How to be a not-horrible boss?
May 6, 2010 5:30 AM Subscribe
I really, really dislike bosses, managers, and supervisors. All of them. And I think it’s impeding my career, because I am about to become one, and I don’t know how to act.
Please be aware that this purely applies in a work situation – some of my best friends are bosses, and we get along fine because I don’t work with or for them. It’s just the boss in his or her work habitat that I have a problem with. I have never met one that didn’t make me want to gouge my own eyes out. Bosses that are ‘good’ bosses, bosses that most people like to work for, seem to annoy me more than the bad kind. The confidence and self-assuredness that probably got them the job to begin with absolutely drives me up the wall. I find it extremely patronising to be made to feel like I’m doing the boss some great favour by doing my own job well. I don’t need praise, I need a polite thanks, an excellent quarterly review, regular pay rises, and an amazing reference when I move on. If they praise and thank their staff, it always seems empty and purely strategic, like something they got from a book about “people management skills”. In fact, I can only remember one time that praise from a boss felt genuine, and that was delivered with tears because I had caught a mistake she made that would have gotten her fired. The earlier mistakes I caught that led up to this one were met with a bright, empty smile, a virtual pat on the head, and no acknowledgement that the mistakes were her own to begin with. She was one of the bad bosses. I find the bad bosses to be easier to deal with on a personal level because at least they are vulnerable and I can kind of see their unhappiness and insecurity behind their tyrannical ways and feel empathy for them (and since I always keep my head down and get my job done, I’ve luckily managed to stay out of most workplace drama and politics caused by bad management).
So, the question boils down to – how can I be a good boss without feeling fake? How can I be businesslike and professional without seeming self-important? I know this is a really general question so really general answers and anecdotes are welcome. For the record, I will be managing 6 administrators on the non-academic side of a public university, all women in their 40’s but one, who is a man in his 20’s and the pet of the group).
Please be aware that this purely applies in a work situation – some of my best friends are bosses, and we get along fine because I don’t work with or for them. It’s just the boss in his or her work habitat that I have a problem with. I have never met one that didn’t make me want to gouge my own eyes out. Bosses that are ‘good’ bosses, bosses that most people like to work for, seem to annoy me more than the bad kind. The confidence and self-assuredness that probably got them the job to begin with absolutely drives me up the wall. I find it extremely patronising to be made to feel like I’m doing the boss some great favour by doing my own job well. I don’t need praise, I need a polite thanks, an excellent quarterly review, regular pay rises, and an amazing reference when I move on. If they praise and thank their staff, it always seems empty and purely strategic, like something they got from a book about “people management skills”. In fact, I can only remember one time that praise from a boss felt genuine, and that was delivered with tears because I had caught a mistake she made that would have gotten her fired. The earlier mistakes I caught that led up to this one were met with a bright, empty smile, a virtual pat on the head, and no acknowledgement that the mistakes were her own to begin with. She was one of the bad bosses. I find the bad bosses to be easier to deal with on a personal level because at least they are vulnerable and I can kind of see their unhappiness and insecurity behind their tyrannical ways and feel empathy for them (and since I always keep my head down and get my job done, I’ve luckily managed to stay out of most workplace drama and politics caused by bad management).
So, the question boils down to – how can I be a good boss without feeling fake? How can I be businesslike and professional without seeming self-important? I know this is a really general question so really general answers and anecdotes are welcome. For the record, I will be managing 6 administrators on the non-academic side of a public university, all women in their 40’s but one, who is a man in his 20’s and the pet of the group).
One thing that might help you would be a good course or book about coaching styles, and which style to use in a given scenario. The course I took years ago broke this down into four categories, based on the eagerness and competence of an employee with respect to a specific task or skill. So the idea is to assess this first, and then apply the appropriate coaching style.
A very highly-condensed version of this follows:
1. Eager, not competent.
This is where people start out with a new task or skill, where they want to try this new thing but really have no idea how to do it. I hope this is where you are right now with respect to managing people, meaning it's something you want to do but you don't know how yet (rather than it's something being dumped on you that you don't even want).
Coaching style: Instruction! At this level of development, people need to be told specifically what to do. You tell them, or arrange for someone else to tell them, provide manuals, procedures, etc. You don't want to provide a lot of explanation as this tends to be confusing, just tell them what to do.
2. Not eager, not competent.
Having now tried this new thing and followed some instructions, a person will, oddly enough, often feel less enthusiastic about the new task. They've done it but they don't really feel like they know what they're doing, so they're not eager to keep going with it.
Coaching style: Explanation. At this point they should know the basic steps to follow, so now they can start learning why things are done the way they are, how the system works, etc. Since they are no longer trying to just learn what to do, they shouldn't find explanations confusing now.
3. Not eager, competent.
After enough instruction and explanation of a new task or skill, the person has actually become competent at it and understands it well, but they lack confidence in themselves. You can see they can do it right and can make good decisions based on their understanding of things, but they're nervous about working independently. They will probably keep checking every little detail with you.
Coaching style: Encouragement. They know what they need to know and they understand find, their works is good, you don't have to help them learn anything now. You need to convince them they can do this thing on their own. Words of encouragement and lots of positive feedback are very helpful here. On the course I took, they also used the analogy of teach a kid to ride a bicycle: this is the point at which you let go of the bike. A more office-like analogy, this is the point where, when one of your staff asks you to review an e-mail before they send it, you say "I'm sure it's fine." and you don't read it! (If you don't feel comfortable doing that, maybe they haven't reached the "competent" stage yet?)
4. Eager, competent.
So ideally, after enough encouragement the person now feels fine with the new task or skill and is able to work independently doing high-quality work.
