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Should I stay or should I go?
May 18, 2010 12:04 PM   Subscribe

Should I fly the family coop?

I am trying to decide whether to move out of my parents' house and into a condo. My parents recently inherited a condo. They have offered to let me live there and not charge me rent and also cover the assessments. I'm an only child and way too old to still be living with my parents.

The condo is far less than ideal though in many ways. I simply don't make enough money to afford my own place. I have tried unsuccessfully to attain more lucrative employment, but have failed in that. At this point, I am so discouraged that I have a difficult time believing I ever will find a higher paying job (despite having an advanced degree).

The pros and cons of the condo are the following:

Cons:
-No bathtub - just has a shower. I would have to give up baths.
-No in unit washer/dryer. I have spoken to the condo association and they will not allow washer/dryers of any kind (including those little European washer/dryer combos). The building has washer/dryers, but communal laundry rooms freak me out
-Located about 25 minutes from my office (currently live about 15 minutes from my office)
-I don't care for the neighborhood at all
-No outdoor space. I love reading outside in the summer.
-No parking for friends - The condo is in a very busy area and my friends would have nowhere to park. I would have a parking space, but there is no guest parking.
-Currently, my boyfriend lives 2 blocks from me and we can spontaneously see each other whenever we want.
-I have a dog and that would mean that I would have to come home right after work (which is fine in itself, but would mean my boyfriend would always have to come by me on the weekdays since I wouldn't want to leave a dog alone for hours on end. Currently, my parents and I share doggy responsibilities)

Pros:
-The condo is large and has a great view
-I would love to have my own space and have peace and quiet
-I could adopt a cat - My dad hates cats, so I would finally be able to have my own kitty.
-I could feel more like an adult
-I would feel like I'm leading a more socially acceptable lifestyle (I'm a run o' the mill American, so there's no cultural imperative for me to stay at home)

Other mitigating factors:

-In my parents' house, I have my own den with my own TV plus my own bathroom and bedroom. There's plenty of room for 3 people in the house. We basically share a kitchen.
-I go to my boyfriend's place most days after work and spend the night on the weekends, so I'm not at "home" very often (we aren't ready to live together though)

Given all these conditions, do you think it's worth it for me to move out? My boyfriend says I should do whatever I think would be best for me, but I need some advice here.
posted by anonymous to Home & Garden (41 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
I think a little taste of independence might be just the thing to turn your career-pessimism around and help you start feeling empowered again. I say go for it, but don't view it as a long-term solution.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 12:09 PM on May 18, 2010


The answer to "Should I move out of my parents' house?" is always YES, unless it is not. A bathtub and extra parking for friends are not compelling reasons to continue to live with your parents.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:11 PM on May 18, 2010 [36 favorites]


do you think it's worth it for me to move out?

Sure. You'll be more independent -- you are, by your own description, way too old to be living with your parents -- and will learn how to cope with change and minor inconveniences, which are essential skills for adulthood.
posted by scody at 12:12 PM on May 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


It's unlikely you will ever have the chance to live on your own with someone else footing all the bills. The "cons" that you mention are hardly cons at all. Use this time to save money to get out on your own. Your not an adult until you can support yourself.
posted by kimdog at 12:15 PM on May 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


Honestly, that condo sounds like it sucks and that you and your dog would be pretty unhappy there. I vote no.
posted by asockpuppet at 12:15 PM on May 18, 2010


Should you move out of your parents' house? Yes.

Should you then move into a condo that your parents will pay for? No.
posted by emelenjr at 12:15 PM on May 18, 2010 [16 favorites]


It sounds like you are scared to grow up and leave the house, so you are making a ton of excuses. There is some bitterness towards your job search.

Moving will stimulate newness.
posted by lakerk at 12:16 PM on May 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


The condo is far less than ideal though in many ways. I simply don't make enough money to afford my own place. I have tried unsuccessfully to attain more lucrative employment, but have failed in that. At this point, I am so discouraged that I have a difficult time believing I ever will find a higher paying job (despite having an advanced degree).

Are you sure? I only make $30k, but I can afford an apartment, though I split the rent with my significant other. Even when I was a graduate student making $15k a year, I was able to share a decently-sized house with a roommate.

If I were in your position, I'd be looking at shared living situations first: your significant other, friends, even strangers on Craigslist. I'd bet you five bucks that, even if you live in a pricey area, you'd have no trouble finding a place you can afford that fits all of your requirements in regards to pets, some outside space, and decent parking.

