Rock and roll all night, party every day? Seriously?
May 20, 2010 12:49 PM Subscribe
I'm being romanced by a wonderful man. Problem is, he's a super-social extrovert, and I am your classic introvert who needs lots of alone time. Communication is good about this, but I am worried that I am somehow "holding him back".
posted by anonymous to human relations (14 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
We met through mutual friends who thought we'd click, and they were right; he's funny, smart, kind, handsome, and affectionate. We've been dating for about eight months, in which we have achieved a rough balance between my demanding schedule and his frequent travel, and he's brought up the idea of moving in together next year after my lease is up. I'm mostly excited about this, but - INTJ alert - am worrying nonetheless. He's gregarious, has a large posse of friends, and likes the nightlife. I work with people all day, which requires alone time to recharge. I've gotten more social since being with him, and accompany him more than not, but I need a day or two off in between. This has been easier to deal with while we live apart, since I automatically get alone time when I'm home. He's worried that I will begin to resent him going out with his friends when I don't want to go, and I'm worried that he'll see my requests for alone time as rejection. We're talking about this, a process which has helped a lot, and we both acknowledge that we're probably making up monsters under the bed where there are none. Still, I wonder if extroverts and introverts can find middle ground where everyone's needs get met and emotional intimacy stays strong.
Bio data: I'm female, in my 40s, divorced for about six years, partner in a small busy medical practice. He's in his 30s, never married but wants to be, is a consultant with a very flexible schedule and an international clientele. We live in a major western US city. We communicate well, the sex is good, he likes my dog, I like his friends. He brought up monogamy before I did, so I can reasonably assume he isn't having sex outside our relationship.
Suggestions for success in an introvert/extrovert romance are gratefully accepted, either here or at firstname.lastname@example.org.