Coaching style: Empowerment. This is the point where you say "Let me know if you need me" and you stay out of the way. Polite thanks and a good review, as you say, are enough. It sounds like you reached this point with some of the things you do and your bosses used the "encouragement" coaching style, which is maddening when you don't need it. Why don't they congratulate you on doing such a great job tying your shoes this morning?
In the course, we spend a good day on this stuff, so this is a really abbreviated version of it based on what I remember. But hopefully it's at least a little bit helpful.
A couple of things to keep in mind: you have to make this assessment and coaching style decision separately for every task and skill. I may be the world's greatest widget designer, but on my first day at the company I'm totally incompetent with respect to the location of the bathrooms. Just tell me where they are!
You also have to re-assess things periodically. People can slip backwards for various reasons and you may need to get back into a more hands-on coaching style at various times.
posted by FishBike at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010 [21 favorites]
A very highly-condensed version of this follows:
1. Eager, not competent.
This is where people start out with a new task or skill, where they want to try this new thing but really have no idea how to do it. I hope this is where you are right now with respect to managing people, meaning it's something you want to do but you don't know how yet (rather than it's something being dumped on you that you don't even want).
Coaching style: Instruction! At this level of development, people need to be told specifically what to do. You tell them, or arrange for someone else to tell them, provide manuals, procedures, etc. You don't want to provide a lot of explanation as this tends to be confusing, just tell them what to do.
2. Not eager, not competent.
Having now tried this new thing and followed some instructions, a person will, oddly enough, often feel less enthusiastic about the new task. They've done it but they don't really feel like they know what they're doing, so they're not eager to keep going with it.
Coaching style: Explanation. At this point they should know the basic steps to follow, so now they can start learning why things are done the way they are, how the system works, etc. Since they are no longer trying to just learn what to do, they shouldn't find explanations confusing now.
3. Not eager, competent.
After enough instruction and explanation of a new task or skill, the person has actually become competent at it and understands it well, but they lack confidence in themselves. You can see they can do it right and can make good decisions based on their understanding of things, but they're nervous about working independently. They will probably keep checking every little detail with you.
Coaching style: Encouragement. They know what they need to know and they understand find, their works is good, you don't have to help them learn anything now. You need to convince them they can do this thing on their own. Words of encouragement and lots of positive feedback are very helpful here. On the course I took, they also used the analogy of teach a kid to ride a bicycle: this is the point at which you let go of the bike. A more office-like analogy, this is the point where, when one of your staff asks you to review an e-mail before they send it, you say "I'm sure it's fine." and you don't read it! (If you don't feel comfortable doing that, maybe they haven't reached the "competent" stage yet?)
4. Eager, competent.
So ideally, after enough encouragement the person now feels fine with the new task or skill and is able to work independently doing high-quality work.
Coaching style: Empowerment. This is the point where you say "Let me know if you need me" and you stay out of the way. Polite thanks and a good review, as you say, are enough. It sounds like you reached this point with some of the things you do and your bosses used the "encouragement" coaching style, which is maddening when you don't need it. Why don't they congratulate you on doing such a great job tying your shoes this morning?
In the course, we spend a good day on this stuff, so this is a really abbreviated version of it based on what I remember. But hopefully it's at least a little bit helpful.
A couple of things to keep in mind: you have to make this assessment and coaching style decision separately for every task and skill. I may be the world's greatest widget designer, but on my first day at the company I'm totally incompetent with respect to the location of the bathrooms. Just tell me where they are!
You also have to re-assess things periodically. People can slip backwards for various reasons and you may need to get back into a more hands-on coaching style at various times.
posted by FishBike at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010 [21 favorites]
Best answer: So, the question boils down to – how can I be a good boss without feeling fake?
Learn to appreciate the work that your employees do.
You have got this air of superiority hanging over your whole question and how it is phrased that is really going to make you a terrible boss if you do not learn how to deal with it. A lot of people learn management techniques, not so they can fake it, but to learn how to professionally present their gratitude in a way that is universally understood. The sentiment behind it is not fake, even if the gesture seems forced.
Seriously though, if you have a better-than-thou attitude, you are going to be an awful boss. Take a management class, read books, see a therapist, but find a way to really feel some gratitude (both up and down the ladder) and you will succeed in management.
posted by Hiker at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
Learn to appreciate the work that your employees do.
You have got this air of superiority hanging over your whole question and how it is phrased that is really going to make you a terrible boss if you do not learn how to deal with it. A lot of people learn management techniques, not so they can fake it, but to learn how to professionally present their gratitude in a way that is universally understood. The sentiment behind it is not fake, even if the gesture seems forced.
Seriously though, if you have a better-than-thou attitude, you are going to be an awful boss. Take a management class, read books, see a therapist, but find a way to really feel some gratitude (both up and down the ladder) and you will succeed in management.
posted by Hiker at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
Here is a great secret.
Treat people with the same amount of diginity and respect you expect.
Add to that an open, honest environment and you will quickly find the good seeds from the bad.
In regards to your situation with 6 reports. Engage them and task them with challenges that fit to your requirements. On the surface that's easy, but with managing comes a little more. Use team building, not in the bullshit sense, but build the team. Focus energies on what's coming in the pipelines while inspiring them to do better than average with the day to day stuff.
Run an open door policy, use a feedback loop, i.e. some type of weekly briefing or meeting which discusses strategy for undertaking your requirements from above.
The opposite of this is to shut off and force people to work which I have done, but that should be reserved for revolt or negativity that affects the work group and your position.
posted by Funmonkey1 at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Treat people with the same amount of diginity and respect you expect.
Add to that an open, honest environment and you will quickly find the good seeds from the bad.
