Overcoming shyness in dating
May 19, 2010 8:42 AM Subscribe
Can't make a move... should I just talk to her about it?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (46 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a guy in my early forties, newly single after many years of marriage. I have very little dating experience, and suffer from crippling shyness and lack of confidence. Despite this, I have managed to do a little bit of dating, and I think my confidence is improving in the sense that I feel pretty comfortable around women and don't have too much trouble getting into a conversation.
The problem is, even on a date, when I think I'm picking up encouraging body language or verbal clues from a woman, I absolutely cannot make the first move. It feels like I'm somehow "crossing the line", and that any non-platonic gestures or advances would be unwelcome, always, no matter what. Intellectually, I realize this is ridiculous, but emotionally, that's the brick wall I keep running into.
I've been seeing a woman about once a week for a little over a month, and we always have a great time together... the conversation flows naturally, we enjoy each other's company, and I'm pretty sure she's at least a little interested. And yet, everytime we get together, nothing physical happens, and I go home feeling like a sad, pathetic loser. I just wish she would give me some kind of sign, or maybe a stronger sign, that it's OK to move to the next level. So, my question is... should I try to talk to her about this somehow, or would that "kill the romance"? Of course, this particular case might be a lost cause at this point, but I'd appreciate any ideas on how a shy-but-interested guy can communicate his interest... or learn how to fearlessly reciprocate the interest he's receiving.