-No in unit washer/dryer. I have spoken to the condo association and they will not allow washer/dryers of any kind (including those little European washer/dryer combos). The building has washer/dryers, but communal laundry rooms freak me out

I do have to say, though, that this is a little strange. Do you have anxiety issues, or are you just generally inexperienced with things like laundry rooms? They're really, really, really no big deal (as someone who goes to a laundromat weekly, I'd kill to live in a place with a laundry room!), and that you think they are suggests to me that it might definitely be time for you to move out and experience new, grown-up, and utterly not freaky things like laundry rooms.

It sounds to me like, right now, you're essentially living like a kid--and I don't get the feeling that you're particularly trading the compromise in freedom (not being allowed to have a pet because your dad hates them, for instance) in exchange for, say, being able to save up a ton of money--as if you were, you might not be looking at totally free accommodations only. So (since you asked!) I'm pretty sure it's time to grow up and move out.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:17 PM on May 18, 2010 [13 favorites]


Most people would be chomping at the bit to live parent-free -- and for no rent. Maybe the list of cons is just an excuse for not wanting to leave your parents' nest?
posted by bunny hugger at 12:19 PM on May 18, 2010


My parents recently inherited a condo. They have offered to let me live there and not charge me rent and also cover the assessments.

Also consider that your parents might be trying to encourage you to spread your wings so that they can have the nest for themselves. That's valid, too.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:20 PM on May 18, 2010 [13 favorites]


Go! Give your wonderful parents some privacy in their golden years and learn to manage a household on your own. You sound terribly spoiled from your complaints about the condo so this is great chance to get out there and learn how other people live and to be independent.
posted by meepmeow at 12:28 PM on May 18, 2010 [6 favorites]


To me, it sounds like most of the cons can be dealt with easily. You like to read outside? Go to a park. You want a bath now and then? Take it at your boyfriend's place or parents' place. It's not like you are being banished from there if you move to the condo. You could even do you laundry back home (as long as *you* actually do it when it doesn't inconvenience your parents; you don't just drop off a bag "hi mom great to see you less starch this time what's in the fridge?").

The only thing that sounds a bit trickier is the dog, but you should be able to manage your schedule, take your dog with you sometimes, etc. If it comes to it, you can shell out a few bucks for a dog walker to drop by as needed or drop the dog off at a daycare place. Since you are living rent-free, you should be able to work that into a budget and still put away plenty of savings.
posted by mikepop at 12:28 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Grown-ups don't live in their parents houses' (or houses financed by their parents) if there is any choice at all. And unless serious health issues or very young children are involved, there is always a choice.

I simply don't make enough money to afford my own place.
You're not trying hard enough. I got my first apartment at 17 (while still going to high school) by working in a movie theater for minimum wage. My 21-year-old dropout nephew washes dishes for a living and shares a shitty house with 4 of his friends. This is part of growing up.
posted by coolguymichael at 12:29 PM on May 18, 2010 [6 favorites]


I agree with PhoBWanKenobi, maybe your parents would like to have their adult child out of the nest finally and not have to care for your pet.

I think that you're in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to move from one rent free location to another, and if by moving out, you're improving things for your apparently extremely generous parents, that's even better.
posted by crankylex at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


I would suggest to my parents that they sell the condo and with the proceeds invest in another condo that better suits your needs. Live in the new one. Get out of your parents house as soon as practical.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:32 PM on May 18, 2010


There are some things about the condo that are less than perfect. Welcome to the world. The negatives seem very minor.

It appears that your parents are giving you gentle but firm nudges towards the edge of the nest. Really, it's time to fly away.

Visit your parents every week and do your laundry while you're there.
posted by iconomy at 12:32 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Every single one of your cons is something that most people have to just suck it up and deal with when they hit adulthood-- and generally without the luxury of having rent and utilities paid for.

Have you ever lived away from home at all? I moved back to my mom's house immediately after graduating from college because I was broke, and even though I love my mom, I was out of there like a bat out of hell in three months (as soon as I could scrape up cash for rent and deposits). Now, I don't have a parking spot or laundry (or a dishwasher!) in my apartment, I live 40 minutes away from my office on a good day, and I share the space with two roommates. I cannot even put into words how much the financial sacrifices and inconveniences are worth no longer being a child, in my parents' eyes or my own.
posted by oinopaponton at 12:33 PM on May 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


Many of the cons are the sorts of things you'll run into living alone anywhere, under a wide range of financial circumstances. Communal laundry is easy to deal with, and if you're paranoid about people stealing your stuff, sit in the laundry room with a book. An extra 10 minutes commute isn't all that much, if you're otherwise happy. You can read outside in parks and at coffeeshop tables if you don't have a backyard. Lots of apartments lack bathtubs. None of these are particularly compelling objections if you really honestly feel you're "way too old to still be living with [your] parents" and you "would love to have [your] own space and have peace and quiet." Frankly, unless you would really prefer to stay with your parents forever (is your list of cons really a list of excuses because you don't actually want to move out?), coping with different living situations and learning to take care of yourself is part of growing up in the US.