In regards to your situation with 6 reports. Engage them and task them with challenges that fit to your requirements. On the surface that's easy, but with managing comes a little more. Use team building, not in the bullshit sense, but build the team. Focus energies on what's coming in the pipelines while inspiring them to do better than average with the day to day stuff.
Run an open door policy, use a feedback loop, i.e. some type of weekly briefing or meeting which discusses strategy for undertaking your requirements from above.
The opposite of this is to shut off and force people to work which I have done, but that should be reserved for revolt or negativity that affects the work group and your position.
posted by Funmonkey1 at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Well, first of all, I think the most important thing is to keep a calm and level head, and do your absolute best to not let your emotions or personal feelings about someone influence work related decisions. That might sound like common sense, but it is surprisingly rare to find a boss that will sit down and really think about a problem from all sides. If you have the time, try to put yourself in the position of your employees, your boss, the public, the students... everyone you can think of who might have an opinion. Take all of this into account when you make your decision, then take action confidently and calmly.
It's important to be genuine with your employees. Be honest with them and be yourself, and they will respect that. Make it clear what your expectations are from the beginning. If you have to chew someone out, do it in private and without emotion, and document it in their file. If you want to praise someone for something exceptional, do it in public and document it in their file.
Be likable, but don't be a friend. You are not their friend, you are their boss. You may want to be their friend, or they may want to be yours, but it will just create problems down the road. You can chat, tell stories, but avoid deep emotional talks or personal favors outside of work.
posted by Menthol at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010
It's important to be genuine with your employees. Be honest with them and be yourself, and they will respect that. Make it clear what your expectations are from the beginning. If you have to chew someone out, do it in private and without emotion, and document it in their file. If you want to praise someone for something exceptional, do it in public and document it in their file.
Be likable, but don't be a friend. You are not their friend, you are their boss. You may want to be their friend, or they may want to be yours, but it will just create problems down the road. You can chat, tell stories, but avoid deep emotional talks or personal favors outside of work.
posted by Menthol at 6:02 AM on May 6, 2010
Best answer: I think you're really focused on the power dynamic between bosses and employees, so this is what I see as the problem in that frame:
Part of being a boss is doing things that feel fake to you (giving praise and acknowledgment, for instance) because you think that they will be helpful to someone else or with getting things done. How the boss feels about things isn't particularly important. It's how well the boss can get the staff to do the work. Most bosses realize that the carrot is better than the stick, so they try to keep people who work for them as happy as possible. So yes, there is an element of deception in the happy boss-isms, because the boss isn't interacting with you for your own sake, they're interacting with you because they want to maximize your value to the organization. This kind of dehumanization is why being a supervisor is a miserable job, especially in very hierarchical work places.
You can get around this dynamic by actually caring about the people who work for you and trying to keep their best interests in mind. You pick up the life hacks of being a boss through experience, but if you don't have any sort of investment in the people who are working for you, they are just going to see you as the faker who is always telling them what to do and treat you accordingly.
I find it extremely patronising to be made to feel like I’m doing the boss some great favour by doing my own job well.
Frankly, you are doing the boss a great favor by doing your own job well. If it was normal, everyone would be doing it.
posted by _cave at 6:21 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Part of being a boss is doing things that feel fake to you (giving praise and acknowledgment, for instance) because you think that they will be helpful to someone else or with getting things done. How the boss feels about things isn't particularly important. It's how well the boss can get the staff to do the work. Most bosses realize that the carrot is better than the stick, so they try to keep people who work for them as happy as possible. So yes, there is an element of deception in the happy boss-isms, because the boss isn't interacting with you for your own sake, they're interacting with you because they want to maximize your value to the organization. This kind of dehumanization is why being a supervisor is a miserable job, especially in very hierarchical work places.
You can get around this dynamic by actually caring about the people who work for you and trying to keep their best interests in mind. You pick up the life hacks of being a boss through experience, but if you don't have any sort of investment in the people who are working for you, they are just going to see you as the faker who is always telling them what to do and treat you accordingly.
I find it extremely patronising to be made to feel like I’m doing the boss some great favour by doing my own job well.
Frankly, you are doing the boss a great favor by doing your own job well. If it was normal, everyone would be doing it.
posted by _cave at 6:21 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
The confidence and self-assuredness that probably got them the job to begin with
If they praise and thank their staff, it always seems empty and purely strategic, like something they got from a book about “people management skills”.
I find it extremely patronising to be made to feel like I’m doing the boss some great favour by doing my own job well
I can kind of see their unhappiness and insecurity behind their tyrannical ways and feel empathy for them
Holy crap, man. You're making a ton of assumptions about other people's motivations here. Sure, a few managers are like this. But all of them? No. You're projecting.
(You're also contradicting yourself. You don't want your bosses to praise you, yet then you turn right around and complain about one who didn't praise you enough -- or at least not genuinely enough Jeez. Get over yourself.)
Managers are people too; their intentions and motivations and habits are just as diverse as everyone else's are. Maybe it's time to ditch the us versus them mentality, especially now that you're about to become one of them.
how can I be a good boss without feeling fake?
Don't be fake.
How can I be businesslike and professional without seeming self-important?
Don't be self-important.
Low-level managers are assistants, basically. In real terms, you're taking a step down, not a step up: your job will now be to help other people get their work done. Doing this well is surprisingly hard to do, especially for someone who's used to keeping his head down and getting the work done... you're going to have to start engaging with the workplace drama if only to defuse it, and you're not going to be able to just get the work done: you're going to help other people get the work done.
The best managers I've had had the following traits:
* Didn't try to do my job for me; assigned me clear tasks with reasonable timelines, then stayed out of the way and let me complete them
* Stayed knowledgeable enough about what I was doing to be able to answer questions when I had them, supply me with the tools and information I needed, etc.
