Help me plan a sexy vacation!

May 19, 2010 6:47 AM

My husband doesn't know I've booked us a week without the kids in a beautiful, sexy hotel on a beautiful, sexy island, where we'll be spending most of our time at a beautiful, sexy nude beach. What should I bring to make this an unforgettably hot experience?

Thoughts: porn (I don't know much about it, which to get and where?), sexy lingerie (check), lube (which? we've never used it), tripod, toys (which? never used any)... help me out, I'm new at this. We've been married 13 years and I really want to rekindle the old spark. How about role play? I need ideas!

P.S. We're both in great shape physically right now, probably better than ever, just not quite as much of a turn-on to each other as we used to be.

posted by anonymous to travel & transportation (38 answers total)

Sunblock. There's nothing that kills a mood like bad sunburn and I'm thinking that some of your...areas...may be particularly vulnerable. (I went to one topless beach, once, and learned that lesson.)
posted by JoanArkham at 6:50 AM on May 19, 2010 [9 favorites]

Don't make it a complete surprise. What you think of as "sexy" (sexy nude beach) might be a bit "uncomfortable" or "embarrassing" to your husband if he's unaware.
posted by explosion at 6:50 AM on May 19, 2010 [11 favorites]

Remember what men are interested in. As the old joke says, you only need to do two things:

1. Come naked.
2. Bring beer.

Oh, and Astroglide is the best lubricant.
posted by KRS at 6:52 AM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

What more could he want? Wow.

For toys etc, check out Babeland, which is very female-friendly and non-skeezy. They have 5 pages of How-To questions and answers, such as How to Choose a Lube. (Personally, I like silicone and Maximus.) Also, something like these under-the-bed or over-the-door restraints and a blindfold, depending on how adventurous you are. I'll let someone else answer the porn question since my tastes are pretty specific. I hear Ashley Madison recommended here a lot.

P.S. If you take handcuffs in your luggage, prepare for it to be searched by TSA. Don't ask me how I know this. (They did not confiscate them nor bat an eye at the other stuff my friend had in there.)
posted by desjardins at 7:01 AM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Ask him a hypothetical, "conversation-starter" type of question about what he'd want to bring on the sex vacation of his dreams. Contrary to what some might have you believe, men don't all get turned on by the same things. He knows what he's interested in more than we do.
posted by Jaltcoh at 7:04 AM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Good Vibrations are great for sex toys, as is Babeland - gear the toys toward things you can easily enjoy together, like a bullet vibe. Think about the things y'all most enjoy together, and try to work with building on your preferences, at least to start. Make sure whatever lube you get is compatible with your toys (both shops will be great about making recommendations). And, yes, be sure to put all toys and other fun stuff in your Checked luggage if you can.

And enjoy!
posted by ldthomps at 7:06 AM on May 19, 2010

n-th sunscreen. Nothing kills the mood like not being able to touch your partner!
posted by advicepig at 7:10 AM on May 19, 2010

As the old joke says, you only need to do two things:... 1. Come naked. 2. Bring beer.

This is not true, but this sort of attitude might make the OP and her husband feel bad that he isn't instantly turned on by her naked body like he used to be, so I think it's a little unhelpful. I'd imagine that after 13 years a little extra effort and thought will really help out with any couple. So good on the OP for doing this, it sounds like a great idea.

On the other hand, I'd be a little cautious about overdoing it. It sounds like your plan is be alone together in a sex-charged environment for a week, and to introduce porn, sex toys, lube, and filming yourselves all at the same time. That sounds a little intimidating, and could lead to really big expectations. There's no need to wait until then to introduce lube; start using it now. I'd leave the porn at home because there will probably be ways of acquiring it (such as through expensive hotel pay-per-view) when you're there if the mood really takes you.
posted by grouse at 7:13 AM on May 19, 2010 [15 favorites]

I would see if it is possible to ship any "items" to your hotel before hand. This would avoid any embarrassing or bothersome situations with TSA.

Also don't forget the batteries.
posted by barake at 7:25 AM on May 19, 2010

Liquid Silk is glorious lubricant, and in a convenient pump-style bottle (some other lube bottles can, unsurprisingly, get lube-y and be really tough to open.)

