Is the magic supposed to disappear from life?

May 6, 2010 6:12 PM

"When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful..." Help me get excited about the future. I'm watching the once-magical parts of the world turn into cold rationality, and I fear for my ability to enjoy life if this trend continues.

I'm only 25 years old, yet I am having awful nostalgia for the intensity that the world used to have for me. As a child and a teenager, everything had an almost mystical vividness and sense of greater meaning and wonder, particularly nature and animals. I no longer feel moved by things the way I was before. Studying science in college didn't help, either -- everything just seems to get duller, blander and more mechanical by the day. At this rate, the future looks rather bleak.

Is this just the way it goes? Should I just accept a different, less savory experience of life as I get older? Or is something wrong here?

posted by overeducated_alligator to Human Relations (25 answers total)

According research quoted on PBS's "This Emotional Life", people get happier as they get older. My theory: They know who they are and what they like and they have the ability to build their lives around these things.

And just wait until the birth of your first child - mystical vividness and a sense of greater meaning and wonder galore (if you ignore the pain and messy fluids)

So, maybe something is wrong here.
posted by metahawk at 6:19 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I have the opposite view about studying the sciences--the more I learn the more interesting life seems to be! For example, I was never very interested in the micro side of biology (I liked big stuff like plants and animals, and I still do!) but the molecular biology course I'm just finishing has really made me appreciate all of the CRAZY stuff that happens at a molecular level in cells. Do you still get excited about learning new things? I don't think this is something that necessarily changes for everyone as they get older. Do you find that only certain subjects interest you anymore? Find something that you want to learn more about! It might bring some of that child-like wonder and excitement back into your life.
posted by gumtree at 6:20 PM on May 6, 2010

Do you spend time in nature, rather than just thinking about it? Go somewhere really dark where you can see all the stars. Sit around a campfire with friends and a guitar all night. Go swimming in a lake. Watch the sun rise. Stare at the ocean. Climb a tree. Hell, take some mushrooms and just look at a tree. Spend time with animals, make an animal friend. Get covered in mud. Being an adult doesn't mean you have to stop exploring nature with your hands and feet and eyes.
posted by oinopaponton at 6:30 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

(My responsible internal adult says: you can look at a tree without drugs, too)
posted by oinopaponton at 6:33 PM on May 6, 2010

Get into jogging, or cycling.

Teach. Volunteer. Become a scout leader.

Show others how magical and amazing the world is: it will be impossible for the glimmer in their eyes not to rub off on you.

If that doesn't work, try some Louis C.K..
posted by thejoshu at 6:42 PM on May 6, 2010

If studying science is making the world seem duller and blander, you might have bad teachers, or you might be getting bogged down in tiny details and missing the mind-boggling strangeness of the natural world. I'd suggest some popular science--maybe Oliver Sacks, or The Ancestor's Tale by Dawkins. Or, I mean, just look up the duck-billed platypus on Wikipedia. That thing is weird.
posted by IjonTichy at 6:49 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

come to burning man this summer. seriously, this will help.
posted by apostrophe at 6:57 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Read more about the things we -don't- understand yet; dark matter, the origins of life, the complexity of thought and emotion, the new discoveries of weird animals like those critters that live on the lips of deep sea lobsters.

"1500 years ago, everybody knew that the earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody knew that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.- "Kay" (Tommy Lee Jones) in Men in Black.
posted by The otter lady at 7:07 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Best answer: In the name of all that is holy, I do not miss that intensity. I mean, I guess there's an adjustment period, kind of like after you finish dating a psycho, when everything seems so bland and boring by comparison.

Don't think of it as "lack of intensity." Think of it as "improved sense of perspective."
posted by ErikaB at 7:27 PM on May 6, 2010 [7 favorites]

Oh also, "everything seems like a featureless gray plain" is a classic sign of clinical depression, which can often manifest in the mid-20s. If this is a really big issue that's affecting your ability to live your life, you should get yourself checked out for it.
posted by ErikaB at 7:29 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

You need to separate your "understanding" from your experience. Meditation can help with that. Or, as oinopaponton suggested above, drugs.
posted by Obscure Reference at 7:31 PM on May 6, 2010

Best answer: I will tell you this, young alligator: when I was your age, I was a basketcase of fear and insecurity. I got better, as I learned that no, my perception of the world is not entirely accurate. Sharing with others, understanding that pain is universal, that my experience is only a single point-of-view, helped me to understand that, while there are so many awful things in the world, there is so much wonder as well.

The world you see today is not the world of tomorrow.
posted by SPrintF at 7:31 PM on May 6, 2010 [4 favorites]

I totally had a quarter-life crisis ten years ago at your age, missing the vibrancy of youth and wondering what it was all about, anyway--and that is about when I started doing two things that I repeat every now and then when I need a booster shot:

One, I go back and read my old journals (paper from age ten to about 25, and then mostly online from then on). Man, was I confused and miserable.