* All communication is clear and complete -- there's nothing more frustrating than sending your boss an email with three questions in it and getting an answer to just one of them.
* Kept a handle on who had what skills and what interests, who worked well with who, and didn't assign tasks to the wrong people; kept the workload balanced so no one person is doing too much or too little.
* Treated all employees with respect -- a good manager wouldn't dream of referring to one of their employees as "the pet of the department", for example.
* Acknowledged that the ones actually doing the work often have more information about the work than they do. Accepted ideas, suggestions and warnings instead of dictating everything. Kept everyone informed about what was going on in the department, both in the short term and long-term strategy.
posted by ook at 6:34 AM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
If they praise and thank their staff, it always seems empty and purely strategic, like something they got from a book about “people management skills”.
I find it extremely patronising to be made to feel like I’m doing the boss some great favour by doing my own job well
I can kind of see their unhappiness and insecurity behind their tyrannical ways and feel empathy for them
Holy crap, man. You're making a ton of assumptions about other people's motivations here. Sure, a few managers are like this. But all of them? No. You're projecting.
(You're also contradicting yourself. You don't want your bosses to praise you, yet then you turn right around and complain about one who didn't praise you enough -- or at least not genuinely enough Jeez. Get over yourself.)
Managers are people too; their intentions and motivations and habits are just as diverse as everyone else's are. Maybe it's time to ditch the us versus them mentality, especially now that you're about to become one of them.
how can I be a good boss without feeling fake?
Don't be fake.
How can I be businesslike and professional without seeming self-important?
Don't be self-important.
Low-level managers are assistants, basically. In real terms, you're taking a step down, not a step up: your job will now be to help other people get their work done. Doing this well is surprisingly hard to do, especially for someone who's used to keeping his head down and getting the work done... you're going to have to start engaging with the workplace drama if only to defuse it, and you're not going to be able to just get the work done: you're going to help other people get the work done.
The best managers I've had had the following traits:
* Didn't try to do my job for me; assigned me clear tasks with reasonable timelines, then stayed out of the way and let me complete them
* Stayed knowledgeable enough about what I was doing to be able to answer questions when I had them, supply me with the tools and information I needed, etc.
* All communication is clear and complete -- there's nothing more frustrating than sending your boss an email with three questions in it and getting an answer to just one of them.
* Kept a handle on who had what skills and what interests, who worked well with who, and didn't assign tasks to the wrong people; kept the workload balanced so no one person is doing too much or too little.
* Treated all employees with respect -- a good manager wouldn't dream of referring to one of their employees as "the pet of the department", for example.
* Acknowledged that the ones actually doing the work often have more information about the work than they do. Accepted ideas, suggestions and warnings instead of dictating everything. Kept everyone informed about what was going on in the department, both in the short term and long-term strategy.
posted by ook at 6:34 AM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
Best answer: You're the type of person that is goal oriented, is here to achieve something, and doesn't want any smoke blown up your ass. You do your job well because you want to, you want to get paid, and that's that. You don't see a point in half-assing it.
Assuming that accurately describes you, the problem isn't managers, per se, but the communication style of the managers. I'm a big fan of Manager Tools for guidance on being a manager. Manager Tools suggests using the DISC method of communication. This theory says that people generally fall into one of 4 communication styles, or a combination of two. The styles are:
High D: You (in my estimation). Goal oriented, here to do a job. You ask "what needs to be done." On bad days, you can be very mind over matter -- I don't mind because you don't matter.
High I: Asks "who" questions. Your stereotypical sales guy. Gets stuff done through relationships and other people. This person probably is the smug smoke-blower that you don't care for.
High S: The sorts of folks that put the team before themselves. Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers neighborhood is the quintessential high S.
High C: Stereotypical engineer. Worried about the quality of their work. Has a tendency for analysis paralysis -- ready, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim...
So, to be good, figure out what type your people are. If a high D works for you, praise him by telling him how his work is furthering organizational goals and going to lead to his promotion or pay raises. Tell him what you want to hear. I doubt you'd hate it if I said "Hey, Wroksie, this presentation is just the sort of thing that's going to catch management's eye and get you on the radar as deserving a bigger bonus." Not lying, just the straight dope in a way that makes you care.
Tell your high Is how their success is strengthening their relationship and putting them in the spotlight. Give them praise in public so everyone knows they're a star.
Tell your high Ss how they're helping the team. Do it in private because they don't want the spotlight.
Tell your high Cs how their data is great, their solutions are elegant, and basically how damn smart they are.
Manager Tools has podcasts on all of this stuff -- several years of archives. Start with the trinity, check out the DISC stuff, and start being a better manager. Knowing that you want to be better is the first step.
posted by bfranklin at 6:40 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Assuming that accurately describes you, the problem isn't managers, per se, but the communication style of the managers. I'm a big fan of Manager Tools for guidance on being a manager. Manager Tools suggests using the DISC method of communication. This theory says that people generally fall into one of 4 communication styles, or a combination of two. The styles are:
High D: You (in my estimation). Goal oriented, here to do a job. You ask "what needs to be done." On bad days, you can be very mind over matter -- I don't mind because you don't matter.
High I: Asks "who" questions. Your stereotypical sales guy. Gets stuff done through relationships and other people. This person probably is the smug smoke-blower that you don't care for.
High S: The sorts of folks that put the team before themselves. Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers neighborhood is the quintessential high S.
High C: Stereotypical engineer. Worried about the quality of their work. Has a tendency for analysis paralysis -- ready, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim...
So, to be good, figure out what type your people are. If a high D works for you, praise him by telling him how his work is furthering organizational goals and going to lead to his promotion or pay raises. Tell him what you want to hear. I doubt you'd hate it if I said "Hey, Wroksie, this presentation is just the sort of thing that's going to catch management's eye and get you on the radar as deserving a bigger bonus." Not lying, just the straight dope in a way that makes you care.