Doc Johnson vibes such as this one are a decent cheap vibrator (pick a style you're comfortable with and that matches your favorite modes of pleasure.)
posted by Wulfhere at 7:26 AM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I just hope that this doesn't all blow up in your face. Because it might. This seems like an awful lot of "sexy" to dump on somebody as a surprise.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 7:37 AM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I think the nude, sexy beach and the beautiful sexy hotel are going to be awesome! I do want to agree with others that you take care not to overwhelm your husband, though.

Just getting away from the stress and monotony of your work routines should help a lot. And for the first evening, having some drinks and a relaxed dinner and just hanging out with no expectations would be the way I'd go.

It COULD turn into an immediate, rip your clothes off frenzy of f*cking the moment you step into your hotel room, and that's great. But if it doesn't, letting yourselves reconnect with *no pressure* is a win/win situation.

So, sure, lube, maybe some blindfolds or handcuffs. But I wouldn't break out the camera, floggers and nipple clamps right away. Save some options for down the line, after you get back home and need some oomph to get you past the doldrums.
posted by misha at 7:45 AM on May 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Glass wands (often made of Pyrex) are classy, beautiful, boilable, dishwasher safe, and lots of fun. Oh, and if you're feeling super adventurous one day, you can stick the wand in the freezer or heat it. (Test the temperature on your wrist or something before using it on anything sensitive.) Some are pretty pricy, but you can get an inexpensive one for about $20. I personally prefer them to almost anything else because they're so versatile and ... umm ... smooth. Don't buy glass toys from Babeland or Good Vibes; they are very overpriced. They're actually cheaper on Amazon, believe it or not.

As for lube, if you go with glass I'd pick a silicone lube because you only need a little and it's ... just freaking awesome. It cannot be used with silicone toys, and it is not edible, but it is condom-safe. My preferred brand is Pink, but I'm a sucker for pretty packaging.

Speaking of which, this teardrop bullet vibe is pretty and pink and has three speeds. Not that it matters for this trip, but it's also very quiet, so you can still use it when you get home without the kids catching on.

Having said all that, you should really find out what you think might arouse your husband, and you should determine what arouses you, so that the two of you can make your own fun.
posted by brina at 7:49 AM on May 19, 2010

Check and see if there are any sex toy shops on the island. A sexy shopping trip where you pick out stuff together might be fun for both of you. Or possibly make an evening of a trip to a sex shop near where you live before you go. (Google Lion's Den Superstore if you don't know where to start... I've seen those in several states.)

Keep in mind that he might enjoy having some input and savoring the anticipation as well, rather than just finding everything all planned out and ready to go when you get there.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 8:02 AM on May 19, 2010

If you are interested in experimenting with restraints and don't want to deal with the potential downfalls of traveling with handcuffs, bring along some sexy scarves or a few neckties or something.
posted by juliplease at 8:05 AM on May 19, 2010

Whew! You two are going to have so much fun! I think it is so generous and kind of you to put this all together. This question really made my day. I have some questions but if you don't answer them soon I have a whole decision tree thing going on and post that.

You can mefimail me at any point, by the way and I will be happy to answer a few additional questions. :)

1. Can you try the toys and lubes together beforehand or do you want all of it to be a surprise? If not, can you sneakily try them yourself?

2. Are you experienced with anal play? Is that something you're interested in trying? If so, with his butt or yours? (I completely suggest it and have tips for solo activities to try if you're on the fence about it).

3. What kind of porn does he like? Is he okay with sharing that information with you? Some people can be really, really touchy and self-conscious about it. Some of us are shy about our sexual thoughts and about what turns us on. If he doesn't want to talk about it or tell you, get some porn that YOU like (even if it's a sexy book, or website, or whatever, just whatever YOU like) and bring it with you so you can get in the mood and feel sexy. If he wants to share it with you, all the better.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 8:06 AM on May 19, 2010

Oh and!

4. When you're talking toys, are you interested in things that are uncomfortable, light tying up, kinkiness, wax, anything like that?
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 8:10 AM on May 19, 2010

What should I bring to make this an unforgettably hot experience?

You should tell him what you're planning, so he can join in on the planning, you know? There could be lots of hot talk from both of you about what exactly you're going to do over that week.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:12 AM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

You have a week, huh? Might I suggest... golf clubs. Or tennis rackets. Or fishing ploes. Or maybe a crossword puzzle book. Or a PS3.

Guys (statistically, overall) tend to be inspired by recreational companionship. Especially when their companions take an interest -- genuine, appreciative, non-eye-rolling interest -- in the stuff they like to do.

