Dealing with negative responses to 3rd pregnancy
May 12, 2010 9:10 AM Subscribe
What's the best way handle negative responses to the news that we are expecting our third child?
posted by anonymous to human relations (50 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My husband and I have two kids already, 7 and 4. Both of my previous pregnancies were very difficult for me - hyperemesis for all nine months, sciatic and joint problems, extreme fatigue, post-partum depression - but not at all for my kids, who were born perfectly healthy and are thriving.
After the second, we said, yeah, probably no more kids to anyone who asked (and wow, are people nosey!), but didn't do anything particularly permanent about it. My mother, in particular, made it clear that she didn't think I should have any more kids, just because she worries about me. She lives most of the continent away, and adores my kids, and really just worries mostly because she isn't here.
Yesterday, I found out that I am pregnant (only about 5 weeks). I was shocked, as was my husband, but we're both cool with it and getting more excited as the shock wears off. We are definitely financially sound and very much able to love and raise a third child. We are already planning ways to manage our family if I should have a similar pregnancy experience to the other two. This is all a Good Thing.
We agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone until the end of the first trimester, but that I could tell my (unmarried, childless) best friend, who lives overseas and with whom I am planning a trip this summer. I told her over chat this morning, and her first reaction was "don't you people know what causes that?"
I was stunned that she said that - and she did eventually congratulate me. But it's got me thinking now that when we do start sharing the news, not all of the reactions we get are likely to be positive (even though I know it's incredibly rude on the part of the other person). How can we handle it? I really don't want to have to have every conversation about this become me telling people they are being rude or unhelpful.
Also, any suggestions on how to breach this with my mother, whom we won't be able to tell in person, would be especially helpful. Again, she's not anti-more-grandkids, just a major worry-wart.
Anonymous because I'm not ready to have someone I know figure out that I'm pregnant just yet. Throwaway e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org