Should guys stay alone in their unsuccessful social situations?
May 22, 2010 9:24 AM Subscribe
Relatively unfriendly guy, exceedingly caring and friendly with good-looking girl. Help me understand this social behavior -- and should I do anything?
posted by knz to Human Relations (21 answers total)
So there is this guy I know in some social circle, who mostly behaves like "you mind your own business and I mind mine" with everyone and either avoids or flees conversations about personal stuff where he's not in a position to give advice or flaunt some success of his own.
Despite perduring presence in the group, he has not grown very close to anyone and the friendships with him have stayed very casual (so far I know).
Now recently this gal joined the social circle, smart funny and single, and aforementioned guy has the obvious crush on gal. Now he's acting very loving, very caring and very considerate with everyone (her especially), but mostly only in her presence (i.e. still quite cold when she's not around).
Hence my question: 1) is this "adapted" behavior in presence of said gal a normal thing for straight guys? Is there a name for it? Is it typical? 2) how does this kind of situation usually develop? (I'm quite socially inept myself, so I need some education here) 2) given that said gal is already visibly trying to divert the crush but doesn't succeed very well so far, should I say something to guy to point out the obvious?
I think that if I was in her position I would feel under pressure and get bad vibes of dishonesty, but then I have no social training as good-looking girl who probably has been on the receiving end of flirting for years already. So I don't really know whether it's appropriate to say something, or if I should just stay as a bystander and say nothing.
To complicate matters more, I had myself a crush a few years ago where I was behaving batshit insane in the presence of the special party, with everyone annoyed and myself not realizing what was happening. It took three months before a considerate friend pointed to me the situation, and me realizing at that point how ridiculous I had been. Back then I'd have preferred to get some help sooner.