In general, focus on making him feel desirable and vibrant. Be sexy, but that includes being fun. Keep in mind that, to a guy, what he does is an important part of who he is. So show as much interest in that part of him as you do the, um, other parts of him.
posted by cross_impact at 8:24 AM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

The people I've known that have been to nude beaches told me that they're liberating specifically because they're not sexy. There's old people, fat people, and attractive people that are being completely unassuming and unattractive. They're all naked, and they're excited about being naked, not about doin' it.

Even if you've booked a special beach specifically designed to have people doin' it on it, your husband might still feel not sexy about outdoor nudity (or about the specific people there bonin' on the beach). Or he might just feel awkward about it.

He might also be the kind of person that doesn't react well to surprise, even if it is a benign one. I know that any sort of set up makes me lock down until my internal Admiral Ackbar is absolutely sure that this indeed is not a trap.

So, keep in mind that the beach and your other surprises might not sex him out to the max, and don't be disappointed if they don't. Just get him relaxed, don't put pressure on him (or yourself) to do anything specific, and you'll have a good time, whether or not it's an exotic one.
posted by ignignokt at 8:46 AM on May 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Just as an expectation setter? My experience with these kinds of get-aways is that the first 24 hours is spent in a coma. What's sexier though than being well-rested in a quiet place with no children, right? So you know, the humping and whatnot might not even start till 72 hours in.

Specifically now: for first time users, lube should be water-based, and withOUT nonoxynol-9 or other such things. (Also, depending on what country you're in, should be packed in 3-ounce or smaller containers, obviously.)

For many of these other questions, you need to look inside yourself! (Not literally!) Toys? Porn? Well, what would you like to look at and/or do? This is about your desire.

Finally, I do not know your husband but as a surprise-hater I would personally prefer some serious advance warning of the vacation. I mean, some of us like to rewrite our wills before a vacation! Also then you can talk about what kind of porn he likes before hand. (On that note, another word of warning: if you've never talked openly about your sexual fantasies in this regard, you may encounter surprises! Serious surprises. Also, surprises may include a total lack of kink and/or a hatred of being naked on a beach.)

Good luck and enjoy!
posted by RJ Reynolds at 8:47 AM on May 19, 2010

Yes, I definitely agree with the many folks that said you should not overwhelm him. Even as a young person who is very interested in sex, this "vacation" sounds intimidating. I am not offended by nude resorts, and I am a pretty confident person with a decent body. It's still a *huge* hurdle or overcome in terms of social behavior, though. I would not like to be surprised in this way.

I hope you two do have some fun though! :D
posted by Lizsterr at 9:18 AM on May 19, 2010

[few comments removed - folks can we not turn this into a "what nationality looks better naked?" discussion? thank you.]
posted by jessamyn at 9:36 AM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Sexy nude beach is not necessarily sexy, and can actually be a turn-off: Getting used to hanging around your partner naked all day in a non-sexual context is about the exact opposite of what you want for your sexy holiday. Also, if your husband is excited about the idea of seeing you naked on the beach, things can get uncomfortable pretty fast. It might be contrary to what you would expect, but nude beaches are still shared space, and some behaviors are Right Out.

That being said, I would at least suggest starting off at a non-nude beach and letting him come up with the idea and convince you to go to the other beach: The anticipation and wish-fulfillment aspect is bound to be a greater turn-on, and if he's like 99% of the guys out there, you don't have to worry about him being too shy to ask for it.
posted by Dr Dracator at 9:47 AM on May 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

As you mentioned it being a sexy island, sexy beach, and a sexy hotel, I'm not sure if you're saying the sexy in anticipation of what you'd like, or if the hotel/beach cater to be explicitly sexy. In which case having discussions before hand about how much interest you each are comfortable with the other showing towards other people. Getting an eyeful of a couple, watching another couple engage in recreational activities, etc. As well, you should consider discussions on if anyone else has a chance getting invited to play with you two, and what boundaries are. Of course, there's a wide spectrum of just how sexy this place is.

Beyond that, I second the notion that if the spark has dimmed a bit, a giant, unannounced bang could be intimidating, or could have bad side effects (why's she suddenly so hot to go; did she break up with a boy friend?). Beyond stress/kids/routines, could there possibly be health/physical reasons why the spark is dimmed? It would be good to know sooner rather than later. Have the two of you ever been to a nude beach/resort before? As well there could be chafing issues shortly into the trip. For these and many reasons, I vote to start building the spark now.
posted by nobeagle at 9:51 AM on May 19, 2010

If you haven't ever tried watching porn together, being naked in front of strangers together, lube OR toys... prepare yourself emotionally for him not to be totally psyched about one or all of the above. He certainly might be, but after 13 years if you've never tried doing any of those things, it might be because he's either not that into it, or inhibited by the thought of it. Just take it slowly, and don't take anything personally.