Tell your high Is how their success is strengthening their relationship and putting them in the spotlight. Give them praise in public so everyone knows they're a star.
Tell your high Ss how they're helping the team. Do it in private because they don't want the spotlight.
Tell your high Cs how their data is great, their solutions are elegant, and basically how damn smart they are.
Manager Tools has podcasts on all of this stuff -- several years of archives. Start with the trinity, check out the DISC stuff, and start being a better manager. Knowing that you want to be better is the first step.
posted by bfranklin at 6:40 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
(For what it's worth: my one brief stint in management was a humbling experience. I was terrible at it. The reason there are all those books about "people management skills" is that managing people is really hard to do.
In retrospect I think I'd have done a lot better if I'd known one thing: your employees are not working for you; you're working for them. A lot of the "bad manager" traits go away if you bear this in mind.)
posted by ook at 6:44 AM on May 6, 2010
In retrospect I think I'd have done a lot better if I'd known one thing: your employees are not working for you; you're working for them. A lot of the "bad manager" traits go away if you bear this in mind.)
posted by ook at 6:44 AM on May 6, 2010
Best answer: I think one of the most important keys to being a great boss is to know your employee's strengths and to trust their judgment in their areas of expertise. Many bosses, it seems, try to keep a hand in just about everything in order to feel like they're exerting control over their employees. This can be frustrating if their input is uninformed--in my experience, this always leads to more (usually needless) work for the employee.
As an employee, I like clear guidelines and expectations and deadlines and then a lot of space to do the work right.
Also, if you tell employees that they can come to you any time, make sure you follow through in practice--make them feel really welcome.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:53 AM on May 6, 2010
As an employee, I like clear guidelines and expectations and deadlines and then a lot of space to do the work right.
Also, if you tell employees that they can come to you any time, make sure you follow through in practice--make them feel really welcome.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:53 AM on May 6, 2010
The best bosses I've ever had threw away their MBA, forced management training and were real people, with real emotions, put "do unto others" as their motto, were reasonable, let me vent, joked, had a personality, understood sometimes things in your personal life throw you shit and it can affect your work, provides an ear, provides confidentiality, watches your back, stands up for you when the CEO is a raging lunatic over something you didn't do/have control of but god forbid they understand technology to know that, and when they left made 100% sure I was going to be in good hands with the next boss.
Now bad bosses micromanage, use their MBA/work training to mandate useless reports, put your upper manager in a cc email where you see the fake praise while they firmly tell that boss their management style and advice, treat you like an incompetent n00b, send off a vibe that they're treatened by you so they figure out ways to supervise you under their control (i.e. "I'm the boss YOUR the employee"), give off the fake vibe that they're your friend, will use personal life issues against you if they feel "oh well your kid constantly being sick is impeding your work (when in reality, it's not since you are fully functional telecommuting), stick their nose into your business every friggen moment, invite themselves to every friggen meeting, interject their authority on others in that meeting (where the clients are giving the "no shit" look to them), and it's an all around nightmare.
DON'T BE THAT DOUCHE.
Be the first guy. He was awesom. I miss him and he still checks up on me to see how I'm doing and is looking to see if there is a job at his place or will 100% be my reference because as he said "you're waisting your talent there. Bunch of f'in morons. Ugh. Sorry kid".
Again, be real. Be human. Be yourself. The job will roll off your shoulders and your competent workers will do the same and not let you down.
posted by stormpooper at 7:09 AM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
Now bad bosses micromanage, use their MBA/work training to mandate useless reports, put your upper manager in a cc email where you see the fake praise while they firmly tell that boss their management style and advice, treat you like an incompetent n00b, send off a vibe that they're treatened by you so they figure out ways to supervise you under their control (i.e. "I'm the boss YOUR the employee"), give off the fake vibe that they're your friend, will use personal life issues against you if they feel "oh well your kid constantly being sick is impeding your work (when in reality, it's not since you are fully functional telecommuting), stick their nose into your business every friggen moment, invite themselves to every friggen meeting, interject their authority on others in that meeting (where the clients are giving the "no shit" look to them), and it's an all around nightmare.
DON'T BE THAT DOUCHE.
Be the first guy. He was awesom. I miss him and he still checks up on me to see how I'm doing and is looking to see if there is a job at his place or will 100% be my reference because as he said "you're waisting your talent there. Bunch of f'in morons. Ugh. Sorry kid".
Again, be real. Be human. Be yourself. The job will roll off your shoulders and your competent workers will do the same and not let you down.
posted by stormpooper at 7:09 AM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
You don't like bosses that try to communicate your value to you, because they can't ever do it in a way that satisfies you. Even when it's genuine, you privately sneer at it for being fake. You prefer incompetent bosses so that you can feel superior. The only praise you valued as genuine was when your boss reacted emotionally out of fear and put you in a position of power.
This is what I take away from your question. I don't know if you'll consider this accurate or too harsh, but if I'm getting this impression, it's not too much of a stretch to think that this is what you may be projecting to your co-workers.
I'm afraid you're about to get a pretty rude awakening as a boss. Keeping your head down and getting your job done is not enough. Relationships and consideration of how the parts fit together is vital.
posted by desuetude at 7:46 AM on May 6, 2010 [6 favorites]
This is what I take away from your question. I don't know if you'll consider this accurate or too harsh, but if I'm getting this impression, it's not too much of a stretch to think that this is what you may be projecting to your co-workers.