Two, I listen to Bob Dylan's "My Back Pages" on repeat about a thousand times until it sinks in. Just reading the lyrics works, too.

Lord, but life was hard and complicated and full of things beyond my control back then. Youth is a burden I'm glad to have shed in hindsight and I'm getting to the point where I feel like it's just downhill from here. Life gets simpler, even as some of the mundane details get more complex (retirement fund? real estate? putting the kids through school?). I know what I know and what I don't, and I get the sense that in ten years it will be even clearer, these things I know and don't know. I know what I like and who I like and I get ever closer to feeling free to avoid those people and things that I dislike. I have drilled down on the things that are truly important to me. I have figured out precisely which type of fools I'm willing to suffer gladly, and which I don't need to suffer at all.

Releasing the obligation of having to constantly parse everything that passes through my brain has allowed me much more creativity and made my life much more fun. I never had so much fun when I was young and fun was work. I'm not unrealistic about the fact that I have plenty of time to have all kinds of un-fun things happen to me and my loved ones, but just the fact that I get progressively wiser and then by extension my life gets more interesting and rich--it's worth it.
posted by padraigin at 8:30 PM on May 6, 2010 [5 favorites]

I can understand this, because spending 8 hours a day in a cube is a magic-killer and makes The Real World look like crap (see the working all day thread).

Really, you just have to go find the magic when you're not at work. Preferably outdoors and/or doing something more interesting. Up your adventure levels. Burning Man is a good idea.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:36 PM on May 6, 2010

Well there are those like John Keats who think that wonder is quelled by scientific materialism; that the beauty of the rainbow is unwoven by an understanding of the spectrum. I wasn't convinced by that and a good rebuttal is Dawkin's Unweaving the Rainbow.

You could get into some Sagan too but you sound like you might have depression, especially the part about observing your personality over the years. Go get it checked out.

If I'm wrong though then 25 is a difficult inbetween age and like the others above (IjonTichy in particular) I think you might have bad teachers. If you haven't seen it then Sagan's Cosmos documentary is an easy going lesson full of wonder.
posted by holloway at 9:46 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm 25 too. From 18- 23, I was completely in love with someone. Love was glorious, and every facet of the world reflected some aspect of our incredible love, so every part of the world was therefore glorious. Even hard times or unfortunate things became wonderful in their own right. Intensity all the way.

Recently, I've been trying to figure out how I feel about someone who has been a friend for years. "I'm not in love," I told myself, "because I know that love involves world changing excitement and giddy rushes and hyperventilating phone calls and the disregard of every other aspect of my life."

You know what? Perhaps I've got it wrong. Maybe what I felt was love, sure, and it was the kind of love that an eighteen year old would feel and express. Perhaps the kind of love that a 25 year old feels is different. Less fireworky, more nuanced. Less giddy, but deeper. Perhaps this isn't the world becoming less exciting, but the glossy sheen of the world fading away to reveal a much deeper and more interesting core. It could just be that the magic of the world is still there, in abundance, but I'm now recognising a part of it that I'd always missed because it wasn't quite as shiny as the rest of it.
posted by twirlypen at 10:12 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

When I feel like this, it's because my day-to-day life is not full of things that make me happy and full of wonder. You may need to change your life in some way so that you have time (or money or friends or whatever) to experience the wonderment of life. It's still out there (and others are experiencing it), but you just aren't living the right "lifestyle" to experience wonder.

Think about what you might change: Spend less money on unimportant stuff so you can afford to travel? Move to a cabin a la Thoreau (who was NOT young and was still full of wonder)? Make friends with artists and people who keep their inner child intact?

Think both big (changing your life) and small (taking time to see the sunset). Go forth and be wondrous!
posted by alternateuniverse at 3:08 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

You can re-enchant the world if you have an open mind. And you don't need to try to pretend you don't believe in science. There is wonder and awe and deep felt meaning within and beyond science and reason. You may have already outgrown something like this, but you could take a look:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0767903439/

This might be better, because it quotes physicists (the fathers of quantum mechanics) who were also apparently "mystics" in a sense. (Note: This is not a quantum woo-woo book. The point of the book is that science--or "quantum" anything--is NOT equal to spirituality but that they are compatible.)

http://www.amazon.com/Quantum-Questions-Ken-Wilber/dp/0394723384

And consider meditating to explore the texture of reality and consciousness.

You may not get your childhood innocence back, but, thank god, right? It's time for some adult awe. It's better.
posted by zeek321 at 5:09 AM on May 7, 2010

Spend some time with some children.