Nothing like hurt feelings to ruin a perfectly good sexy vacation.
posted by egeanin at 9:56 AM on May 19, 2010

Bring a photo album with pictures of you and your friends and keepsakes from your early days. Pre kids and pre marraige. One evening the two of you can go through it and reminisce about being young and crazy about each other and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
posted by fshgrl at 10:01 AM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I agree with nobeagle and others who have pointed out the downsides of keeping this all to yourself till you're there. In addition, that would be putting yourself in a very dominant role, and I don't know if that would be a turn on or off for him. Actual sexiness is more important than surprise.

Also, per egeanin, it sounds like you're trying to make a list of generally "sexy" things you've never tried before. Each of those things is entirely possible to be ineffective or at least take some getting used to . I would ease into all this (or, all of it that's uncharted territory for you) slowly, before the trip.
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:36 AM on May 19, 2010

From the OP:

Thank you all for such helpful responses. I'd just like to add that we've actually already been to this same island/hotel/beach three years ago and it was similarly a surprise trip I organized, but our stay there was shorter (we stayed on a decidedly less sexy island prior to that). My husband absolutely loved not knowing where we were going even as we were boarding the connecting flight.

This is not a nude resort at all, just a very exclusive hotel on a remote island. As first timers we both found the nude beach a huge turn-on and have been dreaming of going back ever since, but the expense and little kids have meant we didn't think it would really happen again soon. However, the stars have aligned again, although my husband doesn't realize it yet.

Oh, and this is not the kind of beach where people have sex in public.

My husband would definitely be turned on by the idea of me taking charge, especially because he knows I've kind of lost the spark, while he hasn't for me. I want this trip to really have a focus on the sex much more than the previous one, when it happened naturally.

posted by jessamyn at 11:13 AM on May 19, 2010

I agree about Liquid Silk for a lubricant, plus it's safe for silicone toys.

If you are prone to yeast infection, AVOID ASTROGLIDE! The glycerin in it can feed yeast. Even Astroglide's own page recommends you don't use their normal brand if you have a tendency for yeast infections.

I like Tiny Nibbles as a resource for lubes, toys, AND she reviews pRon. She has a lot of education on her website.

Enjoy, have fun, don't get a sunburn!
posted by 6:1 at 11:14 AM on May 19, 2010

Another vote for Liquid Silk. Your husband is a lucky man, have fun!
posted by teragram at 11:28 AM on May 19, 2010

I agree with the people warning you about your husband not finding the toys, porn, etc sexy. Especially after so many years together, I can't really believe that he would find those things sexy and never bring it up to try out with you. I can wholeheartedly endorse lube though - astroglide.

I'm not trying to tell you not to use toys or porn or whatever if you are interested in them, but don't be surprised if your husband doesn't get it. I kinda want to be tied up and stuff sometimes, but my partner is vanilla and doesn't enjoy those things (it's not a deal breaker for me to give it up). I've been surprised to find out how intimately vanilla most guys are...

Some things that are universally sexy are relaxation and comfort. so for your vacation I would bring sunscreen, some boxers or loungy pants in teh most comfy feeling fabric you can find for your husband, maybe even a smoking jacket to be a little cute / funny. on nude beaches, some people use fence things where they put about 5 posts in a circle and then wrap fabric around it thats about 2 ft high and leave a small opening so that you can lay and sunbathe nude without gawkers. To make yourself feel sexy, you should pack some nice classic clothing that you can wear a pretty bra under and a nice cocktail dress for evenings, and while you'rea at the resort get you hair styled or something that makes you feel pretty. costumy lingerie is for the birds! If you know your husband like a particular perfume on you, bring it. Don't try too hard.
posted by WeekendJen at 11:35 AM on May 19, 2010

If you need some (barely any) coverage transiting to the beach or hanging around the hotel check out Wicked Weasel.
posted by Crashback at 11:51 AM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Another vote for Liquid Silk. It's the best.