I'm afraid you're about to get a pretty rude awakening as a boss. Keeping your head down and getting your job done is not enough. Relationships and consideration of how the parts fit together is vital.
posted by desuetude at 7:46 AM on May 6, 2010 [6 favorites]
Best answer: It sounds like you've experienced a lot of bad management and it seems like you might be projecting a lot of feelings onto the notion of what it means to be a "boss" figure. Just be aware that a lot of us have had good experiences with bosses and managers, and don't necessarily see authority as an equation with ego, power-tripping, arrogance, etc. Don't assume that your reports will see you the same way you might have viewed your own bosses in the past—they may have every reason to look up to you, respect your input and guidance, and appreciate your support.
I have managed teams of up to 15 people, and this has included people who were smarter than me, better skilled, or more experienced in one way or another. I think the key is to remove your own ego. This is about them, not me. My mindset is always to figure out how to set up my team for success. As clichéd as that sounds, it's important to set appropriate expectations inside and outside the team. I want each team member to have a clear understanding of what is being asked of them, to feel challenged (in a good way) by what they do, and I do everything I can to make sure they have everything they need to do their jobs well. And then I get the hell out of the way. If I need to, I protect/defend from outside criticism or unreasonable demands. I may have some decision-making authority, and I may be the public face of the team to clients or others in the organization, but I never see myself as "boss" or in some way removed from the people on my team.
I think of it more as air traffic control. Each person's success is important to me, as is the overall success of the team. You have to make sure people are pulling their weight and meeting expectations, but I find that turning responsibility back to the team is quite effective. Find out what people do best and nurture it. Find out what they're not so good at, and either help them improve or eliminate it from their purview. Make sure each individual has a way of seeing and appreciating their present and future value to the organization. Sometimes you have to run interference with team members who aren't performing, but in general, if there is clear open communication and a sense of fairness, things will correct themselves. When there is an honest sense that you are all in it together, ie, knowing your team's purpose and value to the organization and feeling proud of that, that tends to trump the competitive behaviors that undermine work harmony. Make it so that you're not their boss, so much as their facilitator, advocate, and champion.
There have been times when I felt I was a bad manager, that I messed up because I was under pressure to deliver more than I thought possible, or that I got cross or bossy or overly emotional with a member of my team, but I think people can be forgiving when this is the exception and not the rule. If anything, my biggest challenge is maintaining sufficient professional distance and resisting the urge to befriend my team members. I care more about their success than my own, and that's what I think a manager's job should be.
posted by amusebuche at 7:56 AM on May 6, 2010
I have managed teams of up to 15 people, and this has included people who were smarter than me, better skilled, or more experienced in one way or another. I think the key is to remove your own ego. This is about them, not me. My mindset is always to figure out how to set up my team for success. As clichéd as that sounds, it's important to set appropriate expectations inside and outside the team. I want each team member to have a clear understanding of what is being asked of them, to feel challenged (in a good way) by what they do, and I do everything I can to make sure they have everything they need to do their jobs well. And then I get the hell out of the way. If I need to, I protect/defend from outside criticism or unreasonable demands. I may have some decision-making authority, and I may be the public face of the team to clients or others in the organization, but I never see myself as "boss" or in some way removed from the people on my team.
I think of it more as air traffic control. Each person's success is important to me, as is the overall success of the team. You have to make sure people are pulling their weight and meeting expectations, but I find that turning responsibility back to the team is quite effective. Find out what people do best and nurture it. Find out what they're not so good at, and either help them improve or eliminate it from their purview. Make sure each individual has a way of seeing and appreciating their present and future value to the organization. Sometimes you have to run interference with team members who aren't performing, but in general, if there is clear open communication and a sense of fairness, things will correct themselves. When there is an honest sense that you are all in it together, ie, knowing your team's purpose and value to the organization and feeling proud of that, that tends to trump the competitive behaviors that undermine work harmony. Make it so that you're not their boss, so much as their facilitator, advocate, and champion.
There have been times when I felt I was a bad manager, that I messed up because I was under pressure to deliver more than I thought possible, or that I got cross or bossy or overly emotional with a member of my team, but I think people can be forgiving when this is the exception and not the rule. If anything, my biggest challenge is maintaining sufficient professional distance and resisting the urge to befriend my team members. I care more about their success than my own, and that's what I think a manager's job should be.
posted by amusebuche at 7:56 AM on May 6, 2010
Response by poster: Yes, for those of you who are pointing it out, I am completely aware that I have a chip on my shoulder regarding management, and plenty of completely mistaken and judgmental assumptions and stereotypes that I need to seriously re-evaluate. I am also aware that my complete aversion to cheese-moving, parachute-colouring, meeting-icebreaker-game leading super-managers and my sympathy and secret preference for incompetent bunglers is probably due to my own inferiority or superiority complex or something. That is why I’m asking for help. I didn’t ask for this position, I was just kind of bumped into it and I am at the point in my career (such as it is) that the only available next step is to take on management responsibilities, so here I am. Maybe this time next year I will be asking for advice on changing careers.
So what I’m taking away from this is that I need to work for my staff to make their jobs better. I really like that idea. I am sure it won’t be as easy as it sounds but it’s definitely a start. I’m also starting to think about ways to adjust my management style to different personalities. Maybe I don’t care for praise, but other people might. I also think that I am going to adjust my head-down, keep-to-myself approach. I am friendly and always up for a chat about the weather or what I had for dinner last night, but I definitely don’t join in when my office mates chat about their families and relationships and personal issues. I am horrified at the idea of personal conversations at work, but I realise that as a manager people may actually have home/work life balance issues that they need to discuss with me so I am going to have to learn how to deal with that. I also might have to actually attend work social functions... god help me.