Also this is a good book, as it is a phenomenology of childhood experience. I certainly discovered more magic in my life after reading it, and became in touch with some of the pre-reflective dimension of my experience.
posted by amileighs at 5:44 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ecclesiastes 7:10-12

10 Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?"
For it is not wise to ask such questions.

11 Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing
and benefits those who see the sun.

12 Wisdom is a shelter
as money is a shelter,
but the advantage of knowledge is this:
that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor.

posted by The White Hat at 5:56 AM on May 7, 2010

Another phenomenology book about pre-rational worldspaces. Not light reading but provocative:

http://www.amazon.com/Spell-Sensuous-Perception-Language-More-Than-Human/dp/0679776397/
posted by zeek321 at 6:26 AM on May 7, 2010

For the small ideas: Grow a tomato plant on your patio. In a get-back-to-nature way, I find it very inspiring to watch the new growth, the buds, the tiny tomatoes forming/growing/turning redder. Then, you get to eat the most delicious tomatoes you've ever eaten, which can also be a life-enriching experience. Especially if you also grow a basil plant.
posted by CathyG at 7:46 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Do you play?

Most grownups I know quit playing. And this kills their sense of wonder, because the opposite of play is practicality. Play itself does not put you in touch with the oceanic, but it puts you in a state where logic is pushed aside and, in a state of play, you're more easily influenced by all that's creative, magical and non-linear. Play puts you in a frame of mind in which you're not searching for rational explanations.

Let me be clear about what I mean by "play." As cool as they are, I am not talking about computer games, board or card games or sports. Those all involve formal systems and are ultimately governed by logic and rules. (Alas, I can't even count those exploratory computer "games," in which the point isn't to win. They still constrain you to a screen. Real PLAY is part mental and part physical. You need to get your whole body involved.)

Play -- as I'm defining it here -- NEVER has a point. So bantering about politics (e.g. engaging in satire) isn't play. Nor is anything that allows you to learn via fun. To be play, it can't be governed by rules and it can't have a point. I mean "play" as in "playing in the mud." Something like imrov CAN be play, but as soon as it becomes about parodies of George Bush or trying to make people laugh, it has a point outside of itself. So it won't help.

Play won't do you any good if you do it once in a while. It will only help if it's a major part of your lifestyle. Every day, you should spend some time rolling around in paint, making paper-bag puppets talk in silly voices, doing chicken dances, etc.

I come across as a serious person. My big secret is that I play every day. I am incredibly shy and, unfortunately, uncomfortable playing in public or around anyone except my closest, closest friends, but play is such a huge stress reliever for me -- and such a way of opening myself up to the magical -- that I can't imagine living without it. This is probably extreme, but I feel like without play, I would die. Which is why I sleep with a little green dinosaur in my bed and make funny faces in the mirror. I'm 44.
posted by grumblebee at 8:41 AM on May 7, 2010 [10 favorites]

Best answer: Oh lord, the 20s is a terrible decade - I feel for you. You've gotten over the worst of the teenage year emotional instability but you're looking for something to replace that rush. There's a reason the "intensity" wears off - when you look back at it you'll realize a lot of it is needless drama. Trust me - there's a pretty good trade off that starts happening in the next decade: you'll feel happier and more stable. And when you do, you'll start to gain a much more mature appreciation of what is happening around you. It won't be that swept-off-your-feet feeling; it'll be a much more nuanced and rich appreciation of life.
posted by media_itoku at 9:23 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Best answer: 2nding read old journals, if you have them. Every time I feel even a twinge of nostalgia for anything about being a teenager, I read those old journals and then I fall down on my knees and thank the good lord that I'm not that person anymore.

I was also a very mystical teenager, complete with all manner of personal eccentricities and magical thinking style ideas about the world. I definitely had a year or so in my earlier 20s (I'm also 25, this was probably around the age of 21) where I pined for the sorts of weird ideas I used to have as a teenager and missed the sense of excitement I got from reading popular science books and seeing new movies and stuff. I think what got me through it was actually (this is an odd thing) reading most of Philip K. Dick's books in a short timeframe. I stopped dwelling on my own mind by getting deeply into someone else's.

I had a strange few months, but by the end of it I no longer missed being who I used to be. Something about PKD's writing really resonated with me - it had a few different qualities that I associated with my own teenage writing - so I could see his work as being something that I might have written had I developed in a different way, and reading it helped me feel okay about not being that person and being how I turned out instead. I don't know if this would work for you, or with a different author, but it really helped me and now I can talk intelligently about such forgotten classics as Dr Futurity and Martian Time-Slip. I know, you're insanely jealous.

I work in a technical field, and what's keeping the magic alive for me right now is taking graduate classes in my field part time. It makes me way, way busier, but it keeps me in touch with why I got into my field in the first place and keeps me abreast of the state of the art.

Also, garden and get a pet.
posted by little light-giver at 4:16 PM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]