I can't link now 'cause of the work thing - but we recently acquired a WeVibe. It's a new-ish sex toy that, especially if you're the sort of lady that really likes clitoral stimulation and intercourse at the same time, is a lot of fun (for both people).
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:18 PM on May 19, 2010

Lube: Either try out a few, or bring two or three small bottles of different kinds so you can try them out. "Hey, let's try this lube!" is really fun and sexy, and sometimes funny.

My go-to lube is a water-based lube called Wet. I like it because it's very flexible. We can use any kind of toy and we can switch to oral stuff because it tastes decent.

It dries out over time, which is good because you don't end up as a slippery mess, but bad because, well, it dries out over time. BUT! THERE IS A SOLUTION! A sexy solution! You can re-wet it (with, say, your tongue...) Then it gets slippery again.

It has glycerin in it, which has never given me a yeast infection. Then again, I rarely (if ever) use it for vaginal penetration so if that's going to be your main use for it, maybe consider something else.

No one lube is going to be good for everyone or every activity.

LUBE WARNINGS: Silicone lube gives me itchy burnies. A few other lubes, too. That's why you should try or bring a few different kinds with you, even if you decide that one sounds good. And maybe put a little on your sensitive parts and let it sit for a while before you go using it on a butt plug and then ACK MY BUTT IS BURNY ON THE INSIDE!

If you spill it, wipe it up ASAP! It is meant to be slippery, after all.

I know from experience these warnings are important.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 5:43 PM on May 19, 2010

Butt Stuff:

Butt stuff is awesome and you can both do it (woo!). Both you and your husband can experiment and have fun. There are a lot of technique guides out there so I'll mostly recommend toys, but my tips for practicing and experimenting with a new toy by yourself:


--Find a place that is comfortable for you to stand up, sit, move around, stand up. On your bed or on the floor, maybe in the bathroom, or somewhere else comfortable enough to lie down, sit down, stand up. Lube can get messy so make sure everything is washable or easy to clean.


--Lots of time and a sexy, relaxed mood
--A towel or four! Maybe a small hand towel. Whatever makes you comfy.
--A robe so you can stay warm and get "dressed" easily but still have lots of access.
--The toy(s) you want to learn about
--A wet washcloth or wipes, or close to a shower just in case you get too lube-y
--If you can keep doors open or really easy to open, do! Lube-y hands and slippery doorknobs, ha! Actually it's kinda funny...
--If you're like me and get bored easily, porn, the radio, TV...to help you be patient and relax
--Lots of time and a sexy, relaxed mood (very important!)

Then play around, take it slow, see what feels good.


I suggest a thin, cylindrical dildo for partner play (like this one which, along with the store, is highly recommended both by me and my male friend who has more toys than Toys R Us). It's really easy to get used to it and if you stop liking it you can take it out with a minimum of hassle. It is SUPER FUN to get oral sex with some butt action with this at the same time.

Once you're comfortable with the sensation, and if you want to have something that stays in hands-free, it is our friend the butt plug! It is really, really fun to put one in and then have it stay there while you have intercourse or other hands-free sexy fun. It heightens the sensations. The taper means you need to relax while it's going in and while it's coming out.

I have this ridged one, and I like the ridges, but they are sometimes uncomfortable for me (especially after I orgasm and am taking it out) so I don't recommend it as your only butt plug. It has room for a bullet vibrator which I don't really use. If you do use a bullet vibrator, put a little lube in before you put the vibrator in or you'll have a hard time taking it out.

This one is easier to use but the rectangular base is annoying sometimes.

This is a really easy to use butt plug but sometimes isn't big enough to stay in easily if you're relaxed.

Some people like bigger plugs or toys so it's another thing to experiment with and see what you like.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 7:39 PM on May 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh and keep in mind that if you use a lot of lube, sometimes it hangs out in your butt and you get santorum when you take a toy/penis/whatever out, which is okay as long as you stay kinda close to a toilet. Not the sexiest thing but it's totally worth it (in my humble opinion)
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 7:42 PM on May 19, 2010

I haven't read much of the above, but I'm here to recommend Pjur lube (silicone-based, delightfully slippy!) and light toys such as fluffy restraints and/or blindfolds and perhaps a Wartenberg wheel for really fun touch-play. It sounds like you've got the basics covered (no kids, naked fun time) so I can't imagine you could go wrong. Stay up late, sleep in extravagantly, stay in bed as much as both of you can bear, and have an amazing time! Every man should be so lucky!
posted by girlstyle at 11:37 PM on May 21, 2010