I just used my entire afternoon break typing this up, but I will be back later to mark best answers. Thanks for all your advice (even the kind of mean advice!)
posted by Wroksie at 8:32 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
So what I’m taking away from this is that I need to work for my staff to make their jobs better. I really like that idea. I am sure it won’t be as easy as it sounds but it’s definitely a start. I’m also starting to think about ways to adjust my management style to different personalities. Maybe I don’t care for praise, but other people might. I also think that I am going to adjust my head-down, keep-to-myself approach. I am friendly and always up for a chat about the weather or what I had for dinner last night, but I definitely don’t join in when my office mates chat about their families and relationships and personal issues. I am horrified at the idea of personal conversations at work, but I realise that as a manager people may actually have home/work life balance issues that they need to discuss with me so I am going to have to learn how to deal with that. I also might have to actually attend work social functions... god help me.
I just used my entire afternoon break typing this up, but I will be back later to mark best answers. Thanks for all your advice (even the kind of mean advice!)
posted by Wroksie at 8:32 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Wanting bosses to treat everybody the way you personally want to be treated is irrational. Treating your own subordinates the way you rather than they want to be treated is also irrational. People are different. A lot of people perform better and are happier when they get frequent praise of the kind you consider fake.
You need to start realizing that not everybody is like you and that you are not the best kind of person in the world.
posted by callmejay at 8:38 AM on May 6, 2010
You need to start realizing that not everybody is like you and that you are not the best kind of person in the world.
posted by callmejay at 8:38 AM on May 6, 2010
Best answer: I don't know how this fits into your strategy... but the best bosses I can remember were the ones who acknowledged that the team was smart enough to pretty much manage itself. (to many bosses rule with an iron fist and demand to make all the decisions themselves....this is bad and leads to situations where employees feel powerless and therefor quickly lose motivation to do anything above the bare minimum).
I love it when bosses say things like: "I understand your assessment of X/Y/Z situation, I think you're on the right track, keep pushing further and let me know if there's anything I can do to help.".... or things like... "You're our resident expert in function X/Y/Z,.. I want you leading the charge on fixing it."..... or .... "Hey Wroksie, I'm going to defer to your judgement on this because your experience and background is a much closer match than mine."
I guess what I'm saying is:.... Even if you are the boss, its sometimes smart to step aside and just let your people work. Give them guidance, support and clarity without being controlling and bossy. Empower them to make decisions on their own - or at the very least teach them the habit of coming up with ideas and doublechecking with you (or another coworker) before implementing them. Applying a strategy like this helps create an enviroment where employees feel a stronger sense of "ownership" and you'll get higher quality work and more dedication work out of them.
posted by jmnugent at 9:00 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I love it when bosses say things like: "I understand your assessment of X/Y/Z situation, I think you're on the right track, keep pushing further and let me know if there's anything I can do to help.".... or things like... "You're our resident expert in function X/Y/Z,.. I want you leading the charge on fixing it."..... or .... "Hey Wroksie, I'm going to defer to your judgement on this because your experience and background is a much closer match than mine."
I guess what I'm saying is:.... Even if you are the boss, its sometimes smart to step aside and just let your people work. Give them guidance, support and clarity without being controlling and bossy. Empower them to make decisions on their own - or at the very least teach them the habit of coming up with ideas and doublechecking with you (or another coworker) before implementing them. Applying a strategy like this helps create an enviroment where employees feel a stronger sense of "ownership" and you'll get higher quality work and more dedication work out of them.
posted by jmnugent at 9:00 AM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I am horrified at the idea of personal conversations at work, but I realise that as a manager people may actually have home/work life balance issues that they need to discuss with me so I am going to have to learn how to deal with that. I also might have to actually attend work social functions... god help me.
It sounds like you're a black/white person; I mean that in the sense that you've compartmentalized your life to include "work" people and "home" people. That's okay, to some extent, but you need to recognize that nothing exists in a vacuum and that some interplay between work and home is actually a good thing.
Employees with good home lives, ones that are stable and in harmony, tend to be more productive, more focused and less stressed. Those are all positives and reasons to show an interest in the outside world.
Honestly, your self-awareness makes me think you're not a hopeless case at all; you need a pretty serious shift in perspective, but you're already aware of the things that good managers tend to do. That's an important step! Good luck!
posted by Hiker at 9:17 AM on May 6, 2010
It sounds like you're a black/white person; I mean that in the sense that you've compartmentalized your life to include "work" people and "home" people. That's okay, to some extent, but you need to recognize that nothing exists in a vacuum and that some interplay between work and home is actually a good thing.
Employees with good home lives, ones that are stable and in harmony, tend to be more productive, more focused and less stressed. Those are all positives and reasons to show an interest in the outside world.
Honestly, your self-awareness makes me think you're not a hopeless case at all; you need a pretty serious shift in perspective, but you're already aware of the things that good managers tend to do. That's an important step! Good luck!
posted by Hiker at 9:17 AM on May 6, 2010
The best bosses I've had could fill in for anyone under them and did. they would also jump in and start helping out if things got busy. This showed that the boss didn't think they were above the underlings, but rather that they were in charge of making sure the the operation that the underlings perfomed ran smoothly (emphasis of the control of the opperations, not of the workers) and could join the underlings to makes things run as they were supposed to as necessary.
posted by WeekendJen at 10:19 AM on May 6, 2010
posted by WeekendJen at 10:19 AM on May 6, 2010
When I started being a supervisor, the person leaving the job told me to "think of your job as making your staff's job easier." (Which other people have mentioned.) I just wanted to reiterate, because this is seriously what it's all about.
Also, for the love of god don't micromanage. There is nothing like being told what font to use* in an email to make you spend the rest of the day applying for other jobs while fuming.
*Yes this really happened, and no I was not originally using comic sans/giant red letters/blinking text/etc.
posted by grapesaresour at 7:09 PM on May 6, 2010
Also, for the love of god don't micromanage. There is nothing like being told what font to use* in an email to make you spend the rest of the day applying for other jobs while fuming.