This isn't to say that you have to take this condo, though the chance to live independently without having to pay rent (!) is a rare one, and not something you should dismiss out of hand. (If you're not paying rent, you should be able to put away a reasonable amount in savings, right?) However, you would still be dependent on your parents, and it's not in a neighborhood you like - which does suck if you're living alone. I know you don't think you make much money, but... have you actually tried to look for other places? For one-bedroom and studio apartments, or larger places with dog-friendly housemates? Grad students don't make much money either, but they generally manage to find places to live on their own or with housemates.
posted by ubersturm at 12:34 PM on May 18, 2010


Fly. Lots of people manage with those little inconveniences. It really seems like you need to get out on your own for a while, which I'd rank as a higher priority than not being able to take a bath.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 12:36 PM on May 18, 2010


I know that there is a real cultural aspect to this, but since you describe yourself as a run of the mill American, I am going to agree with emelenjr. It's time to move out and get your own place that is really yours. Yes, it will mean living someplace with flaws. It may mean scrounging for furniture and watching your pennies. This is good for you. It is part of the growing up process. These are rites of passage for grownups in the US. My first apartment was a fifth-floor walkup with leaking skylights and mice (and in Manhattan, so forget about parking or laundry.) My first roommate was awesome, the next roommate was a nightmare. Every second paycheck pretty much went straight to my landlord, and I had to really watch my pennies down to the last subway fare. Parts of that experience weren't that great but being independent and self-supporting, especially at that level, was a really important part of the process of becoming a grownup. It also motivated me to figure out what I needed to do to earn enough money so that I could support myself in a way that suited me better.
posted by ambrosia at 12:37 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Man, having a cat fucking rules, and so does having one's own nice quiet space, uninvaded by parents. To me, it is worth it, absolutely, yes, to be in my own place with a couple of kick-ass cats. So let's solve your problems!

-No bathtub - just has a shower. I would have to give up baths.

Cool. You can do that.

-No in unit washer/dryer. I have spoken to the condo association and they will not allow washer/dryers of any kind (including those little European washer/dryer combos). The building has washer/dryers, but communal laundry rooms freak me out
Cool. You'll adjust. Nothing to be freaked out about.

-Located about 25 minutes from my office (currently live about 15 minutes from my office)

You can start listening to books on tape in the car! Or you can buy a bike, bike to the office, and get some exercise!

-I don't care for the neighborhood at all

I think you'll find that once it's your neighborhood, you'll begin to have more of a sense of ownership over it, and discover the things about it you begin to like.

-No outdoor space. I love reading outside in the summer.
Will you have a balcony/fire-escape that you can sit on? How about a nearby park? Maybe rooftop access?

-No parking for friends - The condo is in a very busy area and my friends would have nowhere to park. I would have a parking space, but there is no guest parking.
There's always somewhere to park, they may just have to walk a little farther.

-Currently, my boyfriend lives 2 blocks from me and we can spontaneously see each other whenever we want.
You can still do that, it's just another ten minutes away. That's nothing! That's a little wee jaunt!

-I have a dog and that would mean that I would have to come home right after work (which is fine in itself, but would mean my boyfriend would always have to come by me on the weekdays since I wouldn't want to leave a dog alone for hours on end. Currently, my parents and I share doggy responsibilities)
The boyfriend will be cool with it!

Seriously: move out! SEIZE THE LIFE YOU DESERVE AND GET A CAT
posted by Greg Nog at 12:41 PM on May 18, 2010 [16 favorites]


To answer your question directly, yes, I would suggest that you move. For additional insight, I would also suggest you read a book written by a man named Toole; about a man named Ignatius. I sense similarities here.
posted by nickjadlowe at 12:41 PM on May 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


Your parents are offering to pay for your own condo, INCLUDING assessments? You have a boyfriend? And a job? They're DEFINITELY trying to get you out of the house.

Move there for a few months, 6 months top. Save up. Get your own place. With a bathtub and extra parking. Read in a park or at a cafe or anywhere outside.

