More social awkwardness!
May 19, 2010 6:35 PM Subscribe
How do you grieve a friendship breakup when you work with the person? And how do you then get over the chronic hopelessness with being lonely?
posted by bookwibble to Human Relations (13 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
So I recently had a friendship end. Well, not so much end as change--he told me that he no longer feels we have much in common, and it fizzled out, and he needed space because he felt I was expecting too much from him. I acknowledge that I fucked up a bit in the friendship. Part of it is because we were so close before--we would talk on the phone for hours, talked about meeting up outside of work, and even ate lunch together. That was then. He forgot my birthday recently and won't say more than hi to me at work, although he made a thing of jam for a co-worker who was leaving her job. This change upset me, and I may have demanded a bit too much in the friendship.
There's a lot more to the story that I won't go into, but suffice it to say that our friendship, while it still exists, is no longer what it used to be, and it hurts me, and I want to know how to grieve.
What makes grieving difficult, though, is that I have Aspergers, and so I've constantly had trouble with friends. I haven't had a best friend since elementary school. I've screwed up so many friendships in some way or another that I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not meant to have friends. It seems like everyone has friends that they are close with/go out with/talk all the time with except me. Me, my "friends" always grow apart from me, and I'm thus starting to think it's me. Every time I see that episode of "Six Feet Under" where the woman dies and they can't find anyone to contact because she didn't have any friends, I cry, because I feel that sometimes when I watch that episode I'm looking at my future.
I'm seeing a therapist about this, and I know about the ways you can find friends (Meetups, etc.). My work/commuting schedule makes the Meetup thing difficult since a lot of the ones near me that interest me are on weeknights, and I live in an urban area where there are no people with a background similar to mine who I can relate to. Anyway, what's the point in trying if at some point I will make some social gaffe or other or become too needy and eventually ruin the friendship? The anxiety is way too much to bear.
I don't want to feel so hopeless, but I feel like my friendless future is staring me in the face all the time. And I want to properly get over this friendship in a way that doesn't put me at risk for more friendship loss. I know this entry sounds weird, but I'm a bit distraught right now. Thanks in advance.