there. I also feel badly for wanting to move now. The rest of my family lives downtown and I lived in the suburbs to be close by to her. She had lost her license due to repeated DUIs.
She left my brother (early 20s) and I (mid 20s) everything, which amounts to 4-5 million USD. We're both stunned. My father, an accountant (also wealthy, but they divorced in my early teens and he and I are not close at all) is taking care of most of the probate stuff for my brother and I, as we're the co-executors.
I have so much on my mind. How do I do this? And what do I do - responsibly - with this money after probate passes? I haven't worked for almost 2 years because of a medical disability, and am on a fixed income due to this. We already decided to give gifts to my uncle (mentioned above) and his family, but I don't know what else is appropriate. I am a mess right now, and the guilt, shame, anger, and grief is completely overwhelming.
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