Do not tell your parents you're seriously considering continuing to live with them because there is no bathtub. It's a red herring. They don't care.
posted by barnone at 12:43 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


If you don't want to live there, move someplace else but tell your parents that you are living there, and then mail the keys to me. I won't tell anyone, and would even send them cards on holidays and whatnot.

But seriously, free housing, not under the direct thumb of your parents? Go for it. Use it as a home base for Super Becoming Independent from Mom and Dad Expedition #1!
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 12:46 PM on May 18, 2010


You are looking a condo horse in the mouth here. Anytime you can live independently without paying rent, TAKE IT. In weighing the pros and cons, you neglected to put "I am so incredibly lucky to have this opportunity that would make a lot of people my age pee their pants in joy simply to think about" in the "pro" column.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:55 PM on May 18, 2010 [8 favorites]


Seriously, those are your problems with the condo? Nobody's first place is perfect, far from it. Hell, the stories my friends and I could tell about the crapholes we've lived in...

A free condo! Dude.... I'm in my 30s now, and I would take it in a heartbeat. About the only thing I would hesitate on is the bathtub thing, but bathrooms can be renovated. Personally, I think you're making excuses as to why you shouldn't leave. You need to work on those issues, because the condo ones aren't real problems.

The condo is FREE. Jeezus, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Have a bath with the boyfriend, do your laundry at your parents, get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning for the commute, meander around your new neighbourhood and learn to appreciate its unique qualities, read in a park, let your friends find their own damn parking (like everyone else in the city), and stop at home after work on the way to your boyfriend's to grab the dog and take him with you. And get a cat, preferably from a local shelter. :)
posted by cgg at 1:08 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


You get a FREE CONDO with on-site laundry that will allow you to have pets and is only 10 minutes farther to work? What more do you want?!

The problems that you see with this condo are an indication of how much you don't know about living in the real world (not that having your folks pay for your free condo is that much closer to the real world). Go live there - deal with the commute, take care of your own dog, do your laundry in the communal laundry room like the rest of the world, and learn to recognize just how lucky you really are. Then save your money and get your own place (which will be even less nice, but it will be yours).

GO!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:17 PM on May 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


You'd have to take care of your own dog? Ten extra minutes to your work? Communal laundry freaks you out?

No guest parking?!


I would suggest declining the condo and trying to make it on your own. You need the reality check.
posted by mondaygreens at 1:30 PM on May 18, 2010 [13 favorites]


My first apartment away from home had roaches and lead paint, and I paid for the privilege of living there, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. If someone offered me a totally free condo in nice condition, even if it were two hours from work and I had to wash my clothes in the sink and clean myself with wet-naps, I'd take it.

The awesomeness of living in your own place, without the price? That's a great opportunity regardless of circumstances. Plus, you'll learn a little bit about what it's like to be self-sufficient, and it could be a really good confidence booster for you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:48 PM on May 18, 2010


I would suggest to my parents that they sell the condo and with the proceeds invest in another condo that better suits your needs. Live in the new one.

If I gave my (hypothetical) child this opportunity to live in a condo on her own and rent free, a child whom I had supported as an adult and never lived on her own, and she came back and wanted me to sell said condo and purchase another one more to her liking, I would feel she was being extremely ungrateful and entitled. I suspect my next words would be along the lines of suggesting it's time she moved out and found a place on her own, that she paid for.
posted by 6550 at 1:53 PM on May 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


I'm going to chime in to say that your "cons" are the kinds of things you think about when you're apartment-hunting, maybe choosing between two places, each with strengths and weaknesses. Thinking about small things like an extra 10 minutes of commute when a place is free is a more than a little gift horse/mouth.

That said, I would like to encourage you to think about not taking either option, but following others' advice to find a place you can pay for yourself, or take the condo for a limited time while you save up. This may just be me, but my parents gave me a lot of financial support when I was a young adult, not usually in the form of help with regular living expenses, but with stuff like my dad doing all the maintenance on my car, or my mom buying my pots and pans when I got my first place, or my mom taking me shopping for clothes twice a year. That sounds small and typical, but it was enough stuff that for the first half of my twenties, I really wasn't living on my own income.