*Yes this really happened, and no I was not originally using comic sans/giant red letters/blinking text/etc.
posted by grapesaresour at 7:09 PM on May 6, 2010
Best answer: Always respect your employees' time. Rarely ask them to come in early or stay late- especially unexpectedly- so when you have to ask, they'll be more likely to be okay with doing so because they know it is important and not a regular occurrence due to poor planning.
Don't ask people to do something you wouldn't do yourself- and demonstrate that you're not too high up to help make meeting packets or wash windows, etc.
Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate your employees. I cannot emphasize this enough. People will stay at a job that does not pay as much money if they feel as though their efforts are seen and commended versus going to a higher paying job where actions are disregarded and/or so expected that a 'good job' is never offered. Appreciate with action- by trusting your employees and allowing them room for growth- and appreciate with words (though not in an insincere way or it will wear off).
Follow up on anything personal they've offered. While I don't need to share my entire personal life with the office, I was hurt that when I told my boss that my MIL had been diagnosed with breast cancer and that was why I was taking a bit of vacation time, she never once asked how she was in any of the weeks or months that followed. A previous boss I had always inquired after anything I had told her earlier- and this worked in part because I didn't overshare, and didn't expect it, but it did make me feel like I was a person with a life outside of the office to her.
See the potential in your employees- if they express interest in an area, encourage them to take initiative. Likewise, if they want to learn more, attend conferences, take classes, etc. for the most part a more intelligent, confident employee can only benefit you.
Do not let personal matters stew- especially in a small office. Nip issues in the bud with open conversations with everyone at the table- or one offs if you prefer, but don't manage by avoiding issues or assuming people will work things out. Sometimes they will, but if you know about things going on and refuse to get involved, you're tacitly approving of everyone's actions by your refusal to get involved, and this will set a precedent.
posted by questionsandanchors at 7:20 PM on May 6, 2010
Don't ask people to do something you wouldn't do yourself- and demonstrate that you're not too high up to help make meeting packets or wash windows, etc.
Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate your employees. I cannot emphasize this enough. People will stay at a job that does not pay as much money if they feel as though their efforts are seen and commended versus going to a higher paying job where actions are disregarded and/or so expected that a 'good job' is never offered. Appreciate with action- by trusting your employees and allowing them room for growth- and appreciate with words (though not in an insincere way or it will wear off).
Follow up on anything personal they've offered. While I don't need to share my entire personal life with the office, I was hurt that when I told my boss that my MIL had been diagnosed with breast cancer and that was why I was taking a bit of vacation time, she never once asked how she was in any of the weeks or months that followed. A previous boss I had always inquired after anything I had told her earlier- and this worked in part because I didn't overshare, and didn't expect it, but it did make me feel like I was a person with a life outside of the office to her.
See the potential in your employees- if they express interest in an area, encourage them to take initiative. Likewise, if they want to learn more, attend conferences, take classes, etc. for the most part a more intelligent, confident employee can only benefit you.
Do not let personal matters stew- especially in a small office. Nip issues in the bud with open conversations with everyone at the table- or one offs if you prefer, but don't manage by avoiding issues or assuming people will work things out. Sometimes they will, but if you know about things going on and refuse to get involved, you're tacitly approving of everyone's actions by your refusal to get involved, and this will set a precedent.
posted by questionsandanchors at 7:20 PM on May 6, 2010
Be kind. Treat your employees like human beings, not output-producing machines.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:10 PM on May 6, 2010
posted by Jacqueline at 9:10 PM on May 6, 2010
Best answer: My current boss is great. One admirable quality he displays is he's always quick to give me credit in front of others. Even in conversations with his boss about a project that is 90% his own work, he'll often say things like "I did a decent version 1, but before I sent it off for review I had Vorteks look at it and he made it 100% better. He's really responsible for the polish that makes it shine". He always mentions any contribution I made when talking with our mutual superiors, and is genuinely appreciative of my work. I respect him a lot because of that.
The other thing I suggest in general is don't create or enforce rules that ultimately have no effect on productivity. So many companies have rules designed to handle a problem that happens 1% of the time, but kills morale and productivity the other 99% of the time. Don't be that way. Give your employees specific instructions, firm deadlines, and stick to them. But as long as they deliver, let them do things their way.
posted by Vorteks at 9:22 PM on May 6, 2010
The other thing I suggest in general is don't create or enforce rules that ultimately have no effect on productivity. So many companies have rules designed to handle a problem that happens 1% of the time, but kills morale and productivity the other 99% of the time. Don't be that way. Give your employees specific instructions, firm deadlines, and stick to them. But as long as they deliver, let them do things their way.
posted by Vorteks at 9:22 PM on May 6, 2010
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I know what motivates me at work. I know that a bit of praise can go a very long way with me. If all I get is corrections, criticisms, etc., I get de-motivated very quickly.
Some people get motivated when they're told what they can't achieve. They have the "I'll show them!" attitude.
Some people thrive on competition. This can be tricky in a work situation, because you don't want to pit people against each other. But you could pitch them against another department. Or you could set up mini-competitions in your team that have nothing to do with the kind of work you do (pools on basketball games come to mind).
What I'm saying is to pay attention to your employees. Pay attention to their idiosyncrasies, the things they love, the things they hate. And respond to them in a way that will get you the best result from them.
Because this isn't about being fake. It's about working with people. It's about getting the best result for the organization. Don't be a cookie cutter. Tailor your style to the person you're talking to. Of course, when you're addressing the group, you have to be yourself. Just make sure that 'yourself' not a dick and you should be fine.
posted by wwartorff at 5:58 AM on May 6, 2010