The problem with that, for me, was that I didn't believe I could. I thought I needed my parents because I wasn't capable of taking care of myself, and they seemed to think that, too. So I cut myself off. It was a great choice, because I learned that I could, for instance, handle keeping the oil changed in my car myself, that I could buy clothes for myself, that I could deal with life's little emergencies myself. It may not be true for others, but for me cutting the cord was something I needed to do to believe in my own adult status.
posted by not that girl at 1:59 PM on May 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


There is nothing wrong with living at home; it's a weird cultural prejudice that north-western European picked up several centuries ago and passed onto North Americans, etc, but no one else seems to share. Living at home is better for the environment -- you and your parents are using less resources per person than being in your own place. It provides sociability, and makes better connections between generations.

If you are happy at home, feel free to live at home. And your parents could rent out the condo as a nice source of income.
posted by jb at 2:02 PM on May 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


I would personally find it a bit weird moving into a place that my parents are essentially paying for. You say you're way too old to be living with your parents, so why not look seriously into finding a flat (apartment? Sorry, I'm English!) that you can fund yourself. I don't think people see the real benefits of living independently of their parents until they've done it. I say this because at 24, I have friends who still live at home and friends who have been living independently for years (myself included), and those who still live with their parents seem to come up with reasons against moving out that, for me, are quite superficial compared to the advantage of just being independent. If you don't think that getting your own place is realistic financially (are you thinking renting or buying?), use the condo as temporary accommodation while you decide what to do in terms of getting your own place, living with your other half and so on.
posted by lizabeth at 2:25 PM on May 18, 2010


Stop sucking your thumb and move out. If you don't make enough at your current job, get a second job (a crappy one doing something that you probably think is below you) and work both. Pay your parents rent. I would get a helmet with a face mask because reality is goign to hit you hard one day.
posted by WeekendJen at 2:47 PM on May 18, 2010


It doesn't sound like you can't afford to move out, it sounds like you can't afford all of the niceties you get living at home. Besides some hint of self-loathing or whatever, it sounds like you actually enjoy being at home. Honestly, not being able to take a bath? For real? Not being able to do communal laundry? I think you have a pretty severe, separate issue here. It's not finding a job or your own place, it's cutting the umbilical cord. If you want to move out, make it happen. If you have an advanced degree and can't make enough to have a basic place (basic here is key, not a bunch of amazing bells and whistles in some stellar neighborhood) of your own, I think that your problem lays in your attitude. Your parents have probably enabled you, too.
posted by wooh at 3:11 PM on May 18, 2010


In terms of pure practicality:

I am a bath kind of person and I lived in an apartment for 2 years without a bathtub. I missed it, but that place was 100% mine and I learned to deal. I found spas to go to, I took baths at friends houses when I needed it. Now I live in my own apartment with a bathtub and I only use it once in a blue moon -- now that the novelty of having my own has worn off. You will be fine without a tub.

I've had in-unit laundry and I've had in-building laundry and the difference is only major in a psychological way. It is not that bad.

Responding to the subtext in your question:

You should move out. I do not think living at home is doing you any favors. Honestly, if you see in-building but not in-unit laundry and having to take care of your own dog as 'cons' to having someone pay for you to live in a condo rent free, you need some time taking care of yourself to learn to get past some of the entitlement you've learned.

You say you're way too old to be living at your parent's house, but it sounds like you're just parroting what other people have told you, because it does not sound like you understand why it's not good for you. It will be good for you to learn!

For example: I've lived in apartments with zero laundry and had to go to the laundromat. That sucked a little bit if I looked at it from one angle, but on the other hand, I live in a first-world country where I can just toss my dirty clothes into a machine with some powdered soap and out comes clean clothing! Totally awesome!

I also disagree with jb that there's nothing wrong with living at home. It's not necessarily morally wrong (although perhaps your parents might feel taken advantage of), but I think if you want to thrive in western society, you need to learn to take responsibility for making the life you want, and learn how to take care of yourself as most do. It will hold you back in all kinds of ways if you wait too long to learn. People will stop giving you slack as you get older. People will not want to hear about any of your problems. Look at the tone of most of these posts.
posted by pazazygeek at 3:15 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


If I gave my (hypothetical) child this opportunity to live in a condo on her own and rent free, a child whom I had supported as an adult and never lived on her own, and she came back and wanted me to sell said condo and purchase another one more to her liking, I would feel she was being extremely ungrateful and entitled. I suspect my next words would be along the lines of suggesting it's time she moved out and found a place on her own, that she paid for.

If I inherited a condo for which I had no use other than to use it for my only child who would not move out of the house, I would not care a lick about the condo and would try to be accomodative to my child. Why not? Certainly if I could find a condo to her liking that costs me nothing (use proceeds from previous sale, no tax affects) I would be better off as the likelihood of her staying on her own was that much greater when she had no excuses for why she couldn't live there. Eliminate the obstacles to moving out and she will move out. If my motive is to truly help her out (literally and figuratively) then I will help her out. If the issue is, "I have this condo that is of some use to me specifically but right now I am not needing it enough to not push darling daughter out of the house and on her own" that is different than, "I have this inherited condo to which I have no attachment whatsoever other than it was given to me and I see it as a vehicle to move dd out of the house."

As a parent, I would be trying to ease darling out of the nest. This question was asked by the daughter. From her point of view, why not ask if it was possible before agreeing to move to it? Is this simply the ask v guess? Can't hurt to ask, parents can always say no.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 3:46 PM on May 18, 2010


Negatives: nitpicky. baths- totally unnecessary if you're physically able to shower; boyfriend-- you seem to have a car; office-- adding 10 mins to the commute is not a big deal; washer/dryer-- communal laundry is a rite of passage for every adult, it's way better than a laundromat; dog-- this is the biggest one, but if your dog is not huge and active and the condo isn't tiny, you can do it. neighborhood-- it's a free place; parking-- does this area have street parking?
Positives: your own place for free. this=mega awesome as long as your parents are cool and you don't mind not supporting yourself. Your parents are probably ready for you to be out.
BUT, it seems unlikely that you truly can't afford your own place. From your condo complaints, it sounds more like you can't find something that meets your specifications in your price range. The typical figure is that you should be spending 1/3 of your income on housing, although I'm willing to bet that most young people spend more than that and still manage to live. I know this post isn't about that option, but it's something to consider.
If you're living rent-free save your money so you can afford your own place that you choose that has the stuff you want and can pay for.

Also, seriously, don't adopt a cat if you already have a dog and can't afford your own place to live. If the condo doesn't work out and you have to back to your parents', what happens to the cat? If your parents decide to stop supporting you, you will than have two pets you won't be able to afford.
posted by ishotjr at 4:20 PM on May 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


As you have read, the majority of the hive mind is telling you to get out on your own and be independent. Which is a good thing and valid advice but as someone who didn't move out until 26, I can relate to the trepidation you are feeling about leaving home.

My best advice would be to come clean with yourself and to come to terms with *why* you're uncomfortable with being on your own. As others have pointed out it isn't about affordability, but is more likely about being scared to live by yourself, being scared to take responsibility for yourself, and being scared to start out on that nebulous journey called "life". It sounds like you have loving, supportive parents so I recommend having a heart-to-heart and getting some emotional reassurance. I think they would much prefer a candid conversation about your fears rather than superficial talk about how you can't live without a bathtub.

For whatever it's worth, your fears and insecurities are perfectly normal feelings --- unfortunately growing up doesn't come with a manual. Best of luck to you as you find your way out of the nest (and rest assured, you *will* find your way.)
posted by braemar at 5:37 PM on May 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Most of those "cons" are not cons, they're excuses. Seriously, you're "too old to live at home" but you're considering rejecting a free condo because you'd have to take showers instead of baths? This is the equivalent of someone offering you a free car and rejecting it because it's an Accord and right now your mom drives you around in a Lexus.

You need to move. This isn't even a tough choice. I mean, it's tough to make the right decision as you're clearly understandably anxious about it, but there is no difficulty here in knowing which choice is the right one.
posted by Justinian at 8:02 PM on May 18, 2010


If laundry rooms freak you out that much... then do what I do.

I don't live that far from my parents. I also have a really good relationship with them, and they're very respectful of me as an adult. But, since my condo doesn't have in-unit laundry (and the laundry room is *exhorbitant,* and I mean I might as well get everything dry cleaned), I just take my laundry to my folks' house every two weeks or so, with my laundry stuff, do it there, and hang out with my family while it's washing. Sometimes, I bring my cats with me, and they have a fun time being chased by their "grandparents," and they have a fun, happy time. I have a good time, and the laundry gets done, and I don't have to choose between putting a pair of pants through the dryer, and skipping lunch several times a week.

As for the rest of it... an extra ten minutes' commute? Having to take showers instead of baths? Not really liking the neighborhood? Um, as long as you can stand for five to fifteen minutes at a time, have a functioning alarm clock, and are not actively frightened of getting SHOT while you walk out to your car, these are not "reasons". These are excuses, as everyone else has said. What are your REAL reasons why?
posted by mornie_alantie at 8:56 PM on May 18, 2010


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